HARRY POTTER'S HOUSE

A simple and familiar harmony — GINNY's theme — plays as lights come up on the living room at the Potter house. It is her funeral, and the stage has never been so crowded with witches, wizards, and children. It is a somber moment. The floo brightens as a new mourner arrives behind them with a bang of soot. He looks at them and bows his head. He mutters a few words, and then he takes some crumpled flowers from his deep pockets and lays them on the mantle beside an enchanted photograph of GINNY.

Among the mourners are RON and HERMIONE, who keep their distance after the recent brawl, PERCIVAL and his wife PENELOPE CLEARWATER — both over-dressed for a sorrowful occasion, HAGRID — twice the size of the largest man, ARTHUR WEASLEY who stands next to his son, CHARLIE WEASLEY — handsome, in a black, dragon skin suit, BILL WEASLEY — tall and pallid — with his wife FLEUR — delicate, demure. At the center of the room is ANGELINA WEASLEY — black, beautiful — beside her husband, GEORGE, who is seated in a rocking chair, surrounded by children of all ages. He seems to be telling them a story. It is interrupted when there is a flash as ROBESPIERRE — the distinguished house elf — is the first through the fireplace, followed by JAMES, LILY, and then HARRY. ALBUS is not among them, and they are miserable.

JAMES looks around, he sees all the flowers as if for the first time and it moves him hugely. From the window, a sad woman smiles and stretches out a hand. LILY runs up to her.

LILY (tears streaking): Nana!

We are to understand that she is addressing her grandmother, MOLLY WEASLEY. JAMES follows, his head down. MOLLY kisses the top of LILY's head. They sit in silence for a moment.

HARRY stands upright, looking at the fireplace mantle covered in bunches of flowers. He has a small bunch of flowers in his hand. The enchanted photograph of GINNY smiles sweetly at him.

FEMALE MOURNER (to HERMIONE): Where's Teddy?

HERMIONE: Best not mention it. Sore subject.

FEMALE MOURNER: Albus is missing as well. He was at the funeral, wasn't he?

HERMIONE shakes her head in warning — sorer subject.

HARRY turns around. He looks out at them all. As he tries to melt into the background, he spots someone and they sort of half hug in a very awkward way. GEORGE uses the silence to gain everyone's attention.

GEORGE (to the children): Please retake your seats for the remainder of the journey. The next tale, if you're brave enough to hear it —

UNKNOWN WEASLEY CHILD 01: Uncle George, where is he?

GEORGE: Who?

UNKNOWN WEASLEY CHILD 02: Come on, show us.

UNKNOWN WEASLEY CHILD 03: We know you've brought him.

UNKNOWN WEASLEY CHILD 01: He's in your jacket.

GEORGE: My jacket? I haven't the slightest —

GEORGE stirs suddenly, perplexed, face contorting. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a large — far too large to conceal without magic — dark-skinned wooden puppet with silvery eyebrows and pointed beard. GEORGE's puppet has a constant smirk, wears a multicolored, harlequin robe, and a bright blue turban.

MOLLY (to LILY): Oh, look who's here. Watch.

GEORGE (to the group): Apologies, everyone. Stowaway.

He faces the puppet, looking bothered. GEORGE pretends to lower his voice.

Panju! Panju, I told you this was a family affair. Death of my little sister, and that. What have we said, hmm? Undermining me again, are we? Your contempt for my personal sensibilities is becoming —

PANJU twists his head up to GEORGE, who leans down to listen.

The children? Oh. You merely wanted to cheer them up with a bit of revelry, pomp, and carnivalesque behavior? Sorry, old boy. No, no, no. That won't do. We're all very sad here, can't you see?

PANJU scans the room slowly. The puppet looks up at the fireplace mantle — at GINNY. GEORGE leans down again.

That's nice that's a nice thing to say. (beat, George's expression changes) That's um — great but — what are we talking about?

GEORGE looks startled. He opens PANJU's mouth with his free hand. There's a small giggle from the children.

Have you swallowed something funny in there? Become a troll without any of us noticing?

Suddenly, PANJU pulls a small, fabric puppet of GEORGE from his harlequin robe.

