I think that this song is good for the whole chapter! 

Enjoy

Cancer sucked, there was not was to sugarcoat it. I knew that fact as well as Anna did. However, I never thought that Anna would find out that fact as fast as she did. Neither did I think the realities of cancer would hit Anna as hard as it did.

I thought she would be in and out of treatment in a flash, and I think she expected that as well. The fact that she was getting worse was crushing for her and me. I could see it in her face, and it killed me that there was nothing I could do to help. There wasn't any way to ease her pain, or fight the cancer on her behalf, this was her lone battle and it was as difficult as it was isolating.

Every time I picked up my phone after the piano performance, I tried to come up with something I could say to Anna, but every text I made, I deleted before I sent it since no words seemed right. Days passed in silence until I decided that what I wanted to tell her would be better in person.

She needed to know that would not run when things got tough, and she didn't need to hide her problems from me because I understood. I understood more than anyone else would and because of that, I would not leave her side. I was going to stay by her and be her cheerleader, just like she was for me.

"Hey are you ok, Clare?" mom asked as I tried to eat breakfast.

I hadn't been hungry for the past few days; I knew it was because of the stress with Anna, the start of school, and just life. All of this stress killed my appetite and even though I knew I should eat, I couldn't force myself.

Now that school started, I felt like I constantly had a mound of homework to do, continually looming over my head, reminding me that I had things to do. Balancing all of my responsibilities along with being with Peter and his rugby games was wearing on me. I knew senior year would be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard.

As I thought about the rugby games, they brought a smile to my face. I think it was safe to say that was becoming a true fangirl if I could fangirl over a team. I was finally back as a member of the school with help of Peter and people were actually treating me as one. At those games, people sat with me, talked to me as those games sucked up my Friday nights, but I loved every minute. And if that wasn't enough, on Saturday's Peter took up my time. It stretched me thin, but I didn't want to give up anything. I wanted to keep it all, but I finally was enjoying my life. I finally felt like I was living.

I looked up at mom and forced a smile to show that I was ok. I didn't sleep well the night before, and I was sure that added to my stress. "I'm stressed out. That's all. I'm not really hungry." I told her honestly and pushed the bowl of cereal away.

She frowned, not happy with my response. "You have to eat something. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

I nodded at her, hearing that phrase more times than I could count. "I know, but I'm not hungry. Please, can I go? I have homework to work on," I frowned as I thought about the mass load that I neglected all weekend long.

She frowned at me, but said nothing for a second as she thought. "Ok go and do your homework. But I expect you to eat lunch."

I nodded at her, happy with her response. "Sure thing." I stood up from my seat eagerly, but suddenly everything went black.

The first thing I was aware of was voices. At first, I didn't understand what they were saying, but I quickly figured out as my mind woke up. Clearly, I heard my parents talking about me to doctor Patel. "She's not doing well is she," I heard my dad question, although it sounded like more of a statement.

The silence was deafening, crushing, sealing his question as an answer.

"No. Her white blood count is way too high. The treatment's attacking her from the inside out. We cannot continue on the path that we originally planned for her," I heard doctor Patel finally speak out.

I heard someone cry, probably mom after all, she was always one to cry first. She wasn't as good as dad or me about keeping a brave face up.

"What are our options?" dad spoke up as his voice cracked.

I waited for voices but nothing came. Once again it was silent as sleep pulled me back under again.

It felt like only five minutes went by when I could finally open my eyes. With slow movements, I looked around at the green hospital room and saw that the only person in here was Anna, asleep on a chair.

Her curled up body looked uncomfortable in the chair, but her steady breathing hinted that she was sound asleep. As I stared at her, I noticed the hat I gave her, placed on her head with a pair of sweats and a large T that made her look even thinner. But as I looked at her in details, I noticed she had a sun glow to her skin again, hinting that she went sunbathing recently. A smiled played on my lips as I realized she looked healthier. Over come with joy, I knew she would be ok, she would get better.

She stirred in her sleep and then stretched as she looked at me with a smile. "Hey bud," I said to her.

"Hey bud. Were you watching me as I slept?"

I nodded silently at her.

"You weirdo," she smirked.

"Well, there isn't much else to do since its awfully boring here if I say so myself."

She laughed hard. Harder than I had heard her laugh in a long time, which brought a smile to my face, realizing that I missed it. "You are so true," she said as she wiped a tear from her eye.

There was silence for a minute as Anna worked up the next sentence she wanted to share. "I saw Farrah walking around the halls a bit ago with her new boy?"

"Probably. She's been spending more time with him than with me. The only way she would be here is if he came along with her, since she obsessed over him. And I hate to play that sick card, but I'm dying. I want to spend time with Farrah, just her and I while I still can. But she keeps choosing him over me."

"Maybe she'll come to, she's only 15."

I shrugged at her. She might be right, but I wanted Farrah now. I didn't want to wait any longer. I had limited time on this earth, didn't Farrah realize that?

"So, your performance. Now that was beautiful. I told you would do well."

