"I am not fireproof. I feel it burning me. I feel it burning you."

☼

Mornings at the beach always felt special. They were cool and calm and everything felt slightly freer. It was nostalgic and peaceful and soothing. From his spot on the bunk bed, Kellin could hear the breeze and the ocean and the seagulls in the distance. Everything was so quiet that he could still make out the distinct sounds, even when the beach was relatively far from the house.

All of a sudden he felt like he was on one of the trips his family used to have decades ago when he was still a kid. He was even sharing the room with Tay just like they did back then, and he was usually in the top bunk too, Tay on the bottom one just like Penny was now.
Kellin felt a subtle, barely there tug on the corners of his mouth. He felt cool and calm and slightly freer.

He changed positions on the slim mattress so he could peek from above the bunk at his daughter. She was still sleeping, but he could tell any minute now she would begin to stir and open those big eyes, ready to take on another exciting day. She rose with the sun every day and he doubted that would change despite them not being home.

And he was right. It wasn't long before Penny came to and woke up, and she did so with a lazy giggle upon seeing Kellin on the bed above.

Kellin grinned down at her and waved a hand. "Good morning, sweetheart."

"Daddy, how you get there?" She sat up and tilted her messy bedhead.

Kellin hummed and pointed to the small ladder to the side. "Well, there was this ladder... I said, why not climb it?"

Penny giggled again.

"I like it here, I'm a lot taller," he continued, just to see his kid laugh again. He loved it when she woke up happy. "Do you want to come up?"

"Yes!" the answer came in a heartbeat.

And so Kellin helped her climb up the wooden ladder and held her as her mouth formed an o shape as she gazed at the room from somewhere so up. Kellin smiled the whole time she saw her.

"Are you ready for another day at the beach, Monkey?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I really like the beach, Daddy."

Kellin kissed the top of her hair, then started untangling the knots that had formed overnight, and while at it, he remembered something that was said to him last night.

"And the beach likes you too," he smiled unavoidably.

"Really? Can we stay here forever?" She asked next, making Kellin laugh. But before he could answer, they both heard a tired groan from below.

Penny got curious and crawled to the edge of the bunk to see what it was. Kellin followed suit.

"Guys... Can you be quiet? I'm trying to sleep."

Tay was glaring at them from her heap of covers and pillows, her face barely visible thanks to her scattered hair and the cushions over it. It made Kellin snort, but Penny looked worried.

"You okay there?" Kellin asked teasingly, earning another huff as an answer.

"What's wrong with Auntie Tay?" Penny wondered.

"She stayed up pretty late last night," Kellin replied simply. Tay buried herself more in the pillows. "She's fine, just tired. Right, Tay?"

"I'm never drinking again," she whined, but it sounded muffled because of all the pillows.

"Drinking what?" Penny asked again, but Kellin only laughed more.

"What do you say we change and get some breakfast?" Kellin asked instead of answering, quietly to not disturb Tay's hangover even more.

The child nodded eagerly, forgetting about her question rather quickly. Breakfast was the keyword. And so they both climbed down carefully, grabbed their bags, and went into the bathroom, stifling giggles when Tay groaned again as they passed by her bed.

——

If Kellin didn't know any better, he would think they were home and it was a normal Sunday morning with just the two of them. It wasn't any different from their routine. They were both awake early, making breakfast in the kitchen, Penny sitting at the counter watching her cartoons on Kellin's tablet while she waited for her food to be ready, Kellin making his go-to recipes for a nice, healthy, delicious breakfast for two. Having such a big kitchen for himself was a plus.

He was also planning breakfast for the rest of the guys. He supposed it was the kind thing to do since they were hungover from the party just like Tay was. He was certain they would wake up groggy and feeling terrible so he would attempt to prepare the green smoothies Victor made for them yesterday, even though he had no idea what he made them with. But Google existed for a reason.

The pair had breakfast first, both of them watching morning cartoons and talking aimlessly about their fun day yesterday. It was around 7:30 that they were all done. By the time it was 8, Penny was already on the house patio playing with her dolls while Kellin finished clearing their plates and he started with the rest of the breakfast food for everyone else right away.

For some reason, making breakfast was a little therapeutic for him. The ease of the morning and the salty breeze coming from the windows only made it better. He felt relaxed cracking eggs, grabbing cartons of milk, getting all kinds of ingredients in a bowl, and making his favorite breakfast recipes. He wasn't sure of what everyone liked, but French toast could be neutral enough. That, and he was craving some of it too. He would also make scrambled eggs and bacon, just in case.