Now come along, Panju — I don't know what game you're playing but you're upsetting the children and entirely ruining the funeral with your clownish ways.

Grinning, PANJU forces the small puppet into his mouth and swallows him whole. There's giggling from the rest of the room. A few faces brighten. LILY leaves MOLLY's lap and walks over to GEORGE.

UNKNOWN WEASLEY CHILD 03: He ate you, Uncle George.

GEORGE: Panju — the nerve! He has quite the appetite, to be sure. Nothing to fear. It wasn't me. Merely a look-alike. I had one of those when I was your age, in fact. Down to the last freckle, we were. Maybe that was him in puppet form!

JAMES (laughing to MOLLY): How did I know Panju would make an appearance?

MOLLY: And now a teeny Puppet Fred...

JAMES: ...who gets eaten for a laugh.

MOLLY (to JAMES): I think it's a joke about — I don't know what. (beat, MOLLY smiles) He likes a laugh, your Uncle.

JAMES: I'm glad. Lately, I've done nothing but cry.

MOLLY pulls JAMES into a hug. JAMES gradually starts to weep. HARRY is watching all of this from the other side of the room. He turns away and looks out the opposite window.

GEORGE (to LILY): If it isn't my favorite Potter.

LILY: Have you got a trick?

GEORGE: Are you aware of the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes–certified appendage-stealing breath?

LILY shakes her head, a smile on her face. PANJU leans in, irritating GEORGE.

Panju! Manners!

A beat.

Hang on. Let me just —

He stuffs PANJU back into his jacket. The wooden puppet struggles immensely to the amusement of everyone watching.

GEORGE: And now it's just a simple matter of... (GEORGE takes deep breaths) Excuse me if I smell slightly of garlic...

LILY: You smell of porridge.

GEORGE: Get ready to not being able to smell at all...

He breathes on her face. LILY giggles. He pinches her nose. Then, before he can finish the trick, GEORGE spots ANGELINA shaking her head. ANGELINA points to her nose and mouths the word "VOLDEMORT". GEORGE pulls away, upset with himself for overlooking that. He pinches LILY's left ear instead, smiling brightly.

Don't be so daft, Georgie boy. That's far too simple a trick! (beat) Bing. Bang. Boing.

He lifts her ear off. Or seems to. GEORGE reveals that his hand is empty. It's a lame trick. Everyone enjoys its lameness.

Ta-da!

LILY: Where's my ear?

She smiles and reaches for her ear, playing along to make the other kids laugh.

You are silly.

GEORGE: And extremely famous. My experiments are legendary!

ANGELINA (to HERMIONE): They're certainly something.

GEORGE: I wouldn't mind doing the proper trick next time. I could use another ear.

LILY: Perhaps we could share it?

GEORGE: Splendid idea. I get the ear on Wednesdays and Saturdays. My twin, who I affectionately called Fred, had once suggested... (whispering to the children) before he died of an excruciating shark bite... that I steal an ear from your Uncle Ron. We knew he wouldn't miss it. Nana Weasley always said he didn't listen.

UNKNOWN WEASLEY CHILD 02: Uncle Fred was bitten by a shark?

UNKNOWN WEASLEY CHILD 03: Last time, you said he drowned in a swamp.

GEORGE: No, actually. Fred was the one doing the biting. Nasty blighter was poisonous. Turned him into a bloated, purple mess. Last way Fred wanted to go, I reckon.

ARTHUR: That's enough, George.

GEORGE looks to MOLLY and ARTHUR, who are no longer enjoying his antics.

GEORGE (to ARTHUR): Ah. Have I just put my foot in it?

ARTHUR nods. GEORGE faces the children.

It's what they used to say about me and my brother at school. The Weasley twins — there isn't a hole they couldn't dig themselves into.

In the unfortunate reminder of death, the room is silent again. A husband and wife approach HARRY. They are his age, good-looking and visibly uncomfortable by the sight of anything distinctly magical, including ROBESPIERRE and HAGRID. As they come near, HARRY notices them. The man extends his hand, HARRY pulls him up into a lasting hug. The two men break apart and smile.

HARRY: Dudley.

DUDLEY DURSLEY: Hello, Harry.

HARRY: Thank you for coming.