Hey guys!!! Sorry this is like a year late. I had been a bit busy moving across country and with family vacations and things. Also look for the <> for when to listen to the song. I do hope you enjoy the songs I have been picking out because I do believe that songs add so much more to a story.

I hope you enjoy this!

Darla

I tossed in my bed as I felt burning in my limbs. I pushed against my head, hoping to ease the migraine, wanting more than ever for sleep to take over so I could avoid this pain, however it wouldn't come to me. I was now seriously doubting my ability to act properly, knowing that I needed those drugs that I threw away.

I reached for my phone as the screen light up saying 1:47 AM. I frowned, as if that would help anything. This was the third time tonight that I have woken up and it was only 1:47.

I shifted in my sheets as I looked up at the ceiling with a sigh, knowing that it was going to be a long night. I patiently waited for sleep to come, but it didn't as I laid there for what felt like forever, trying to push the feeling of pain to the back of my mind, but after a while, I gave up. Looking for a distraction, I turned to my phone and read through my text messages instead.

The only person who was texting me was Peter, and I knew I shouldn't look because it only made things harder, but I was curious to see what he wrote. Call me crazy but when the sun was up, I was too scared to look, but the night gave me confidence that I never had.

Clare, I, I want to make things right.

I don't know what else to say, Clare.

Clare?

Please can we talk?

I could almost hear his pleading voice in the last message that Peter sent to me. In fact, I could read his pain in his messages and he wasn't the only one that felt that pain. His desperate texts caused my heart to rip in half. I refused to talk to him for a few weeks but in the dead of night, without thinking about it further, I texted him back. "What do you want to talk about?"

Within a second, my phone buzzed with a text from him.

"I want to know what is going on. I have been trying to make sense of it all and it doesn't seem to connect."

"You want closer?"  Ready to give him exactly that. I wasn't planning on giving him some kind of false hope because I saw this as pointless. I could feel it in my bones now, I had little time left, and he needed to understand that.

There were a few minutes of silence, and then my phone buzzed again. "No, I want to fix this." the text message said.

I rolled my eyes because there was nothing to fix. The only thing he could do now is move on for the both of us. "You don't get it, Peter, there's nothing to patch, there's nothing to work on because what you seem to forget is that I'm out of time. I have only a few more months, and I couldn't drag you down any more than I already was. You need to move on Peter." I said honestly as my heart broke, knowing that I didn't want to give him up, but it was the right thing to do.

"No, I will not take that as an answer. We can find a new treatment. I know people that could help." The message said.

I could imagine Peter shaking his head, with a begging tone and hope in his voice. He always seems to be so positive about things. He never took no as an answer and that's something that I hope he never loses.

"There's no new treatment," I lied to him.

"Can I come see you? Face to face?"

I gave a small laugh, as I looked at the time on my phone. 2:50 AM was the middle of the night, no one should be up at this time and it made me wonder why he was up. "It's too late for this." I typed back although I part of me wanted to see him one more time even though it would hurt.

"It's never too late."

"So you want me to sneak out like a troubled teen or something?" I asked with a small smirk on my face. I could picture it now, Farrah would be the perfect child and then there would be me, the rebel. That would be a turn in events that not even my parents would see coming.

"Yes. I'll be there in five."

I shook my head and put down the phone, knowing that there was no use in talking him down. He was coming, whether or not I liked it. So quietly, I slipped into a T and a pair of leggings that I had on my bed and with careful movements, got out from the bottom bunk, turning the flashlight on my phone to guide the way and walked down the stairs.

I was careful enough to not make the stairs creak as I took slow steps down them. My legs shook slightly under my weight, barely able to walk any farther. I was losing so much strength and, to be honest, it scared me. The idea of running down the road seemed impossible now. I would be lucky if I could walk down to the driveway without any help.

I waited by the front door for only a mere few minutes until I saw Peter come running up the drive with a flashlight in hand. Before he had time to knock, I opened the door to face him.

He smiled at me, but it wasn't the enormous smile I was used to seeing, this was different, more reserved. I could see him eyeing me from head to toe, self-diagnosing how bad I had become.

I imminently felt self-conscious of my frail body and wrapped my arms across my now flat chest as if this would protect me from his looks.

<>

"Hey," he said to me as he ran his hand through his dark hair. He pulled his jean jacket closer to him as a fall breeze blew through the trees.

