Sunkenly, Jiang Wanyin looped through the door, a mess of purple robes and missed hair. Wei Wuxian didn't have to look up to know his brother was full of lipstick marks, eyes probably too sore and too swollen to open.

"Welcome...back…" he slurred, walking lopsidedly as his head stung, almost as if it had been bashed in. That sent worry running through Wei Wuxian, as well as an innate frustration that left him sighing.

"What did you do this time, Jiang Cheng?" He asked petulantly, concerned, though there were slight undercurrents running through his voice, frustration directed at his brother. "I...did...nothing." The words swirled around in Wanyin's mouth like foamy alcohol, like a bitter joke against the coolness of the world.

Right. Nothing. Wei Wuxian continued sighing, running his fingers through his hair exasperatedly. He wheeled forward in his wheelchair, going forth to survey the true disaster his brother brought to his doorsteps. His brother's purple shirt was ripped, somewhat unbuttoned. His hair was messed up, his man-bun coming undone. The smell of alcohol clung onto him the same way the smell of sandalwood clung onto Lan Wangji, onto Wei Wuxian's own clothes, sickly sweet and tempting, but also revolting. The smell of it sent acid churning in his stomach up his oesophagus, and his stomach lurched at what he was going to do next. "Wanyin, go take a shower. " His voice was cold and authoritative, nothing like the one he used on him years ago, before.

"I don't want to.." he slurred, throwing his head back as he did that, perspiration running down his neck in trickles. "I don't need to."

Wei Wuxian continued sighing exasperatedly, and worry filled his eyes. It was days like this he hated the most, and knowing his brother was almost fully drunk terrified him in ways he couldn't comprehend. It was days like this, Jiang Cheng was the most unpredictable, when he could be unfailingly sweet, but was more often than not, nasty. Leaving Wei Wuxian to clean up after his mess, even with his wasted pair of legs. It was almost ironic, how only a few years ago it was Jiang Cheng promising him that he would take care of him. He could almost remember the older's earnest eyes now the tears that filled them when he said them, looking at the state the accident had left him in. How had things come to this?

"Go to bathe, Jiang Cheng. You need to." He struggled to keep his voice level, but the disappointment in his features was evident in his face.

His brother simply chuckled, choking on his laughter. He cocked his head to the side, mouth open and loose. His lips were dried and chapped, and the smell of alcohol filled the air again. It sickened Wei Ying, and he could feel vomit building up in his throat, the fear in his veins running like adrenaline. "No, I don't. What's wrong with you today?"

Wei Wuxian could barely make out his words now and his words seemed to blur together.  "Go and bathe."

"No."
"Jiang Cheng."
"No."
"What's wrong with you, anyway? It's as if I did something wrong. " This time, Wei Wuxian was the one who chuckled, laughing so hard his head rolled backwards. You did something wrong? As if you'd ever do that. Aren't you Mr Perfect?

"What is it?" Tears welled up in Wei Wuxian's eyes, and he shook his head at his brother. I can't tell you. Not if I value my life. The bruises littering his arms were a testament to that, as well as the few scars he sported on his face. Most of them had faded into thin white lines now, safe for the red gash on his forehead.

"TELL ME! " Jiang Cheng shouted, infuriated. There it was, again. But Wei Wuxian had enough. "You really want to know? " He asked expectantly, locking gazes with his brother.

"I do! Just SPEAK already! "  Jiang Cheng's voice boomed, sending reverberations of fear running through Wei Wuxian, along with a spark of anger.

He laughed bitterly, throwing his head back while the other stared at him in open shock eyes mixed with anguish. "When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever," he whispered, his eyes never leaving Jiang Cheng's. Wish I could explain it better...he didn't...

"I wish it wasn't true." But every cell in his body was screaming for him to run to hit him or to yell, do something other than standing there and being stupid. But rage rippled it's way through his body, and he was held back only by the thorn of love that was embedded deeply in his heart. 

