Chapter 52

After Mark was finished with pouring the gasoline, I'm not really sure what happened.  Because I didn't go up in flames like I figured would happen.  I was moving in and out of consciousness at that point and nothing was happening. I was actually kind of thankful that I was out of it a little; I didn't want to wait to die, to be tortured and burned.  I wouldn't want to think about how horrible it would feel.  Instead, as I was hanging there, something else occupied my brain.  My mind was lost with flashes of Luke as he came into my head, his voice, his smell, his taste that I felt earlier just this night.  I hope he will be okay.  That's all I could think.  I wanted him to be safe, to be happy, to be free.  

I wasn't sure how long I was like that in that in and out state.  I waited to die and at the same time, I couldn't think about it because it was as if I refused to.  With all the blood that was dripping down, the gasoline, I felt my tears slowly come and drip down too.  I didn't start sobbing my heart out no matter how much I wanted to; I didn't have the strength to.  Plus, my mind was everywhere, and I wasn't in a conscious enough state to know what to sob for.  I was in the middle it felt like.  

Then, a distorted noise came to me.  A loud ringing, a shout.  I felt my heavy eyelids fight to open and when they did, they reached the sight of the cement I was dangling in front of.  On it, after my vision cleared up a bit, I saw the reflections of lights in the gasoline.  Red and blue flashing lights and I couldn't comprehend what it was at first.  I didn't really care.  That was until a voice met my ears, close and clear and gentle. 

"Albany," he said lightly, his voice seeming just as torn up as my body was.  It was so beautiful.  I slowly opened my eyes again and tried to clear my vision even more.  I saw him there and I thought I was in heaven despite the expectation to go to hell.  He was looking up at me from the windshield that was smashed in.  His body laying down on the ground so he could look inside and see me, I noticed he was half way through where the windshield once was and the outside cement.  His neck was craned to look up at me - though I knew it was too dark for him to fully take me in.  His eyes were gentle and full of hurt, his face broken when he took in what he could of me. 

I watched, seemingly only half present, him move in more and he somehow got rid of the air bag; my vision was in and out and some parts were too blurry to understand.  But I now could see he was able to see me that much better.  I could only imagine how I looked.

I wasn't sure if I was alive or not.  I didn't really care to be honest because he was here with me.  My mind was in two places at once and the one place that held the common sense wanted to move my lips and words in warning when I saw him take in the surroundings.  I needed to tell him.... He needed to leave, to get out of here while he could.  I didn't want him dying here with me.  Because I had a feeling that would happen if he doesn't leave now. 

"Did you... did you get him...?" I breathed, forcing it through my lips. I think I already knew the answer considering I guess I didn't go up in flames. 

"No, not yet sweetie," he said carefully as I watched him maneuver his way back out slightly.  I watched as he carefully sat up when he was out, on the cement in front of the smashed truck roof.  The next thing I knew, he stretched his legs before him and carefully, slowly, inched his way inside the upside down truck.  I silently watched him, curious and amazed at the same time.  He reached up above him and grabbed the wheel near the dash board to help him, inching his way under where I was bound up in the drivers seat.  With his other hand pressed against the glass filled cement, he didn't seem to care about the glass or that I was dripping in gasoline and soon, he would be.  I noticed he was in uniform now and through I knew more cops should be here, I knew he was the only one here so far..  

"You need to leave...." I said, coughing more from the strong fumes and the terrible taste.  

He ignored my words and inched under me even more until his face was an inch under mine from where I was hanging.  I felt him groan in this tight space but his comfort wasn't his worry.  When he reached down to his belt, his breath hard against my face, I knew he was getting something. I was too close to him to see.  But the next thing I knew, there was a light illuminated from next to him.  It was a small flashlight he turned on.  And when that small light turned on, I cringed and we could see each other's face that much more. 

I hated what I saw.  Because I knew he hated what he saw by the look of his transforming expression when he took me in.  So much pain... and I wished he wasn't the one that found me in such a state.  His face paled and his eyebrows dipped even more, his eyes looking me slowly over.  I watched his lips part in overwhelming shock at the sight of me.  His eyes filled with so much emotion and with my dripping hair hanging down around him, he realized just how bad this all was.

