"Suga?"

"Hey, Hinata," Sugawara said over the phone. Hinata heaved a sigh of relief. He was afraid it might be too late to call, even though it was only 8:30. 

"What are you doing right now?"

"Uh, well, I'm reading and Daichi is watching TV."

"So you're not busy?"

"I guess not. What's up?"

"I wouldn't call if it was serious." Suga finally picked up on the fragility of Hinata's voice and just how much it was shaking. "Could you come meet me? Kageyama and I got in a fight and... I'm really sorry to bother you, I just don't know what to do and you're the only one who I thought would be able to help. If you can't come that's fine..."

"No, I can come. Where are you? I'll leave right now." Hinata told him the street corner the bench he was sitting on was at, and Suga said he would be there as fast as he could. 

Hinata sat alone on the bench, shivering slightly. The night was a little chilly, but that wasn't why he was shaking. 

He couldn't get what Kageyama said out of his mind. It confirmed Hinata's greatest fear: whatever he did would never be enough. It wasn't either of their faults, it was just the way it was. That didn't make Hinata feel any less useless. 

Tears were still streaming down his face, he didn't bother to try to stop them. The flow would cease eventually. How could it have been this bad without Hinata noticing? He was too wrapped up in overthinking how he should act while forgetting to pay attention to how Kageyama was actually doing. He made up this idea of a healing Kageyama and forced it on both of them. He was a sorry excuse for a partner. 

"Hey, Shoyo! Tell me what happened." So, Hinata, still crying, recounted the entire night to Suga, including details from the past few weeks to fill in any gaps. Suga was rubbing Hinata's back in comfort, but it didn't seem to do much to slow the younger boy's hitching breaths. 

"I see. So you've finally gotten to the hardest part, huh?"

"But this isn't supposed to be the hardest part," Hinata protested. "Tobio lying half dead in the hospital was supposed to be the hardest part! Tobio stuck in the loony bin for two weeks was supposed to be the hardest part! Not this, not when I have him back."

"Loony bin?"

"Psych ward does not accurately express my contempt for that place!" 

"I prefer the phrase 'funny farm,'" Suga joked, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work. "Look, I know both of those experiences were terrible, taking tolls on both of you, but this is the part where you actually have to deal with it. It was different when you just had to hold his hand after he woke up in the hospital or when you just checked in on him for 10 minutes everyday at the psych ward. Now, you both have to work towards fixing things. And that takes work. And patience. And most importantly, love, which you both have an abundance of."

"That's the thing, though. Love isn't enough anymore, Tobio said it himself," Hinata despaired. 

"Oh, I'm not talking about it in the way you guys were. Sure, no amount of love will cure his depression, but the love you two have is a reminder of why you're fighting so hard. It's a reminder of who you're fighting for. Even if you don't feel it now, even if it feels like everything the two of you had was eaten up by this horrible thing, that love is still there. It's why you're still holding on, it's why he is still holding on. In this situation, love cannot be discounted, it just has to be seen as an end, not a means."

"But I don't know how," Hinata choked out. "What do I do?"

"Well, you just be there for him. You be at home as much as possible, I'm sure having someone else there with him makes it easier. You check in on him, but you don't pry too much. If he's taking medication, check in regularly to make sure he's taking it. Make sure you have an open line of communication, but that has to include you, too. You can't expect him to open up if you keep all your feelings inside. Tell him how you feel insecure about your role in helping him, and most importantly, when he tells you you're doing enough, leave that feeling behind. Neither of you can afford to have those kind of doubts, so acknowledge the feeling and let it go. You both are doing the best you can."

"You give really good advice, Suga," Hinata said, finally starting to calm down. 

"So I've been told."

"We talked earlier about always being honest with each other, I just think... I don't know, first and foremost we wanted each other to be happy. And then that got in the way of our own feelings and ended up with neither of us being happy either way," Hinata confided. It was nice to be able to talk things over with someone else. 

"Yeah, sometimes we get so lost in someone else's emotions we forget our own. Remember that for the future, okay? It will most likely always be a problem." Hinata let out a small, humorless laugh. After a few moments, Sugawara spoke again. 

