Look for the <> for when to listen to the song!

Enjoy!

Darlah

I laid on the couch, trying to make the world stop spinning. I felt so terrible since the treatment yesterday and I hated this feeling. Why couldn't I just tell myself to not feel this way and move on?

I felt a wave of nausea hit me like a slap, and I quickly sat up and ran to the bathroom, throwing up all of my lunch that I had eaten an hour ago. I leaned over the side of the toilet bowl as I tried to catch my breath, convinced that I would be sick again.

"Clare, Peter's here," Farrah said as she walked into the bathroom with a smile that quickly slid off her face. "Oh... I'll tell him you aren't well."

I held my hand up to stop her. This boy had a habit of coming when I was at my worst. I had already stood him up once. I couldn't do it again. I was going to at least see him at the door. If that was the only thing I did today, so be it. "No. I'll go see him. Just stall him," I said as I got up from the ground.

She nodded, then closed the door as she left me to freshen up.

I went to the sink and splashed some water on my face, then dried it off with my shirt. Quickly I brushed my teeth and gurgled water around. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, noticing I looked paler than normal. I doubt he would notice.

Convinced that I was as good as I could get, I slowly walked over to the front door. I felt my heart speed up as I saw his face talking to Farrah. I didn't realize that I missed him as much as I did. I gave a small smile to him and he returned it.

"Hey you," he said and smiled brightly at me.

"Well, I'm off to do things," Farrah said coolly as she walked away, feeling accomplished with stalling.

I shot her a thank you look, which she acknowledged as she passed. "Hey," I said to Peter as I leaned into the frame of the doorway to give extra support.

His face grew serious as he looked at me. "Are you sick or something?"

Why yes, I am, thanks for asking. You have great deduction skills. "I think I ate something spoiled last night. It isn't sitting well with me. It'll pass," I lied. "What's up?" Changing the subject quickly.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie tonight. I tried texting you this morning, but I didn't get a response and I was getting a bit... anxious," he said and then looked at the ground to hide his embarrassed face.

I smiled at his insecurity that he shared. He was so honest, that was something I could learn, or so my sister told me. "I lost my phone last night." At the hospital where my cancer treatment was at. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. I think I forgot my phone at the hospital at least once a month. Normally it was fine, but this time I was dying without it because I was waiting for a text from him.

He raised his eyebrows in realization as relief washed over his face. "Oh, that makes so much sense. But it doesn't look like you're feeling well enough to go anywhere. Do you want to watch a film here instead? I just want to hang out with you."

"At my place?" With all of my family around that could spill my secret to him? I'll take a hard pass on that. Besides, why did he want to spend time with me? I was boring.

"Yes," he nodded.

I looked up at the stairs where my parents were. I really didn't want them hanging around while we were together, especially when I was not feeling the best. I was afraid that my parents would let something slip that I wouldn't approve of. They had a habit of talking too much and I couldn't trust them to keep quiet. "You don't think I have enough strength to go out?" I accused him. The words came out harsher than I wanted them to.

He put his hands up in shock, taken back by my outburst. "No, that's not it. I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."

I bit my tongue. I had heard that phrase a little too many times. I hated it, but he wouldn't know that. "How about we go to your place to watch something?"

<>

He thought for a second, then smiled again at me. "Yeah, of course, we can do that."

I smiled lightly at him, happy to see that my plan worked. "Ok great," I said as I slipped on a pair of flip-flops that were by the door. "MOM, DAD! I'm going to Peter's place! I'll be back later!" I called out to them, as if I had done this a million times before, then walked out before they had time to tell me no.

"Are you sure you're good to watch something at my place?" Peter asked as he looked at me from head to toe to make sure I was ok.

I nodded as I tried to convince him and myself that I would be ok, at least for a few hours. "I'll be fine. Trust me, this will wear off soon," I told him as we continued to walk.

As we walked into his house, the boxes that were originally filling the halls vanished, leaving a grand entryway, similar to our own. I noticed the entryway was more spacious than I thought originally. "It looks like you've been busy," I said, referring to the missing boxes.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe the nightmares that I've been through the past few days. I need this movie more than you can believe. I deserve it," he said with a chuckle as he took off his black sneakers that looked new.

I wouldn't know the struggles of moving a house since I lived in the same house all my life. But I know how it felt like to pack up and move to the hospital for a few days. I had done that enough for a lifetime. By now, I had a permeant weekend bag packed just in case.