I watched as he lifted a hand up slowly, shakily, and he lightly cupped my cheek, breath ridged as he took me in.  My tears dripped down along with the blood and gasoline and I knew he wouldn't get over this.  It was a terrible sight for him to see me.  He bit his lip, cupping my cheek and shaking his head as if in disbelief.  

"You're all wet," he said, his voice that of a scared little boy.  Shaky and light, a small whisper when the rest went into that agonizing gaze aimed at me.  He knew what I was covered it.  I mean, he could smell it the second he got here I knew.  But seeing me... covered and drenched in it... he didn't know how to take it.  It was so disgusting to him, upsetting him more and more as he caressed my cheek. 

"M-M-Mark poured it on me," I stared, voice thicker and heavy, my lips burning with each word along with the rest of my torn body. "Luke... you need to go.  This is a trap...."

Though he put most of his mind on my condition, he was especially focused of my words.  He listened to my soft voice between my wheezy breaths, eyes searching mine.  And after I said that, he tensed up instantly, looking around him for whatever it was I meant because he had no idea.  "What?" he asked, voice high and broken as his eyes found mine again, confused and begging.   

"Mark.  You didn't catch him.  He's going to light this up.  He's going to do it when you are trying to get me out, to kill you too...."

"I don't care," he said in such a loving voice instantly, so sure and so strong with that answer. His eyes searched my face and he stroked my cheek, moving under me more.  "I'm not leaving you. Trap or not a trap."

I was able to surprisingly shake my head as I looked down to him.  My heart with my body was in shreds and I couldn't take the amount of care and affection he was giving me.  I thought I was going to die and now, I'm being rescued.  By the love of my life, the one I wanted more than anything, the man I would never lose faith in, the man that changed me.  It would have been easier in a way if I had just died.  Because given so much shit then so much love was suffocating, overwhelming and I wasn't sure how to respond to such drastic transitions.

"He could get away.... he could kill us," I said, making that clear to him even though I saw he knew the risks.  

"I'm not leaving you," he said sternly again, eyes digging in mine, voice deeper.  His face broke and he looked down with a shaky breath, unable to even look at me.  I felt terrible, just being the object his eyes fell on.  I wasn't worthy to cause him pain.  He didn't deserve it from me.  I saw that pain existed band glowed bright in the core of him.  And at the same time, I saw he was craving that pain if it had anything to do with me.  His next words reached unto me and touched my soul more than anyone has been able to do.  "I don't care if he gets away because I'll find him again.  I will never find anyone like you again."

I felt a wheezy breath leave my lips and I felt my heart warm inside of me.  I felt his palm on my cheek, so comforting... I rested more into his hand, closing my eyes and letting a few more tears leave my eyes.  My ears picked up on him moving again and the next time I opened my eyes, he was directly under me, back against the roof of the truck as I was still bound up in the seat.  He was completely inside and under me.  No going back with ease or at least as fast he would need to if something happens.     

"Can you move at all?" he asked me, his eyes going down me or at least what he could of me since he was already so close to me.  His hot breath brushed up against my face and I welcomed it, anything of him in this painful moment.  

I thought over his words.  It hurt so incredibly much but I wasn't going to give up now.  The more seconds past, the more aware I was becoming.  I was still in that hazy state, one still close to unconscious.  But now, I was conscious of the fact that I was alive and had the chance to make it, to live even if it seemed impossible. Luke before me now, I knew I could fight on.  I had to.

I nodded slowly and bit my bloody lip, holding in my pain as I moved my arms a little under the seat belt.  "...Agh..." I grunted under my breath.  I could move my arms but since I was upside down, gravity working against me, that made it harder.  Not to mention I didn't look down at myself because it was too much pain to handle.  Realizing that I couldn't move much from being restrained and with my pain, his eyes seemed to search over me and slowly, he moved his his hand away from my face and down to his sides.  

