tHIS UPDATE IS LONG OVERDUE IM SO SORRY OMG

"Knock it off, I'm going to get wet!" The water from the kitchen sink took you by surprise as you were finishing drying off your plate, high pitched laughter coming from Dan a second later. You were in a good mood that morning and decided to cook a nice breakfast for yourself and Dan, proving to him that you weren't all talk when it came to cooking.

Just because you dropped a pancake one time  didn't mean anything.

"Stopping would defeat the purpose wouldn't it?" He raised his eyebrows in amusement as he watched the water drip from your forehead, quickly spraying you once more directly in the face and running off urgently.

"You asshat, get back here!" You groaned loudly, wiping off the moisture with your sleeve quickly and chasing after him.

"Oh an asshat? You're getting so creative with your insults." Dan spoke through his breath as he continued to run, turning into the bathroom and slamming  the door behind him hurriedly.

You pouted as you pounded on the door, shouting profanities at him. He wasn't going to get away with this, he couldn't stay in the bathroom forever.

"Being a meanie mcmeaner isn't going to solve anything here." Dan sung, a muffled giggle coming from the other side of the door.

You were actually starting to consider how old he was.

"You are literally a 5 year old." You huffed, throwing your hair into a ponytail and leaning against the door frame impatiently, pressing your cheek against the door.

"I'll open the door if you say the magic word."

"For fucks sake Dan! I don't know, harambe?" You spoke dryly.

Dan's laughter pierced your ears, the impassive look on your face slowly transforming into a small smile. You could never grow tired of hearing that laugh.

"That was a phenomenal guess, but unfortunately that is incorrect." He sighed sarcastically as you started to bang your head against the door.

"I'll let you touch my boobs if you open the door." You bargained, planning your attack as you quickly grabbed an egg from the fridge, tiptoeing back so he'd think you haven't budged.

A second later, Dan fumbled to open the door and looked down at you with hopeful eyes, biting down on his lip the slightest bit.

As much as you enjoyed having that effect on him, revenge sounded much more satisfying at the time. The egg made contact with his hair, smirking as you watched the yolk drip from his hair and onto his chin, his mouth hung open in awe.

"You little shit." Dan's voice went shrill, something you weren't used to and wanted to hear more frequently. You just batted your eyelashes at him angelically, swiping your thumb over his chin to get off the excess yolk. 

"This means war." Dan grumbled as he stormed towards the kitchen, you hanging on his arm to try and stall him.

"No-No no, I'm sorry let's just call it a truce yeah?" You tried to maneuver past him and guard him so he wouldn't get any ideas, but it was too late.

Things were about to get messy.

"What's done is done. There's no turning back now." Dan chuckled menacingly as he held a watermelon over his head, your eyes widening in fear.

"What the fuck are you trying to do, knock me out?" You looked at him as if he were crazy, trying to shield yourself.

Dan nearly fell to the floor in laughter as he shoved the watermelon back in the fridge, replacing it with a gallon of milk and causing you to become even more paranoid than before.

"You wouldn't dare." You gasped as he slowly started to unscrew the cap, a broad smirk playing on his lips.

"Never underestimate me, love." Before you could scurry away you were drenched in the cold liquid, your teeth immediately starting to chatter and nearly slipping as you pranced around, trying to regain your body heat. Without thinking you pushed Dan, causing him to fall on his back and land in a puddle of milk.

At this point you two were clenching your stomachs, dribbling in laughter at each others failure. You stumbled back up to your feet and shuffled towards your cupboards, ripping open a bag of flour and dumping it over his head.

His laughter quickly turned into screams, rolling around in the now wet flour with each attempt to get back up.

Your eyes were flooding with tears at the sight of him, grasping onto the counter so you wouldn't fall. You wish you could've gotten all of this on camera.

"Oh is this funny to you?!" Dan tried his best to sound angry with you, but failed miserably once all you could hear was the piercing laughter echo around you.