"Hey," I replied as I quietly closed the door behind me, making sure the sound didn't wake my parents up. That was the last thing I would want, them coming down and finding me talking to him at 3AM. I wanted this moment to be as private as possible.

"Can we go on a walk?"

I shook my head slightly at him. I struggled to walk down the stairs. I wouldn't be able to go far, probably wouldn't even make it to the end of the road. "No, I can't. But we can stay here and talk. No one's up." No one should be up. We were just the odd balls in this moment.

I sat down on a step that led to the front porch and he sat down next to me and bumped me with his shoulder. "I miss you," he said simply.

I tried to pretend that his words meant nothing to me, although I missed him so much my heart ached to touch him again. But I couldn't let him know that since he needed to move on with his life. He deserved more than what I offered. "What did you want to talk about, Peter?" I asked, a little sharply.

Peter frowned at me, not liking what I said. "So this is it? You're giving up?"

I bit my lip. I hated hearing that because it wasn't that simple. "It's not like that," I whispered.

"Than what is it, please explain this to me because it seems like you want to give up."

I took a deep breath and struggled to get it out, feeling it stuck in my throat. "I'm tired, can anyone get that?" I begged him. "You know how long I have had cancer? How many failed or half worked attempts have happened? I'm just tired of all this heartache, pain, and adverse reactions. I want it all to be finished," I said as my eyes filled up with tears as I thought about the past three years.

"Didn't you tell Anna not to give up?"

He was right, tut this was different. She barely had cancer for a few months, she had such a bright future in store because she had planned it out already. I, on the other hand, had no future because I never needed to plan one.

"You're doing the same thing that you told Anna not to do," Peter added.

"This is different," I said as I wiped my eyes hoping it would clear my vision.

"Explain. Because in my mind it's the same thing. I'm not convinced that you're out of treatment options."

I sighed, but although I said nothing back to him. If he was here just to argue with my choice, I didn't want him here. I had enough arguing with my family; I didn't want one of my last memories to be of him and I fighting.

I looked down at his hand and put mine over his and instantly; he stopped talking as he looked at me with a confused face. However, that only lasted a second before he laced his fingers with mine, welcoming the idea of me and him. "You know what I want to do that I have never done before?" I asked him.

"What?"

"I wanted to stay until the sun rises. I want to watch the stars disappear and see the sky light up bright shades of color. Do you want to do this with me?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Now?"

I nodded at him. I rather have this as a memory than fighting. This memory would be better for him as well.

He gave a small smile. "Your parents won't mind?"

I shrugged at him and pretended that it was no big deal. In reality, they would have a minor panic attack once they knew I was not in my bed when they woke up. "I could leave a note on the table for them."

"Then I know the perfect place to go," he said and stood up from the step he was sitting on. He offered me a hand.

I eyed it carefully as if it could bite, after a second, I took it. He lifted me up quickly and with strength and once I was on my feet, I carefully walked back inside and wrote a small note for my parents so they wouldn't worry. Happy with that, I slipped on some boots and a coat that was way too thick for this kind of weather, but knew I would need it.

By the time I came out again, he was waiting for me on the front step, with his car in the drive, waiting for us. He smiled lightly and reached his hand out for me, and I took it without question, wanting to soak up everything about him in this moment of night.

I faded in and out of consciousness as we drove. My vision would not clear up, but I tried not to focus on it, fearing that I will once again ruin the moment because of my health. I don't think Peter noticed this because he kept his eyes on the road as soft music played in the background.

I became more aware of my surroundings when Peter pulled the keys out of the car. I looked around to see that we were in a forest. Through the darkness that took over the world, I could see tall oak trees covering the path around us.

Peter got out of the car and came around to my side to open the door. At that moment, I felt sick and lost everything that I ate the past day on the side of the car, just barely missing his shoes.

"Are you ok?" he asked with concern dripping from his voice.

I nodded at him. "Yeah." I wiped my mouth and push to the back of my mind how terrible I felt. Even though I wanted to do this, I couldn't help but feel like I would just be better off at home, knowing that there was a chance that I could ruin this.

I got out of the car and I took a few steps until my knees buckle beneath my weight. But right before I hit the ground, Peter scooped me up into his muscular arms. Instantly, I felt warm and safe as I snuggled into his arms.

"This is my favorite place. Whenever I'm stressed, or need some quiet time. I come here. It's peaceful. What is more beautiful is, the sun rises here," he explained as he carried me through the woods.

