Look out for the <>!

I laid on the couch as I tried to make myself busy, with no luck. I threw a ball up in the air, only to miss catching it, making it fall onto the ground beside me.

"Clare, be careful. That could have hit you," mom said as she walked in to the family room with a handful of pills in her hand, no doubt for me.

Ever since they released from the hospital a week and a half ago, I felt trapped inside the house, taking pills constantly, more than I had in the past. For days my parents refused to let me leave the house for any reason at all and it was driving me insane since I didn't think they understood fully why they were making me stay inside. The treatment was working; I was living proof of it, but my parents still treated me like I would break at any point.

I pushed myself up from the couch and felt my world spin. I held back the urge to gage even though I was sick to my stomach from eating lunch just an hour ago. "It's just a foam ball, Mom. It wouldn't cause any damage."

She frowned but remained silent, as if she knew something that I didn't. "Please take these."

I nodded as I popped the handful of pills into my mouth and swallowed.

"Hey Clare! Someone is here for you!!" Farrah said in a sing-song voice as she skipped into the room, her dark blonde hair bouncing with every step.

I turned to her and smiled, knowing who would come to see me. Peter was the only one that visited me and was the only one that could save me from my boredom. "Who." Was I sad that Peter was the only one that seemed to care about me outside of my family? No, I was happy with just him.

Although, there was a pang in my heart that longed for Anna too. I missed her laughs and conversations, and I would always miss them. But I had made peace with the fact that she was gone and that she would want me to move on, just like I would want the same if I was in her shoes.

"Hey Babe," Peter said as he walked in with an enormous smile.

I raised my eyebrows at him, finding him a little too perky. "What are you planning?" I asked him without saying hello. Sometimes having a one track mind made me a little too rude. At least that was what my sister told me, but Peter didn't seem to mind.

He kept his smile and sat down right beside me. "What if I told you, I convinced your parents to leave to go on a date with me, outside this house?"

I smiled, feeling excited just at the thought of leaving. He could take me anywhere at this point, even to a gas station, and I would be happy. I just wanted to go somewhere. This conversation got this much better. "What did you have in mind?" I asked him.

"It's a surprise. Get ready," he said and held my hand and helped me up off the couch.

I knew it, we were going to the gas station. But at least that was better than nothing.

I smiled at him, but said nothing else. I went down the hall and up the stairs, however, as I got to the top, I felt winded and lightheaded. I held onto the railing, knowing that I went too fast and tried to keep myself from fainting, which had happened more often since I left the hospital.

The doctors said that I was getting better, and I wanted to believe them, but I still felt so terrible. There were times that I even felt worse than before the treatment, but everyone said that I was improving and for now, I would take it, not willing to accept the opposite.

Once I got my bearings, I walked into my bedroom and changed my sweats for a pair of tight jeans that were still loose on me. As I was in the middle of putting on my pants, mom walked in casually with a smile.

I swear I had no privacy in this house. "Shut the door please, mom," I said and quickly pulled my pants up and buttoned them.

She nodded then closed the door behind her. "Peter's here?" she asked.

"Yeah, he has some surprise. Do you know anything about this?"

She smiled at me but said nothing. "You'll have fun."

I smiled at her and rolled my eyes at her. "Are we going to the gas station?"

She looked confused for a second, then laughed. "I guess you'll find out."

I guess I would. "Ok then. I will see you tonight?" she nodded as I passed her to get out of the room, to get back to him downstairs. I stopped in the door frame and turned on my heels to give mom a hug. "Love you."

She hugged me tightly, as if it was her only chance to do so. "I love you too Clare."

"You're going to need a sweater!" I heard Peter yell up the stairs at me.

"Maybe it's not the gas station," I said, as I used my deductive skills.

"Maybe not," she smiled as I let go of mom and walked out of the bedroom.

"OK!" I yelled down at him to make sure he knew I heard him. I grabbed a sweater from Farrah's room and gingerly put it on, since my limbs felt stiff and sore.

I walked down the stairs, keeping care that I held onto the wood railing that guided me down the steps. There, waiting at the foot of the steps, was Peter with a grin on his face as if he couldn't hold his excitement for much longer.

"Ready?" I asked as I landed on the ground floor with a slight stumble.

Before I fell, he caught me flawlessly, pulling me in closer, engulfing me in his muscular arms. "Ready," he said, as he placed a kiss on my lips.

I couldn't help but smile back at him, finding that his joy was contagious. "Yes," I said, as I laced my hands with his and with that, he led me to his car then opened the door for me.

I got in and looked around, remembering the last time I was here. Memories flooded back to me in hordes, he carrying me, begging me to stay with him, my as I tried to hold on to what little life I had in me. My breath hitched as I realized that I almost died in this car. I put him through a nightmare when I went with him to his grandparents' land and I shouldn't have. What was I thinking when I agreed to go with him? I knew that I wasn't well, I should have stayed. At least I wouldn't have put him through what he experienced.

He got into the driver's seat and looked at me. "We don't have to go," he said as he cupped my cheek.

I shook my head as I felt my eyes well up with tears. After all that I put him through, he was still here with me and I couldn't understand why. I wasn't sure if I could ever understand him fully. I wondered if this car gave him panic attacks as it did for me. "I'm so sorry I put you through this."

He frowned, knowing what I was talking about. He grabbed a hold of my hand and kissed it softly. "I would do it all again if I meant I got to spend more time with you," he said, then started the car.

As he drove out of the neighborhood, we remained silent as I tried to fight back the memories of what happened. I knew I was pushing it too far when I kissed him. I should have stopped, but I couldn't control my desires as I pushed him onto the ground. I should have just watched the sun raise.

"Want to know how I manage to convince your parents to let you out of the house?" Peter asked, breaking me from my thoughts as we drove down the road.

