Song for the start of the chapter!

I looked at the gray sky and smiled, feeling joy that this was a nice fall day. Some people that came to this city hated the gray, making them depressed. A lot of the doctors at the hospital that weren't originally from here hated the gray in the fall and winter. But for me, I loved it; it was home. In the summer, gray meant cooler summers, in the winter, gray meant hot chocolate days by the fireplace. It was funny how one thing could make someone so happy but others so sad. I felt that way as I stood on the sidelines watching Farrah's soccer practice at the high school.

Sometimes I forgot how much anxiety this place caused me before I became homeschooled. Now that I had completely separated myself from most people here, I enjoyed coming, making guest appearances when convenient. I enjoy going to the games and meets that the school held because, now I knew hardly anyone. I allowed the sea of people to engulf me, enjoying the fact that few knew me and my struggles..

"Hey, don't you have to go?" Farrah asked as she ran up to me. She smelt like eggs and sweat from a mile away. I had to hold a slight gag back as she closed the gap between us. Even though it was cool, she was still working up quite a sweat that smelt terrible.

"You texted mom about a sweater," I said as I handed the lump of gray cloth in my hands out to her, not understanding why she needed it but I didn't question her. Sometimes it was best not to egg her on, if I did, I would be here all afternoon with a long-winded conversation on why it was important.

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that! Thanks." she said and took the sweater from me and dropped it on the bench that was closest to her as if not that important anymore.

Angry flared up in me for a second, knowing that we went out of our way to deliver this to her, but she didn't seem to need it. "And why do you need that if you are working up a sweat?" I asked her, as if I couldn't resist myself in knowing why.

"I'm going to hang out with friends after practice. A team party, but I needed this in case it gets colder," she told me as her friends called her back to the team. She looked at them and held a finger out to them, showing that they had to wait. "I'll get home late, but I'm expecting you to text me about what you find out at your doctor's appointment. Speaking of which, I think you should get going."

I resisted the urge to make a sour face as I looked at the time on my phone. She was right; I had to get to the hospital for the checkup. If I didn't leave now, I would probably be late and I knew how Doctor Patel got when I was late. I didn't want to do that to him after he had done so much for me.

But did I want to go through with this appointment? No. I wanted to be here, feel normal, just for a minute longer, if possible. I didn't want to know about my health; I didn't want to be reminded that I still have cancer or that I would have to go to California soon. I wanted to watch Farrah play with her team with a smile on her face, as if she didn't have a care in the world.

"Yeah, you're right. I have to go, I'll see you later." I waved to her and walked off, but stopped to say, "oh and by the way, your sidekick is killer."

She smiled at me brightly, accepting the compliment. "Go, before you're late, Clare!" she giggle as she shooed me off with her hands.

I smiled then walked off to get to the car where mom was already waiting for me. I pulled my light coat closer to my small frame as I walked as quick as I could in attempts to keep myself warm.

For some reason, I had gained no weight even though I was eating more and that fact alone was concerning. I wore looser things so mom and dad wouldn't notice as much as I did in the bathroom mirror. But with winter fast approaching, I felt like the cold weather would be the death of me if this cancer didn't kill me first.

Thanksgiving was in a week and a half and all that I could think of was, where did the time go? What happened to my summer? My fall? Now it would be thanksgiving and then Christmas. It amazed me on how fast time went. Looking back at the weeks that had pasted, I realized those moments were over in a heartbeat.

I opened the side door to the car and smiled at mom as I buckled in. "Ready."

"You took an awfully long time getting that sweater to Farrah," mom winked at me.

I shrugged as I smiled, knowing that she watched me talk to her from across the parking lot. "Sorry. I was just enjoying watching her for a minute." I thought about when I used to play soccer in the backyard with Farrah, reminding me that I missed those moments, and looked forward to a time when I could do it again. As I watched her play with her team, it allowed me to live through her for a little and it was hard to tear myself away from them.

"No big deal. But we do have to get going to that appointment."

I nodded as we drove out of the school parking lot. Was I really looking forward to this appointment? No. But was I excited to get it over with? Yes. This was the appointment that Doctor Patel would tell me if I was stable enough to go to California for the first treatment.

"So I was thinking about having pumpkin pie for dessert for Thanksgiving, and I was thinking, why not invite Peter and his family over for dinner, if of course, they don't have plans," mom explained as she drove onto the highway.

I nodded. "Yeah, that sounds great, mom," I said, although not paying attention to what she was saying. The appointment was the only thing on my mind. Not only did I really not want to go, but I recently found out how much money it would cost for every treatment. It was a ridiculous amount, and I didn't want my parents to pay for it, not wanting to burden them with that responsibility.

Minutes ticked by as she continued to talk about plans with excitement. It made me realize she hadn't showed this much excitement in the future for a year or more. I could see that this treatment held her captive, making her believe that maybe this would be the one that would cure me. For a moment, I fed into her excitement as I talked about graduation and maybe even plans for next summer. However, all conversations died the moment we pulled into the hospital parking lot.

I frowned at the tall building in front of me as mom parked the car. "This is going to be the one," she said, then got out of the car.

I nodded and for a second, refused to let me think of the negatives, of what could go wrong. I took a deep breath and followed her into the building.

Mom grabbed my hand as we walked into the hospital and gave it a small squeeze. "It's going to be ok," she said as sensing my nerves then let go of my hand just as fast.

I said nothing as I pushed the button to go up on the elevator as I felt my heart race in my chest.

The check-in was quick and within a matter of minutes, I was in my room that was familiar, but not my own. I looked around as I thought about all the times I had been here, just like I was sure other patients before me were here. There had to be so many stories that haunted this room, and I was sure that Doctor Patel knew many. I was not his only patient, even though I liked to pretend I was, I was just one of many that he treated and hoped for a better future for.

"That had to be recorded timing," mom said, breaking me from my thoughts as I took a seat on the bed.

I nodded as I pulled out my phone to text Peter a quick message, but stopped when the door opened, showing Doctor Patel. His stony face was unreadable, like normal as he walked in.

"Ok be honest with me," I told him as I crossed my arms over my chest as if that would protect me from whatever hard words he would tell me.

"Your white blood count is way too low for you to travel. So that being said, I want you on an IV today to boost your count. My hope is to get you out to California the day after Thanksgiving."

I frowned at him. If that was what he was going to tell me, why was his face so stone cold? "There is something that you aren't telling me, isn't there?" I asked him softly, trying to break him down for more information.

He paused, as if debating if he should really tell me what was on his mind. "That new treatment has a time crunch. If you don't start the second part within a certain time, all the time and effort for the first treatment was to waste. We only have a week and a half to get you to California."

"After that, I have to start over again," I stated the fact that we all knew.

He nodded at me. "But I will not let that happen, you hear Clare? I'll do all in my power to get you there before your time runs out."