Ex-boyfriend! Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Summary: Sitting in your ex-boyfriend's car, you both could relate to the unspoken words with the lyrics of the songs airing on the radio. But are those songs enough to break this radio silence?

Everyone said, you and Harrison were inseparable. Bullshit. All they said was bullshit.

After a great platonic to romantic chemistry and now history, you two were no longer together. After what he claimed to be 'an accidental sleeping with his ex-girlfriend who took advantage of his drunken state' you had left him and he didn't even have any right to stop you, he was the one who messed up, right? Right... He knew that, but being away from you was something that was killing him from inside. Damn, it would be a lie if he didn't actually think of dying at least once. He did, but he knew he can't die, he has a family and he wasn't the kind of person who'd chose to die for escaping trouble. He knew his life was not just his, so he decided to push back those dirty suicidal feelings only to be replaced by yet another self-harming ideas.

How much blood is required to forget you? He started off slow. Just some minor cuts along the inside of his sleeves. But they weren't enough to suppress the pain he thought he gave you. They quickly evolved to be deeper. With each passing day, he would see how his blood mixed so well with the running water, as if they were meant to be together. He even started writing random words mainly apologies or drawing random patterns over his hands and chest using the blade. His shirts became darker, his sleeves longer with each passing day. He significantly started eating less, so less that he could feel like starving. Not eating accompanied by the loss of blood he suffered every day worsened his health dangerously. He couldn't even to walk properly. He was always dizzy, his vision blurry. He tripped over things too often. His blood sugar level was going significantly low, rising anaemia making his condition adverse. His family and friends especially Tom was so worried for him, but he didn't allow anyone to help him.

He only wanted you. He wanted you back so badly.

All this led him to end up in a hospital, tripping over and hitting his head on the sharp metal door edge. And that was when you realized what he had done with himself when you were away. You had visited him to the hospital often, but none of you had share even a word. Even after his recovery and extra care by his family you both haven't talked about what he did, yet... Even when you stumbled paths... Just silence...

•••

Days went by like this...

No words shared between both of you. Whenever you were at the same place, whenever your eyes met with him, either of you looked down or turned away. It was Zendaya's birthday party and she invited both of you as usual. The party was really great, both of you had a great time, but not with each other. You were talking to Zendaya when Tom interrupted you.

"Y/n I need to rush back home right now, Harry took my car. Can I borrow your car? Haz please drop her to her house, I need to leave" Tom stated, didn't even giving you any chance to answer. You knew what he was trying to do, but you had no choice but give him the keys.

•••

Your heart skipped an unhealthy amount of beats, nerves starting to cruise through your entire body as you walked towards Harrison's car.

"Maybe I could ask anyone else to drop me home!" you whispered, looking around, only to see Harrison coming towards you.

"Ma-My car is over there," he pointed, you nodded, moving towards him. You could see how stiff his body appeared, he was surely more nervous than you.

A drive with Harrison, alone.

You took the passenger's seat as he began driving, both of you never looking at each other. The usual silence filling in between you making the noise of both of your breathing and heartbeat clearly audible. These sounds made both of you even more uncomfortable. Harrison finally decided to turn on the radio, only to lead this silence somewhere else.

'My neck, the feeling of your soft lips,'

The way his fingers ran softly through your face, the way his eyes out stared yours, the way his eyes darted from your eyes to your lips. The way he slowly leaned in, his lips on yours, moving slowly to rest on your neck. His hands travelling from your cheeks to hold your hands in his, squeezing it gently nibbling your neck. His touch, his lips, memories...

'Illuminated in the light, bouncing off the exit signs I missed.'

Didn't he had a chance to excuse himself and leave alone? Didn't you have a chance to excuse yourself, deny his offer and ask someone else? You had, both of you had. And you both intentionally missed it. How can't you? Those flares in his ocean eyes made everything hazy, except for him.

'All we do is drive...'

That's where you are right now. That's where he's right now, with you. Driving... No interaction, no expressions... Nothing!

