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Guilt is the worst demon to bear

It strangles you

From inside your body

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Jenos Phone

Jaemin

Where are you
Sent

Please answer
Sent

I need to see you
Sent

I'm sorry
Sent

I'm so sorry you were right and I was wrong but please don't do anything stupid, let me help.
Sent

I miss u.
Sent

Jeno please :(
Sent

Answer meeee pleassseee :(((
Sent

-

Jenos phone buzzed nonstop with text messages from Jaemin, and he didn't bother trying to reply. What would he say anyway?

"Oh it's fine Jaemin, you just punched me and left with your girlfriend, oh and did I mention that I helped you through everything and let you live with me even though I know you don't love me. It's fine because I love you." No, that would be stupid, he would sound desperate.

Maybe he was desperate. Jeno curled himself in a ball, and let his dull eyes land on his phone which was blowing up with text.

Desperate for a someone to love, to lean on. Someone who would love him for who he is and not who others see him as. He just wish that someone was Jaemin, but it's not, and it hurts to know that. That Jeno loved him, and it was all one sided. He was always the one who loved more.

He dug his head in his already damp pillow, and cried as he watched Jaemins text messages fly by on his cracked phone. He watched as the other said so many 'I'm sorrys' and 'please tell me where you are.' He didn't know what to do. So he just cried, and cried until his phone stopped with the text. It now was replaced with calls, from Jaemin.

Jeno wanted to answer and tell Jaemin he missed him too, and tell him that he loved him. However, he just couldn't, something was holding him back, and he knew just what it was. It was his demons, yelling in his head, saying the same things over and over. 'Your not enough' 'give up' 'you don't deserve him or happiness' 'you should die.'

The last sentence got him every time. Maybe he should, maybe he should just die. Maybe he should leave this world and let Jaemin be happy with someone that's not him. He never made Jaemin happy, hell he's never even gotten close to Jaemin. At that moment all he knew about Jaemin was that his parents kicked him out, you know, he don't even know if he was gay or not. He probably isn't, he probably thinks homosexuality is gross.

Jeno thought back to that time in his kitchen, when Jaemin back hugged him. His cheeks instantly felt hot and they furiously turned red. He can remember his breath on his ear, when his hands wrapped around his waist, he remembered feeling safe in his arms. Jeno pushed his knees to his chest and dug his face in his pillow. He didn't notice it but was smiling, smiling at that memory. Then he realized it. He couldn't live without Jaemin, he couldn't be without Jaemin.

Jaemin made him happy.

Then the demons invaded, they filled his mind with pointless and useless thoughts. Jeno sat up as he instantly got a migraine and his head hurt like hell. He quickly tried to get back to that memory but it was being blown away like dust. He closed his eyes and saw an image of Jaemin, holding out his hand for him to take, but instead he was being dragged into darkness and in a never ending hallway. Jeno tried to reach out, and yelled for him but no sound came out. He screamed for him to not leave me, and begged. He ran as fast he could and got close enough as he held out his hand for his, but right when Jaemin took his hand he grabbed Jeno and pushed him. The scenery changed, and Jeno was falling. Endlessly falling, and Jaemin was looking down upon me, doing nothing but watch. Then pitch black, nothing but a sentence and an action in my mind.

The action. The very thought he has tried to avoid all these years.

He looked at my wall, as a old crooked clock ticked. Number after number it pointed at, counting down the time the world had left until another day.

Or the time that he had left.

He kept looking, Jaemin kept looking even though he didn't know where he was going. He was looking with no path to follow, and no one to help him. He looked and looked but found nothing. He then saw a club, and at that moment it started sprinkling. He was quick to jog inside and entered a little wet. The inside was filled with drunk and high people, grinding on each other and just plain partying. He was disgusted at it all, but continued to walk over to the bar.

He sat at the bar and ordered a shot. He was underage but who cares, who was gonna stop him. Jaemin needed to think, and look for Jeno, but at this point he felt like giving up. He felt overwhelmed with the word and feeling 'guilt.'

Jaemin felt a nudge on his elbow and looked over to see an old man with white hair and a bandana pushing it back. He looked like a motorcyclist, and had a heavy leather jacket on.

"You looked drained kid, how old are you?" His voice was husky as he spoke, and Jaemin could smell the smoke from a cigarette stench.

"I'm 17..." Jaemin said slowly. He shouldn't be talking and telling personal information, but right now he could care less.

"Damn, to be that young again." He said while taking a drink out of his beer bottle.
"So, tell the old man what's wrong."

Jaemin hesitated, but then shrugged. It didn't matter anyway, what's he gonna do about it. He can't help Jaemin.

"I'm looking for someone, but I don't know where they're located and I feel something bad is gonna happen if I don't get there. I'm scared." Jaemin whispered the last sentence in worry.

"Who ya lookin for." He asked as he took another swig from his beer.

"I'm looking for a kid that goes by the name Lee Jeno-" Jaemin started.

Then he started coughing on his beer. Jaemin sorta scooted away as he spat it everywhere. He was confused on the sudden action, but what made me confused even more is that he looked up to me meet my eyes.

"Lee Jeno?" The old man questioned.

"Umm..yes?.." Jaemin said in uncertainty.

Then he got a wave of hope and stood up.

"Do you know where I can find him?!" Jaemin asked, getting some people to look at us, but he didn't care. This could be his key to finding Jeno.

"Yes, but promise me you won't tell the boss- I mean his grandfather that I told you. Just don't mention me at all you got that?!" He said sternly. Jaemin instantly nodded.

"Ok, you can find him on ****** to the north, but be careful, it's bad out there." He said, and at that moment a big lighting strike hit and the power of the club lights when out. Girls started screaming and running around, bumping into each other.

Jaemin was shoved a little, and couldn't see as everyone was running around. Quickly, he saw the exit and ran towards there, ignoring the people he pushed over or bumped into.

The only thing that mattered was Jeno, he knew where Jeno was. He had a bad feeling heading that way, not about what the environment looked like, but about Jeno.

'Please don't do anything stupid Jeno. I'm coming.'