Guilt emerged in the pit of your stomach as you watched Dan in distraught. The silence was deathly. You didn't dare speak, because you had no excuse for what you've done. The moment your eyes laid on his, you knew you fucked up.

"S-Sorry for interrupting." Dan's voice was frail, nearly cracking. He darted out, slamming the door behind him. You needed to explain this to him even though you could barely speak a sentence right now, you couldn't lose him like this. You wanted to try to reflect over the damage you've just caused, but Dan was much more important than your irrelevant thoughts.

You hesitantly walked down the corridor, only to be met by soft weeping.

"Don't even think about following me, I can't deal with you right now." He had his head against the wall with his hands buried in his face. Was he crying?

"D-Dan." You froze, speechless. You tried placing a hand on his shoulder but he jolted away, staring at you in disbelief.

"Why did you do this to me Y/N, I thought it was obvious?" His voice was emotionless, tears brimming in his eyes.

He looked to you to see if you had any trace of acknowledgement on your face and when you didn't he just shook his head.

"Just go back to PJ, I don't need you anymore." He growled, screwing his fists in his eyes. Your face paled, your lip starting to tremble. No, he can't do this.

"Dan stop being so selfish, do you think I wanted this to happen? How was I supposed to know you'd get upset over this, you have no right to!" You threw your arms up frantically, fighting back tears.

Dan's gaze was dull and lifeless when he faced you, something you never wanted to witness. His eyes were no longer full of the love and compassion you were used to.

"Do not even think about calling me the selfish one, you lied to me Y/N! You told me you had no feelings for PJ whatsoever but yet there you are lip-locking with him. How do you think that makes me feel? Are you so ignorant that you can't see how fucking crazy I am about you?!" He spat, the veins in his neck becoming evident.

Oh my god.

Why was I so blind?

"D-Dan I don't know what to say, why didn't you tell me?" Tears fell down your cheeks effortlessly as your head was held down in shame.

"Don't say anything. Did our kiss not explain it all? Oh wait, obviously not since it meant nothing to you right? I'm done with this Y/N, I can't take it anymore." He spoke coldly, eyes bloodshot.

"You were the one who wanted to forget about it in the first place obviously I had to lie, why is everything my fault?" At this point you two were screaming at each other, your blood boiling

"DO YOU NOT KNOW ME BY NOW? IM OBVIOUSLY INSECURE ABOUT EXPRESSING MY ACTUAL FEELINGS BECAUSE I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY!" His voice was hoarse as he sobbed into his hands, turning away from you.

You were awestruck from his outburst, your heart shattering at the sight of the broken boy in front of you. You did this to him. You did this to the only person you cared deeply about.

"But you are enough for me Dan, don't do this to me I can't lose you. Please." You croaked, stepping towards him but he only took a step back with a painful expression.

"Did you tell PJ that too?" He chuckled dryly, becoming more distant as each second passed.

"No! Dan don't you see that I want to be with you?"

"Go tell someone who cares. Goodbye, Y/N."

You let each word crush your entire being as Dan left you with nothing but the inability to breathe and the throbbing in your chest.

Dan

I raced out of the building with a heavy chest and soggy tears, trying to recollect my thoughts. I just witnessed one of my best friends and the love of my life kissing, and that's when I snapped.

She was never going to love me.

She was never going to rely on me the way I relied on her.

Just thinking about the way they kissed made me nauseous. I couldn't stand them seeming so happy and as much as I wanted to walk up and punch PJ square in the jaw, I couldn't bring myself to doing it. I was paralyzed.

PJ knew how I felt about her, too, so of course he had to take advantage of it.

How did she not get the hint these past few weeks? I've been trying so desperately to fix what I've started, but now it was impossible to mend.

So I decided that there was no point anymore. No point in loving, no point in living. No point in anything.

The more I walked the more I felt myself drowning in a black abyss. How could I have become so attached to someone who didn't even feel the same way?

Most importantly how was I going to wake up every morning knowing that her heart was set on PJ?

I mean sure I've gotten over people before, but this was different.

Tears were still rapidly falling as I pushed through people, not knowing where I was going. I just wanted to go home and talk to Phil, but if I did that I would have to face reality and realize that this wasn't just some terrible nightmare I couldn't wake up from. I wasn't ready for that.

So I decided to sit down on a park bench and think about everything I just gave up.

I sat there for 3 hours.

That was until Phil intruded my thoughts and called me, then he sat there with me for another hour, giving me the sympathy I needed.

"Dan, why the hell did you do that?" Phil sighed deeply, rubbing my back.

"I couldn't handle seeing her with him, she should be with me." The tears on my face were now dried, but the anguish was still visible.

"Everyone knows she should be with you, even she knows that, she told you!" Phil proclaimed.

"No she was lying, she was just saying that to make me feel better." She wanted PJ. I was certain of it.

That's when I started to compare myself to him. He was perfect for her. He wasn't socially awkward like me, he was charming, he had better hair, he wasn't cynical, and most importantly he always made her happy, which I failed to do.

I was just the sarcastic asshole that got the chance to kiss her, but never got to be with her.

Having to accept that ruined me.