I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do but his next words cleared that up.  "We need to take your seat belt off," he said, moving his hands down more so as he raised them back up above him, they would reached my seat belt.  I still tried to help him in the process, knowing from where he was that it would be a little harder to unbuckle me.  

I groaned and reached my shaky hand down, every inch of my arm moving causing a shot of sharp stings up me and over my body.  The belt grazing the fragile and exposed flesh when I moved my hands down was nearly unbearable.   Finally, when I felt the button to unlatch my belt, I yelped in surprised pain again. "Ah..."

My breath went fast, the stinging sensation within me growing harder and I knew what I did.  Just so much as straining my arms made the belt tighten around me.  It was tight enough since it was holding me up.  But it dug in even deeper into my bloody flesh even more from my position and I let out a cry of agony again. 

"It's okay," he said, assuring me, eyes widening as he realized what was happening.   He stopped my hand where it was, his warm fingers, that contact, was enough to calm me a little.  I looked deeper into his eyes and watched his fragile lips move just under mine, quietly in a whisper.  "I'll get it.  Just relax and I'll take care of it. I'll take care of you, Albany...."

I groaned and watched as his body strained up in order to reach the button.  I watched as his body slowly rose higher up towards me.  He was using his elbows to prop him up more towards me and when he was, he pushed his hands underneath him as well until he was completely pressed up against me lightly.  His chin coming to rest just nearly on my shoulder but didn't touch it.  With how close he was now, how far he propped himself up to get to get his body against mine, his scent found my nose despite the gasoline and everything else.  It brought back those pictures of him... holding me in his arms.  Of him kissing me with the amount of passion any woman would crave over.  I felt ashamed, even now in such a suffering situation that had nothing to do with that.  So when he spoke again, I was hesitant. 

"When I unbuckle you, you will fall against me. Put your arms around me so it wont hurt as bad to hold onto me.  I'll unbuckle it slowly so you wont be able to feel the belt sliding against your skin," he said in a deep voice, breath brushing over my ear.

The next thing I knew, he carefully raised one hand from where he was propping himself up.  I was surprised he was able to hold himself up against me with just the support of one arm.  I knew he was strong and he was determined.  But the amount of strength, with the knowledge his hand was under shards of glass that was holding his body weight... It seemed like too much.  He didn't need to suffer like this for me, it was too much.   With the hand he freed from under his support, he slowly reached up more until he would comfortably access the button to unbuckle me.

However, when I didn't respond or do what he said at first, he moved back slightly to look me in the eyes, to understand my issue. I didn't put my arms around him like he wanted to hold on. I was hesitant, not wanting to wrap myself against him after what we engaged in not hours ago. A moment existed then between us as we stared at each other where we both understood was going through our heads. Of that beautiful moment we shared.  

"Albany," he said lightly, guilt filling his jade eyes.  "It's okay.  I promise.  Just hold on to me so I can get you out.  When I unbuckle you, it will hurt and let you go too abruptly.  That's why I am here."

I adverted my eyes in that moment but after a second, I reluctantly nodded, knowing I needed to put aside my issues. Slowly, carefully, I felt his hand move between the belt and my arm.  Moaning at the harsh painful contact that wasn't his fault, it gave me a chance to move my arms and free them from where the belt partially held them back.  So close to him, it didn't take much to outstretch my arms and wrap them around his shoulders.  "Okay, are you ready?" he asked, his hand off to the side and hovering over where he was about to unbuckle my belt, his other hand holding him up and against me.  However, I knew when he took my weight the belt currently was, it would be to much for Luke's hand and we would collapse back against the truck roof.  He knew that but unlike me, he was able to handle the pain right now if he had to.  It would hurt less for me and that was all that mattered to him.

"Yeah," I said in a whimper, unable to help it, resting my throbbing head against his shoulder, my entire body against his. 

The pain was something I couldn't handle anymore.  So I couldn't be more thankful that when he unbuckled me as slowly as he could. He grabbed it from retreating back and sliding against my flesh.  Carefully, he inched it out from under me and the second he did, he started to shake as he began to take my weight.  

