I knew this house so well, but for some reason I felt completely lost. Jaxson and I had spent so many hours in this living room, on the couch and on the floor in front of the TV, blasting through level after level of every multiplayer game we could get our hands on.

Without him here, it wasn't the same house. It wasn't Darlene, Hannah, and Jaxson. It was just Darlene, Hannah, and pictures of a ghost. The sobbing groups around the cheese platter didn't help.

"You doing alright?" Hannah asked as she sat down next to me. A big photo album was in her hands.

"Please, no more photos," I said before coughing a few times.

I'd now been coughing for two whole weeks. I reached into my purse and popped in another cough drop. The fever was gone for two days now, at least, and I could breathe through my nose a little bit.

"I think you'll like these," she said in that soft, gentle voice that somehow always found a way to comfort me when my own mother's didn't. "These are the ones Jaxson never let anyone see."

She opened the album up, and it was flooded with baby pictures I'd never seen. I flipped the page and saw a much younger Hannah holding him in her hospital bed.

"That smile on my face there is relief. You're so, so lucky. I was sick the entire time I was pregnant with Jaxson, up until the day I had him." A smile found its way across her delicate face. "I told Darlene she was carrying the next one, and she said, 'Hell no! I'm not going through all that. We're one and done!'"

"I believe that," I said, gently taking the album from her and putting it in my lap. "I hope the baby looks just like him. If it's a boy, I'm naming him Jaxson junior and everything."

"And if it's a girl?"

"Haven't thought about it. I just know it's going to be a little Jaxson. And he'll love gaming, just like his mommy and daddy," I said, smiling while looking at the photos.

I heard a frustrated grunt from the other side of the room. I looked up and saw Faye curled up in the leather armchair, holding a Switch with the purple and orange Joy-Cons on the sides.

I thrust the photo album back into Hannah's lap, marched over to the other side of the room, and, not caring whether she threw a tantrum or not, plucked that device right out of her hands.

"Hey, give it back!" she yelled.

"What gives you the right to take Jaxson's Switch? You can't just go taking things from people because they're not here anymore!"

"Darlene said I could have it!" she said, kicking me right in the knee.

"It's okay honey! I said she could have it!" Darlene said, rushing over. I doubled over and handed her back the Switch. "Actually, how about we take a look upstairs? Jaxson's got a whole bunch of games I know he'd want you to have."

I nodded and followed her up the staircase, trying to run away from the scary thoughts that creeped into my head once in a while. The ones about Faye flying off the handle and hurting the baby.

Darlene opened the door to the room where I'd also spent a lot of time. It was where I'd had my first kiss, my first touch, and conceived my baby.

Jaxson's bed was perfectly made, as usual. His backup inhaler was still on his nightstand next to his goomba lamp.

Under the window was his gaming chair and desktop. His TV was mounted on the wall on the other side of the room, right above the storage cubicle that held all his consoles.

"You know the wife and I aren't into these things. I'll grab you a tote and you can take anything you want, sweetie," she said.

"I-I don't understand," I said.

"Don't understand what?"

"The fact that your son just died and you want to clean out his room so quickly," I said. "I'm sorry if it comes off as really blunt."

"I get what you're saying. It's not like it's easy...I don't want to get rid of these things. If anything, I want my son back...but I can't have him."

She paused for a second, I assumed to collect herself.

"But the world is gonna keep turning. Life is going to keep going on for us, and I want to look forward to my grandbaby coming. This room is gonna go back to being a nursery. That's why we need to clean it out."

I wiped away a few tears from my eyes. Jaxson's room was always so full of light because it faced the street. It would make such a beautiful and perfect nursery.   

"Just have a look around, start unplugging all the consoles and whatnot. I'll be right back with the storage bin," Darlene said before leaving the room.

I went over to the desk and admired it. I'd sat in that chair so many times, totally jealous of the setup he had. I had two consoles (sometimes only one, because Faye stole my Switch all the time) and a school-issued laptop for homework.

Jaxson had six consoles, his desktop computer, and a high-powered gaming laptop. I'd like to also mention how I had one little desk to share with Faye, which was covered in crayon scribbles.

I opened the drawer and found his journals. There was one he carried with him a lot, which had his sketches for the game crossovers he dreamed of, along with combos for Mortal Kombat and all the cheat codes for his old NES games.

But underneath that, there was a journal I'd never seen before. It was green, with the familiar Legend of Zelda triforce symbol on it. I opened the book up to find paragraph after paragraph of Jaxson's thoughts and musings, dating from the night before our first date, nearly five months ago.

I can't believe Aster and I are going on our first date-date tomorrow! I've liked her since we were twelve and I can't believe she finally said she likes me too. So glad my very first date with a girl is going to be at the arcade instead of some sappy, boring dinner -and-movie type deal.

I looked ahead, and the more I read, the more I saw about that Coronavirus thing in China. I read an entry from three months ago.

With the death rate over there, and my asthma not getting any better...I don't want to tell Aster that I'm legit scared of this thing. I thought for a while I wasn't going to make it out of the hospital when I had the flu last year. I want to believe I can beat this thing if it ever comes here...but idk.

I flipped ahead to the next week.

I may just be freaking myself out about the whole Coronavirus thing, but I keep checking the news and I feel like it's gonna get here at some point. It seems like it's killing even healthy people.

I stopped being careful with Aster. I know. I know. It's idiotic and stupid and crazy because we're only juniors in high school.

I feel bad for telling her I was sterile but...if I get this and I don't make it, I want my girlfriend and the love of my life to have a part of me to stay with her for the rest of her life. I want my moms to have a grandkid. I don't want to be the kid who was just here for sixteen years, played some games, and then died from Coronavirus.

I set the journal down, shaken to my core. I couldn't finish reading. There were too many thoughts spinning around in my head.

Jaxson didn't die of Coronavirus. He couldn't have. He died of some weird viral fever thing. There's no way that's what he had...right?