Everyone was so upset earlier when @cityofstarlight posted a hoax of her own departure from WattPad.  Though I didn't actually read the hoax, I couldn't resist doing my own little parody of all this fuss.  I hope this makes you feel better about all this mess, @cityofstarlight -- I'm trying to cheer you up a little ;0)

P.S. This is definitely SNL-inspired.  You have been warned.

The lights came on in the news studio.  Macca40 and Doctor Lennon 007 both sighed at their newscasters’ table and straightened their notes one last time.

“For our first news bulletin tonight,” said Doctor Lennon 007, “The local zoo has had some escaped platypuses.”

“The platypuses have escaped,” confirmed Macca40 seriously.

“Well, I guess that’s it for our top story, then,” shrugged Doctor Lennon 007.  Macca40 nodded.

“Our next story,” Macca said, looking directly into the camera with large, sad eyes, “Is about the loss of our dear friend cityofstarlight.”

“She was a wonderful colleague, always leaving beautiful reviews,” sniffed Doctor Lennon 007.

“She was a beautiful writer; her stories always moved me to tears,” added Macca40, pulling a tissue out of her pocket and blowing her nose loudly.

“She was an amazing friend, always with a kind word of wisdom hovering on her fingers, ready to be typed,” added Doctor Lennon 007.

“Her funeral will be held this Sunday,” continued Macca40.  “Please, come and say farewell to this amazing author of Beatles fanfiction.”

A bang from the other side of the door startled the two newscaster-writers.  They glanced over just in time to see cityofstarlight burst into the room, panting and defintitely alive.

“I’m not dead!” she yelled.  “I’m right here, see?”

Doctor Lennon 007 and Macca40 exchanged a baffled glance.

“But you must be dead,” said Macca40.  “It says so here, come and have a look.”  Macca pointed at her notes.

cityofstarlight raced across the room and peered over Macca40’s shoulder to stare at the latter’s notes.

“It just says I’m leaving,” cityofstarlight pointed out.  “I could be retiring.  But I'm not retiring, I just showed up for work late!”

“I’m pretty sure you’re dead,” butted in Doctor Lennon 007.  “Look, see, even the guy who holds the cue cards thinks you’re dead.”

The guy who holds the cue cards took another bite of his sandwich and looked up to see if the newscasters were ready to move on to the next story.  Apparently, they weren’t.  He returned to his sandwich with gusto.

“Well, I guess I must be dead, then,” sighed cityofstarlight.

“Good for you!” said Doctor Lennon 007, clapping her definitely-not-deceased friend heartily on the back.  “The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one!”

“I’d like to say a few words about the loss of this wonderful person,” started cityofstarlight.

“Here she goes again,” muttered Macca40, rolling her eyes.

Doctor Lennon 007 kicked her fellow newscaster under the table.  “Don’t disrespect the dead!” hissed the author.

“It’s come as such a shock, to lose this beloved writer,” continued cityofstarlight, unaware of her colleagues’ quarrel.  “She meant so much to me:  she was an inspiration, a mentor . . . a friend.”

In the audience, Batman, Peter O’Toole, the Beatles, Jeff Goldblum, Snape, Loki and all the rest began to clap, but cityofstarlight silenced them by holding up one hand.

“She will be missed, by you all, and by me,” said cityofstarlight.  “We will work to keep her memory alive.”

“AMEN!” shouted O’Toole loudly in the audience.  Everyone stared at him for a second.  He coughed awkwardly.

“Thank you,” said cityofstarlight.

“Thanks for coming on the show,” said Doctor Lennon 007.  She and Macca40 stood and shook cityofstarlight’s hand.

“See you at the funeral Sunday,” said cityofstarlight, smiling happily.

“See you then!” replied Macca40 chirpily.

 [this is where I would put a gap if WattPad were my friend]

In the shadows at the back of the audience, Sherlock Holmes stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Something doesn't seem quite right here . . . ." he muttered under his breath.