I cringed at my entire body's reaction pressing down against his hard solid body.  But god, it was better than a belt cutting into your skin as you hang upside down.  But when the shaking became move evident, he couldn't handle it or reach anymore.  He was forced to let go of the belt and let it swiftly retract himself.  And when he did... I let out an agonizing scream, burying my head and mouth into his shoulder, gripping his collar hard.  Oh god!  Fuck, it hurt so bad.  

The second he let go of the belt and I screamed, it was because he could no longer hold himself and me up with one hand.  He fell back like it was expected against the roof of the truck again and I jerked down with him. The movement made me let out a deep cry, my tears, blood, and the gasoline soaking in his uniform.  "Ohhhh... fuck.  Oh my god," I cried.  But it wasn't as bad, I knew.  He was under me, my protector, and shield when I knew he was pressed against the broken glass again.  That had to be painful, especially with me over him.  

No longer propping himself up, now that I was down and against him, his arm moved around me and tightened, holding me against his warm body in comfort. However, when his other hand came to hold my shoulder, pressing me against him more... well, it was indescribable, that pain.  Because of course, what he didn't know was that it was the shoulder Mark's bullet grazed.  

"Ahhhhh!" I screamed with all I had in my lungs, shaking harder as I was pressed against him, over his chest.  I gripped him harder, tensing up and closed my eyes that much tighter, whimpering as I jerked away from his touch as best as I could that second. 

"What?  What is it?" I heard him asked urgently.

After a moment of heavy panting and uncontrollable grunts from me, he realized what it was that was causing me such pain.  He lifted his hand up that had pressed against the back of my shoulder and with the small light the flash light brought, he saw the amount of blood that covered his hand from that one spot.  At least, that's what I got out of it when I peaked up at him after a moment, so hurt and so scared to just open my eyes.  However, after he saw what it was, he shifted me more up on his body until my face was directly over his face and he brushed my hair back, looking even more shocked.

"Were you shot?" his breath was fast and hard against my face, my open and gaping lips.  Being so close to me as I was laying over his chest on the inside of the truck roof... I wanted to close my eyes or collapse back against him, bury my head in his shoulder and scent.  At the moment, his eyes just seemed too powerful.

I was hesitant on answering at first, knowing how angry he would be.  And he was pissed off enough as it was.  But it wasn't like he wouldn't find out sooner or later. Sighing, I nodded and saw his eyes fill with horror.  I reassured him fast though.  "I-It just grazed...."

"He still shot you," he said, his voice darker.  His eyes took in the rest of me and he just shook his head.  I watched as a dark shadow filled his eyes and you could see the pure hate in them over what happened to me.  He stroked my drenched hair back and he took an edgy breath.  "But you'll be okay.  You're safe now."

As he slowly started to maneuver himself with me back towards the open windshield though, I saw that wasn't the case.  Luke told me to hold onto him as best as I could since he needed both arms to help him.  Gripping him, my arm moving around his neck, I pressed my cheek against his chest and just held onto him. His hands moved to his side and like before, he let that help him as he moved his legs to push us back.  Moving back to get out with me.  Hands digging into the glass with every push back, every inch he made when scooting back to get out... I hurt me, knowing he was suffering and risking so much by what he was doing.  

That became an evident truth not a few seconds later.  Because before we knew it and before we made it out of the windshield completely, there was a new source of light that wasn't from the flashlight.  It was brighter, stronger, and with each second, closer.  

Apparently, the common sense part of me was right before.  Mark was still here, waiting and watching.  I knew it.  Luke got here right before he was able to set the truck on fire.  So he hid in the woods, waiting and coming up with a solution:  to wait to torch the truck when Luke was trying to get me out.. Mark wouldn't just run like that after he was so close to finishing me off.  He was waiting until Luke got here to finish him off as well.  Mark was smart and he knew Luke would be after him if he killed me alone.  So why not get rid of him too he realized.   And now, it was happening. He lit the truck on fire that moment.   

