"I think this was my favourite one," she tells me and a content smile comes to my lips. I know Doctor Who is her favourite show so I always assumed she would like this stop a lot, I didn't think it could be her favourite of them all though, but that's great.

Then I look at the picture and notice she's not wearing your normal outfit; Maca looks like a Victorian lady and I can only blink in confusion. She's clearly not dressed up like that and if she had gone out like that Archie or Grace would've told me, which means she dressed up like that there. Then I look closer, noticing Shaun as the eleventh Doctor, and Cami aslo in Victorian clothes and I have to think about it for five seconds before it clicks.

"You're cosplaying! You're Clara!" I exclaim and she giggles. My eyes dart from the picture up to her face and I see her blushing, adorably blushing. "Did they make you cosplay for the picture?" I ask watching her in the picture again, appreciating the smile on her lips and the way her eyes look so bright. Sheer happiness and satisfaction, that's what I see.

"Not like that. We re-enacted the scene from The Snowmen," she replies and my eyes widen. "And I was Clara. We did that scene when the Doctor gives her the key of the TARDIS."

"That's so amazing! Did they record it? Do you have it with you? Should I call Sarah now?" I shoot question after question and she chuckles embarrassed but I can't contain myself, I really want to see her acting as Clara Oswald.

"It is recorded and I guess you can call her... later, when I'm not around. I would die of embarrassment if I see you watching me acting. You're a professional actor and I'm just some amateur," Maca mumbles, looking down but I shake my head. With my free one I grab her chin and make her look up.

"No matter what, I bet you put your heart there and I want to see that," I tell her and she blushes even more so I release the hold on her chin. I'm still holding her hand and I won't let her go until she asks me to.

"I-I think I did. I've always loved acting and in fact at some point I wanted to become an actress," she confesses and my eyes widen in surprise and delight.

She also loves acting! The thought makes my heart race in happiness that we can share another important thing, even if she didn't pursue that path, she loves it and that makes me so excited I can barely contain myself.

"I once joined a drama club in uni, just to try but well... things didn't work out for me. I stopped attending."

"Why?" I ask.

I understand that pursuing a career in theatre is quite a difficult decision. Not everyone makes it to the telly and living from acting in real plays on stage doesn't lead to a glamorous life. Most of us struggle to make ends met, some of us even can't do that and need another job besides acting, but we do it because we love it passionately. Many can love theatre, but only courageous one really pursue it for it is a big risk. It makes me sad Maca didn't choose to actually become an actress even if she wanted because maybe we could've met like that or end up in the same company. It's not like this city has countless theatre companies, and it's actually quite a small world.

"I hardly ever finish something I begin. I fill myself with excuses or I just drop it without even questioning. I wanted it to be a motivation but I just... I dunno," she confesses and looks way, avoiding my scrutinising eyes that want to ask more but I she just acknowledged her condition in front of me and I assume it has everything to do with that and how she struggles.

"That's a pity," I mumble because right now I don't know what else to say. I lower my own gaze to give her some space and focus on her slender finders tangled with mine and I smile at that sight. I like it way too much.

"I really like theatre, on and off the stage," she continues and I look up to see her with her eyes lost in the horizon. It's dark and it's getting chillier, although it's not such a cloudy night and we can see some stars and the moon. It's usually cold and almost everyone is quite resistant to these temperatures here, but still, at night it's colder than usual and it's autumn, so I should get that blanket I brought for her. "I don't have my future mapped out and that freaks me out a lot. I fail at visualising myself doing anything, you know? I really don't know where to turn next, I just know the things I like but I don't know if I can do anything with that." She chuckles but I know she's not amused, it's a sour action. "I once thought or getting a Master's degree in creative writing and specialise in screenwriting. I even imagined myself kicking Moffat and becoming the head-runner of Doctor Who," she laughs and this time it's not a bitter laughter, it's hopeless, like laughing at your silly dream of when you were a little kid. I squeeze her hand. "And I also wanted to enter some acting academy. I wanted to write the screenplay for my friend's novels. I wanted to do great."

"Not anymore?" I ask because I honestly think that's an amazing dream and I think if she really wants that, then she could do it. And certainly, someone has to kick Moffat out. The fandom needs that to happen. I honestly think Neil Gaiman should write more scripts and end up replacing Moffat. I mean, The Doctor's Wife is one of my favourite episodes, if not my favourite one. But if Maca wants to do it, then great.

"I dunno," she mumbles and my heart aches for her.

My dreams have always been so clear for me. I'm ambitious and I always go for what I want, even the craziest things. I like setting in motion whatever crosses my mind, so I have a hard time trying to imagine what it feels to have a dream wither until it fades away.

"Would you really like that?" I ask her next and this time she looks at me, her eyes show me how troubled this makes her and how hopeless she feels.

I act instinctively, I pull her to a hug-finally releasing her hand but just to wrap my both arms around her-that's actually kind of uncomfortable for all the things that are in the way, like her purse and the journal with the pictures, but she doesn't pull away; on the contrary, she grabs the lapels of my coat and squeezes the fabric, holding on to me like that. I stroke her hair and we remain in silence. This hug is a comforting one, very different from the one I gave her when I saw her standing in front of me. I'm trying to make her feel better although I don't even know if it's working.

