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I am never

not

thinking of you

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Jaemin woke up the next morning alone. The place beside him in the bed was missing someone, and that someone was Jeno. Jaemin disliked the fact that he woke up not next to Jeno, and he remembered what happened last night. He instantly turned red and covered his face with the covers of the bed.

'We slept, together, cuddling.' Jaemin inner fangirled.

He then shook his fuzzy thoughts away as he walked to the bathroom.

But once he got there, he saw the door closed. He heard little noises from the inside. He leaned closer and he realized the sounds sounded like someone was crying. Jaemin instantly lifted a hand and knocked on the door.

"Jeno? Jeno you in there?" He raised his hoarse voice so that the other person on the other side of the door could hear him. He didn't know if Jeno was actually crying or not, but if he was he wanted to be there for him. For whatever reason he felt an urge to be next to him.

No response came back for a long time but then he heard shuffling, and then more shuffling. Then he heard drawers being shut, he thought of the locked drawers last night. He heard some whispering in there too, like Jeno was talking to himself.

'What is he doing?' He thought.

He got worried and decided to check again. He tried to open the door but it was locked. He panicked.

"Jeno? Jeno-"

All the sudden he heard a click and the door had been swung open. There stood Jeno, with some puffy eyes a big hoodie on, and his hair was pretty much a bed head mess. He got sad at the sight, and felt a pang in his heart when Jeno looked up at him. His eyes were full of sadness, and he looked so drained. But then came the worst slash best part, Jeno smiled up at him. Jaemin gave the most confused face ever.

'How could someone smile right after they've been crying in the bathroom, all alone?!' He thought.

"Jeno are you ok?" He quickly asked, ignoring the fake smile that Jeno has put on.

"Yea, I'm fine Jaemin..just alittle..sick that's all." He lied, but luckily Jaemin saw right through him and shook his head alittle.

"No your not ok, I heard you crying Jeno-" Jaemin tried.

"Well then you must've heard wrong, my wrist started hurting so it was hard to- um- turn on the shower. I make small noises when I'm in pain." He lied again.

"Your wrist? Let me see, what happened?" He reached out to grab Jeno's wrist but Jeno quickly hid his wrist behind him. To hide the real truth of what was happening behind that door.

"No no its fine Jaemin, really just a little cramp that's all." Jeno panicked, stepping back.

"Jeno if your wrist hurts that much then it must not be okay, stop lying to me I'm trying to help you-" Jaemin stepped forward, coming closer to the other.

"Jaemin really it's fine-" Jeno pleaded.

"Jeno it's not ok!-" Jaemin raised his voice, now towering over the other.

"Jaemin-"

In the middle of their argument, the door was given two knocks. They both stopped yelling and looked towards the door. Jeno gave a sigh in relief as he walked towards it, a curious and worried Jaemin following behind.

Jeno opened the door to reveal a man holding two bags. He was pretty old and had a big hat on that said "Break-Fast Delivery". He gave a small smile.

"Are you Lee Jeno?" He asked in a polite tone.

"Yes I am thank you." He said as the man handed over the bags he took them and closed the door. He went straight past Jaemin into the living room, and sat the bags on the small coffee table. He then sat down and looked up at the other.

"Hungry?" He smiled up at Jaemin as he asked. Jaemin gave a small nod and sat down beside him as he laid out two bowls full of eggs and fruits and small pieces of nuts. Jaemin smiled at how simple it was, and noticed his was bigger than Jeno's.

"Why is mine bigger?" Jaemin asked.

Jeno looked over at the boy as he gave the eye smile again and gave a giggle.

"Because you probably have more of an appetite than I do, and plus, I'm not that hungry in the mornings.." Jeno explained.

Jaemin gave a understanding nod, because it was true. Jaemin doesn't usually eat in the mornings but does have a big appetite. He was also bigger than Jeno by the looks of it, more fit in that case.

Thinking for a moment, he let go what happened not a moment ago. He would asks Jeno about it soon, but in that time he hoped the other would open up.

He picked up a fork and started eating, but not after he let Jeno take the first bite.

Jaemin and Jeno decided to go on a walk, it was the weekend after all, and schools almost out. Jaemin planned to spend the summer somewhere not here, away from his "girlfriend" who texted him nonstop, away from his parents and away from all responsibilities. However, Jaemin wanted to have one person by his side, and that person was Jeno. He want him to come along, so that they can run away together, leave this horrible world and society. Jaemin wanted to be there for him when he's sad, and make him happy always. He wanted be there for him now and forever. Jaemin just wanted him. He wanted to see him happy.

Because he makes Jaemin happy.

On the the walk Jaemins girlfriend texted him that she wants to see him. Jeno must've seen Jaemins face change to calm to smile, and not a smile of happiness, a smile of stupidity.

'Does she really think I like her? Does she really think I wanna see her that badly? What an idiot.' Jaemin thought.

Jeno looked over his phone and made a face, but then he smiled and looked at me. He then said the unexpected.

"Tell her to come over!"

Jeno couldn't believe he just said that, he didn't want Jaemin to leave though, he wanted him to stay. Right when Jeno realized Jaemin was smiling at his girlfriends text, his heart squelched in pain. He felt jealousy, but mostly felt hurt. Jeno didn't even know why though. Jaemin deserves to be happy with someone he loves, someone that makes him happy. He deserves someone who has a future.

Jeno put on a weak smile and the other boy looked at him with concern.

"Are you sure?.." he asks gently.

"Yes Jaemin, or you could go to her house and stay.." Jeno lies to himself with every word.

'Please stay.' Jeno pleads in his mind.

"No no its fine she can come here, plus I've already asked if I could stay at your place until I get out of school so..no turning back now.." he reminds with a nervous smile, but the truth was that he didn't want anything to do with her.

"Ok! Well we should head back..you should send her my address." Jeno replies and he texted it to her on our way back. Jeno felt so much pain in his heart right now, not the pain he usually feels but literal psychical pain. It hurt so much, and yet he didn't show it.

He does love Jaemin. Jeno figured that out a long time ago when they first met, he just never thought about it. Jeno always pushed it aside because he knew it be useless to show. Jaemin doesn't love him, he's accepted that. What he can't accept is this non ending pain, and his girlfriend, and seeing him happy with someone that's not him. It pains him, it really does.

Jeno was suppose to make him happy.

Not her.