"Oh fuck," I grunted in panic, looking up and back to where the glowing light was over us.  I saw that light start to glow brighter and closer.  It was over us (which really was the bottom of the truck) right now and Mark must not have drenched it as much as I thought because then I should have already been up in flames.  He must have just put more on me to make sure I would die but other than that, he must have spaced out where he poured the gas.  It was going slower than it should have and I could only thank god for this.  

But that didn't mean we wouldn't burn.  No all it did was give us more time. And that could be everything and nothing for us at the same time. "Luke!"

"Damn it!" he hissed in pain and realization at what was happening.  His voice filled with uneasiness despite his need to keep calm in such a situation. There was no way to be calm in his spot. He held me down and against him again before he continued trying to push us back with his legs, backing us up. His back slid along the roof of the truck and I knew the glass was cutting into him.  He didn't care now and the first priority was getting out.  "Hold on," he grunted. 

I did, burying my face against him and could only hope.  I smelled more than gasoline soon; I smelt smoke and could feel it surrounding us, the heat of it and the threatening light.  It was a miracle I was still alive, that we both were at that moment because surely, it should have reached the tank by now and the inside of the truck where I was.  And though we strangely were still alive and fighting, we could both die any second, right here and right this second.  But I believed in Luke and trusted him with all I had, whether he got us out of not.  I closed my eyes and gripped him harder as he slowly moved back until I felt him slowly start to inch out closer and onto the cement.  However, that couldn't happen so easily, not for me and my luck anyway.  

I felt a resistance, something holding me back.  I was caught on something and I didn't know what it was.  My leg was caught between something and I moaned more, my heart beating faster than it already was as I felt the heat get closer.  No... no this was not happening here!  Not now!  So close!

"Luke! I'm stuck!" I shrieked in a broken voice.  

"Hold on!  Just hold on." I felt his arm leave my back.  In an instant, he moved himself over more to the side, as if hoping that would untangle it with our position.  I heard him swear under his breath against my hair and I closed my eyes, holding on to him as I tried to shift my leg in every direction that could help.  After a second, his arms and legs helped him move us out more.  He yanked back and it only caused me to grunt more from the pressure where my leg was caught.  It had to be the dash or the wheel or something!  But Luke didn't seem to think twice about it, just that he needed to get me out with him.  

I wanted to tell him to just pull or leave me or something but I couldn't.  When I opened my mouth to speak, I was instantly coughing as the dark smoke filled my lungs.  He tried to inched back more with me but I was still caught. Groaning, he moved his body under mine again more, this time concentrating with just his foot in motion.  With the contact of his shoe and his leg, he lifted my thigh and I groaned at the pain the movement brought of just simply lifting my thigh a little.  It didn't help at first.  Then, I could feel under me his chest move harder, his nerves on edge.  His foot played over mine more urgently, trying to move my leg over and for it to be free.  

Somehow, someway, he did it. It was the scariest moment of my life, those seconds I was caught.  Because not only was I waiting for fate to catch me and light me up to my death, it would kill Luke with me too.  I didn't want him here, dying for me.  To him, that didn't seem to be an option, not even a thought. Because he wouldn't leave me alone, leave me to die, when he knew he needed to get me out, get me un-stuck.  And he did.

I felt my leg was free and my foot, as if he pushed whatever it was out of the way.  All I could think at that moment was just thank god.  Luke was okay and I guess I was still alive for that second and every moment we didn't go up in flames, I was happy.

Just before the fire swiftly entered the front of the car where we were, he pulled us back with all he had and onto the cool and dry cement, finally free.  Finally out of that truck and away from the fire that was slowly starting to eat away at the truck.  Laying over him on the road, I turned my head just enough, looking back to where we just were a second ago in the truck. It rose up in flames, a bright glow in such a dark sky growing bigger and taller.  It engulfed it, growing hotter and bigger as as I watched,  Luke slowly dragged us back back a little more away, to be safe.  

Glancing back and away, I turned back and rested my head back against him, laying over him fully. I breathed hard and felt my sprawling shaky fingers grip him as much as I dared to me. Against him, slowly was able to catch my breath and my tears that were slowly sliding down my face.  