"So, you think you two will be okay?" he asked earnestly. 

"Yeah, I think so. I guess I should probably get back, make sure nothing's happened..." Suddenly, a new fear gripped Hinata's stomach. He didn't even think about what Kageyama could possibly be doing back at the apartment. What if...

"Hey, I could have spotted that spiraling from a mile away," Suga pulled Hinata's attention away from Kageyama for a moment. "Tobio is fine. And if he's not, you'll get through it. You will. Now get back, I'm sure you guys have a few things to discuss."

"Thank you so much for coming." Hinata hugged Suga tight.

"Anytime, Shoyo. Let me know what happens. See you later."

Hinata watched his friend walk back toward his place, and Hinata took a deep breath. They would get through this, and they would get through the next thing and the next thing. 

By the time Hinata got back to the apartment, all his worry had been taken over just by the ache of not being with Kageyama. He was glad he got out of the apartment for a little bit, but he missed him. Hinata so desperately wished things could just go back to normal, but that couldn't happen if they both kept running away from what they really felt. 

Hinata opened the door to see Kageyama on his knees, his head in his hands, sobbing and surrounded by broken glass. Hinata took a deep breath to steel his racing heart and quietly closed the door behind him. He walked over to Kageyama and squatted down beside him so that he was eye level, and gently rested his hand on the kneeling boy's shoulder. 

"Hey Tobio. It's okay, I'm here now," he said in the most soothing voice he could muster. Kageyama looked at him with red cheeks and bloodshot eyes that tore at Hinata's heart 

"I'm... sorry," he said, his voice raw. 

"It's okay, let me sweep up some of this glass and then you can go sit down on the couch, alright?" 

So, Hinata swept a path for his boyfriend to get up and walk to the living room, but he couldn't seem to stand up all the way. Then Hinata noticed the glass that had ripped through his pants and torn at the skin of his knees. 

"Hey, okay, just wait a second." Hinata rushed to grab a stool for Kageyama to sit on while Hinata swept up everything and threw it all away. Once glass was cleared from the floor, Hinata bent down to get a better look at Kageyama knees. 

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" Hinata asked gently, even though he knew the answer before Kageyama even started shaking his head. "Well, then you're going to have to let me try to get this glass out, okay? It's going to hurt."

"I-I know," Kageyama said in a voice barely a whisper. Just from the look on his lover's face, Hinata could hear the end to that phrase: I deserve it, though.

He helped Kageyama over to one of their dining room chairs and slowly pulled Kageyama''s pants down, careful not to jar any of the glass. Hinata dutifully ignored the cuts on his thighs and, as slowly as possible, started to remove the pieces of glass from his skin, periodically pouring hydrogen peroxide over the wound. Kageyama had a towel in his mouth to bite for the pain and was tighly gripping the side of the table. Hinata tried to work as fast and carefully as possible, but it was still slow going. 

"Okay, one knee done," Hinata said. Kageyama let the towel fall out of his mouth, breathing heavily. "Want to take a break?" Kageyama nodded weakly. "Okay, that's perfectly fine." Hinata got up and kissed Kageyama's sweaty forehead. 

They would get through this. They would. 

Hinata got Kageyama a glass of water and then got back to work. After being as thorough as possible and pouring heaping amounts of peroxide over the wounds, Hinata placed a bandage with antibiotic cream on each knee and wrapped them up in ace bandages. Kageyama limped to the bedroom, leaning on Hinata, and painstakingly got into bed. 

"Shoyo... I'm so sorry, I-" Kageyama rasped. 

"Shh, it's okay. We'll talk in the morning, okay? Everything's okay," Hinata whispered. Hinata clambered into the bed, half sitting up, half laying down, and Kageyama curled onto his chest, his head resting against Hinata's heartbeat. 

Hinata stroked Kageyama's hear until the latter fell asleep, his breaths evening out and his chest rising and falling in sync with Hinata's.

Hinata didn't sleep the whole night.