Look for the bold<> for the song! Enjoy!

Darla H

"Say hello to Peter for me," mom said to me as I put makeup on in the bathroom getting ready for an opening rugby banquet that Peter invited me last minute to.

"Of course." It didn't matter if I had nothing to wear to it or that I only had a few hours to get ready. Of course I said yes, excited to get out and do something. For the past few weeks, it has felt like that the only place I have traveled to was the hospital and Peter's house and I was looking for a change.

I nodded at her as I put a shade of lipstick on that made me actually look paler then I was. I frowned, ready to take it off when mom said, "I like the color."

I nodded, knowing that my mother was one of the most fashionable people I knew. "You don't think it washes me out?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I think it looks good," she said as the doorbell rang. "And remember your dad and I won't be here tonight as well, but please text your dad when you get home."

"Yes, I won't forget," I said, grabbing my phone and stuffed it into my dress pocket.

"Ok just remember you have a treatment tomorrow morning so don't be out too late."

I nodded at her, not wanting to remember that fact. The words of Doctor Patel still swirled around in my mind like a whirlpool in a tube, but refusing to go down the drain. He was running out of options and that fact crushed me, but I made sure not to let that show. "I won't. I promise," I said, walking down the stairs to see Peter talking to Farrah by the door.

<>

They looked neck deep in some conversation, but it suddenly stopped when Peter caught a look at me. "Hey stranger. Ready to go?" he smiled at me.

I nodded at him, ready to go anywhere. As long as it was with him, I was happy. With a smile, we walked out of the house to his car, where he drove to the local restaurant.

As we pulled into a parking spot, Peter parked the car, then turned to me. "We can stay as long as you want to say."

His comment meant to be kind, but it rubbed me the wrong way, as if I would be the one to pull him away from his team. This was for him, he should be able to stay as long as he wanted, not because I deemed it time to go. "Sounds good."

With his hand in mine, we walked into the restaurant to see that the team rented out small restaurant out for the evening. There were streamers and balloons everywhere, like a party and people, teammates and family, sitting around different tables smiling and talking with one another as if they were all best friends. Instantly it made me feel like a fish out of water. I was never much into sports growing up and as I looked around myself; I realized I had nothing in common with these people.

I stopped in mid-step as I remembered my last encounter with high school people at the dance. Fear took hold of me as I knew I should have never come since I would never relate to them.

My mind flooded with scenarios that could happen over this dinner. What if I say too much, what if I didn't say enough, what if I couldn't impress them, and what if they hate me? Then Peter would to realize that I'm wasn't good enough for him. As I stared at the people in silence, I knew that this wasn't a good idea. Wanting to go, I took a step back with a frown.

Peter stopped with me and looked at me. He could see the fear on my face and smiled lightly. "Relax, they'll like you"

"How do you know that?" I whispered to him.

"You impressed me, didn't you?"

I frowned. I wasn't sure how that happened, but that was a fluke, because I was not a charming person.

"Come on," he said and gently pulled me more into the dining room. I followed Peter to a large table that already had a family sitting at it.

"Hello, Peter! Nice to see that you could make it," a mother said to him as we sat down at their table. She turned her attention to me with a smile. "Is this your pretty girlfriend you wanted to introduce to the team?"

He smiled at me and then at her. "Yes ma'am. This is Clare Atkins."

If I could be invisible, I would be. I had a feeling that they would notice me more than I wanted them to since the team already heard about me. Quickly, I swallowed my fear as I brought out my hand for her to shake it.

"Please to meet you, Clare. I'm Sydney Taylor. Coach Taylor's wife. I'm glad you could make it tonight." She shook my hand excitedly.

I gave a small smile at her. "Nice to meet you too."

She picked up a menu on the table and gave it to Peter and me. "Go on, pick want you want. The burgers here are super good if I say so myself," she winked.

I nodded at her and smiled back. "Thanks for the tip," I stated as if I hadn't been to this restaurant before as I picked up the menu and looked over it with Peter.

As we waited for our meal to arrive, the coach stood up on a chair and gave a small talk to the surrounding people. I couldn't say I paid much attention to it, but the bits I listened to were nicely put together in order to excite the boys about the season. As he talked with enthusiasm, I could tell that he cared about his team and the sport, wanting them to succeed in the game and as people.

I frowned at his words as they fell heavily on my lap like bricks on a trampoline, weighing me down. It was so easy to get rewarded with a sport since it was easy to see the improvement if you put in the time. I wish cancer had the same rules. If so, I would work hard, be positive, rest often, then I could accomplish getting over cancer, but I knew that kind of thing didn't work.