He was relieved the fridge was stocked up with enough food to make an entire breakfast buffet and hoped no one minded that he used up some ingredients. He didn't think they would. So he passed his time like that, humming to himself while he worked on the meals, and when everything was mostly done, he grabbed his tablet and opened up a new search for hangover smoothie recipes.

But just as he was picking one of the many beverage variations to prepare, his concentration was cut short.

Since everything was so quiet, it wasn't hard to miss some noises coming from outside of the kitchen, across the hallway, and near the living room. It made Kellin stop everything he was doing and stand there thinking what he should do. He quickly realized the noise was someone talking. He would've left it alone and carried on with what he was doing, but then he realized it sounded more like an argument rather than a conversation between two people.

"Monkey, I'll be right back, okay?" He called for his daughter outside and then walked out of the kitchen and followed the noise source.

Later on, he would blame it all on being curious, but deep down he knew he would have overlooked the incident completely if it had been anyone else. Kellin recognized Vic's tired tone before he reached his hiding spot behind the wall that connected the living room to the rest of the house. It didn't take too long to figure out that the other irritated voice was Vic's boyfriend. He had to hold back a sigh, but not his frown.

For a second he considered leaving them be. He didn't need to hear any of it, it was personal after all, and snooping was never fine. But he also had to admit he was slightly worried about what could make the couple have a heated argument at 8 in the morning. So against everything he was telling himself, he stayed and listened. Not fully knowing why.

"I can't believe you did this," Kellin could picture Matt's snarl in his mind and he didn't like it one bit.

"It's not that big of a deal, babe," Vic replied, calmer, but with a hint of annoyance. It made Kellin frown deeper.

"I can't believe you didn't think to wake me."

"Of course I did! And you were out cold, what was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, try harder."

"Yeah right, and then you would have woken up and gotten pissed either way."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Look... I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep so I came down here. It's fine."

"It's not! How do you think I felt not seeing you anywhere in the room when I woke up? God, Vic."

"I was down here. I'm here. It's fine."

"It's not fine. How do you think this makes me feel, huh? You sleeping on the damn couch."

"I just–"

"There was plenty of room with me, I can't believe you."

"Matt, listen to me. There. Was No. Room. I wasn't going to sleep on top of you."

"Oh okay, so it is my fault now?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"You should've woken me."

Then he supposed Vic broke.

"Well too bad, Matt, you didn't wake up. Maybe you should reconsider getting so high and drunk you couldn't even budge on the bed for your boyfriend. This isn't on me. I did the only thing I could think of and slept down here. It's not as bad as you think."

Some silence. And Kellin was stunned by that drop of information.

"Why did you even bring that stuff?" Vic continued. Kellin hated how frustrated he sounded. "I told you and we agreed we wouldn't do that here, just for once you were going to stick to beer only but no. You had to bring a joint."

"It's not like you didn't enjoy it."

Kellin raised his eyebrows even more.

"I didn't! I only took a couple of hits because you wouldn't leave it alone."

"I didn't force you to do anything, Vic. You wanted to eventually. This isn't on me either."

Silence again.

"Whatever. I was exhausted. There was no room. I came down here and slept. It's not a big deal."

"But it is! Don't you see? It's like you're saying you don't want me anymore. This weekend was supposed to be ours but now–"

"What are you even talking about? Who says I don't want you?!"

"Even a kid is here Vic, a kid!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You know it's weird."

"Stop. They're my friends."

"You're friends with a kid?"

"Matt–"

But then Kellin made a mistake.

He quickly backed away, getting a bad feeling in his stomach, not wanting to hear any more of that argument, changing his mind, wanting to bolt. But he did it too quickly. A table stood behind him that he hadn't noticed before, and he bumped into it hard, almost causing a vase to drop to the floor but he caught it just in time. Still, he lost his invisible cloak, and now the couple was staring at him with remarkably different facial expressions, but none could match the mortified look on his face.

Matt's loud, annoyed huff didn't go unnoticed.

"Unbelievable. It's too early for this shit," he said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. And he turned to leave the living room. "I'm going back to sleep."

"Wait, Matt," Vic made a weak attempt to follow him, but the blonde man didn't seem too keen on that idea and waved a hand.

Vic stayed where he was, watching him go.

