Harper: I ship it so much! That literally makes me wanna squeal!

Draco: That means I'm related to Tom.

Ron: if I'm related to Draco, then I'm also related to OH S**-

Harper: There are probably young readers.

Ron: Bloody hell, I don't care!

Harper: Some of our readers don't like cursing!

Draco: You curse all the bloody time.

Harper: That's also true.

Voldemort: I don't have the power to love.

Draco: OH YEA! YOU JUST BANGED MY AUNT!

Voldemort: OBJECTION!

Bellatrix: We didn't do the dirty, calm down!

Draco: How could I remain calm when I'm related to the most evil human being on Earth?

Harper: No, Hitler's more evil.

Draco: Hitler? Oh god, Harper, don't encourage him.

Harper: I hope this does the opposite of encouraging him.

Draco: WELL TOM IS MY UNCLE NOW NOOOOO! *faints*

Harper: Well, Draco fainted, but personally, I ship it!

Bellatrix: I've been in love with Tom since I first saw him.

Harper: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Voldemort: *to Bellatrix* Well, I guess... I care about you.

Bellatrix: I care about you too.

Harper: OH MY GOD YES! YES YES! KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM!

Neville: Whoa whoa whoa calm down Harper!

Harper: When it's my OTP I will never remain calm.

Luna: I also kind of ship Voldetrix.

Harper: YAY!

Harry: Two equally insane people are perfect for each other.

Draco: NO THEY'RE NOT! STOP STOP STOP!

Harper: Silencio! *Draco stops talking*

Ginny: What would their children turn out like?

Harper: I don't wanna know... but anyways, are they cute or not!

Draco: *in head* hell no!

Harper: I can read minds, you know. I just don't like doing it.

Draco: *in head* Bloody hell!

Pansy: Can my Drakie poo talk again?

Harper: Fine! *Draco talks again.*

Draco: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD READ MINDS!

Harper: I don't tell people, because I freak them out.

Draco: YOU FREAKED ME OUT!

Harper: Do you ship it?

Draco: I RIP IT!

Harper: Oh god.

Ginny: I ship it!

Bellatrix: I SHIP IT!

Voldemort: I sort of ship it!

Harper: YAY!

Hermione: I can see how this would work. I ship it, just don't make kids!

Harry: I agree with Hermione.

Luna: I agree with Harper!

Neville: Same!

Dumbledore: 15 points to Slytherin!

Harper: Thanks, Professor Dumbledore!

Dumbledore: Those points are awarded for thinking of this majestic ship!

Harry: Come on, Harper, just lie you're Hermione.

Harper: I'm the Granger that can play Quidditch.

Hermione: I cannot play Quidditch to save my life.

Harper: Point proven.

Draco: Geez, girl you're competitive!

Harper: Malfoy's talking?

Draco: Oh yes, I'm competitive too.

Harper: Haha exactly. *smirks*

Draco: *in head* She's insane! *out loud* *sarcastically* that's totally normal.

Neville: I ship Voldetrix so hard!

Harper and Luna: Legit same!

Pansy: I don't ship anything except me and my Drakie-poo!

Draco: *in head* I think you're the only one who ships it.

Harper: Oh my god, Malfoy, that was savage. Well, since Malfoy's too cowardly to say it, I'll just say it for him. Pansy, hate to break it to you, but you're the only one who ships Dransy.

Draco: THANK YOU!

Harper: *playfully nudges Draco* Why couldn't you say it yourself?

Draco: Shut up.

Harper: Malfoy, you being a coward?

Draco: Shut up!

Harper: I'm messing with your head!

Draco: *in head* and it's working! *out loud* Alright, Granger, you win.

Slughorn: I SHIP VOLDETRIX! Bellatrix was always talking about him in class with such admiration!

Harper: OH MY GOD WE NEED TO KEEP SLUGHORN HERE!

Luna: We definitely do, this is fun.

Neville: We can see what the adults thought about when they were students!

Slughorn: I'm glad I can please you guys.

Draco: NOT ME! I DONT WANNA KNOW ABOUT WHO MY AUNT'S THINKING ABOUT! OH YEA! IT COULD BE ANYONE BUT TOM!

Harper: Drac-

Draco: NO NOT VOLDETRIX! I'M RELATED TO THE DORK LORD!