'All we do is think about the feelings that we hide.'

You still care for him right? If not then why were you shedding tears fearing that he could die? Why was he harming himself? Didn't his love shrink over time? Can't he move on from you? Why didn't you moved on after that? Did you ever think of getting into a new relationship?

'All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign,'

This silent drive, where his eyes are glued on the road ahead. The silent drive, where your eyes are glued to your window. The silent drive, where both of your eyes are threatened to fall on each other. Aren't you waiting for him to make a move, break this aching silence? Isn't he waiting for you to do the same?

'Sick and full of pride.'

Isn't he sick of your absence? Isn't he sick seeing the vacant bed beside him? Isn't he sick not seeing you try making a new dish for him? Isn't he sick of missing you? But it's your pride not to react, it's your pride not to look at the person who cheated you. Right?! Can't you just break this pride? Don't you want to?

'All we do is drive...'

But still, you are enjoying each others company, even when there are no words exchanged, even though you both aren't even looking at each other, even though you and he are wanting the leeway... Isn't it?

'Your laugh echoes down the hallway. Carves into my hollow chest spreads over the emptiness,'

The time when he was facing continuous rejection, the time he was struggling extremely hard with his career, the time when he almost lost all hopes that he could even get signed for the project, he remembers it very well. And one thing he remembers in addition to that struggle is - you, your smile, your laugh, your support, all of you. The mere presence of you could make him feel better, he used to forget all the failures and just sit with you, holding you close for hours talking and giggling at even the most non-sense jokes you made.

'It's bliss...'

Having you by his side was his biggest win. Isn't it weird you both were just strangers once, and then you just became inseparable? The way he comforted you, the way he made you feel beautiful, the way he brushed his lips on yours... How can you get over all that?

'It's so simple but we can't stay.'

But after what all happened between you and him, you both are finally separated, right? You both don't care about each other? You both surely can never stay together, right?

'Over analyze again,'

Think... Think... Please think...
Isn't there a way? Anyway?
That these things could be corrected?
Think... Think... Please think...

'Would it really kill you if we kissed?'

Can't you drop your pride- for once?
Can't he face you- for once?
Can't you both get along- for once?
Just kiss him and you're back together.
Just kiss her and you're back together.
Is it that simple?

The song only made you both furious. Even now your ears felt like filling from guilt?!

This needs to stop now.

His hand moved from the starring wheel towards the off button on the radio. Before he could even barely touch the radio, his hand brushed with yours. His gaze instantly shifted from the almost vacant highway road to you. The faint light from the street lamps reflected your eyes shining with tears and his own. You were at the same point as him, stretching your arm to shut off the radio.

None of you moved further, hands still touching... Even the slightest touch was making everything seem hazy. Even the music felt like fainting, even though it was still at the same volume. The loud noise of a car horn made your both jolt, back to reality. Harrison instantly gripped the starring wheel, focusing on the road, taking over the front vehicle.

Silence? Again?

Your tongue took over your body, maybe it was just actually bad at keeping things hidden. Your lips parted, faint words forming...

"We need to talk!"

He didn't respond. He didn't even listen. He was preoccupied with his thoughts, thinking how weak he was.

"We need to talk Haz!" you spoke again, louder and confident. He startled at your words.

Haz...

Seems like a whole life, you called him Haz, or even actually called him.

"Stop the damn car Harrison, we need to talk!" Unsure of how to react, unsure of what you wanted to talk, he finally decided to let you take over. He took a deep sigh, shutting his eyes for a split second. His hands travelled to the car's gear pulling it. His feet slowed down the accelerator. His hand reached the indicator light switch pulling it to the left side. His hands turned the wheel to the left, the speed of the car dying down until it came to a halt.

You got yourself out of the seatbelt, opening the car door walking out of the car. But he was still inside, he didn't even release his seatbelt. Your knuckles were white as snow. With clenched fists you marched to his side, banging his window.