"You call me again...drunk in your Benz, driving home under the influence. You scared me to death, but I'm wasting my breath," he glared at him, remembering nights spent pulling his half-paralysed body out of those to haul his drunk brother back from whichever club he lost himself to, always coming inebriated. The laughter of those that surrounded his brother like a group of magpies, the sly glints and bitter amusement in their eyes everytime he collapsed to the floor. "Cause you only listen to your fucking friends!" 

A flash of fury blazed in Jiang Wanyin's eyes turning him into a monster that Wei Wuxian couldn't recognize. How have I been living with him? He lunged at Wei Wuxian, he gripped Wei Wuxian roughly by the shoulders before pushing him back, not caring if it hurt him. No, there wasn't a shred of remorse in his eyes as his brother's frail and wasting body thudded to the floor. Pain shot through his side, and for once Wei Wuxian was thankful that he couldn't feel his legs, not with the loud snap he just heard.

A red flush made its way to Wei Wuxian's cheeks, and shame filled him, as well as anger. This time, he didn't hold back, glaring directly at his brother. "I don't relate to you," he spat. If glares could slice, Jiang Wanyin would have been sliced a thousand times over.

"I don't relate to you, no. "

"Cause I'd never treat me this shitty! " He shouted, not caring how badly it hurt. Adrenaline rushed through him, and he didn't bother filtering the words that came ahead.

"You made me hate this city! "
" And I don't talk shit about you on the internet, never told anyone anything bad," his grey eyes slitted close, his voice filled with more venom than Jiang Cheng could remember. Visions of the last texts he'd seen on his brother's phone flashed before his eyes, bringing more tears to his cheek as his heart ached. The sound of raucous laughter directed at him, when they thought he couldn't listen. I might be half- paralysed, he thought, but I'm neither dumb nor deaf.  "Cause that shit's embarrassing, you were my everything, " I'd have given anything for you.

"And all that you did was make me fucking sad. "

" So don't waste the time I don't have, and don't try to make me feel bad," I spent three years trying to save you.

"I could talk about every time that you showed up on time, but I'd have an empty line, because you NEVER DID! '' Tears streamed past his face now, as he recalled nights spent idling in class, waiting for a brother who'd never come. No, Jiang Cheng was always too busy.  And Wei Wuxian didn't mean anything to him. Nothing at all. He looked at his brother with renewed vigour, even as sobs wracked his body. Jiang Wanyin looked thoroughly shocked as if he'd never expected to be berated like that. And maybe he hadn't, given how Wei Wuxian had been trying to please him and step around him. It sickened him now the butter taste of bile pushing past his lips.

"Never paid any mind to my boyfriend or friends so I shut them all out for you cause I was a fool. " Tears streamed past his face in rivulets now, exhaustion from staying up starting to press down on him.

The pain in his back dulled, and his senses seemed to be shut off as he continued on.

"You ruined everything good.
Always said you were misunderstood."
He played with the word, twisting it in his mouth viciously with a half-hearted smile. Jiang Cheng's mouth was agape, fury starting to line up with his eyes, mingled with regret. Wei Wuxian savoured the regret, but he highly doubted anything would even change tomorrow. Jiang Cheng would just go back to being drunk. He wouldn't remember a thing the moment his head hit the pillow.

"Made all my moments your own, " he spoke softly now, his voice barely above a whisper, though he knew Jiang Cheng heard him, the bitterness engulfing his voice.

"Just fucking leave me alone." The words hung over his brother like a guillotine, and fell, the final blow to his head. They were uncharacteristically harsh, then again Wei Wuxian was more than sick and tired of his antics. He cried bitterly, not caring for the torrent of pain that came after, his vision blurring with tears before he fell back to the floor, encompassed by blissful darkness. 

When he woke up again, he was no longer on the cold hard floor. Instead, soft pillows cushioned his head, along with a feather-like mattress that made him feel like he was floating on clouds. This…this isn't my apartment, is it? His vision blurred before him, and his head felt like it had been cleaved open. Unfamiliar bluish-white walls filled his vision, and he felt his brain scatter over, a familiar scent sweeping over him. Hints of cream and wood infiltrated his senses, filling up the empty bits of his heart with some cotton, like water trickling through a sieve, that warmed his insides.