Hermione: Ha! Dork Lord. (EmeraldCLovegood created this nickname.)

Harper: Draco-

Draco: TOMETRIX, VOLDETRIX, NOPE NOPE NOPE-

Harper: *walks up to Draco* MALFOY!

Draco: *pissed* What now, Granger?

Harper: Calm down!

Draco: *in head* I'M RELATED TO THE DARK LORD! F*-

Harper: Language, Malfoy.

Draco: I forgot you could read minds!

Harper: Who ships it?

Sirius: I do.

James: Same.

Peter: *laughs* Perfect!

Remus: It's a perfect pairing! Also, Peter, nobody wants you here.

Harper: *kicks Peter out of the room* It is a match made out of heaven!

Draco: Stop. Actually stop.

Harper: Suck it, Malfoy.

Draco: *mocking Harper* Language, Granger.

Harper: *laughs* Seriously?

Harry: *pulls Harper aside* I've never known Draco to talk so much in his life.

Draco: We're best friends. Right, Granger?

Hermione: Nope.

Harper: Yes.

Hermione: You call us both 'Granger', Malfoy?

Draco: Okay. So, Harper's Harper and Hermione's Granger?

Both Granger twins: *nods* Okay.

Harper: *laughs* That won't last for long.

Ginny: *laughs* Gosh, Malfoy and Harper talk a lot. But yes, Voldetrix is canon.

Harper: You'll get a lot of Voldetrix in this book!

Everyone but Draco: Yay!

Sirius: Oh my god this'll be funny!

Remus: I can't wait to see Malfoy's reaction!

Sirius: Which one?

Lucius: Hello.

Draco: *casually hides by slipping into the other room*

Harper: What do you think about Voldetrix?

Lucius: *sneers* Bellatrix is dating that filthy half-blood. At least it's not a Mudblood.

Harper: *rolls eyes*

Draco: *runs back into the room*

Lucius: *in head* Draco is a disgrace to the Malfoy family. *out loud* Won't you agree, Draco, that Mudbloods should go back to the Muggle world and die? They don't deserve to be wizards.

Draco: *gulps*

Harry: *taunting Draco* Answer him, Malfoy. Malfoy, are you a coward.

Harper: *holds Harry back* Don't.

Pansy: That's correct! Mudbloods are trash!

Lucius: Who here is a Mudblood. How about Granger and Granger, huh? We should kill them off when the Dark Lord ascends to power.

Draco: *gulps* He died.

Lucius: WE WILL RESSURECT HIM!

Harper: *pins Lucius to a wall* Hey you. Shut your mouth. Muggle-burns are wizards too, and we're both smarter than you'll ever be, you shallow-minded, prejudiced, git!

Hermione: Language, Harper.

Harper: *to Lucius* Now, before I go beat you up, please be nice to all of us, no matter what you really think. And no, you're the disgrace to the Malfoy family. You pure-blood supremists are like Hitler, you realize that? Hitler killed millions of people who looked like him. He killed many innocent human beings. Now, I need you to be nice. You pure-blood supremists don't realize that the wizarding world would be far extinct if wizards didn't marry Muggles and for Muggle-born wizards! That means, you or your wife might not exist!

Lucius: *sneers* You filthy little Mudblood.

Harper: You terribly-minded, prejudiced b**-

Hermione: LANGUAGE! Lucius, you're a stupid human being! Go die in a hole!

Harper: Go back to your home, where you mistreat your poor house-elves, your wife, and your son!

Lucius: *to Draco* Draco, lets go.

Draco: *follows Lucius out* *in head* Sorry, Harper, I'm coming back as soon as we apparate to my house, which we're doing.

5 seconds later...

Draco: *lands face-first in a fire place* *runs up to Harper* Thanks Harper, Granger.

Harper and Hermione: You're welcome.

Harry: What did you do, Malfoy? Malfoy being a coward? That's just the ways of a Slytherin.

Harper: I'm friends with you both. Don't fight with each other, please. Also, I'm a Slytherin, remember?

Harry: Oh yea.

Harper: Now, most of us ship Voldetrix!

Draco: Except me!

Harper: Except Draco! Well, comment some more ships for us to react to in the comments!

If anyone comments that I got a spell wrong, I'll only delete it because that's the only way to change it to the correct one on my phone.