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I give myself all the pain

Thinking that i deserve it

I'm not sure why I do that

But that's just how I am

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'Why would Jeno do that. Why would he? What's the reason?' Jaemins thoughts were side tracked as his 'girlfriend' was talking to him.

Jaemin thought back to when he back-hugged the other boy. He missed him already and it hasn't even been a whole day. He felt like something was off, but couldn't pin point what. Now he's here, at his 'girlfriends' place because she dragged him here. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be with Jeno, to ask him so many questions.

'Why did you do it? What was the reason? We're you jealous? Do you like me? Do you love me?' Jaemins thoughts trailed off.

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of a high pitch voice in his ear.

"Jaemin! Are you listening?!" She yelled.

"Yea yea..I'm listening." Jaemin said annoyed.

"Doesn't seem like it." She bragged on.

"Well I am." He replied sternly, lifting an eyebrow.

She then smirked at him, and moved closer. Jaemin felt very uncomfortable as she put her hand on his thigh.

"I like it when your angry Jaeminie~ your so hot." She purred. Jaemin made a disgusted face and sorta backed away. He grabbed the water cup on the table and started drinking some. He needed to avoid this situation at all cost.

"Tell me Jaemin, are you a virgin?"

Jaemin choked on his water and spat it everywhere, he heard her yelp and back away.

"Jaemin! What are you doing?!" She shrieked.

I thought back to what she said and avoided her question as she ran to the kitchen to grab a towel, making angry noises on the way.

"Are you a virgin?"

'Well hell yes I am. What did you think?! She probably isn't, she's probably done it with tons of guys. She disgusts me. I would never do it at this young of age and regret it. I'm not that immature.' Jaemin thought to himself in disgust.

She came back in and started wiping him with a towel, even though it wasn't even him that got wet. He spat on the floor not himself.

"Jaemin, take your shirt off, it's damp." She said casually.

"No thanks, I'll just go buy some new clothes." Jaemin said and quickly got up and walked past her.

Closing the door to the house he heard yelling from inside, such a brat.

Jaemin sighed and walked away from her filthy rich home. He missed Jeno's cozy and small apartment. His sweet smell and soft smile. He missed him in general.

Jaemin looked up to the sky, it looked like it was about to rain. It was still morning; but after that incident last night, it felt like a nightmare.

"Jeno, what happened?"

Jeno lay there, still, on the cold hard carpet. Unable to move at all. His eyes hurt and felt droopy, he would go back to sleep again, but he cant. He cant accept the fact that he lost to Kasedy so easily.

"I'm so weak." Jeno whispered and coughed a sob. Few tears ran down his cheeks, as he had no more to shed. All was broken last night.

'Jaemin left. Jaemin doesn't love you. Jaemin left you. Jaemin doesn't love you.' Jeno repeated in his mind.

Those two sentences took over his mind, and felt a sob coming up again, but no tears came. He's wasted them all.

"You are just a big stupid idiot. Your fat and ugly and nobody wants you. Everyone you meet and love leaves you. Everyone you break your walls down too breaks you instead. This is your fault." Jeno kept whispering to himself.

"Now Jaemins gone and thinks that you attempted murder. He didn't love you. He never needed you. He never loved you nor will he ever. He doesn't need you. He's gone, and in love with someone else." Jeno's voice cracks on the last sentence.

This time fresh hot tears came and covered his whole face. They burned his eyes and cried even more. He was so broken and Jaemin wasn't here to help him, nobody was, he was alone. All alone.

Then he heard a knock on the door.

Jeno didn't get up, he didn't have the energy too. He knew who it was, but his body refused to get up. He gave up and just laid there, not doing anything.

Another knock.

Then he heard keys. He was coming in, and Jeno's body still refused to move. His tears stopped but they were still fresh on his already stained cheeks.

The door slowly opened and Jeno didn't even try to look up since he knew who it was.

"I knew it was you, come on." An old grumpy voice said, but he made it sound as soft as possible. It was his landlord.

Jeno heard the door close and heard him walking over to him. He stopped where he was laying and crouched down with a grunt.

"Who was it this time kid." He asked softly, knowing he wouldn't get an answer back.

He held out a big hand, and Jeno looked at it for a moment with dull eyes. He slowly took it anyway and he held his hand gracefully as he slowly helped the boy up. Jeno wiped away his tears as the old man handed him a tissue and told him to sit down.

