A letter to my heart

" i'm sorry for not being there for you.
I'm sorry for ignoring your cries.
For not thinking things through before I throw you out to the most eager attention-giver on the block. I am sorry I disregarded your pain and made you show up for the ones you know would habitually abuse you.
I am ashamed that I let them torture you and keep you a prisoner in lackluster love.

I am sorry I never tucked you in at night and told you how proud I am of you, and how utterly strong you are.

I am sorry for the weeds I let infiltrate your chambers.
I am sorry for being a negligent caretaker.
I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?

Page fifty-five

Happiness

When you're having a great moment and joy is singing on your veins, you will regress for a second, and you will think of him. Why does he show up when you're so happy, you ask?

Because happiness attracts happiness, and at one time he was the reason for your happiness. You will think of his smile and the way you melted when it was intended for you. You will remember the words 'I love you', and they will buckle your knees.

But know it is a momentary roadblock on your highway to healing. You're stronger now, and you can go on without so much as a stagger. You will focus on the happiness you currently feel, and you can push the memory of him to the back of your mind. But it's still there. It will always be there.

You're just much stronger now, and you can carry it without weighing you down."

Page fifty-six

She let go

"She had to let go, not just of what she held in her heart, but of what she carried in her mind every second of every day."

Page fifty-seven

Shark-infested waters

"Once I put my angst in writing and share my journey of swimming in shark-infested waters of heartbreak, I promise to take your hand, and show you that fear is frightened by resilience."

Fifty-eight