Happy 4TH for all of those that are in the USA! I hope everyone to have a safe and fun day! Also look for the <>!

Darla H

If life was perfect like a story, it would be like this; Anna and I would have met at a track meet instead of the hospital, and we would become instant best friends. Never would we have to taste sorrow like we did with cancer and together, we would spend the summer by the poolside. I would finally get a tan and she would have this fabulous long brown hair that would get curled because of the choline. Maybe I would even join the cheer team and I probably would date someone from my high school. For my senior year, I would start to apply for colleges and think about my future.

Sadly, life wasn't perfect, all of those dreams would never come true and I would never have time to accomplish any goals of mine. However, there were moments, small glimpses where everything was perfect in my imperfect life. It only took me now to realize it, but I was so blessed to have some pretty perfect moments.

I met Peter in a perfect summer. We had just that, a perfect summer that lasted into fall. Even though it was just a mere four months together, we had an amazing love story. He was with me through thick and thin. He was a breath of fresh air I needed so badly. He made me feel alive again, and he made me want to be alive.

And then there was Anna. Oh Anna, the girl I was so determined to not make friends in that support group. She was just so bright and cheery, and because of that, I couldn't help but want her to be my friend. She reminded me of what a friend was and how to be a friend myself. She really was a perfect friend, a friend that I never thought I would have or even deserve to have.

Lastly, there was my family. Mom that was overly emotional, but always willing to take me out for ice cream. Then dad, always worried but never tried to show it as he tried to protect his family. And Farrah, she was the one that I was going to miss the most from this life. I could always rely on her to make me laugh until I cried. I could count on her to talk my ear off well into the night. She kept my secrets even though sometimes it killed her, but she was always there right by my side. My family drove me crazy sometimes, but they were perfect for me.

Yes, life wasn't perfect and I wouldn't call myself a lucky person, but there was perfection in imperfection and I was lucky, luckier than I realized.

I had been home for a grand total of a week and I kept feeling worse by the day. By now I stopped doing homework, seeing that there was no point. Instead, I read books, played on my phone, talked to Farrah, did almost anything to distract myself from the inevitable. Today was no excuse as I laid on the couch, reading a book, but it wasn't doing a good job of distracting me. I used to be so good at blocking the pain and pushing it to the back of my mind, but recently, I haven't been good at that. I think it was because the pain got more intense but I made sure that my family didn't know this fact.

"Clare! I need help with my project! Can you be my model?" Farrah asked as she ran into the family room, where I was laying down.

I looked up at her as I gave a small laugh. "Really?" Farrah loved to paint and take photos, but she never asked me to be a model. I wasn't sure why she never painted me, I never really thought much of it. It did not offend me when she didn't ask me. I just figured there were just more beautiful things to paint.

"Yes, really. Now get that butt off that couch and follow me," she said, and she grabbed my hand to help me up.

I followed her to the backyard until the mowed grass stopped and the wild wheat grew almost to my hips. Some farmer owned this land and normally he planted something, but I guess this year he was resting his field. The sun shined brightly on the wheat, causing it to shine a golden color, and when the breeze hit the wheat; it moved in unison, causing it to make a natural melody. I never cared to notice the field in front of me, but as it stood grand and vast in front of me, I realized it was beautiful.

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"I'm going to paint you," she said as she led me into the field with a red checkered blanket that she must have just laid down before I got out here. "Here. And sit down," she said and pushed me down gently, but hard enough to cause me to lose my balance and fall onto my butt. She looked concerned for a second, but I shrugged it off with a smiled to lighting the mood even though I knew I would get bruises from it.

"I'm fine. I must have just tripped or something," I said to her. I then looked at my outfit and frowned. She must have not thought about this very well because I was just wearing a pair of running shorts and a church summer camp T-shirt that Farrah got this year. "My clothes don't look great."

She waved her hand at me as if that was beside the point. "Oh, that's ok. I'll paint something different on you," she said as she got her easel out and set up.

"So what do you want me to do?" I asked, as I ran my hand against the blanket, feeling the softness against my rough hand. I tilted up my face towards the sun and felt it on my face, warming my body almost instantaneously.