Over the past year, no matter what I did, nothing has changed. It didn't matter if I worked hard or not. What happened to me was just fate, and it was just fate that I would suffer, then die. And there was nothing I could do to change this fact, and it made me sick to think about it.

Sensing my uneasiness, Peter pulled me in closer. "What's wrong?" he whispered into my ear.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, allowing his voice to pull me out of my mind. Nothing went by him, sometimes he was too observant for his own good. "What?"

"You were frowning. What were you thinking about?"

I shrugged at him, playing it dumb, not wanting to share these sensitive details here. "Nothing is wrong. I honestly don't even remember what I was thinking about."

He looked at me to make sure I was telling the truth. "Sometimes I don't think you tell me everything."

He was calling me out, and I felt attacked. "I tell you the important things."

"I want you to tell me all things."

"I will in the right moments, and this is not the right moment," I said honestly as I looked around at the crowed room. I just hoped that he would forget and not ask me about this again.

He nodded in agreement. "You're right." At that moment, our meals came out. As I looked at the huge burger I ordered, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I stood up quickly, a little too quickly, getting dizzy, to steady myself I grabbed a hold of the table causing Peter look at me with concern.

Without wasting a second, he stood up with me and quickly guided me out of the hall where the bathroom was.

I let got of him and ran into the girl's room, finding the closest stall and loosing everything I ate that day. Nausea hit me like waves hitting a beach as I hugged the toilet bowl and dry heaved. Convinced I would spend the rest of the night here, I felt my eyes well up with tears in frustration.

So much for worrying about impressing people. Who was there to impress in the bathroom?

I don't know how long I was on my knees until I heard the door open. I held my breath as I prayed silently that it wouldn't be like the high school dance all over again. "Clare?" Peter's voice ring out.

What was he doing here? This was the girl's bathroom, after all. "Yes?" I said with a shaking voice.

"What stall are you in?"

"The middle one," I frowned, then dry heaved again.

I saw his feet and then watched as he slowly sat down on the ground. I knew what he was doing; I had seen it before at his house; he was planning on staying here until I got out of here. But if he did that, he would be here all night and he couldn't do that, he should be with his team.

"Please go." Knowing that I was ruining his night.

"No. I'm going to stay here until you're better. If that means I have to stay here for the rest of the evening, so be it," he told me.

"Peter, really. What will your team think?" I asked him, knowing that it was only time until his teammates realized we were missing. They only needed one excuse to spread dirty rumors about us.

"Let them think," he said casually, as if he didn't care.

I shook my head, not willing to accept that. This wasn't fair to him. "I want you to go. I will be there in a few," I lied. I honestly didn't feel any better, but his food was getting cold and the team was waiting.

"I can wait."

I pulled myself up onto the toilet seat and opened the door to see him. "Peter, please, can you just go? I'm pulling you away from your night."

He frowned at me, but said nothing as he mulled over my words.

"I will be there in a few. Go and I'll meet you."

He silently got up from the floor, realizing that I was right and he should join his team again. "Ok. I'll go. But if you're not out in five minutes I'm coming back."

I nodded at him. "Deal." I closed the door, then kneeled back down at the toilet. I had 5 minutes to get myself together. I took a deep breath to calm myself as I prayed with all I had that I would feel better. As seconds ticked by, I felt my nose run, instinctively, I got some toilet paper and shoved it up my nose to stop the bleed. And just like that, I knew I would not get out of here soon.

I held the toilet paper to my nose for what felt like way too long, but sure enough, the nosebleed stopped. Feeling grateful that it was a light one, I pried myself from the floor and flushed the toilet. I walked out of the stall, still feeling slightly sick as I washed my hands. I inspected myself to make sure that I didn't look terrible. I straighten out my hair with a fake smile, then walked out of the bathroom without another word.

I quietly slipped back into a seat by Peter. He looked at me with worry, but I gave a small smile to show that I was feeling better. I looked at my burger and frowned, knowing that I would not eat it since I lost my appetite. With a heavy sigh, I pick it up and took a bite, holding back a gag. I needed to appear normal; I needed not to look rude, so I took another bite and forced it down my throat.

"You don't have to eat anymore," Peter whispered to me.

I shook my head.

Silently, Peter took my burger from me and took a few bites. "There, no one will notice now," he whispered, then placed it back on my plate.

"Do you need a box?" one server asked me as he walked up to our table.

I nodded at her, hoping that maybe my dad would eat it for lunch tomorrow. He always ate my leftovers. "I would love a box."