In silence, I followed him through another empty hall and we ended up in the kitchen where his parents were. They stood around talking to each other while drinking water, however, their conversation died when we walked in. They smiled widely at me like they did so often. This entire family was so happy, I wondered if it was in their genes. Whatever it was, I wanted to know their secret, maybe then I could be happier too.

"Clare and I are going to watch a film in the basement," he said to them.

His mom was the first one to speak up. "It's so nice to see you again, Clare. Peter has been dying to get together with you lately."

I gave her a polite smile, unsure if she was just being dramatic. Because it still boggled my mind how Peter would want to spend time with me. "It is good to see you again as well," I replied.

"Now I don't want to walk in on you two making out," Peter's dad half-joked.

"Agh... Dad... please..." Peter sighed at him as his cheeks grew red.

I chuckled, finding amusement in that statement. That would never happen, because I knew no one would want to kiss me. He was just looking for something to do; he wasn't interested in making out with me. "Nothing will happen. We promise," I spoke up instantly.

His dad smiled at me. "She's a good girl, Peter. I like her."

Peter grew redder. "Ok bye, we'll talk to you later," Peter said without acknowledgment of his father's statement.

We walked down to his finished basement, where a huge TV was on the other side of the room. "What kinds of films do you like?" Peter asked as he flopped down on a huge leather couch, unaware that I was struggling to get down the stairs in one piece.

I held on to the wall as I tried to get the room from spinning. I felt like I was going to vomit again. Maybe coming here wasn't the smartest move.

"Clare? Are you ok?" Peter asked, concern filling his voice.

I nodded as I finally made it to the couch, giving a sigh of relief. Now I could reclaim myself. "Yes, I'm fine. Just give me a minute," I said to him and closed my eyes. I pinched the bridge of my nose and counted to 10, then opened my eyes. "Better," I lied. This rarely helped anything, but it seemed to put the surrounding people at ease.

He looked at me with worry for a second, but I gave him a small smile to reassure him. "I'm ok. I promise," I said as I relaxed into the couch, feeling my thin body sink into it. It was so comfortable that I knew if I let myself, I could pass out right here.

He looked at me and smiled. "Yeah, nice isn't it?" Peter asked, as if he read my mind. He rubbed his hand against the couch as if it was a family pet. "This is my favorite couch in the house. My parents thought about selling it in the move but I convinced them to keep it."

"I can understand why you wanted to keep it." A dull pounding rose in my head. But I was good at keeping my feelings a secret and knew that he wouldn't realize the pain I was in. Casually, I rested my head against my hand and I pushed hard against it to dull the pain. "You were saying what films I like? I like action films and love stories of course. But I'll try anything at least once, except horror. Won't do that."

"Good I don't like horror either. Can we watch one of your favorite films?"

I shook my head, knowing that he wouldn't want to know my films. Even my family hated my film taste. "My family doesn't like my films. They say they're too boring."

He smiled widely at me. "Let me be the judge of that."

He was just being kind. As soon as he saw one, I was sure he would judge me. "Ok. How about Midnight in Paris?"

"I'll find it," he said as he got his computer on the other side of the room and searched.

In a matter of minutes, he found it and plugged his computer into the TV. He sat down next to me, close enough that I felt the heat from his body as the movie started. I felt my cheeks blush, knowing that I had never been this close to a boy my age before. I took a deep breath; he smelt like soap and grass and it put me at ease.

Halfway through the movie, casually he put his arm around me and I felt my heart soar to new heights. Like I had seen in the movies countless times before, I leaned into him as I felt his warmth against my cold body. He was so warm and solid; I felt safe in his arms more so than I had in a long time. As he pulled me in closer, I felt like a normal high school senior to her love interest.

As the film ended, he removed his arm from me, but I wish he hadn't. I wanted him to stay close to me for as long as possible. Silently, he turned to me and said, "that wasn't bad. And your parents don't like this?"

So we won't talk about the move he just pulled. I wondered if I should bring it up? I wanted to know what that arm wrap meant to him, or if it was just nothing. Instead of asking what was really on my mind, I shrugged at him. "No. They don't. Next time I want to see one of your favorite films."

"Deal. So how do you feel?"

"Better. Much," I said to him, telling him the truth. All my dizziness and pain had subsided, making me feel almost 100% back to normal. Maybe spending time with him was my lucky medicine because I don't think I have ever turned back to normal so quickly after treatment.

"Want to throw a football around for a few?"

I nodded, even though I had never thrown a football in my life. I convinced myself that it couldn't be that hard if my sister could do it. "You'll have to show me first."