"I don't... I don't know what I would like," she whispers. "I'm almost done and I still don't know what to do," she continues and I remember that time she mentioned her fear for the future. She didn't develop it much but I could sense her anxiety and fear and now I can see it, how this uncertainty is eating her alive.

"I think that if at some point it made you happy to have that dream, then you should hold on to it," I start, still stroking her hair. "You only let go of a dream when you find another that makes you happier. Is there something that makes you happier than kicking out Moffat?" I ask with a lighter tone and I feel so proud of myself when she chuckles.

"No," she replies and I pull away to look her in the eyes this time, my hands resting on her shoulders.

"Then hold on to it with both hands, Maca. And try again! Join that drama club again or talk to play writers..." I whisper, as the idea appears in my mind, like a light bulb on top of my head. "Oh I know! You can come to our rehearsals and maybe get like a part-time job, helping so you get to see what it is. Or even audition when we need more actors. And I'm sure Sarah knows some play writers and she could help you to get a meeting or something so you can talk to them and know what it's like, get advice and more!"

Her eyes widen at my suggestion but as I imagine it I only get more and more excited at the prospect of having Maca closer like that and helping her somehow to accomplish her dream.

"That... I mean, Sarah wanted me to come back but I don't think she really meant it like that and-"

"She said that?" I question with eyes wide open and she nods hesitantly. "That's great! It means she saw something in you, Maca. She isn't just nice, she's a professional and she's our director. The company is her life, she wouldn't invite someone just to please me or anything. Maca!" I exclaim, I really can't contain myself and I feel this urge to call Sarah right now to talk about this but I can control that part, at least. Maca starts giggling softly, a bit embarrassed. "Oh, you definitely have to come to the theatre and get closer to the stage."

Oh, I'm so deliriously happy for this, imagining all the outcomes and I swear I feel like I could kiss her right now in one of those crazy impulses, but then things would get awkward and I don't wanna scare her off or something. I don't want her to think of me like someone who just acts out of the blue and I wouldn't want to kiss her so recklessly. I mean, if I ever kiss her and I'm not saying I will kiss her although I would like to kiss her but maybe wanting to kiss her is too bold and I shouldn't even be thinking this-

Oh God, I'm rambling in my head.

Okay. The point: if I ever kiss Maca, I would want that to be special, not just a spur of the moment. There.

"This was your favourite stop because you had a chance to act, right?" I ask and she nods. I squeeze her shoulders, trying to contain my own excitement. "Then that means you really enjoyed acting, so I think that's another sign that you should hold on to that dream. Not all actors study theatre, you know? Some are born with that talent and specialise on the way to become better."

"I dunno, it feels so... I dunno. I don't trust myself, I guess. It's hard to believe I can accomplish anything."

My right hand releases her shoulder to put one loose strand of her hair behind her ear and then cup her face as tenderly as I can.

"Do you want me to believe in you for you?" I question. "Because I can do that and I'm pretty sure your friends also believe in you, Maca. If you want this, if acting makes you happy, then you shouldn't just discard it because of pessimism. I honestly believe that when we put our hearts into something we always accomplish something good, even if it's not what we actually had in mind at first. And didn't you say you wanted to change yourself and start doing things? If you don't want to be slacker, then take this chance, Maca."

She only looks at me, her eyes unsure and fearful so I smile at her, trying to reassure her.

"And if it doesn't work out, if you don't like it or you're not made for it, then you'll know it. Isn't that already something? You have many options, right? And you don't know what to do so a good way to narrow it down is to scratch those options that don't work for you. But for that, you have to try them to know if you're suited or not. Don't you think?" I ask her and she ponders my words before nodding. "I mean, no matter the outcome, the experience itself will be helpful."

She smiles shyly at me, but I notice the change in her gaze, how she seems to embrace my words and make a decision.

"I guess you're right," she says. "I should at least try in order to know if I could become an actress." She gives me a smile and that makes my own heart race in a victorious feeling.

"Who knows, maybe it'll all work out and you'll end up writing the episodes of Doctor Who and acting in them! I'll be part of one, too, or even become the, I dunno, thirteenth Doctor!" We both laugh at the possibility, not because it's crazy or improbably, but because it's too perfect and things like those aren't easy to accomplish, but it's nice to dream and it's that kind of drunk laughter. "And you have to give Archie a great role, okay?"

"I totally will," she says. "He would make a great companion, don't you think?" I nod excitedly.

"Oh, that reminds me, your next stop was lunch with him. Tell me you didn't like him that much," I say and she laughs out loud which kills that little bit of jealousy that was tugging at my guts. "Why don't you tell me about it now?" I ask next and she nods, pulling away and grabbing the next picture.

Dammit, now I'll need to find another way to grab her hand without being too bold about it. I'll manage. I know it. And if I can't find an opportunity I'll just have to grab her hand and if she asks about it I'll have to confess. What else can I do? I already miss the contact with her skin.

God, it seems like I fall deeper with every passing second. And I'm not complaining.

-:-:-

Hello! I hope you enjoyed this update. I haven't shown you the many manips I've done for #Haca so here's one (multimedia). I'm still getting the hang of doing these so they are not very good but well, I tried. Most of them are on my tumblr (belwatson) and Instagram (watsonbel).

Let me know your thoughts regarding the chapter!

Bel, xx