Once Dan was stable enough and found the next thing to launch at you, this continued for another 15 minutes. It was least to say that the kitchen was destroyed. The amount of ingredients you used was insane, you used nearly anything you could lay your hands on.

This was how you were spending your adulthood, and you weren't complaining.

"If I don't say so myself, we would make quite an interesting meal." Dan looked at you smugly and then down at his now ruined clothing, sniffing his shirt and gagging, your laughter not dying down one bit.

"I suggest you stop laughing." Dan warned, nearing towards you with a suspicious look.

"Or what?" You tutted, your chin held high. You weren't afraid of whatever Dan was about to pull, he couldn't scare you off after what he's done in the kitchen.

Dan mocked your words under his breath as he grabbed the whipped cream and engulfed you in a bone crushing hug.

You sighed sadly as you sat there limply, your face scrunching up once you felt the whipped cream on the top of your head.

"Alright I'm done." Dan grinned in accomplishment as he stood back to look at the damage he's caused, seeming pleased with himself as he clapped.

You glanced at the kitchen and mentally groaned to yourself, knowing that it was going to take hours to clean up.

"Oh wait, one more thing." Dan's bright smile lit up the room as he sprayed the whipped cream onto your lips, bringing his lips to yours softly.

You smiled between his lips at how adorable he was being, the distress from having to clean leaving and not having a care in the world.

"Smooth." You muttered once he pulled away, your smile growing.

"I try." Dan pecked your lips once more before wrapping an arm around you and eyeing the destruction in the kitchen.

"Why are we such sadists?" Dan chuckled, shaking his head.

"I don't know, but it definitely keeps things interesting." You nudged him lightly, breaking free from his grasp and making your way to the bathroom to take a shower.

"Are you actually going to leave me here with the aftermath?" Dan seemed timid, resting his hands on his hips and coughing from the gust of flour hitting his face as he moved.

"For a few minutes, I think you'll manage. Plus you did start this." You snapped your fingers and pointed at him as he continued to sulk, dragging his feet towards the kitchen.

Once you freshened up you waited for Dan as it was his turn, not bothering to clean up the rest of the mess. You could tend to it in a few hours.

You threw on one of Dan's shirts since he kept at least 4 outfits at your flat because you were together so often. You didn't feel the need to change into a new outfit since you weren't planning on doing anything for the day, having Dan's shirts as a fallback was always helpful.

"That new shampoo you haven't used yet is the most delightful thing I've ever smelled, come smell my hair." Dan motioned you over with excitement, running his hands through his wavy locks. You quickly glanced at the towel hanging from his hips loosely, causing your cheeks to burn. How could one look so godly?

You rolled your eyes playfully at him once you snapped out of your thoughts, getting up from your position to smell his hair. You inhaled the sweet scent, humming in agreement and laughing at how odd you two probably looked.

"Yeah, take a good whiff of it." Dan spoke deeply, having trouble keeping a straight face.

"You're a dork." You pushed him, only for him to pull you close and examine you. His eyes trailed down your body as he held his breath, clearing his throat and trying to focus on anything but you to cover up his gawking.

"Ugh-y-you look so much better in my shirts, how the hell is that fair?" He gushed, both of you blushing to an extent.

Before you could speak a loud crash interrupted you, causing the both of you to jump and race towards the commotion. You were met with a groaning Phil, cradling his leg as he was soaked in milk.

Your hand flew to your mouth as you tried to conceal your giggles, but Dan on the other hand wasn't afraid to laugh at his crippled friend.

"What were you two doing in here, recreating the milk fic or something?" Phil looked up to you with horror. Dan nearly choked from laughter as he fell beside Phil, watching the scene unravel with a bored expression.

It shocked you how you were able to put up with Dan Howell.

THIS CHAPTER WAS SHIT IM SORRY BUT I PROMISE I WILL MAKE UP FOR IT ASAP THERE IS STILL A BUNCH MORE I HAVE PLANNED SO DONT YOU WORRY AND THANK YOU ALL FOR STICKING WITH ME IT MEANS SO MUCH :))