"Deal let's go," he said, getting up from the couch then grabbing ahold of my icy hand. I followed him up the stairs as he continued to hold on to me. I couldn't help but blush. This was exactly how I imagined having a boyfriend would feel like. Finally, someone in my life that didn't see me as this weak girl that has cancer and that's how I wanted to keep it.

In the family room, he got his football and took it out back with us. "So you never learned how to throw a football before?" he asked me as he tossed the ball up into the air and caught it.

I shook my head at him. I had never thought about it in the past. I guess I could have asked Farrah, but what was the point if I had no actual person to throw it with. "Nope. I never learned. My dad doesn't like the sport very much."

"And the boys in the neighborhood didn't show you?"

"None of them are my age."

He walked behind me with his ball in his hand and wrapped his arms around me. I melted slightly against his touch as he gave me the ball. "Ok, so you are going to have to hold it like this." He positioned his hands over mine, that held the ball. He was so close to me I could feel the heat from his breath against my cheek. "And when you throw it, you're going to twist your wrist, like this..." he said and moved my hands in a way to throw the ball properly.

It flew in the air for a few feet, then landed on the ground with a soft thump. "Nice throw, Clare." He said excitedly. "Now can you do it without my help?"

I wanted to tell him no. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me again and pull me close but I replied, "I think I can." I picked up the ball from the ground and looked at him. "Stay there, I want to throw it to you."

"I'm not moving," he said as he got ready to catch the ball.

I followed his instructions and threw it to him hard enough that he could catch it.

"That was beautiful! A spiral and all!" he said as he caught the ball. "I'm going to throw it to you this time. Ready?"

"Yes."

He pretended to throw it to me but the ball never left his hands. He smiled at me as he waited for my response.

"Hey! Throw it! I was ready," I shouted.

"Hay is for horses," he replied as he threw the ball.

I tried to catch it but I ended up fumbling with it for a second until it fell out of my hands on the ground. I frowned at myself in disappointment. I was going to make a fool of myself. He wouldn't be interested in a girl that didn't take part in sports.

"You'll get it next time. This is harder than it looks, trust me."

Breaking us from our moment was when his mother stepped outside with a phone in her hand. "Clare, your parents are calling," she said to me.

Panic caused me to freeze, missing the ball that Peter threw to me. I completely forgot about them and I wondered if they said anything to his mother. Quickly, I walked up to the back deck and got the phone from her. "Hello?" I asked.

"Clare, you need to come home. Dinner's ready. Do you even know what time it is?" mom asked with a tone clearly irritated with me. I frowned, knowing that I would have to leave this place where people thought I was healthy. I would go back to the place that only saw me as sick and frail. And I would have to leave Peter. I liked this kid, even if he did just see me as a neighborhood distraction before school started because in all reality, I was using him as a distraction myself.

"I'm sorry. I lost track of time. I'll be home soon," I said to her, then hung up the phone.

"Have to go?" Peter asked me as he ran up to me.

I nodded, even though I didn't want to leave. "How did you know?"

"By your frown," he stated with a smile. "You do that a lot when someone says something you don't like."

I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling defensive, not liking that I was that readable.

"Can I walk you home?"

I smiled as my defensiveness faded away, using this as a chance to spend more time with him. "Now why would you do that?" I teased him.

"Because I don't want to leave you just yet," he said and smiled back at me.

We walked back to my house as we talked about nothing important. Finally, when we stood at the base of my driveway, he stopped me. He looked slightly uncomfortable, and it made me frown, wondering if I getting a nose bleed again.

He gave a sigh as he looked at his shoes, then back at me. "Clare, I um, I don't know how to say this, but I guess what I'm trying to say is will you date me?"

I had to hold back the shock from my face. A huge part of me wanted to say yes right away, but then I thought about how I was sick. If we dated, he would find out about my secret. But I would have these moments until that point. I wanted to keep those moments as long as I could. I wanted to be with him, willing to risk him finding out. "Yes, I would love to date you," I said to him.

I was screaming inside. I never thought of myself to have a boyfriend. I never thought I would meet someone that was interested in me. But as I looked at him, I felt out of breath. This all felt very serendipitous.

"Good, because I've wanted to do this all afternoon," he said with a smile, then pulled me closer and kissed me. It was a simple kiss, but it was enough to make me feel lightheaded and get butterflies.

I melted under his touch and wanted more than he pulled back. I felt my cheeks blush as I tasted the residual flavor of his lips on mine. This is what it felt like to kiss a boy, this is what all those writers would write about. It felt exactly like that.

"Ok, well, I'll let you eat dinner. And you better find that phone of yours," he said to me as I walked up the driveway.