A/N: looks like dan is on fire after all (sorry for the pun it was necessary don't sue me) bc this diss track is a BOOOP omg he is such a dork im still laughing

and how the hell did he rap that fast is he secretly busta rhymes or ?? jfc

Dan's POV (ur welcome)

I did it.

I knew it was wrong, but the temptations were becoming unbearable. Y/N is so endearing, she's starting to become addictive.

Phil is going to be so disappointed in me, he specifically told me to wait to make a move until he talked to her, apparently he had a whole plan brewing. I was uneasy about the situation as it was, I had a terrible fear that I was only a friend to her and that's all I would ever be. It was not going to be enough for me. I needed her.

I knew I was dead wrong once she kissed me back with just as much force. It was probably the most intimate kiss I've ever had and it was everything I could ever imagine. The first time I was face to face with her I had already known that I was going to be in deep.

Which is the state I'm in just as I predicted.

I hadn't really thought about the consequences until I left. After the kiss she was urgent to get back inside and I tried so desperately to speak up, but it was like I've gone mute. I am so pathetic.

I took long strides back to taxi, trying to collect my thoughts.

I just kissed Y/N.

And she is a bloody good kisser.

I started to turn around, I think I want to kiss her some more.

Then I stopped and started to hit my head against the wall.

No, Dan what are you saying you've already scared her off now your friendship is down the drain!

I'm such an idiot.

I reached the taxi, earning a discouraging look from Phil. How long was I gone?

"You should've trusted me mate, you should be ashamed of your actions." I wasn't shocked that Phil knew what I did, he could read my mind like an open book.

"I probably just ruined any chance I had with her didn't I?" I sighed heavily, turning to him with a scowl.

"Of course not you guys are destined for each other, it was just way too soon. What did I tell you before, contain the dong or your face will be long." Phil erupted into fits of laughter and I was so close to jumping out of the moving vehicle.

"Phil I thought we agreed to never bring that conversation up ever again." I rubbed my face, slowly becoming distraught.

"I'm sorry it was perfect timing." Phil's contagious laughter only evolved, causing me to crack.

I stopped immediately, hitting him upside the head.

"Phil this is serious! When was the last time you've seen me so drawn towards another human being?" I was rarely serious myself but I was desperate.

Phil put on his over exaggerated thinking face, "Even before the dinosaurs."

I groaned in vexation, knowing that Phil was useless right now.

"I'm sorry, sorry okay. This is a very big step for the two of you so give her a little time to cope with what happened, which I'm assuming one of you ran off straight afterwards." He raised an eyebrow at me. I nodded sheepishly, mentally face palming myself for not saying anything to her after, or for that matter the whole entire time.

Phil turned the key to our apartment and I immediately headed towards couch, Phil trailing behind me.

"She just ran straight inside and me being the coward I am didn't have the guts to stop her."

"Oh Dan, you're on a roll." Phil chuckled, sitting across from me. He was acting as if these types of things didn't occur on a regular basis.

"I know you're not the love guru or anything, but Phil if I don't fix this I'm going to go insane." I stood up and paced, tugging at my hair. Phil watched me observantly, thinking of what to say.

"Well do you want to be with her?" Was he joking?

"No I just kissed her because she smells nice." I spoke flatly.

"She does smell quite nice I don't blame-"

"Phil!" I shrieked, stomping my feet childishly.

"Text her tonight and see if she wants to talk about it, don't ignore this like you usually do with everything else, this is unavoidable." Phil lectured, reaching over to pat my calf.

Now that was hard, I like to think that's the solution to all of my problems. This had to be different though, I wasn't going to risk losing Y/N.

"I don't want her to get the wrong idea though, I want to be with her so badly but the timing just isn't right." I sighed, my pacing increasing.

"This is what happens when you don't go along with the plan." Phil mumbled causing me to stop in my tracks.

"For fucks sake Phil I wasn't even informed of this so called plan of yours, please enlighten me!" I always felt guilty for yelling at Phil, but he wasn't helping and I sure as hell was not capable of making decisions like these on my own.

"I can't tell you the plan because then you're going to take advantage of it." He indicated, standing in front of me. He did have a point.

"Dan you need to relax, I've never seen you like this." Phil looked at me with worried eyes, only making me more antsy.

I broke away from his gaze, slumping back down on the sofa.

"I'm just so frustrated, it's not like I can go back in time and not kiss her, the damage is done."

"You can always just tell her to forget it ever happened, it might hurt her but that's the only way for my plan to work." Phil frowned, I could tell he didn't want to have to come to that conclusion.

That would crush her. It's crushing me even having to consider that. I couldn't do that to her, I cared about her feelings more than my own.

But it was my only choice.

"She's going to hate me." God, what the hell have I gotten myself into?

"She's not going to hate you, the most that'll happen is she'll be upset with you for a few days and not tell you why." Phil looked up from his phone, seeming suddenly distracted.

"Can I have a hug?" I extended my arms, wanting to escape so desperately from this mess I've created.

Phil laughed softly, shoving his phone in his pocket and wrapping his arms around me.

"We're friendship goals." He said in a high pitched tone, pulling away and twirling his nonexistent long hair, the both of us laughing in unison.

I peered down at the ground sadly, realizing what I had to do.

I didn't want to forget about kissing Y/N, or how her lips moved so perfectly in sync with mine. I never wanted to stop kissing her in general and now I had to pretend it didn't even happen?

Phil patted my back sympathetically, "Do what you've got to do."

And so I did.