Safe to say, Kellin didn't know what to do. Or say. Or think.

"You heard all that," Vic said slowly, turning to see him. It didn't sound like a question.

His hair was messy, his eyes still tired and a little narrow, and his smile didn't seem quite real. Kellin didn't mean to stare. He hated everything that just happened, what he heard, hated the look on Vic's face, but it didn't compare to the way he hated the guy that caused it. Was this what Vic's friends meant last night?

"...Not if you didn't want me to," Kellin ended up answering.

Vic's gaze softened slightly, and he chuckled lowly.

"I'm very sorry," Kellin continued, way more embarrassed than Vic. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just heard voices and, well..." He noticed he was still holding the decorative vase and left it on the table, safe and sound again.

"I'm sorry you heard that," Vic said after a couple more seconds. "What he said, or wanted to say."

Kellin shook his head, not knowing what to say either. He was trying to ignore it, to be completely honest.

"When did you wake up?" Vic asked after. So he was doing that, changing topics. Kellin was grateful.

"Oh, a couple of hours ago. We're early birds." He tried to lighten the mood even though he wasn't sure it was working.

"Is that why it smells so good?" He finally saw Vic smile again. It made him do too.

"Maybe, yeah. I was making everyone something for when they woke up. I'm not expecting that to be soon though, right?"

"Kellin! You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to," Kellin shrugged. "I like breakfast."

"I like breakfast too," Vic kept a small smile. "Let me get changed and I'll help you out."

"Oh, that's fine. Don't you want to get some more rest?"

But Vic shook his head and grabbed a blanket that was on the white sofa, the one he used during what little of the night was left to sleep there. It was making him angry for no reason while Vic folded it neatly and put it under his arm.

"Nah. I'm good," Vic said calmly. "I can't decline a breakfast offer. What were you making?"

"Just French toast and coffee, some scrambled eggs..."

"Ugh, that sounds so good," Vic groaned playfully. Kellin wondered just how much he was faking his cheeriness. He hoped it wasn't much. "BRB? I won't take long."

He actually spelled B.R.B. and Kellin couldn't help finding it endearing.

"I'll be here," he answered simply and watched Vic as he turned and started to leave.

He was crossing the archway leading to the stairs when Kellin decided to call for him again, surprising both of them.

"Are you okay?" he asked wearily.

Vic blinked and his eyes turned to something he couldn't quite explain. But he nodded his head either way.

"Yeah, don't worry about it."

Kellin wasn't sure if he should feel concerned or not, as he watched Vic disappear. He would feel worse knowing this was a usual occurrence for the couple, but maybe that was exactly the case.

His eyes locked on the couch for a second, the cushions all over the place and a slight dent to the surface. He couldn't believe he didn't notice him when they walked past the living room to the kitchen. He couldn't believe this all happened after he left Vic in what was supposed to be his room for the night. If he'd known, he would've led Vic to another room. He would've helped him be more comfortable. He didn't need to sleep all alone down here on the couch.

Blinking, and realizing he was having useless thoughts, he forced his eyes to look away. He didn't want to process any of the information he just learned. He couldn't. So he walked back to the kitchen and decided to put it in the back of his head, as he always did with things he didn't particularly like.

——

Vic helped out with the green, magical-hangover-cure smoothies. They didn't take too long to make and turns out they were easier to prepare than Kellin thought. He still let Vic take over that job on his own, happy learning just by observing. And making disgusted faces at the number of vegetables he poured into the blender. At least it made Vic laugh, seeming more relaxed after taking a shower and changing, and drinking a green glass too.

Kellin's breakfast made him happy too, looking amazed by every plate he made, though in Kellin's opinion, he must have been pretty hungry after such a night so it was more like a natural response to his food rather than liking it. Not much else. Still, the sight of Vic physically beaming and doing a small dance while he tried the first batch of French toast and eggs was quite amusing.

And while Vic finished his food, Kellin started making more for the rest of the guys. Penny joined them not long after, realizing Vic was finally with them too and wanting to be part of anything as long as the other man was involved. She sat beside Vic while he ate and asked for more cartoon time. Kellin couldn't say no to that face.

Vic also helped out with breakfast for his friends, claiming it was more his job to feed them than Kellin's. He didn't mind. Half an hour later they were all done and started with the clean-up. Penny got bored of them once her episode was over so she headed back to the patio to keep up the game she had invented earlier. Kellin was in the middle of telling her not to go too far when Vic's loud ringtone cut through the ease and the calm, startling him almost to a heart attack and making them both laugh.

