I postpone my bikini hunt and return home first, leaving the other two at the store. I search for the site, and click on the link. When the page loads, the words '404 page not found' stare at me.

I spend the bus ride home trying to access the website but give up. I return to sleeved tops and trousers for the remainder of the week to hide the fat in my arms and thighs. Desperation is a boulder tied around my waist and pulling me to the bottom of the sea where hope cannot reside.

When I wake up on beach day, I feel almost weightless. I try on the bikini I bought online and thankfully it fits perfectly - the result of my water diet. I grin at my model sculpt, no fat left to swing in the air and embarrass me.

I meet with Anise and Joe, concern bounces between their eyes. "Just say it," I push for them to voice whatever it is they're hiding in their mind.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Anise starts.

"You haven't been eating properly, and I mean at all," Joe adds.

Their concern is wasted on me, I have a decade's supply of joy held within me. When I was eating all I felt was misery with every bite, but I don't need food. They want me to stay fat so they can be the prettier ones. I exile that thought from my mind immediately, it's a vile seed of mistrust, if allowed to remain, its roots will spread deep and break the bond I have with Joe and Anise.

My cheeks reach the sky in a grand genuine smile, "I'm great, actually I'm ecstatic, I haven't been to the beach in such a long time." I'll finally be able to do the things I've been too afraid to do; sunbathe, swim, volleyball, talk to boys, have fun.

My feet finally touch the small grains of sand, they embrace my toes, pulling me in; luckily I find my balance, and with each step comes a cold surface to walk on - I love it. Joe and Anise walk on either side of me, holding my arms, I don't know why they insisted on escorting me to the sea; but the glowing, sun's light shines on the shadows in my mind and expels any thoughts not related to the beach.

The wave hits my legs, rising higher as I tread deeper; a chilling, lengthy, breeze scatters the salty scent around. I hold myself for warmth- it's colder than I expected.

Joe holds my hands while I kick the water like a toddler, ten years of escaped swimming lessons will have to be squished into a few hours.

I was right, gods and goddesses go to the beach, the people around me sculpted by Aphrodite. I catch a group of guys flashing six packs attempt to get the numbers of the group of girls, only to be rejected. It's like I've been flown to another planet.

"So hot." Anise licks her lips. I assumed she meant the whether until I notice her gaze is directed at the guys who were turned down.

"Guys like that are vain." Joe comments while pulling me along the water.

"You can't know until you get to know them," I look up at her, keeping my mouth away from the saltiness below me.

"Point made, but with those guys, I can just tell." Joe defends her comment.

I seize the sight of a woman sunbathing in a bikini, her weight not far from how I was - how can she relax like that? Isn't she embarrassed?

After thirty minutes of aided swimming, I'm ready to leave the large body of water sapping away the oils in my skin like a vampire. I plod towards the shore when a wave forces its way through, I stumble.

"Help me!" I scream desperately, my voice slightly washed away by the water, "help..!!" I can't stand. Like a plastic bag drifting without a will of its own, I'm carried away by the waves. Abandoned by my limbs and nerves, I can't move - weightless. My tears wash away every time my face is submerged.

Joe and Anise hurry towards me, my arms wrapped in theirs, they pull me out of the water and lay me on the sand. I can feel it, the prying eyes of onlookers humoured by my embarrassment; however, this time my weight isn't to blame, they can't say its because I'm fat.

I cough out the salty water lurking in my throat and blocking the passage of air. A sting in my eyes when I cry.

"What's wrong? why aren't you getting up?" Joe inquires on the verge of tears.

I cough out an answer, "I can't move." Specifically, I can't tell if I am moving, as if I have no limbs, like a piece of paper without weight.

Anise explains the situation to the lifeguard, eventually, an ambulance arrives to transport me to a hospital where I remain for a few days. As time continues with its business, I become less like a part of the world.

My false assumption was that I was living a nightmare.

On my parent's thirteenth visit, I lay like a corpse on the bed as always, tubes by my side and the repetitive beeps of a heart monitor. I stare at my sister when she asks, "where is she?" I try to part my lips to speak, I've been trying for hours now.

"I'll ask the doctor." My mum responds.

Their eyes search the room franticly in search of me.

I'm right here.

I shout out mentally, praying that they would hear me somehow.

I've been abandoned by time.