You blinked quickly, forcing him back into focus. "You can't mean that"

He had a cold, unreadable expression on his face that didn't meet his watering eyes. His voice quivered just slightly, "Y/N, just go."

"No, why won't you just tell me what's wrong?" You tried to take a small step towards him, but he flinched away, startling you. You retreated into yourself.

"I said," his tone held restraint that was slowly breaking. "Go."

You held your chin up, meeting his eyes. All week you could tell something had been bothering him, but you didn't want to pry. You didn't want to overstep your boundaries, and you knew if he wanted to vent, he knew where to find you. However, he'd spent the past few days coiling in on himself and avoiding you in the halls. At first you allowed him his space, not wanting to come off as clingy, but being disrespected by him was your breaking point.

You crossed your arms, giving him a clear indication that you were irritated with him. But you gave him a kind reminder in the most annoyed way possible. "Fine. I don't know what's up with you, but you can't shut me out like this. If you find that you eventually want to talk, I'll always make time for you. Nevertheless, I'm not going to deal with your immature rudeness every time I try and help."

You uncrossed your arms, softening your voice. "But I forgive you." Then you turned and walked out of his room.

As soon as you left, he collapsed onto his bed. He knew he'd just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life pushing you away like that. And for some reason even as you were highly annoyed with him you still kept your calm.

I forgive you.

He frowned as he replayed those words in his head. He didn't deserve that. Not after the hell of a week he'd put you through.

~

"Hey, Siri," you lightly bounced on your heels with excitement. "I was thinking-- I know it's late-- but snickerdoodle cookies sound so good right now. Do you want to go sneak into the kitchens?"

He averted his eyes from his school work and looked at the light in your eyes. You looked excited at the idea of a bit of rule breaking. Even as he felt the charm radiating off of her, he couldn't seem to make himself as excited as she was.

"M'sorry, I really have to finish this paper. He's only giving me until tomorrow to turn it in, because it's already late." Sirius shifted his focus back on his homework as he spoke, not being able to withstand watching your light dwindling.

You pulled the chair opposite from him out from under the table, the scraping of it against the floor drawing his attention again. "Oh, that's alright. Surely I can help you."

He was already stressed and high strung from the detention time he'd spent today for something he didn't even do, and from the pestering of his friends. "It's alright. I've got it," he responded before you had time to sit down, as he knew as soon as you'd get settled into the chair you'd be staying. And as rude as it sounded, he really didn't have the emotional effort to occupy his girlfriend's time.

Covering up your slight hurt, you pulled the sleeves of your shirt over your your hands and rubbed the fabric between your fingers. "Okay," you leaned down to kiss his forehead and tuck his hair behind his ear. "Well goodnight, Siri. We'll have to do cookies later." You smiled brightly and retreated up the stairs and into your dorm.

"What was that all about?" Prongs took the seat that was already half scooted out.

Sirius pretended not to hear his question and continued with the paper. He only had a few sentences and it wasn't a lie that his extended due date was in fact tomorrow.

James rested his elbow on the table and his head in his hand. "Did you tell her about you—"

He finished the sentence for himself before Prongs could get the words in the out and open, and answered so he wouldn't.

"No," he shook his head.

"Why not?"

Saying he felt like he couldn't was a dumb excuse, but it was the truth. It wasn't that he didn't trust you, because he trusted you with his life. It was just that he couldn't find it in him to let you carry some of his load. You were so light as it was, and he didn't want to be the one to bring you down. And he knew you'd try and help and maybe baby him, and he wouldn't be able to take it if you started treating him like he was glass. Even though he knew somewhere in his heart he was past the fragility of glass and anytime he'd break, and he knew he needed her.

He just didn't understand why it hurt so much. His family was all sorts of messed up and he was unhappy with his situation way before they'd kicked him out. He should be glad he's free, but never has he felt so disconnected. And most of all he was angry he'd let this affect him so much, and he took it out on you.

But that all still seemed too complex and still not good enough of a reason, so he shrugged.

"It's okay, I didn't want an actual answer. It was just an invitation for you to be all ominous and moody," Prongs joked.

"Thanks," Padfoot responded in the same pressed tone.

~

It had gone on like this for the rest of the week; you'd suggest you both do something together and he'd brush you off. You knew there was something wrong, but you bit your tongue. At first you wondered if he was thinking of breaking up with you and this was his way of letting you go before he did the final goodbye. But he'd been stringing you along in this spacey time for too long to have a break up as the endgame.

No, it had to have been something deeper. Something worse would to have made him this mopey. You wanted to confront him like you usually did when he was upset, but something about this seemed personal and you didn't want to pry. You trusted he'd come to talk to you like usual. Hadn't you been a good enough support system in the past? Why wouldn't he want to tell you?

"Hi," you met Padfoot outside his class like usual, trying to act normal for him. The last thing you wanted was for you to become anything thing that he had to worry about.