Kellin's eyes unavoidably followed Vic as he picked up his phone from the other side of the counter, hopped on it, and answered with a chirpy Hello! He sounded excited, then surprised, and eventually, concerned. Kellin couldn't possibly know who was on the other line, but he raised an eyebrow in wonder.

The call went on for about five minutes, and Vic kept asking for time changes and apologizing, and that only made Kellin even more confused. And when he at last hung up, he didn't look so hopeful which led Kellin to believe he didn't get what he requested at all.

"You good?" He asked Vic, making him chuckle and shake his head. He put his phone away and ran his fingers through his hair, then crossed his arms.

"I completely forgot we booked a boat ride weeks ago, and it is starting in," he tapped his phone screen to check the time again. "9 minutes."

"What?" Kellin wanted to laugh, but the distress in Vic's voice was real so he held back. It still sounded funny in the way that he wasn't expecting that answer at all. "What do you mean a boat ride?"

Vic turned to him and laughed. At least he found it funny too.

"Jaime knows this guy that owns a yacht and gives rides for a couple of hours and you can go sightseeing and play aquatic sports. It's pretty cool," Vic explained. "We've always wanted to go on it and this time we finally went through with it but now..."

"Everyone's asleep," Kellin finished.

"Yeah," Vic laughed again, but it sounded pained. "I tried to change our schedule but he's got the entire day already booked. And the thing is nonrefundable."

"We have to wake them," Kellin said quickly, already gearing his brain into rush mode. He's dealt with worse with Penny before, and he always managed to make it on time to whatever they were late for. "If we go now we might still make it."

Vic snorted and laughed. "You think they're up for it? They're gonna be sick. I'm just gonna call Dan and tell him to go."

"Come on," Kellin went over to him. "We could at least try and ask."

Vic looked at him like it was a futile mission, but in the end, he agreed. And after checking one last time on Penny, they went upstairs and knocked on every door. And just like Vic predicted, they got insults and pillows tossed at them like some comical scene from one of the cartoons Penny loved, so they supposed they got clear enough answers.

At least it got more than one giggle out of Vic the entire time, at least until they got to his room. His and Matt's. Vic was going to ask his boyfriend if he was up for it. Kellin could only guess his answer already, but for the sake of his friend he hoped for the opposite.

So Kellin waited in the hallway, leaning on the wall next to some painting hanging there, scrolling through his phone mindlessly. It took Vic longer to get out, so much so that Kellin thought Matt took on the offer and was getting ready to go with them on the ride. If that were the case, he was choosing to stay at the house. Maybe they needed the time alone anyway. He'd rather not be a part of that.

But Vic walked out alone, a backpack on his shoulder and a different outfit. If something happened inside, he didn't show it.

"We're not losing that yacht money," he said determinedly and headed for the stairs. He turned to look at Kellin then. "You're coming right?"

Kellin chuckled. "What about Penny?"

"Get her things!"

"Do they allow four-year-olds on yachts?"

"Of course! They've got life vests and we'll be watching her the entire time." Vic said, then reconsidered. "If you allow it. No pressure. And if she wants to. If not, you can stay here. Do you want to go? I don't think I asked–"

"Victor," Kellin laughed, interrupting his rambling. Then he sighed and shrugged, pretending to be thinking it over when he knew the answer already. The second Vic mentioned it, he thought it was a given he would go with him. "I guess it could be fun."

And Vic grinned widely for the first time that day, and suddenly everything around them turned a little bit brighter.

——

Kellin would never admit it, but he was pretty nervous while they headed for the bay area and saw the huge yacht waiting for their arrival. Penny, on the other hand, was as eager as she could get. She didn't even know what a yacht was but she was so excited that the second she saw the big, white boat on the deck she yelled excitedly, making both him and Vic laugh.

It was way too big for the three of them, obviously expecting more people. Vic assured that it was fine by Andrew, the owner, but Kellin could tell he was a little disappointed that the whole crew couldn't make it. The curly-haired man didn't seem to mind that a child was coming along instead though, and Kellin was grateful for that.

Once aboard, they were offered champagne in tall flutes. Kellin accepted one only because Vic didn't look too pleased with the idea, and he looked around in awe at everything surrounding them. The yacht was way more than he expected. Too much.