But this wasn't over yet like I thought with my unfocused and half unconscious mind again.  I felt him move me in his arms more and he inched us back eve more, away from where his truck was going up in flames until we were laying on the other side of the road.  However, what my blurry sight couldn't spot, his did and caught his full attention.

I was glad Luke was aware of what this meant when the truck went up in fire: Mark was around here to cause it.  And though he picked to save me over pursuing him, he was in our presence right now, waiting to watch us burn.  However, since that didn't happen.... Mark had to come up with other plans.

A gun shot went off, the echo hitting the air and our ears along with the crackling of the giant fire and blew up towards the heavens in licks of orange. The gun shot went off in that instant and though I wasn't in the best shape for anymore action, Luke was ready when the bullet flew by us and hit the cement, missing us by a couple feet. But Luke was ready as he was pissed off enough as it is.  

It came from across the road, aimed at us in that instant.  Luke was in action not a minute later though once he knew what was happening.  Mark was shooting at us now, even if I couldn't see him at the moment.  I knew what was happening though.   Mark hadn't expected him to make it out nor with me.  This was his last ditch effort and I could feel the energy radiating from Luke, just in that moment.

Today, everything was pretty fast-paced.  I woke in the woods to have a cop find me and arrest me.  Luke picked me up and took me home.  Then something I will never forget happened that started with Luke's lips against mine and ended with Francis walking in.  He told us Mark was coming for me.  I hid and waited for Luke to get back and instead faced Mark.  He held a gun to me, took me to his car, where I proceeded to jump and roll out of when he was driving.  I ran home, took Luke's truck, and drove as fast as I could.  Then, I crashed and knew I was going to die.  Luke finds me though and rescues me.

Yes, a lot happened today.  And it all seemed to have occurred too fast for me to process it.  But nothing that happened could compare to how fast Luke reacted in this one second. 

He moved swiftly.  With me laying over him, he pushed his body up after Mark fired at us and missed.  He gripped my hips and as fast as he could, Luke rolled me over and onto my back, making me grunt. Pressing me down with my back against the cement, hiding me from Mark's shot, he was keeping me safe.  Now, I was under his shielding body, him over me and in the next second, before Mark could get another shot in, Luke sat up over me, as if straddling me. Looking up at him in shock and pain at whatever he was doing, Luke turned towards where he knew Mark was shooting and pulled his own gun out, aiming it at him.  Then, Luke pulled the trigger without hesitation at Mark.  

I was laying flat on the road with Luke over me, shielding me as he turned and shot in where I knew Mark was. I didn't see Mark and therefore, wittiness him going down as a victim of Luke's gun. But I didn't need to.  

In that short second, Luke fired at him more than he needed to, I guess you could say.  I knew enough that it didn't take over five bullets to kill someone when you're an accurate shot like Luke. But looking up at where he was kneeling over me, his face showed just how necessary it was to unload his gun into where he was. It was anger and it was passion and I wasn't sure what to think of it.  All I knew was that after he stopped firing and Mark was dead, he slowly turned back to where he was over me, looking down into my eyes.  In that instant, those green tints lit up and slowly, they lost the rage that occupied them and pain slipped through the cracks when he took me in under him.  His lips parted, breath hard and I fought to keep my eyes open now.

Mark was dead and I was alive.  Luke was here and alive and I never thought I'd ever have the desire to cry tears of joy before.  But I did.   I was so sure I was dead when I wanted to live so badly.... And I had Luke to thank for that.  It was over.  Finally, it was all over with Mark.

I watched as Luke urgently reached up to his shoulder where the small radio was attached from his belt.  Hand shaky and red with blood, he spoke quickly into it fast and I just barely caught what he was yelling in anger, all the while the blood swam in droplets down his arms. "Where the hell was my backup?!  I need ambulance, a few additional units!  Now!"

Apparently, nobody responded to him soon enough because he must have called when he got here and found me.  Yet, he was still the only one here.  It broke my heart knowing that being alone on this job didn't stop him, didn't make him hesitate one bit.