You ignored the very slight downfall of his expression.

"Hi," He ran his fingers through his hair and adjusted the books in his arms as if he suddenly didn't know what to do with all his limbs.

"There's that test coming up," you started with, hoping by easing into the conversation he wouldn't decline so quickly. "I was wondering if you wanted to study together. We could quiz each other, and I could bring my stash of chocolates I have hidden from Remus."

"I think the marauders and I were going to study together..." He trailed off. The way he said it indicated that he wasn't telling you it to then invite you to join them, but to kindly decline without having to blatantly say it.

It had become somewhat of an immediate habit to turn you down you found. You shrugged trying to seem like it wasn't bothering you. "Okay, maybe some other time."

He seemed to be okay with you falling in step with him as you walked back towards the common room together, but the air was tense.

It's fine. You reassured yourself as you felt doubt creeping in. Just be patient, he'll come around. And you repeated that to yourself as you felt your heart hammering in your chest. Everything about him had become unfamiliar to you in that short amount of time. It suddenly felt incredibly awkward and like you were overstepping to give him goodnight kisses and affectionate cuddling during your free time, so you just stopped.

But this was the last straw, this would be the last time he'd dismiss you.

Sirius thought you'd part ways when you'd see him heading up to his room, but you followed him up the stairs. He found himself disappointed to find the room empty. Without his friends there wouldn't be any sort of buffer between the two of you.

"Look," you began as soon as you stepped through the door frame. "I have been very kind towards your rudeness without any sort of reason to be."

This is it, he thought. You were finally going to snap at him for being so mean towards you. He steeled himself to prepare for any sort of storm you were going to bring.

"I...  I don't have any reason," you repeated softly as if to yourself before normalizing your voice again. "And I don't understand why you're being this way. I really have tried to be sympathetic and patient, but I know how I should be treated and I can't put up with this anymore. If you'd tell me what's going on, maybe I can help whatever's going on with you... with us."

"It's nothing," he mumbled, feeling very well scolded as if he was being reprimanded by a teacher. A sort of anger was spreading through his chest. Why couldn't she just understand without having him to verbalize it? Why was this so difficult?

You tugged at your robes. "No it isn't. I'm trying hard to not let us fall apart, but I can't make you let me in. But maybe if you'd just--"

"Could you please go?" Sirius hadn't consciously wanted it to come out that harsh.

"You can't mean that," you felt your face start to burn. Tears prickling in your eyes and your cheeks becoming splotchy with hurt.

He could feel himself start to tear apart as easily as tissue paper. He just wanted her to go, he wan't sure why because he had the feeling of needing one of her hugs and one of her pep talks. But everything just felt out of place. Why was he so disconnected?

He didn't seem to zone back in until he heard her say "but I forgive you" right before the door closed behind her.

~

"I still can't believe you did that," Remus said, shaking your head.

Sirius didn't respond, sinking farther into the sofa.

"So are you and Y/N still together?" James asked.

Padfoot shrugged, "I don't know. She's been avoiding me."

Peter propped his feet up onto the coffee table. "Why don't you just go talk to her?"

Sirius frowned at the boy's words. "It's not that easy."

But even as he said it, he knew it wasn't true. If anything, you weren't even truly ignoring him with a burning passion. You were simply giving him space and time to think. You just wanted an explanation and you were patient enough to wait for it.

It had been a few days, and everything felt even worse. He missed you an embarrassing amount. He found himself wanting nothing more than your presence back in nothing. It had taken him no time to track you down, because he still had your schedule and habits memorized.

He stopped you on your way back from one of your late night library study nights.

"I'm sorry," he took a deep breath. "My family kicked me out of the house and burned me off of the family tree."

You looked up at him with glassy eyes, and although you had been seeing something dim within him, you never had the full picture. It was now you really saw everything. Your chest felt suddenly heavy. You should've pried harder and earlier.

You closed the gap between the two of you and wrapped your arms around his waist, capturing him a warm hug. He reciprocated the hug immediately, melting into your familiar arms. "I'm sorry. But you were really unhappy there. Think of this as a new beginning. You have us and you have Hogwarts. We'll always be your family."

He felt hot tears running down his cheeks. He chuckled slightly, "yeah, hadn't really thought about that."

You pulled away from his chest, keeping your arms around him. "You just needed to be reminded. We'll always be there for you whenever you need us. Not just me. You have Remus and Peter and James. You have all these people who love and care about you."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on with me. I'm sorry I took it out on you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he felt like he couldn't say it enough. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."

You had known that he was sorry even before he'd said it, and you knew he understood that you had already forgiven him. You didn't respond for a second. "I still kind of want some snickerdoodles."

"It's late," he said with a sudden smile quirking at the corner of his lips.

"Has that ever stopped us?"