"Come out Harrison. Just come out." Your banging made Harrison's heart skip so many beats that he couldn't even count them himself. He unbuckled his seat belt. You stepped a little back, to give him space to open the car door. He slowly came out looking down.

"Yeah" he mumbled.

"Yeah, what yeah! Nothing is yeah" you grabbed his collar making him look at you. He jolted at your sudden pulling him towards you. The whooshing sound of passing by cars cutting through the wind made you both walk behind the car. The new song on the radio could be heard faintly, still, it was audible.

'I been afraid, don't wanna fade out of my body,'

"What the hell is wrong with you?" You questioned pulling back his collars, anger could easily be spotted in your tone.

"Huh? What? " Innocently he tried to understand what you were trying to say.

"What? Seriously? I should ask this! " You said, almost yelled grabbing his left hand unbuttoning his cuff's button.

'I have been astray, barely awake, floating above me.'

"What are you-"

"Just shut up. I am the one who'll speak now!" You spat cutting his words, rolling his sleeve to his elbows, revealing those old self-harm marks.

"So yeah what are these? Why in the hell you did these? Why?" your voice cracking, eyes now lined with tears. Your reaction made him surprised.

'Covered in red, what can I say? I've been a zombie. I'm feeling like I've been locked in a grave.'

"Y/n," he said softly, his hand reaching to caress your cheek.

"What if you died?" Your voice almost a whisper as the tears spilt over and a sob escaped your throat. You quickly turned around, pushing his hand away, hands folded on your chest, your back facing him as more tears escaped your eyes.

'You were the laugh, you were the life, you were the party.'

You tried to divert your mind on the occasional whooshing sound of cars at high speed and their horns, but that was a stupid thought. The cold wind touching your face covered in hot tears made you flinch at your own touch as you occasionally wiped your tears.

'You were the faith, you were the truth, I was the sorry.'

"I'm sorry Y/n," you felt him standing right behind you. You wiped your tears, a chuckle left your throat as you turned to face him. His eyes filled with tears, felt like even if he shook his head a little bit they will spill all over his face.

'I'm feeling like you've been taking away.'

"It's all my fault." you sighed facing down. You could see tears falling directly on the ground.

"No," he said lifting your chin with his finger. "I cheated you, I broke your trust." His voice soft, tears spilt over his cheeks. You moved your hand to rest on the cut on his forehead.

"And this? I-" your tired voice was cut his finger resting on your lips.

"Ssshh," he whispered looking into your weary eyes, his eyes even wearier.

'You were my one, you were my one. When all has been said, all has been done.'

For the next few seconds, no words were exchanged between you both. Just silence, but not the usual silence, it seemed like you both were trying to read each other's eyes.

'You were my one, you were my one. Now I am left reaching above me, oh, oh.'

He removed his finger from your lips placing his hand on your cheek. His other hand reaching to cup your face in his shaky hands. You felt like leaning on his touch, your body lost its control, eyes shutting slowly as he repeated your action. None of you aware who initiated. You felt his lips pressed firmly on yours. It wasn't a heated kiss, by definition, but it was full of emotions. The kiss was slow, your lips moving with his, the occasional parting of lips giving each other chance to get closer to each other. Something you both have missed from long. His hands moved to rest on your waist pulling you even closer as your hands travelled to his neck closing any distance in between. The kiss felt needy, soft, never-ending, full of so many emotions that it was almost impossible to name all the emotions. You both finally parted, foreheads touching. You didn't even open your eyes still trying to devour this old feeling that just renewed. His hand travelled to hold your hand, his fingers entangling with your fingers. He gave your hand a little squeeze making you open your eyes, smiling sheepishly.

'Time goes by and still, I'm stuck on you, ooh, you, ooh...Well, time goes by and still, I'm stuck on you, ooh, you, ooh...'

"I missed you," he whispered, a small smile forming on his lips as he lifts up his hand holding yours to your eye level glancing at the intervened fingers.

"I am not leaving you, again." You reassured.

"Then marry me, Y/n."

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Written by: Fanficparker

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