The lights were dimmed low in the apartment when you came through the door, hands full with groceries. You struggled with the bags, leaving them on the kitchen counter and searching for the lightswitch. There was nobody in the living room, and the door to your roommate's room was closed, a sliver of light peeking through. The laughing from behind it confirmed his presence.

"Harrison?" You turned the doorknob and opened the door slightly.

You immediately wished you hadn't.

Harrison was there alright, but he wasn't alone. He was sitting on the bed, his arms around a brunette girl's waist and his hands under her shirt. They were making out so hard that all you could hear was the smacking of their lips together, practically eating each other's faces.

You quickly reminded yourself that this wasn't some random girl, it was Harrison's new girlfriend Maya. For some reason, your brain always blocked out that little detail.

"Oh, crap, sorry." You mumbled, turning to leave at breakneck speed. The two of them hadn't noticed you were standing in the doorway until you spoke up. Harrison broke away first and his face turned white.

"Jesus Y/N, learn to knock!" He let out an awkward laugh, shifting to let Maya slide off his lap. She finally looked over at you, giving you the once-over and then sassily throwing her perfect hair over her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, I thought you were alone. I just came to say there's food in the kitchen, I'm gonna go...." You gave a small wave and tried to smile at Maya apologetically. She just gave you a look of utter annoyance and took out her phone. Harrison got up and walked over to stand with you at the door.

"Hey, Maya and I were going to go to a party tonight, wanna come?" He wiggled his eyebrows and you groaned.

"Harrison you know I don't do parties. Besides I have-" but Harrison cut you off immediately.

"What? Studying? There aren't any exams at the moment. Sleeping? You can do that later. Watching your shows? We do that together. Getting engaged? You're single as fuck." He smirked at the end, watching you go from confused to cornered in two seconds.

Jerk move to bring up your lack of a love life. But he was right, of course.

"Whatever, I'm staying home." You saw Maya give you an eye roll from the bed, clearly wishing you'd leave already. "You and Maya have a good time, I'm gonna order some food."

"Okay, stop!" Harrison jumped in front of you, giving you the fright of your life. "You have to come because it's Maya and I's three month anniversary and the party is for us!"

Wow, time flies when you're the one who hasn't had a date in a year.

"Oh" You squeaked, twisting your shirt in your fingers. "Congratulations!" Maya got off her phone and stalked over to Harrison.

"Babe, don't pressure her. She doesn't really know anyone from the group so it would probably be awkward for...I'm sorry what's your name again?"

You rolled your eyes internally.

"Y/N, it's Y/N." Only the thirteenth time you'd had to remind her. "And I don't want to be in the way." You walked back outside to the kitchen to finish putting away the food.

"You wouldn't be, come on! It's a chance to get out for a bit. You might meet someone." Harrison followed you out, leaving Maya to glower at you from a distance.

Looking back, you don't know why you said what you did. Probably to get Harrison off your back about being single. Or maybe to piss off Maya even more.

"Okay, okay, I'm in." You sighed. Harrison pulled you in for a hug, leaving you to relish in the warmth of his hands. From his shoulder you spotted Maya shake her head in anger and then storm off to Harrison's room.

"Thanks, love." Your heart surged at the term of endearment, surprised to hear it from him. He usually just called you mate or dude. But hearing love was like music to your ears.

"Yeah, yeah. You owe me, now I have to go find a dress." With a wink, you put away the milk and patted Harrison's arm gently. He smiled happily, but you groaned at the situation you'd gotten yourself into.

"I better get changed too, Maya wants me to look good for picture taking." Both of you agreed to meet back in the living room in forty minutes, leaving you plenty of time to flop aimlessly onto your bed for the first fifteen.

It had been so long since you'd been to a real party. What had it been? A year? The only party you could remember was your mother's birthday last year. You didn't really like parties. They were always scary and anxiety-causing. Small talk was not your forte and there was never anyone to talk to.

At least at this party you could talk to Harrison. He was someone you knew well.

"Time to find something to wear." You whispered to no one in particular. With a newfound energy, you sprung up and padded over to your closet. For some reason, you never had anything to wear, even though you seemed to buy things that you promised yourself you would wear. You stood there determined to find something.

With a small breath, you pulled out a dress from the back of your closet that you hadn't seen in ages. You smiled when you remembered buying it. You'd bought it with Harrison when he'd dragged you out to go shopping for a day. You usually didn't go shopping because you hated trying to find something you liked and dreaded the judgmental stares, but he had wanted to go so you went. He'd been the one to point out how the color would look good on you. He was the one who made you at least try it on before you decided against it.

