An empty feeling filled Kageyama's stomach. He ran his fingers lightly up and down his arms. Skin that was once smooth was now littered with small, shallow cuts. He had never been able to bring himself to cut any deeper and it made him feel weak. He wanted to feel the pain of a blade cutting entirely through his skin, but he couldn't. He never could.

Kageyama laid his head on his desk, his hand continually clenching and unclenching. Why did he feel this way, why had he felt this way for so long? How could he make it stop?

Questions cluttered his mind, but he didn't have the courage to ask anyone. No one knew about this, not even his loving boyfriend, Hinata.

Kageyama so badly wanted to tell Hinata, but it would make Hinata upset and that's the last thing Kageyama wanted to do. He never wants to see a frown on his little sunshine's face.

I'm sure it's just a growing up thing, he thinks to himself. Other people go through the exact same thing, right? Kageyama took a shower, even though it is much earlier than he usually would. He rubbed his wrists, wrenching bits of pain out of the cuts. As long as it didn't get worse than this, everything will be fine.

Everything will be fine.

~~~~~~~~~

Hinata was basically jumping off the walls at practice that day, as usual. Kageyama smiled when he saw the ginger boy.

"Hey, Kageyama!" Hinata ran over to Kageyama, hugging him furiously.

"Oi. I saw you like, yesterday, what's the big deal?" Kageyama exclaimed.

"Well, 12 hours is a long time. And you weren't answering my texts. You could've been dead for all I know!"

"Ok I'm sorry. I had a lot of school work and I was really tired." Technically both of his statements were true. But it's not like he completed his assignments. And he had seen the texts from Hinata, and had wanted to respond so badly, but he couldn't think of anything to say. He wanted to be able to talk to Hinata without just saying "ok" and "yeah."

"It's fine! I managed to survive, just barely." Hinata smiled widely and Kageyama kissed him on the forehead. Kageyama loved this ray of sunshine so much, how could he possibly hurt him in anyway?

Yet the empty feeling was still tugging at him at the base of his stomach. The feeling telling him he needed to cut, he needed to slice open his skin.

"Shoyo, do you want to spend the night at my house tonight?" Maybe having Hinata there will keep the bad thoughts away. Having someone there to cradle him and tell him he's okay. Kageyama knew that he needed to tell Hinata, and maybe tonight could be when. Maybe Hinata could help him.

Kageyama was off at practice. He just couldn't seem to concentrate. He needed time to think. But he didn't know what he needed to think about. He needed to sort out his life and ten minutes of thinking wasn't going to cut it. He tugged at his sweater. One upside to having clear skin on his wrists would be the ability to wear short sleeves at practice. It was incredibly warm and Yamaguchi was looking at him with concern. Yamagcuhi knew something was wrong, how could he not? He was always looking out for his teammates. It was a miracle that he hadn't said anything to Kageyama yet.

By the end of practice, Kageyama was drenched in sweat. Him and Hinata were in the dressing room and Kageyama turned so his back was facing Hinata as he took off his shirt. He tried as quickly as he could to put on another, thinner shirt. Once his arms were in the sleeves and he was about to slip it over his head, he felt two cool hands on the sides of his ribs.

Hinata's arms snaked around Kageyama's torso till they meet at his navel. 

"Hey, Kags," Hinata said in a low voice. A small feeling of panic ran down Kageyama's spine before he realized that his wrists were thoroughly covered. He lowered his arms so that his hands met Hinata's. Kageyama felt Hinata's warm stomach against his sweaty back. Hinata's head rested on Kageyama's shoulder and Kageyama leaned his head back into his boyfriend.

"Hey," Kageyama said back. His hands were clenching his shirt tightly as his arms rested upon Hinata's.

"Are you excited for tonight?" Hinata asked.

"Of course I am. Now," Kageyama said, laughing a little, "Will you let me get dressed?"

"But I like you better this way," Hinata said, a sly smirk on his face.

"Perv," Kageyama said, breaking away from his boyfriend and pulling his shirt all the way on. He heard Hinata whine a little behind him.

Once they were both dressed, Hinata and Kageyama headed out of the gym and started their walk to Kageyama's house. Kageyama's fingers were loosely interlocked with Hinata's. The cool air felt refreshing on their faces after practice. They reached Kageyama's house and went in, notifying Kageyama's mother that they were heading up to Kageyama's room. Hinata collapsed on Kageyama's bed as soon as they got into the room.

"Tobio! Your bed is so much more comfortable than mine," Hinata said, stretching out. Kageyama tugged down his sleeves even though they were already at his palms. He walked over to the bed and sat down. Hinata then pulled Kageyama towards him, snuggling into his side.

"You're so warm," Hinata murmured. Kageyama held the smaller boy closer to him. Just Hinata's presence in and of itself was comforting. If only it could always be like this.

They laid in silence, Hinata's head buried in Kageyama's chest.

"Tobio, why do you always wear long sleeves?" Hinata asked after a few minutes, his voice weighed down with sadness. Kageyama's throat closed up. He couldn't say anything so he just hugged Hinata tighter. After a few moments, Hinata pulled away and slowly took Kageyama's arms in his hands. Before Hinata could do anything, Kageyama flinched, wanting so bad to pull away, but he didn't. Hinata softly pushed Kageyama's sleeves up his arms, exposing the younger boy's wrists. Kageyama just looked down; he couldn't bear to look at his boyfriend. Then Kageyama felt cool fingers lightly caressing his cuts. Kageyama quickly glanced up to see tears forming in Hinata's eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Kageyama choked out. Seeing Hinata crying, because of him, Kageyama just couldn't take it.

"Don't apologize to me. Just please..." Hinata raised Kageyama's hand and gingerly kissed his palm. A strangled sob escaped from Kageyama's throat. "Talk to me. Please." Hinata scooted toward Kageyama and positioned himself so that Kageyama's head rested on Hinata's shoulder when Hinata enveloped him in a hug.

"It doesn't matter, though, you don't need to worry," Kageyama mumbled.

"Yes, I do. But don't feel bad about it, it's not anything I wouldn't do anyway. I just want you to be happy," Hinata said quietly.

"But... I need you so bad, but you don't need me. You'd be happy without me, everyone would be." Hinata hugged Kageyama tighter.

"No. I need you and I will always need you. I would be nothing without you," Hinata whispered into Kageyama's ear. "Always, you hear that? That means that you have to stick around for a while longer." Hinata slowly laid back down, taking Kageyama with him. Kageyama tried his best to take deep breaths, but they kept hitching. Hinata knew, but Hinata isn't yelling. Kageyama kept his eyes closed. Hinata just wanted Kageyama to get better, and Kageyama really would like to.

But while in his lover's arms, a place he should feel the happiest, Kageyama could still feel that feeling of emptiness tugging at him. A feeling that had been tugging at him for a while now.

As long as he could look like he's getting better, Hinata would be happy, right?