The aft deck was large enough to hold a spot for dining with ample sectional couches and soft-looking chairs. Kellin could tell just from standing there that the view from that spot was just as stunning. Andrew led them to the salon next, which was spacious and beautifully designed, with a skylight that flooded the interior with warm sunlight. It was also equipped with a large flat-screen TV and more comfortable-looking couches and tables.

"This is crazy," Kellin whispered, mostly to himself, but Vic heard him and laughed along while they continued the tour.

After exploring most of the enormous boat, Andrew suggested checking out the wheelhouse next but only Vic and Penny took on that offer. Kellin decided to pass. Something about being in that enclosed space made him even more nervous, so he headed over to the main deck again, half of his champagne still in his hand while he sat on one of the couches.

From his seat, the shore looked tiny in the distance. If he squinted his eyes enough, he was sure he could see bathers moving around and having fun in the water and the sand. The wind was driving him mad, his hair mostly, but he had to deal. Though he kept thinking he should've brought a hat. At least Penny looked lovely with her hair in braids. Maybe next time he should braid his hair too.

He chuckled to himself and decided to get another champagne sip. Even that tasted expensive. He was trying not to think about how he was here by mere chance, or for free. He made a mental note of offering some kind of pay to Vic's friends for taking their place here or something. They were helping him a lot, as much as he didn't want to acknowledge it.

Being so far away from everything was so peaceful and nice. He felt like he could breathe properly for the first time in years, which was both a pleasant and scary surprise at the same time. Maybe this weekend was all he needed to let go of the things haunting his brain, at least for a little while. He was silently grateful.

Kellin's quiet moment was over once he heard his kid babbling along to a sing-song he hadn't heard before, and he turned to his left to see Vic and her coming back from the end of the tour, holding hands and making up an ocean song together. It was the most adorable sight. Penny, that is. The orange life vest she was wearing was making her walk in chunky steps, but they fell to the rhythm of their song anyway and it made Kellin grin widely.

He had to give it to her. She was so little but she was so brave. It seemed like nothing scared her, not water, not boats, not strangers. And she seemed way too happy to be spending time with her favorite teacher outside of school too. That made him think of a certain comment he heard earlier. It's weird. But it wasn't. At least it didn't feel weird to him.

Should it, though?

"Daddy, Daddy!" Penny exclaimed when she spotted Kellin. "Mr. Dan said I could be a captain one day!"

Kellin laughed and welcomed the child into his arms, making her sit on his leg while she narrated the story. Vic nodded along to everything she said, vouching for Penny to start sailing boats when she got older. It made Kellin laugh even harder.

Andrew joined them not long after, with more champagne but everyone had to decline. He didn't seem surprised.

"It's a shame the entire group couldn't make it," Andrew sighed, but quickly perked up, clapping his hands and getting a look in his eyes. "But we have plenty of couple and single activities to do."

That made Kellin frown and Vic cheer up.

"So we've got snorkeling and kayaking or canoeing and waterskiing and stand-up paddle boarding," Dan counted the sports with his fingers. Kellin guessed the group activities made up to 10. "If you're up for any of them just let me know. Otherwise, enjoy your stay and the view and the drinks. Brunch will be served in an hour."

And that was his cue to leave them alone.

"So..." Vic said and Kellin looked at him, already expecting the worst. "Up for any aquatic sports?"

His answer was easy. "Absolutely not."

"Come on," Vic pushed. "Not even kayaking?"

Kellin shook his head.

"Can you swim?"

"I mean, I wouldn't drown."

"Waterskiing then," he tried.

Kellin hummed softly. "I don't think so."

"Kellin," Vic whined. "Can Penny come then?"

"She's four!" Kellin laughed.

"I want to swim with sharks, Daddy!" Penny meddled in.

"I don't think you'd like that, baby." Kellin twirled her braids.

Vic was still smiling though. "Are you sure you wouldn't want to?"

"I'm sure," Kellin squinted up and smiled truthfully. "I'd rather stay here. I could take pictures of you if you go, though."

Vic laughed loudly and nodded his head. "Okay, yeah. That's a deal then. But no laughing if I fall on my face."

And they spent their time like that.

Vic tried waterskiing first. Kellin had a hard time keeping that last request, he had a good laugh whenever Vic splashed into the water after losing his balance on the board. It had seemed like an easy enough sport but it turned out to be way more stressful. It was a bit ironic how Vic kept tumbling underwater when he seemed to have strong enough arms. Guess that didn't have anything to do with coordination.