When he was done and let go of the radio and the gun, he leaned down slowly over me, eyes begging to meet mine.  His bloody hand slowly inched it's way under me, grasping my back where it was against the road. "Ugh..." I moaned when I felt him slowly raise me up, his other arm slipping under my legs when he moved off me.  "Luke..."

I felt him move me and the next thing I knew, I was against him, laying across his lap with my head resting against the side of his shoulder.  His other hand that wasn't nearly as bloody cupped my cheek. He turned my face up slowly, gently, to look at me closely, my heavy breathing not slowing.  Though my vision was becoming more hazy, I tried to fight it as I took him in.  He was beautiful, so lovely.... The fire in the back seemed to warm my skin but I think his presence was what did the job.  

"I'm sorry," I choked out, gasping harder as everything started to register.  A sob was building up within me and I was either on the edge of breaking down or going under.  My eyes shed tears as my throat became tight, my mind wandering away from me at the same time.  I started to slowly close my eyes but I felt him shake me slightly in his arms.  

"Don't be sorry," he said, his voice breaking as he took me in.  "Don't be sorry.  It's over now.  And it's because you did it.  You're so strong, such a fighter... I love that about you, Albany.  I love it so much," he said and I wasn't sure if it was my blurry eyes that made me see the wetness around his eyes or if it was real.  I felt him stroke my cheek and my hair back.  "I'm sorry," he said, grasping me closer to him as much as he dared with my pain.  "I'm the one that is sorry!"

I felt it finally reach my lips and I broke, burying my head back against his shoulder.  But this time, I let it all out.  I gripped the material of his uniform on his chest for something to hold onto as I cried and sobbed my heart out.  I felt him instantly wrap his arms around me more, protectively in such a soft embrace.  I was too sore and hurt to do the same and he realized that as well, I felt his hand inch down to where mine was gripping at his shirt.  He pried my hand away from his shirt and didn't hesitate to wrap his fingers around my shaky ones, grasping tightly as his other remained wrapped around me, holding me against him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered again as I shook in his arms, his lips just barely touching the skin of my ear in a delicate voice. I knew I was in agonizing pain but it all was coming out from my heart with my tears at the moment.  Sobbing against him, I gripped his hand tighter as he squeezed back.  "You're going to be okay.  I'll make it okay, I promise." 

I was soaking his uniform with my tears as I cried into him, loving him so much.  So much.  My heart ached and I cried for everything.  I let it out.  That I knew I was as good as dead tonight, that I nearly led him to his own death tonight. That I caused him so much pain, that I could never have him. For the joy that it was over and that I could have what I fought for: my life.  I sobbed for my physical pain, my mental, and everything in between. 

I felt him unbutton his uniform when he led his hand away from mine.  He moved me slightly away from him in that second while he pulled it off.  With only his white muscle shirt on now - that same one I took off of him earlier - I felt him guide me back against him.  I buried my face back against his warm  shoulder and through I knew he was bleeding as well, he ignored it completely, seeing me to be in the worse condition.  I whimpered against him as I cried and I felt him wrap his button up uniform shirt around my shoulders, pressing it against my skin and me closer.  He ran a hand up through my soaked hair and ringed it out as best as he could while holding me in his arms, comforting me with all he had.  

It took me a bit to calm my nerves and my sobs but when I did, I had such a strong need to ask him something that came to my mind.  It wasn't the time, and it was rather irrelevant as of now, but I needed to ask him. My mind was all over and when it focused in on this subject, I couldn't stop wondering, thinking about it.  As if these thoughts were all that was keeping me here.

Stifling my sobs and calming myself down as much as I could, my lips closed as I breathed smoothly through my nose as best as I could.  As I looked up at him, he looked down to me, meeting my eyes and he stroked my cheek as he watched me. 

"Is Francis right...?" I asked him gently, not daring to even blink as I took in his face.  I felt his fragile fingers along my cheek freeze and his eyes melted in mine even more, breath hitching so close. With him holding me up and against him, I was so close to him... his warmth, his soft touch, his even breath, his loyal eyes, his comfortable scent... So beautiful.  Just like what he told me earlier tonight.