Jeno and the landlord are quite close. He's been there for Jeno whenever he moved in, trying to get away from my father. He cuts down my payment because he knows how sucky Jeno's job is, and somehow always knows when the boy feel down. He knows what Jeno's gone through and he doesn't try to help him get through it, but he gives him company and someone to talk too. In return, Jeno tells him some of his problems. He doesn't feel pressured nor uncomfortable with him. He's like a father Jeno never had.

As Jeno was sitting, he tried to clear my mind. He tried to calm down so he doesn't burst into tears infront of him, even though he already looked like a emotional mess.

He just sat there, silently thinking whenever he smelt something. Someone was cooking. Jeno waited to see what he would bring back and he brought back some ramen. Jeno watched him sit it infront of the boy and sit down on the other couch. He then watched him turn on the small tv Jeno had and turn on a movie. That movie was "IT".

He always told Jeno that a scary movie would scare his thoughts away, but he's pretty sure he just likes to watch scary movies and watch people get scared.

As we watched Jeno slowly forgot about what was happening. He just focused on the movie, not Jaemin, not his thoughts, not even the outside world he wanted to escape from for so long. Every time a jump scare came on Jeno would choke on some ramen and the old man would laugh at him. Jeno felt pretty good, and free from thoughts for awhile. He decided to relax and just forget everything right now and worry later.

"Always live the moment before it's too late", that's what his mother always said to him when he was younger.

He miss her, and to this day he thinks about her. How she's doing up there. He hopes she's happy, and healthy. He hopes she's not disappointed in him, for all the things that I've done and will do. He just wishes she was here, to tell me what's right from wrong, to hug me when these type of things happen, to tell me that "everything will be okay." However, she's not, and that's what hurts the most.

The movie finally was over and Jeno's ramen was long gone. He felt good now, he felt like he could share now. Jeno looked over at the old man in the chair to find him looking at him, with that sweet look that screamed "spill the tea."

So he did, and he didn't think he was ready.

"I loved him. I loved him so much and it hurt! He didn't love me back at all! A girl asked him out and he said yes without a single hesitation! He didn't one second think about me and it hurt me so much! I hate him after what he did because he broke my walls- no I hate myself! For what I did! I broke my walls down for him and he didn't notice at all! He didn't care!" Jeno bursted out crying again and shoved his head in his knees. "I gave him my all- hoping that he would see through me! But he didn't! And that stupid girl! That stupid girl! She made me go into a act and made it seem like I was the one who pulled the knife out on her but it was her doing! She did it! She made me and she took Jaemin from me!" Jeno sniffed and coughed alittle. "Ever since she left it seems like people have been leaving me! All the time. Everybody leaves me at one point..it's like nobody wants me..it's like the world has turned its whole back to me and is now rejecting me! I hate it! And it hurts so bad.." Jeno started to shake and just cry. "It hurts." He whispered in pain.

Jeno heard a shuffle, and felt arms develop around him in a hug. Jeno returned that hug and cried on the old mans shoulder. He let it all out. After awhile, his tears stopped and Jeno caught his breath. He pulled away from him and looked down.

"Sorry..." Jeno apologized as he wiped his face.

He didnt say anything for awhile, this means that he's thinking.

"Young love." He simply said and leaned his head back on the couch. Jeno looked over at him confused.

"W-what?..." Jeno asks slowly.

"Your lost." He gave a small breathy laugh, then he looked at me. "Your confused. Very confused. You don't know what right from wrong yet, because no ones here to tell you. So you take on other people. And that's what gets you through life. You need someone. And he's your key out." He said and leaned back again.

"W-what are you saying?" Jeno was confused.

Then he got close and looked him right in the eye.

"Your in love for a reason Jeno. Your in love for a purpose, and everything happens for that purpose. You will go through hardships and battles, and so far Jeno, you have defeated them all; even though it doesn't seem like it, you have. And up until now, your still fighting. Fighting for that purpose." He slowly stood up and Jeno watched him with big eyes.

"And let me tell you boy, that purpose is near its destination." He stated as he walked away, out of Jeno's apartment room and closed the door.

Leaving him with the thoughts again, but not bad ones, nor not good ones either. Rather confused ones.

'Purpose? Destination? What is he saying?' Jeno wondered.

He thought about it all day, and all day he was confused, and still a mess. Jeno didn't understand, he didn't understand at all.

But little was he too know, that he didn't have too.