As kind as that statement was, I didn't believe it fully since she left before she told me herself. I waited for any communication from her, but it was silent. I thought she hated it, or at least maybe she hated me. But as we talked, I realized she didn't hate me, but maybe just the song. "Why didn't you tell me that after the show?" I asked, unable to hold my mouth shut.

She frowned at me as if it upset herself that she didn't come to see me. "I had to go for treatment. I wanted to talk to you but my doctor whisked me away."

"I missed this, I miss you," I said to her, knowing that this kind of conversation hadn't happened for a long time.

She nodded at me with a sad look on her face. "I miss this too. But, promise me that you'll never stop singing, Clare. Promise me."

I nodded at her. "I promise."

She smiled, then frowned way too quickly as she pushed against her head for a minute. "Sorry. The pain can be a bit much. They told me I wouldn't feel it anymore after what happened so I'm thinking it must be residual."

I looked at her with concern as I tried to make sense of the change in conversation. "What are you talking about?"

"Clare, you probably should wake up now," she said as she stood up from her chair then disappeared into thin air.

"Clare, wake please!" I heard someone shout out to me.

I opened my eyes to see the room in chaos, filled with family, doctors, nurses, and machines. Instantly, I noticed an oxygen mask over my face and, without thinking about it, I ripped it off my face, convinced that it was making me feel uncomfortable.

"Please wear it. You need it just for a little while longer," Doctor Patel said to me softly as he placed it back over my face.

Pulling my attention from the mask was my parents as mom sobbed right beside my bed, holding my hand as dad stood beside her, too stoic to read. Finally, my eyes fell onto Peter, who stood in the room's corner with a frightened look on his face, hinting that whatever happened to me was not good.

No one needed to tell me anything because, as I became more aware, I knew the answer myself. My body was shutting down, I could feel it.

But as concerning of a fact that was, I didn't care to linger on it, wanting to know about Anna instead. Why was she in my dream? She seemed so real. I thought she was here with me. "Where's Anna?" I blurted out to them.

They exchanged worried looks with each other, but said nothing. That silence was enough of an answer for me. Anna wasn't here anymore. My eyes filled up with tears as I realized that one of my only friend died. There would be no more talks about nothing, no more support group buddy. Once again I was alone, filled with people that didn't fully understand my pain. Greif held me knowing that I shouldn't have become friends with anyone in the support group, after ally why did I try when they always were taken away from me?

"Clare, let's not talk about that. Please," Peter said as he walked right beside me. He took a seat in an empty chair and held my hand so gently, it was as if he thought I would break if he held it any harder.

I shook my hand away from him, tired of people trying to protect me, seeing me as too fragile. News flash, I was stronger than they knew. I was going to hurt, have terrible experiences, and they couldn't stop it.

I was dying, and they couldn't stop that. My friend died and they couldn't stop that. My life was hell and they couldn't help that either. "Fine, then I want everyone out. I want to be alone," I snapped at them.

They all frowned at me but said nothing, all stood like statues, glued in their spots. I was so sick of these people around me. I took off the oxygen mask again so I could talk more freely.

I pointed my shaking hand towards the door. "OUT. Gosh damn it, Leave me ALONE!"

Saying nothing, everyone slowly filed out, shutting the door behind them. However Doctor Patel stood his ground, looking at me with curiosity.

When everyone else gone, I spoke up to him. "What?" I snapped, not having the patience to guess what was on his mind.

"We need to talk," he said and sat down on the seat that Peter was sitting on before he left the room.

I nodded at him, knowing that this was going to happen. "I heard, the treatment isn't working."

He nodded in silence as he swam in lost words. He had so much faith in this treatment, we both believed that this was going to be the one and now that it wasn't, he was getting emotional in a way that I had never seen from him. "Clare, I have no more options."

I felt like someone punched my stomach, knocking out all my air. I tried to take a deep breath, but it fell short in my chest. This is what my life came down to. This was the ending moment of my story, but it felt too simple. I thought it would amount to more than this. Disappointment, regret, resentment, sorrow filled me to the brim as I felt my eyes well up with tears. Just like Anna, I was fading too.

"Ok, then we're going to stop treatment. I rather live the rest of my life without hospital visits in peace." My head was surprisingly clear as I said this, feeling like I prepared for this moment my whole life. I fought like hell to beat cancer, but I guess there was only so much one could do.

He grabbed my hand and clung to it, as if he didn't want to let go just yet. "Are you sure about that? I know a brilliant doctor in California that could take your case. He's a good friend of mine and the hospital has better facilities than we do here." He kept talking, however he wasn't committed to the idea himself, he just didn't want to tell me that directly.

"But there's still a large chance that going there could not work," I said, as if reading his mind.

He nodded in silence.

And that was my answer. It wasn't worth it, too tried to carry on. "Then I will stay here. I rather end my life with my family anyhow," I said to him and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

He looked up at the ceiling and sniffled as he tried to keep himself together. Finally, he stood up from his chair, then kissed my forehead. He started to walk out but stopped; turning to face me again. He opened his mouth, but shut it quickly.

"Thank you for doing all you could. You'll always be my favorite," I said to him.

He nodded, then walked out without another word.