As Peter walked through the woods, birds chirped softly but gradually louder, as if beckoning the sun to come up above the horizon.

I quickly got lulled by the sway of his steps and felt sleep take hold of me. I forced my eyes to stay open as I watched the trees slowly open to reveal a green hill, not willing to sleep and miss this moment.

Peter gently put me down and sat down right next to me. He took out his phone to look to see the time. "The sunrise is going to happen in 30 minutes." He looked at me with a frown as he wiped something from my face.

I chuckled at him as I tried to make things light. He frowned a lot since he saw me tonight and I wasn't a fan. "What is that face for?" I asked.

Saying nothing, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue and held it against my nose. "There."

Nose bleed, and I didn't even feel it this time. I took the tissue from him. "Thank you."

He nodded at me and moved as close as he could to me. We were touching hips, and then he brought his arm around my shoulders and brought me into his chest.

I melted into him as I looked into the valley in awe. "It's breathtaking. Thanks for taking me to see this."

Peter nodded with a tired sigh. "You know, life isn't measured by how many breaths you take. Rather, it's by how many moments take your breath away."

As true as this was, I didn't have many breathtaking moments like this. They were few and far between, making me remember that my life was really nothing, not amounting to anything of value. Yes, people would miss me but I would fade into oblivion, not making anything that people would remember for a lifetime. I was going to die, and I barely lived. Feelings of regret washed over me like waves, knowing that it was too late to change anything..

We said nothing. We didn't need to. There was a moment of unspoken words and feelings shared between us as he held each other. Feelings of regret, longing, peace, comfort, and love. As much as I wanted to push Peter away, I couldn't. I loved him, every bit of him. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to imagine him dating another girl, getting married, having kids, with not me. As selfish as this was, I didn't want him to move on.

I cried silently into his chest as I thought about how I would not be here with him. Noticing this, he held me tighter.

The choarist of birds continued as the first traces of pink peaked over the horizon. The sun slowly rose, setting the ski ablaze with pinks, purples, golds, and oranges, bringing life and color to the valley we overlooked. The brownish fall grass tuned into a brilliant shade of gold, the leaves on the dull oak tree turned a light shade of green, which reflected onto the ground. Every living thing woke up to the first traces of light and it was beautiful to witness.

As I watched the scene unfold before me, words escaped me, knowing that I had ever seen anything so beautiful as this. We stayed there for what felt like hours. Just in silence, listening to the valley wake up beneath us. Little bugs flew around, bunnies hop close to us, chewing on the grass, oblivious that we were so close. I saw a fawn chase after his mother down in the valley. She looked up at us and nodded as if to say, I see you, and moved on, into the wood line.

"One day, probably about two years ago, I was stressed with my parents, my team, the school, so frustrated that everyone was trying to tell me what to do. I was tired of people thinking that they knew me and that they knew better for me. I couldn't sleep one bit that night, so I drove here. My grandparents own this land and I know every tree, every hill, every fence in this land, but when I came here, I stayed until the sun rose, and that was when I saw something new. At that moment, I knew I didn't know this land at all and as much as I hated it, I knew nothing, about this land, about life, about my future. This was the turning point in my high school career." Peter explained to me. "Look the truth is, you may think you know better, you may know yourself, but there are flecks I see that make me think you don't want what's coming."

I pulled out of his hug and looked at him with tears in my eyes. "I don't want to go Peter."

"Then don't. fight like hell, go to California, try the treatment. As selfish as it is, I don't want you to go. I want you by my side, forever." He said and kissed me. I'm not sure if it was the despite air around us, but he kissed me harder than he ever had before. He kissed me with so much force that it left me breathless. I laid back into the grass and let Peter follow my lead.

He kissed my neck, causing shivers to shoot down my spine. I had never felt this feeling before and I didn't want it to end.

He rolled over to straddle me and kissed me more, letting his hands travel down my body.

The feeling was causing me to get light-headed, and I welcomed it. I couldn't hold back the soft moan that escaped my mouth as I pulled Peter closer. I didn't want this to end. I pushed him over and straddled him, barely able to hold my weight, but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind. I wanted this. I looked down at him and smiled as he smiled back at me. Suddenly, black spots crowed in my vision and panic shot through me, knowing what would happen next. "Peter..." I choked out before everything went dark.