Penny was also giggling around watching Vic and cheered for him once he got the hang of it and skied for a couple of minutes. Kellin got everything on video and pictures just like he promised while Vic looked triumphant, but that was over the second he raised his hand to the sky in victory. He slipped and fell again.

When the time was up, Vic came back to the deck dripping but smiling, pleased with himself despite everything. He dried himself with a towel and said that was the most fun he had ever had. Kellin was amused, but not at all surprised.

"Mr. Vic you fell like, a million times!" Penny teased with another giggle.

"Well Penny you know what they say," he grinned as he put the towel over his shoulders. "No matter how many times you fall, you always get back up."

After that, they headed back inside to the salon where they were offered brunch and more drinks. Penny begged to get the TV on and they played an episode of Paw Patrol for her. She was so happy while she munched on fruit and biscuits and that alone made Kellin happy too. And he was grateful for the momentary shade.

He thought Vic would be up for more sports but he sat on the corner sofa looking out to the ocean, eating, and finally accepting a mimosa. Kellin supposed he was tired already and it got him thinking of how he didn't get a good sleep last night. After the sun and the water, he must be exhausted. And that nagging thought came back to him. He hadn't processed it yet, what he heard earlier. He still didn't want to. But with the solemn look Vic had on his face, he could only guess what was on his mind. He knew it was in his.

So Kellin left Penny watching her cartoons and scooted closer to where Vic was sitting. He even grabbed a mimosa for himself, only to have something in his hands.

When Vic noticed him, he offered a small smile. "Hey."

"Hi," Kellin said. "What are you doing?"

Vic shifted so he could look at him better. "Just thinking. I can still watch the ocean from here. The sky."

"I do that too," Kellin said. "Think with the sky."

"Does it ever help?" Vic asked with a small smile.

Kellin shrugged, "It's just talking to yourself."

"Right."

And Kellin wanted to ask what he was thinking about, what was bothering him, but Vic seemed to have other plans in mind because he asked, "Hey, did you ever talk to your boss about your thing at work?"

Kellin gaped at him. That was the furthest thing on his mind, and he could feel his face scrunching up before letting out a chuckle. "You want to talk about work while we're on a literal yacht?"

Vic laughed too, but Kellin could tell what he was doing so he took the bait.

"I... haven't had the chance yet..." he said truthfully, then sighed at the look Vic was giving him. "I know, I know. To be fair, I think it's already forgotten."

"Are you sure?" Vic asked with slight concern in his voice.

Not at all.

It ate him up every single second he sat at his desk, every time Phoebe got a call, every time John dropped by her office, every time Louisa walked by. But he was burying it, procrastinating that conversation until he absolutely couldn't anymore. He didn't want to face it yet. Deep down he knew he already let way too many days go by.

"I'll be fine," he shrugged.

"You say that a lot, don't you?" Vic said and honestly, who gave Vic the right to know him so well now?

He was about to joke about something else when Vic's phone dinged a couple of times with what Kellin could only guess were text notifications. Vic quickly grabbed the device from his other side and smirked at the screen.

"Ah, they live."

"Your friends woke up?" Kellin asked.

"They did. Look," Vic showed him what he got sent on his phone.

In it, there was a picture of Jaime grinning and holding a plate with the breakfast food they made earlier, Tay by his side pointing to the plate, her mouth open in mock surprise. It made Kellin laugh.

"It must feel like Christmas morning to them," Vic joked, and just as he was taking back the phone, a new notification popped up. Or make that several.

Kellin caught a glimpse of the heart emoji in the contact name and he could already feel the mood shifting. Vic started typing frantically then too, the ghost of his smile already dissipating, frowning, quickly replying to whatever Matt sent.

"...Everything okay?" Kellin asked after a couple of seconds.

Vic snapped out of it and dropped his phone back to his lap, still holding it. "Yeah...I'm sure it will be."

Kellin nodded. "Does he hate me more now?"

"He doesn't hate you," Vic turned his head to look at him seriously. Kellin was only kidding but Vic's reaction made him think he meant it.

Kellin sat facing forward again, looking up at the skylight. It was pretty. "It's fine Vic. I don't mind."

"What he said, he was just hungover," Vic tried again.

"I didn't hear anything," he said calmly, hoping Vic would understand what he was trying to do. Pretend it didn't happen. It was kind of half-working for him.