"Just be normal," she said as she painted.

I said nothing back to her, not needing to as I tried to be natural. I looked down the field to see if I could see any wild thing running around as I remembered that there used to be wild creatures that would walk this field but I haven't seen them in years.

When I was young, it was my goal to pet a deer that used to eat the leftover corn in the fall fields after they harvested everything. I used to see a heard every fall in this field. "Why did you decide to paint me?" I asked her finally even though I think I already knew the answer. She wanted this memory of us and a painting to remember me.

She shrugged. "Because."

I nodded, taking that as an answer. If she didn't want to talk about it, that was ok, I understood. We didn't need to address the obvious, since like a weed in the garden, it consumed every thought in our minds.

There were a few more minutes of silence until she spoke up. "If you want to know, I thought the lighting was so perfect, I couldn't resist."

I looked around me, only realizing now that the half setting sun turned the whole land gold. I saw in the wheat, although that was easy to see. However, in the grass, the houses, the gold was more subtle; she was right; the light was perfect. "There's good lighting often but you paint others, why me now?"

"Because those others were just practice. I wanted to get better before I painted you."

I nodded.

There were a few minutes of silence and then Farrah said, "You can't believe what happened to me today."

I smiled at her, missing these stories. I had heard none in weeks, and I felt so out of the loop, missing a good Farrah drama story. "What?" I asked eagerly.

Before long we were laughing until we were wiping tears from our faces about something that Farrah did at the supermarket over the past week.

"And you didn't notice that they were 3XL?" I asked in between laughs.

"No! I just really needed underwear in a pinch and I grabbed them," she said, as tears of laughter ran down her face.

I shook my head at her. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me," she shrugged, as if it was that simple.

"I guess there is nothing else I can do, is there? How's the progress of the painting?" I asked, as I realized that the sun was disappearing behind the horizon. The last bit of fall crickets chirped as if telling us it was time for us to go in. I didn't realize we were out here for so long, but I was glad that we lost track of time. This was another pleasant memory that Farrah could have of me to hold on to.

"I can't show you," she said defensively as she brought down the painting so I wouldn't see it.

"We have been here for over an hour and a half, and I can't get a little peak?" I begged her, wanting to see if she painted me better than I actually looked.

"You can't rush perfection, Clare."

I gave a small laugh and nodded with her, deciding not to push her any longer. "Did you ever think about going to art school? You're so talented."

She shrugged. "I guess I've thought little about the future honestly."

"Why not? You have the whole life ahead of you. I would plan like crazy."

"I rather live in the now, you know? I don't want to think about the future just yet."

Her words shocked me. I thought she would make plans for at least college. I would be if I were her. "But you need to make plans! You need to find schools a future career path, everything."

She shook her head at me as if I didn't get something important. "Thinking about the future hurts a little too much knowing that you'll not be in the picture," she said with tears in her eyes, but glanced down at the green grass to hide her face from me.

Reality hit me like stabbing knives as my heart ached. I longed to say something that would make this all better. I wanted to make her laugh like we were just doing, but I knew we killed the mood. I wanted more than anything to be with Farrah, to be her best friend forever, but I knew that wasn't in the stars for us. "Farrah," I said as I got up from the ground but as I stood up everything went black.

I woke up to Farrah shaking me franticly. "Clare! Please, wake up!" She shook me with so much force it rattled my brain around in my head, causing an instant headache.

I cracked my eyes open, looking at Farrah. "Please, can you stop? You're causing a headache," I mumbled to her.

"You scared me to pieces, Clare!" she said as she wrapped her arms around me so tightly I could barely breathe.

We stayed like this for a few seconds until I pushed myself up into a sitting position. "How long was I out?"

"Not more than 30 seconds. But Clare, don't you ever do that again," she commanded me as if I had a choice.

"Don't tell mom and dad about this," I begged her.

She shook her head. "I can't keep these secrets from our parents anymore. I need to tell them. I'm sorry," she said and got up from the ground.

And as hard as it was, I knew deep down she was right. No more secrets, not anymore.