But that was before he had a girlfriend that hated your very existence and took up all of his time.

You slipped on the dress and looked at yourself in the mirror. It wasn't anything sparkly or extravagant. The dress was a simple burgundy with a cinched waist and a lace neckline. The thin straps meant you could wear it like a slip dress, which you liked because it was surprisingly comfortable for a party dress. The back was semi-open, and for a moment you hesitated because you never wore dresses that were this open.

And then you remembered that this was Harrison's party, and you wanted to look and feel good for once.

So you kept the dress and did your makeup. You kept your face neutral and went with a glossy lip to let the dress do the talking. After you straightened your hair and smoothed down any stray ends, you picked a pair of black heels to finish.

You felt so amazing. It was incredible how changing your look could change your attitude too. The world seemed ten shades rosier. Sure, maybe you weren't going to be put on Vogue's cover anytime soon, but you were happy with the outcome. You would look just as good as everyone else at the party.

There was no sign of anyone in the living room, so you decided to wait there for Harrison and Maya. You sat down on the sofa and read a book for a little while, but after a couple pages you tossed it aside. You contemplated getting up and knocking on the door when it opened and out he came.

Harrison emerged, wearing a long sleeved black shirt and slightly lighter pants. Somehow, he managed to look intentionally overdressed and underdressed at the same time. In short, he looked perfect as usual, and you suddenly felt a little exposed. He looked at you and his jaw dropped in a, "Wow."

"Is that good? I can't tell." You smiled when he nodded emphatically, and smiled even more when he twirled you around. It felt like that scene in Beauty and the Beast, the ballroom dance that you had play-acted out when you were a child.

"You look really beautiful." Harrison whispered into your ear, as the two of you slowed down. You bit your lip and breathed out softly, looking into his eyes. The gaze held for several seconds, both of you feeling happy in the moment. But the tenderness lasted only until the other girl arrived.

"Babe, come on we'll be late!" Maya snapped, appearing in the doorway with eyes shooting daggers at the two of you. Harrison suddenly drew back, and you lost the warmth that you had so craved. He cleared his throat and gave you a nervous laugh.

"Yeah, let's go. We can't waste time dancing." Harrison moved to be by Maya's side, leaving you to follow behind them. It hurt the way Harrison had brushed the dance off like he regretted it. Your heart sunk like a deadweight, but you just threw back your shoulders to give you the air of being unaffected.

The car ride to the bar where the party was being held was long and awkward. Well, awkward only for you. Harrison and Maya sat in the front, being as in love as possible. For the entirety of the trip, one of Harrison's hands rested lovingly on Maya's thigh, and the other hand was intertwined with hers. They would whisper and giggle, leaving you to focus on the blurred view out the window. Every so often, while Harrison's eyes were actually engaged on the road, Maya would look back at you and smirk, taking great pains to rub Harrison's hands or kiss his fingers while you watched.

You just looked back to the window, trying not to let Maya's bitchiness get to you. You were determined to have a good time tonight, no matter what. You never went out and it really felt like tonight might have something good in store for you. After a while, Maya got bored at toying with your emotions and thankfully turned her attention back to her perfect nails.

It felt like an eternity, but the bar was finally in sight. Harrison parked the car, kissed Maya sweetly on the lips, and got out to open her door. They linked arms and walked in, so you opened your own door and walked as confidently as they were. It's common knowledge that the way you walk can sometimes make you feel better than you do, and it seemed to work.

At the door of the bar, Harrison turned back to smile at you.

"If you need us, just come over!" He said, but to you it felt like an obligation on his part. Recently, most things that came out of Harrison's mouth felt like an obligation on his part. You were their unwanted third wheel.

"Right, thanks." You replied, ready to be totally abandoned for the next couple of hours. You were correct, because as soon as you said it, Harrison and Maya disappeared into the crowd, searching for their own friends at the counter. With a sigh, you waded your way to a seat near the dance floor and sat down alone. You couldn't even see the two of them from where you were, but you doubted that it mattered much. There was a niggling feeling that you wouldn't be needing them for the rest of the night.

People around you stared and whispered, noticing the fact that you were all alone. You just smiled back and tried to play it off like you found the attention amusing. Even though inside you were dying and really just needed someone to talk to. You thought of texting some friends to see who was around to chat, but everyone you messaged didn't respond.

It was a Saturday night, so they probably all had things to do with their other groups of friends.

Why did it feel like everyone had their groups and you were all alone?