A vaguely familiar face appeared before the periphery of his vision, pale and drawn. For some reason, the face sent his heart racing, the blue ribbon tied around his forehead, almost like a god in old Wuxian novels he read. If he was a god, Wei Wuxian thought, he'd be the God of Light or the God of the Ocean.

Wei Wuxian ah, Wei Wuxian. Shouldn't you remember who he is? A voice in his mind taunted, sending shivers up his spine. He jerked up reflexively, almost forgetting that there was someone leaning above him. Luckily, the figure moved back quickly enough that Wei Wuxian's forehead barely grazed his, and there wasn't a scratch, instead of the nasty bruise that would have most likely occurred. 

As his vision cleared, he saw a pair of familiar gilt eyes looking at him intently, brimming with concern and worry. Lan…" Lan Zhan," the words tumbled out of his lips instinctively, and the sudden realisation hit him. 

Shit. His eyes widened, and he clapped his hand over this mouth, too afraid to speak, especially not to his estranged boyfriend. Guilt bubbled within him, overflowing him and drowning him. Dread pooled in his stomach and he barely dared to raise his head. Deliberately avoiding the other’s eyes. He hadn’t talked to him in a week, not since…their fight.

Memories flooded Wei Wuxian’s already riddled mind, and he could see himself again. Rain thumped to the floor in small waves, soft whimpers in the background as he narrowed his eyes at Wangji, his heart throbbing. The tears in his eyes didn’t help either, the salty taste intermingling with the sour taste of rainwater on his lips. I don’t want to talk about it, Wangji. Please stop.

But the determined look in his lover’s eyes told him otherwise, the silent fury in his eyes speaking volumes. Please…I know what you’re going to ask me to do. Please don’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I can’t. You know that. He swallowed harshly, looking up at Lan Zhan from under drenched lashes. For some reason, Wangji looked ethereal, at odds with the bleak situation they were standing in. His silk shirt clung onto every dip and curve of his body, his long ebony hair damp. Hanging down the sides of his face like silk sheets. It framed his beautiful face, accentuating the molten gold of his eyes, along with the silent fury that raged on inside them, directed at a certain purple lotus.”I want you to leave him, Wei Ying. He’s not good for you.”

Every word thudded into Wei Ying’s heart like a dull arrow, putting into words the thoughts he’d had for a very long time, but never dared to voice out. He hated the way Jiang Cheng clung onto him like yellow dodder, draining the life out of him. His love for his brother was bittersweet and sweetly sickening, the same way a cage was a home and a prison to a bird. It sickened and infuriated him, the same way it brought him closer and further from his brother. He felt suffocated by it, but the voices in his head only grew louder as he protested. But you’re worse, aren’t you? A devious voice hissed harshly in the back of his mind. It’s your fault he became like this. He’s your responsibility. The voice brushed against his memories, sounding oddly like one Wei Wuxian hadn’t heard in ages.

One that belonged to a fierce woman, long gone and long-buried, six-feet under. You’re worthless, the voices bristled, hissing and taunting. Pain shot through his mind, causing him to spasm and shake. Fear pounded through his veins the same way cold spread through his stomach. I want out, he thought. I want this to stop. As the voices grew louder, a scar on his back started throbbing, engraved with the motif of a serpent.

“I can’t! “ the words tore out of his mouth. But they seemed oddly foreign now as if he was there. Though not truly. His hands moved of their own accord, splayed out in despair. “Why don’t you get it, Wangji! I can’t leave him like this!”

The formal name slapped Lan Zhan, and he paused for a moment, before continuing in a hurried tone. “You can, Wei Ying. Please? Come with me. It’ll be better for you. Can't you see he’s destroying you?”

His words triggered something in the younger man, setting a spiral of fear spiralling put. His breaths grew laboured and his heart felt like it had been sprinting a marathon. He shook his head slightly, grey eyes filled with hope. But tendrils and shards of hope lay in his eyes. But..” I can’t…It’s not possible, Lan Zhan.”

