I wanted to clear my mind, it was a mess.

The grains of sand moved freely through the gaps between my toes as I ran across the place where the sea, sky and land meets.  The beach was empty that night with nobody but me and a lot of small crabs that came out and went in their homes simultaneously. I had to tuck my hair behind my ears frequently as it kept fluttering with the wind. The thrashing waves made my ears busy and my mind became calmer.

I ran for some while before I saw a silhouette. A man was sitting on the sand with his arms resting on his knees. I was about to resume running when I realized that it was Riddick.

My anger had calmed down a little by that time so I decided to sit beside him. I went near him and dropped the note on his head. He almost jumped out due to the unexpected interruption but he calmed down when he saw me. I sat beside him as he looked at the note. My arms supported my body as I kept my legs straight. I wanted to ask him many things but I let the silence wrap it's magical peace around us before I let the volcano erupt.

"Don't you want to know why I left the note?"

I did not answer him and let the silence continue for a while before I licked my lips and decided to talk.

"No, I want to know why you are so obsessed with the Kaalan case,"

"So you think it is my obsession which made me want to separate you from Chandni,"

"I know so,"

He scoffed and shook his head. He muttered something like" I can't believe this" and stood up to sit in front of me, blocking my sea view. He pushed my foot towards me, forcing me to fold them and sat nearer. I reminded myself that I had pepper spray in my pocket.

"Keerthy, I did it for you" He leaned forward and took my hands in his. He squeezed them lightly as he sat back, " I am afraid that Lilly hasn't retired and she might harm anyone close to Chandni"

I looked into his eyes without letting my guard down. I could only see the sincerity in his ocean blue eyes that took me out of the universe several times. He had dated many girls before me but something in his words always reminded me that I was special.

"It is true that I tricked you once," He left my hands and ran his hand through his hair. "But that was because I couldn't just let myself down okay. Everyone expects me to be the best in my field since I have the 'Valiyavalappil' blood in me. Doctor, novelist or detective, I have to be the best"

"So you still think that what you did was right?"

"Of course no" He held me by my shoulder. "But I was pressurized into it,"

"Pressurised?"

"Like why Dakshayani killed Manohar when she saw him raping her own daughter. I needed to do it" He whispered the last sentence.

"I love you, Keerthy and I care for you more than you could ever imagine,"

We kept looking into the eyes of each other for some time. It was not the first time that I let myself get lost in his eyes but it was definitely after a very long time that I looked at him without suspicion and dubiousness dripping from my eyes.

His eyes were not ready to leave mine and his lips parted. His brown lips seemed to shine in the dim light. He sat upon his knees and kept his hands on either of my sides. He leant forward as my breathing rate increased. I gulped.

"Karthutty..."  

My eyes widened as I heard the gravelly voice. I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him away. Drops of sweat started to roll down my forehead as I looked around. He wasn't supposed to be there. Not then at least.

"What happened?" Riddick asked me as his eyes followed everywhere I looked.

"He is here," I started feeling a burning sensation in my eyes.

"Who?"

"I heard him, Riddick. He called me. He isn't supposed to be here now!" 

"Who, are you... are you speaking about Arjun?" I could see a mixture of anger and despair in his eyes.

"No, Arjun is dead. It is him. I don't want him near me"

Arjun pulled me towards his chest and shushed me. I could hear his frantic heartbeats but I was not in a position to question him. I was already crying by then. I was pretty sure that I was only imagining his voice and that he was not there but the mere thought of him managed to shiver me. I sobbed on Riddick's chest, wishing if I could ever get rid of him from my life.

"You know, Keerthy. Even though we were in a relationship for about two years, you never told me much about your past or your family"

And that was when I shared my past with him. I did not want to be affected by it anymore. I did not want it to be locked away in darkest parts of my heart. I did not want to be that lonely little girl anymore. I opened my heart.

I laid on the beach with Riddick beside me and I shared my most shameful and feared thoughts and memories with him. I finished saying them with a teary-eyed smile. It was a relief. Arjun was the only other person I had shared it with and he was no more. It felt nice to have Riddick beside me.

We slept there for some hours before I woke up and felt a sudden urge to look at my book.

I read the thought that I wrote down at the night when he came to visit that year.

The more I try

The more I feel like a clown...

the more I cry

The more I mercilessly drown...

I struck the thought and looked at the sleeping form of Riddick. He was snoring lightly and his brown hair had a lot of sand on it. For a moment, I wished if he would open his eyes so that I could get happily lost in the ocean. I started writing under my struck thoughts.

Beside him,

I shall not fear

Beside him,

I shall drop no tear

Beside him,

I shall be safe

Beside him, 

I shall have my life

I laid back with the diary on my chest and returned to my slumber with a smile.