Instantly, you opened the news app and read through any headlines you could find. It wasn't particularly interesting, but it kept you occupied and made you feel less insecure about the judgmental stares. You really just needed something to do because your social anxiety was mounting and if it wasn't addressed it could get bad. Flashbacks of previous parties where you had been left all alone in a sea of unfamiliar people started to spring up in your mind.

Parties where you had tried to fit in and make new friends, but were rejected. Events where the people who had brought you were the ones that spurned you. And it felt like the same thing was happening now, except it was worse this time and you didn't know why.

Your heart started to rise and drop so rapidly that you knew you were hyperventilating. You remembered your mother telling you to take deep breaths and focus on something stationary, so you tried to fixate on the bar stool across the room. But with all the noise and flashing lights and moving people, the focus didn't last long enough. In fact all the stimulation was making it worse.

A drink, quick. Your mind raced as you desperately moved through the dancefloor, stumbling to the counter. The bartender looked at you with concerned eyes.

"You alright there?" He asked, as you took a clumsy seat and tried to will the swirling colors and loud voices back. "You don't look too well."

"Oh, I'll be okay....." you forced a reassuring smile to your lips, and he looked visibly calmer. His name tag said James and he smiled when you asked for a lemon water.

"Unusual choice, but you look like you needed that." He said with a laugh, causing you to burn red in embarrassment. You felt bad drawing any attention to yourself.

"Sorry, I usually don't go out. It was probably just the heat." You lied through your teeth, but as far as you could tell James didn't pick up on it. After you downed the water, you paid him quickly.

"I'll just go find my friends.....I mean friend." You corrected yourself instantly. Maya wouldn't exactly call herself your friend. James nodded and gave you a thumbs up.

"Good idea!" He yelled over the music, and you gave him a grateful wave before wandering back to where you had first separated from Harrison and Maya. You didn't have to look long, because there was a small clearing where a group of people were all huddled around a couple, Harrison and Maya to be precise. Breathing a sigh of relief, you nearly sprinted to Harrison, but before you could tell him anything, you heard what they were talking about.

"Yeah, we came with a girl I know. Y/N, that's her name, but I don't know where she went." Harrison was saying to a tall brunette, while Maya laughed. "She's a mess at these sort of things."

The brunette quirked her eyebrows and touched the arm of the boy next to her, probably her boyfriend. "If she's such a mess, why did you bring her?" You froze, trying not to make yourself known since everyone's backs were currently towards you. Harrison opened his mouth in a smile, but it wasn't the one you loved.

It looked mocking.

"To be honest, we used to be good friends. But now, I don't know, she's kind of weird. She's my roommate so I invited her just to be nice. I'm going to ask her to leave at some point so Maya can move in with me."

Time stood still, you were shocked into both silence and stillness. It seemed like the world was swirling around you, laughing at your foolishness. Laughing at your love for a boy that definitely didn't love you back. He had wanted you to leave, he thought you were a weird, annoying person to be around. Had it all been a lie, your friendship?

Someone knocked into you and you dropped your bag, the contents spilling on the floor. Harrison and the others turned to look at you, and his face went white.

"Y/N! Wait!" he called, but you had already begun to back away, tears brimming in your eyes. You felt your throat close up, the emotions threatening to break in front of all these people. Judging you at every moment. Maya gave you a triumphant smirk, and pulled Harrison back from trying to reach you.

"Don't bother" You choked out, watching Harrison's face fall. Their friends looked at you pitifully, but not one moved to defend you. It was the end of it all.

You needed to leave him, for good. Leave behind your confused feelings that were never going to be reciprocated because you weren't enough for him. And if he didn't care that much about your friendship, there was no need to stay to make it work.

You ran from the bar, tears streaming down your face as you ran to nowhere. You heard Harrison shout your name several times, but you ignored them. You ran until you were exhausted and couldn't run anymore, when your body was as heavy as your heart. After a while, you weren't even sure where you were. But all you knew was that you wanted to go home. So you took a taxi and went back home.

The next thirty minutes were filled with frantic packing, you tearing through the place and removing all your belongings. Any thoughts of doubt were displaced by the fact that there was no contact from Harrison. No call, no text, and he didn't come to find you. So in the suitcase it all went. The clothes, the books, the bedding, whatever you remembered was yours. It was hard to focus, when your head hurt from the crying, but you kept yourself going with one thought.

It was never mine anyway. I was just a placeholder.

You laughed bitterly until the tears came again. You were crying as you wrote the goodbye note. You cried as the taxi came to take you to the airport. The only time you ceased to cry was when you heard the sound of your mother's voice, comforting you. Recounting the night to her, it all felt so obvious to you. The heartbreak was fate's cruel plan.