“Why not?”

“It just…can’t.” but the words sounded weak, even to Wei Ying’s ears. For a movement, the possibility of being away from Jiang Cheng, being free, danced in the periphery of his vision. No vomit staining his clothes, no late nights spent staying awake, waiting for a drunken body to stumble through the door. Nights spent worrying, cleaning messes. Instead, he thought of nights he could spend drawing, sketching or watching dumb movies. The possibility of going on dates with his boyfriend didn’t elude him either, and he missed the feeling of warm arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Or soft kisses, heated kisses that caused minor explosions of pleasure on his skin. But the closer he stepped to it, the deeper the claws of fear, splitting the sinews of his already wasted legs open, watching in wild delight as crimson blood trickled down the pale white of his skin. Somehow, the other’s intense gaze sent him panicking. “I really can’t, Lan Zhan! He’ll kill me!”

Shit, Shit. Panic engulfed him as gilt eyes narrowed, filling with concern. I’ve said too much, haven’t I?

Then, he remembered the liquid trickling down his face, sneaking into the crevices of his skin. Warily, he raised a shaky hand up, brushing the side of his face. Foundation came away onto his skin, intermingled with blood. Fuck, he thought: he found out. Jiang Cheng is going to murder me. Tears streamed past his face twice as quickly. And his breathing quickly shallowed out. He started hyperventilating, the rise and fall of his chest growing even more rapid.

Suddenly, a pair of warm arms wrapped themselves around him, the familiar smell of sandalwood and pomegranate soap flooding his senses. Instinctively, his shoulders relaxed, leaning back onto the warm, firm chest. Shoot- he started, only to be pulled back again. “Shh,” a low voice whispered. “Wei Ying is safe. M’ never going to hurt Wei Ying. Not leaving Wei Ying.”

The words were said like a soft prayer, but they sounded like a string of promises to Wei Ying. He shifted in his grasp, small bouts of anxiety still spurting in his blood. Warm arms re-adjusted themselves on his skin, making him feel safe and comfortable. A warm hand made its way up to stroke his hair, massaging his scalp. Wei Ying surrendered to his touch, letting himself relax. He looked up at his boyfriend with questions in his eyes.

Finally, Lan Zhan answered the unasked questions in his beloved’s eyes. “Jiang Wanyin brought you here. Told me to take care of Wei Ying, and tell him not to worry. I agreed, but only if Wei Ying is comfortable.”

Wei Wuxian blinked in shock, struggling to process what had happened. Gilt eyes glanced at him hopefully, brimming with love and affection, almost as if they were begging him to agree. But he also knew that Lan Zhan would leave it up to him, that it was solely up to him. The answer came almost immediately. “Yes,” he replied breathily,” I want you with me.”

To Wei Ying’s surprise, the corners of Wangji’s lips quirked up, and he grinned, letting out a sigh of content. “Then Wei Ying will stay with me?”

Wei Wuxian felt a huge grin spreading over his own face. “Yes, Lan Zhan. I’ll stay with you.”
He couldn’t help himself. “I love you.”

The back of his boyfriend’s ears turned a vibrant crimson, eliciting chuckles out of him. “Lan Zhan! Your ears are as red as my ribbon!” he teased.

Somehow, they grew even redder, making Wei Ying laugh more. Slowly, his fears seemed to fade away, one by one.

Until nothing but a feeling of warmth lingered. He felt oddly relaxed as if he’d been doing this his whole life. It was so comfortable. He beamed goofily up at his soulmate, who could only smile fondly at him. Swiftly, Lan Zhan leaned down, whispering huskily into his ear, painting his cheeks a rosy red. “I love you too.”

As time trickled past, Wei Wuxian realised something. It felt like home. It was home. After so long, he was finally home again.

Because Lan Zhan was his home.

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A/N: 3146 words! As with my other work, this will be cross-published on Mdzs Oneshots, where it started. I hope you guys will enjoy this, all comments are welcome!