A minute later she came out with a box for my burger and I shoved it into it without care, not wanting to look at it anymore.

"Hey lets arm wrestle," a tall thick boy said as he walked up to us.

Knowing that he wasn't talking to me, I looked over at Peter, who nodded to this thick boy. "Yeah I'll arm wrestle you, Robert." As he put his elbow on the table. He looked at me and asked, "You will count down for us?"

I nodded with a smile, as I enjoyed feeling like I was a part of something. "Yes." I watched as Robert put his elbow on the table. They held hands and looked at me for the signal. "Go," I said to them.

Within a minute, Peter was the first to touch the table with a frown "You cheated, Robert," he said as he rubbed his hand.

"No cheating here. Just fitter and better than you," he said, and flashed a smile at him.

Peter stood up as he got defensive. I could feel the tension rise between the two of them and it caused me to shrink slightly in fear. "I don't think so. Rematch?"

"I would love to see you lose again," he chuckled in response.

Peter said nothing, but I could tell that this boy was bothering him. They set up then looked at me to give the sign, but I wish I didn't have that responsibility. "Go."

Again, Peter was the first to touch the table. "Face it, Peter, I'm stronger than you."

Peter frowned at him. "Just you wait. I'm going to ask for a redo later this season. We'll see who's stronger then."

Robert shrugged. "Sure, you keep telling yourself that."

Peter tightened his fist as he increasingly got worked up with what Robert was saying. Before he lost his temper, I grabbed Peters's hand and squeezed it. This simple touch melted him almost instantly as he turned to look at me. I gave a sigh of relief, knowing that I could stop a fight before it began. "It's not worth it," I whispered to him.

"See you later, loser. Just like your old team, you're still weak. You're just going to weigh this team down," Robert said and left our table.

Instantly Peter's hands turned into fists again, this time turning white as he clasped them. I wrapped my arm around his. "Let it go," I told him softly.

"How can I?" he asked through clenched teeth.

Robert's words were cutting him deep, and I didn't know how to make it better. "Just breathe," I said and kissed his cheek, trying my best to distract him.

At that moment, some other guy came over to us with an apologetic smile. "Peter, I didn't think you had the guts in joining our team. It's going to take a lot for you to fit in. Good luck," he said simply, then walked off.

I wasn't sure if that was supposed to make him feel better, but as minutes passed, Peter when finally regained himself.

As I looked around at the surrounding boys, I realized that no of them came up to Peter. And I was worried that I would feel out of place, he was just as much as a fish out of water there as I and it was making him feel uncomfortable.

"Ready to go?" I asked him, knowing that he needed to leave just as much as I wanted to leave since I still wasn't feeling well.

He nodded at me. "Yes, let's go." He stood up from his chair and helped me up with no one noticing.

"Hey Peter, I'm glad to have you on the team. I think Robert might have a run for his money as goalkeeper," the coach said as we were on the way out. He patted Peter on the back and smiled at him as if he was excited to have him on the team.

Peter nodded at him and flashed a small smile. "Thank you, sir."

By time we got into his car where it was quiet, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He did it again as if the first time didn't work, then hit the steering wheel in frustration. "I hated that."

I recoiled slightly, not liking to witness him so worked up since I didn't know what to do to make it better. I just wanted to make him happy again. He was always happy; it was odd seeing him like this. "I'm sorry."

"My old team had a huge rivalry against this team and I made a few enemies with the members but I thought I made amends. I wanted to be part of this team because I love this sport, but I'm not sure if that's possible," he explained to me. "How can I be part of the team when I am not viewed as a teammate? Maybe I shouldn't even play this year."

"No, don't overreact like that. Why don't you wait? Maybe it will get better. You love the sport, you can't give it up."

"But what if it doesn't get better?"

"Then you can leave if you think that's the best. But why don't you stay for a little longer and more," I told him. I put my hand over his and gave a squeeze.

He nodded as he turned on the car and backed out out of his parking spot, taking my answer as the best option.

The car ride was silent as Peter thought about his problems and me about mine. Both of us stuck in our own world to start a conversation or sing to the radio. So instead, I remained quiet.

As Peter parked the car in the drive, he smiled at me, although I could tell that what Robert said still bothered him. "You're so perfect. You know that?" he asked as he grabbed my hand and kissed it.

I shook my head at him. He was wrong about that. I wasn't perfect; I was far from it. "A perfect girl would not be sick like this."

"That is a part of you that makes you, you. You think cancer defines you, but I don't see you like that. You're so much more than that."