Vic only stared at his black screen. And Kellin didn't know what to do either.

"Do you... want to talk about it?"

Chuckling, Vic covered his face with his hands. "You don't need to hear about my relationship stress."

That was a term he'd never heard before. It didn't exactly add up to him, how a relationship added to someone's stress. Shouldn't it be the complete opposite?

"I mean, if it helps," Kellin prompted.

But in all honesty, he wanted Vic to drop the subject. He didn't want to hear anything Vic had to say about his boyfriend, he didn't, but he wanted to be there for Vic for once. Just like he'd been there for him all those times before. He could listen to Vic talk about Matt for a few minutes, of course he could.

Vic sighed and repositioned his body so he was sitting cross-legged facing him. He kept looking at the skylight.

"Would you be pissed over that?" He asked, and Kellin could only guess he meant the incident from earlier. So they were doing that now, talking about it. "Like, I had to sleep somewhere. I don't get his reasoning."

Kellin had no idea what to answer exactly, he wanted to say that he wouldn't know, he would never be in that situation but he didn't need to go there. So he tried to put himself in his shoes. Or Matt's. It felt strange.

"...Not pissed, really. Maybe worried," he said truthfully. "What if something happened while he was out of it and all? I'd feel guilty."

"But nothing happened," Vic said. "Nothing was going to happen. I just started working on autopilot and my feet led me to the couch and I passed out. It wasn't that bad."

Right. Right, right, right. Kellin had already buried that information about Vic, that he liked to do that stuff. That he was under the influence last night just like Matt.

"I don't do drugs Kellin, I know that's what you're thinking," How? "It was a stupid joint Matt brought. I shouldn't have done it."

"No yeah sure, you don't owe me any explanations."

"I don't even enjoy it. Well. Only sometimes but please don't think differently of me now."

Kellin shook his head, "Vic, I don't. It's your life."

"I'm really sorry."

"We should ban those words from our conversations," Kellin teased and at that, Vic finally laughed but it was mixed with a groan as he covered his face with his hands.

"Why do I feel like I'm the one who messed up?"

Kellin looked at him and smiled, even though he couldn't see it. "Because you have a big heart, Victor. But you're not the one who messed up."

"Maybe I should've tried harder."

"Maybe he should've waited for you to go to sleep."

Vic sighed. "I'm such an idiot."

"No, you're not," Kellin said quickly.

"My friends sure think I am," he murmured, now crossing his arms over his chest.

It took Kellin off guard, and it also made him a bit sad to hear the tired tone in his voice, like he was used to thinking about his friends not approving of his relationship.

"They must have said something already, right?" He chuckled, humorless. "About us."

"Not really...." Kellin tried lying. It didn't work because Vic saw right through him. "Okay, maybe. But I don't think it's my place to say."

"You'd have a better insight," Vic said simply.

Well, Kellin didn't. He didn't want to have an opinion, even though he already did.

"Do you agree with what they say?"

Yes.

"I don't think I know him enough to say that."

"But you know me," Vic said and Kellin didn't know how that was possible but it was. He didn't say anything right away so Vic continued. "I know we fight sometimes, but that's... normal. Relationships are work. We have our issues but we solve them. We put in the effort. Show up. They don't understand that."

And there he went making up more explanations he didn't need to make.

Kellin's gaze found its way back to Vic's as he rambled on. And he didn't like the way his eyes looked like while he talked about all this. It was a weird feeling. He was full of weird feelings lately. He couldn't help wondering if making all those more than reasonable justifications was Vic's way of coping with all of his 'relationship stress'.

"They've never had a long-term relationship either so I don't expect them to, but it's not fair. I'm happy. They should be happy for me."

Kellin would never pin happiness looking like he did right now. If anything he was the furthest thing from it. And he didn't like it. He should say something, shouldn't he? This entire situation with Matt annoyed him. He had to admit, after witnessing quite the moments between the two, he kind of agreed with Jaime and Tony. Vic deserved so much better. But he wouldn't get into that because it was none of his business. And he'd never say that to Vic out loud. It would be worse for his friend. So he cleared his throat and wished for something coherent to come out of his mouth.

"You know how they say that if it's love it'll find a way?" Kellin started, instantly regretting how lame it sounded, but he had Vic's full attention now so he carried on. "Maybe this is a rocky patch but you'll get through it. You choose each other every day. That counts a lot. And if you talk things through then everything will become easier. Patience is also a good thing. I believe you know what you're doing, Victor. You shouldn't care about what anyone says about you two. Even if it's your friends. It's your relationship, not theirs."