I nodded in silence as I looked out the window.

"It wasn't too hard to convince them since I saved their daughter," he said and smiled at me.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Whatever," he would never let me forget that he saved me, I think he liked the idea what he was a superman in my life, but I wouldn't admit it. Maybe one day, but today wasn't the day.

He turned on the music to blast some kind of Indy hipster songs, trying to break me from my thoughts all the way. "You're going to like where are are going, I know you will," he said.

We drove for 45 minutes until we ended up on a dirt road surrounded by trees. "I thought that since your immune system is so weak, we would go to a place no one was at. Also, the last date here didn't end the way I wanted. How about a reset?"

<>

I smiled at him, even though the thought was sweet. As I looked around, more memories of that night hit me like darts. His frantic voice still bounced around in my head like a nightmare, and I was sure that I would never forget the sound of fear in his tone. "Sounds good."

Peter got out of the car and opened the door for me.

I looked around for evidence of vomit from the last time, however it vanished. Slowly, I got out of the car with his help. "So what is the plan? Watching the sunset?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level as I looked at the surrounding trees. I felt like they were closing in around me, making it harder to breathe.

He shook his head. "Your parents don't want you out that late. I'm a responsible boyfriend after all." He gave a small kiss on my lips. "No, but I have something just as good." He walked to the back of the car he owned and reached into the trunk, pulling out a little basket and two blankets. "You have told me that before you got sick, you went on picnics. I figured, we can start the tradition again."

I was speechless, amazed that he remembered that since I only mentioned that in passing. He remembered the things that seemed to mean the most to me. "You're amazing. Did you know that?"

He smiled at me and shrugged at me as if it wasn't a big deal. "Come on, let's eat. I'm starving," he said as he started walking down the wooded path that was ahead of us. I walked around to the side of Peter and grabbed a hold of his free hand as we walked.

I only lasted about halfway to the clearing when my legs clasped underneath me, sending me to the ground.

Within a second, Peter was on the ground beside me with a concerned look on his face. "Are you ok?"

I frowned at him as I looked at my fawn like legs, not seeing that coming. "You know, the doctors say that I'm getting better, but I don't feel better," I said as I stood back up with Peter's help.

He sighed with a nod but said nothing else as we continued to walk carefully until the trees disappeared to show the hill overlooking the valley. The sun shined brightly over the valley, lighting it up in a golden hue.

Even with the horrid memories of last time, I couldn't deny the beauty that this valley had. "Beautiful, every time," I breathed.

"I never tire of this place," he said and set down the basket and then helped me spread out the blanket.

I sat down on the ground and tried to catch my breath, not realizing until now how winded I was. My lungs ached with every breath, forcing me to take shallow ones. I held my chest as Peter just looked at me in fear, I tried to pretend he wasn't by my side. However, this was hard when his shoulder was touching mine and I could smell his cologne on his neck.

"Clare?" he asked, wrapping his arm around me.

I shook my head at him. "No, it will end," I said between breaths, but in reality, I had never felt this before and I did not know how long it would last.

"Maybe we should just leave."

"Please no," I begged. I didn't want this place to harbor another terrible memory for me.

Regarding my wishes, we stayed, and within a few minutes, my breathing became normal again.

Peter kept a frown on his face as he got out the food, as if he knew something that I didn't. "Do you want cheese and fruit to start or do you want that for after?"

"Cheese and fruit now."

He nodded and got out some brie and some sliced apples. "My grandparents grow the apples on this land. These are the sweetest apples you'll ever have in your life, I promise you." His genuine smile returning, making me forget all the terrible memories of this place.

"And what is for the main course?"

"French dip."

"Oh, so fancy aren't you," I said and smiled at him.

He shrugged at me. "With a mom's help, anything is possible," he said, and kissed my lips gently.

We ate and laughed as Peter told me stories about when his parents were dating. The storytelling ended shortly when Peter quickly grabbed a paper towel and pressed it to my face. "There you go."

I held the towel to my nose and frowned, knowing a nose bleed ruined the moment. This just confirmed that even though I thought I was getting better, I wasn't. People were just keeping secrets from me. "Thanks," I frowned at him.

"Hey, what is with that sad look? It's just a nosebleed."

I frowned at him. "Just a nose bleed. This is more than a nosebleed, it's a constant reminder that I'm still weak, that I'm still sick. I thought I was getting better. I thought that the treatment was working. But clearly, I was mistaken." I watched his frown deepened on his face. "What is it? Before you say you do not know, but something is bothering you. So, spit it out," I told him.

He chewed on his lip before saying anything, as if he was chewing on his words to figure out what to say to me. "I don't know if it is my place to say anything, but the treatment, it only did half of the work. My uncle needs you to go to California to finish."

I frowned at him. That was not what I wanted to hear tonight, or ever. I didn't want to go all the way across the country from some treatment. I told my parents and Peter that I was not what I wanted.

"Now before you say anything, please just hear me out, the treatment you are on now is working, but my uncle doesn't have everything he needs here to treat you here."

"How long will I have to stay?"

"I don't know."

"When do I leave?"

"I don't know that either."

"Well gosh dammit it Peter, what good is this information if you don't have specifics?!" I shouted at him but imminently covered my mouth, knowing I had no right to shout at him.

Instead of fighting or shouting back at me, he just pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't want to leave."

"You dug me into a hole, Peter," I mumbled at him as I hugged him back. I wasn't completely mad that I had to leave, but the treatment that I had was hell. It made me so sick and I didn't want to put my body through that again.

And here he was telling me, I had to do it all again? Yeah, it pissed me off. Mainly it terrified me that I would go there and if it went south, I would be so far from home, with none of my support group, making me truly alone and that scared me the most.

As I looked around at the valley, I realized that once again, this place held another terrible memory.