The worst part was how he wholeheartedly believed that. Vic seemed to be in love with the guy, even when the guy was a fool and probably didn't even realize how lucky he was. Vic seemed willing to fight for his relationship and make it last. He supposed he would do the same if it was up to him.

"Maybe you guys need some sort of retreat too, like only the two of you, to see where your relationship is at. Light up the spark or whatever. You could plan something you both enjoy and... yeah. I'm not the best at this." He chuckled lastly, feeling extremely awkward but hoping it was one-sided. He didn't expect to say anything that he said.

Vic finally smiled once he finished, that previous nervousness in his eyes gone. Now he looked amused and like he wanted to tease Kellin for what he said. Honestly, he deserved it. Not even he knew where that came from. He didn't want to help Vic and his shitty boyfriend. But it was all out there now. Nothing he could do about it.

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk this much," Vic grinned, teasing but looking grateful at the same time.

"Liar. And don't get used to it," he rolled his eyes.

Vic kept up his grin. "Thank you. Truly."

"Sure..."

"I didn't take you for such a romantic, Kellin."

And Kellin snorted and looked away, his face unintentionally growing warmer. "I'm not, really. I'm just telling you how I see it."

Vic hummed, "Something tells me otherwise."

"Whatever. That's not the point of this, Victor."

Vic chuckled. "No yeah, I hear you. You're right. We should plan something..."

Kellin could only nod.

"Thank you. Again. You were right, it did make me feel better."

Kellin glanced back once more and found Vic never looked away. And a few seconds dragged on while they gazed at each other, while something lifted off from the atmosphere around them. Or the contrary.

"That's what friends are for," he shrugged.

Then Vic finally cracked one of his signature grins, one of the real ones, making Kellin look down to the untouched mimosa still in his hands. He didn't even remember he had it.

"You're so sunburnt," Vic said next with a laugh.

But Kellin knew better. He knew damn well his cheeks weren't burning because of a sunburn.

He downed the drink in two sips.

——

Something shifted when they returned to the house, something changed when Matt attached himself to Vic from the second they saw each other again and stayed that way for the remainder of the day.

Everyone was gathered around the dining table when they showed back up, and they all cheered and clapped ironically at their arrival. Penny was the one who enjoyed that the most. But Matt stood up faster than he could blink and sprinted in Vic's direction to crush him into a hug. Kellin didn't know what face he made, but he couldn't help it at the moment.

The guy was whispering things in Vic's ear, holding him tightly. Apologizing? But all of a sudden his gray-blue eyes focused on Kellin. He wasn't sure what kind of look he gave back. But Vic was laughing and hugging him too, clearly accepting whatever it was Matt said to him. Putting in the effort.

He ignored it and headed over to his sister though, not minding one bit about the couple. He was probably only imagining things anyway and Matt wasn't looking at him.

And while Penny told the guys about how much fun they had on the yacht, Kellin noticed how the couple disappeared again. Hand in hand and Vic leading the way. Maybe his advice wasn't taken lightly and he was going through with it. Kellin didn't know what to make of it. He was glad for them, of course. Glad he could help.

The rest of the evening went by rather quickly too. They didn't have any more extravagant plans after that so they chilled out on the beach for the most part, until it was time to head back home.

And either way, Kellin tried to make the most of it with Penny and Tay, knowing they would probably not come back in a while. He told his sister about everything they were up to in the yacht, mostly everything. And all the while she complained about missing it, but at least the green smoothie had seemed to work wonders on her because she was back functioning like a human being again.

And despite it all, it was nice to spend the rest of the short trip with her too. It was still the best weekend he had in a long time and nothing could take that away from him. Not even the way things changed forever after it.

☼

(a/n):
I like the way my only note for this chapter was "title: open. For like being in open water but also opening up with each other more WOW" and like yea I was completely right wasn't I :-)

ALSO HI! I knew I would jinx the weekly updates but I always knew I wouldn't be able to update on my birthday lmao but it's been a great couple of weeks ya know and I'm still excited to continue writing this story little by little 🖤

Our boy Kells goes back to reality in the next one so that can be interesting 👀

Thank you so much for reading and commenting and voting if you do!! Take care lovelies.