I wasn't sure what I expected of an answer.  I just wanted to know and know the truth.  I was scared either way and those three words that made up that question was enough to tell Luke what I meant.

He didn't speak for a moment, pursing his lips as his eyes buried deep into my soul.  I felt my need to go under and stay there.  It was calling for me to rest my eyes and go to sleep but I couldn't yet.  I needed his answer and though it took a solid minute for him to speak a word, he did answer me.

"Yes," he said in just a whisper and at first, I didn't understand.  I figured he must have misinterpreted the question because surely, that couldn't be true.  Yet, my heart never went so fast and I could feel my body already responding to knowing he understood.  My lips parted in a soft gasp, shivers traveling up and down my body along with the wonderful sensation of realization.  Realization that he did say yes to what I asked.  His eyes told the truth, the painful ugly and disgusting truth that I saw was so incredibly beautiful.  So distracted by his answer, everything else faded.  My pain and his... just his words. "I have feelings for you, Albany. More than I should. As terrible as that is, it is true," he said softly.  I felt my heart lift to such a high place, such an impossible one too.   

"Luke," I sighed, unsure of how to respond.  But he continued on and what he said crushed my heart to pieces as fast as he lifted it to the heavens.

"But it's wrong.  And I wont give in to it.  These feelings, they will go away.  I promise you, they will leave my heart and if you somehow strangely feel that same way, they will fade as well from you." He paused, catching his breath before continuing.  "What happened, it was a mistake. No matter how much I wanted you, it was a mistake and I can only hope you will someday forgive.  Because I know I wont be able to," he said, his voice breaking and it was so clear then that I knew he wouldn't forgive himself.  He wouldn't give up the guilt over what happened.  He would welcome it and drown in it.

And the strange thing... he seemed as if he figured I didn't have feelings for him back.  It was as if he refused to accept that I may feel for him back.  He was scared and at the same time, so was I if he knew just how deeply that need went down to my core.  I didn't want to tell him I felt the same, or even worse, that I loved him.  Because it wasn't a relationship I ever had before and I didn't know how to handle these feelings externally if he knew.  Maybe it was for the best... yes, maybe it was.  At least, that's what I kept telling myself at the time. My heart could only break so much in one day from so much pain.  

"They... will go away?" I asked. Even if I didn't tell him I cared for him, I knew he could read something in my reaction, in my eyes.  He wasn't that oblivious no matter if he refused to acknowledge it straight on.

He nodded, eyes very sorry.  He must think I am looking at him as of some kind of monster, as if I think it's disgusting.  Didn't he see I felt the same?  It was best though that he didn't, I suppose. No matter how astonished I am that Francis was right, against the odds, it only made me feel worse.  Because we couldn't be together knowing we both wanted it.  "I promise these feelings in me... will go away.  If I have to force it away, I will.  Because I don't want to lose you in my life as a friend. As one of the only people I have left. So what happened must be forgotten."

Forgotten?  He answered me and it broke my heart despite the knowledge that I knew it had to.  It wouldn't have worked, wasn't even a possibility.  There was no way and that was okay.  If those feelings could fade from him, then he doesn't feel that strongly for me, he mustn't.  He couldn't feel that strongly no matter how much his eyes said.  And if he doesn't feel for me like that, I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship that could just 'fade' in his opinion.  

That's why I also needed to try to move on.  We wanted each other but like he said, it wouldn't be for much longer.  I had to accept that.  He was right.  It was wrong and terrible and wouldn't work even if we wanted to.  It wouldn't last if it was possible without any guilt.  At least, that's what I thought at the time or made myself believe.  Oh how later, I would find out something that would cross my words. 

I felt myself slipping more and with my eyes in his, I swallowed hard and could feel the last of my tears start to drain from my eyes.  As far as he could tell, it was from the physical pain.  They slid down my cheeks and with them, my awareness went.  The last sound I heard was that of the sirens we were waiting for.  My last sight... was of the man I loved and the man I could never have, now or ever.  

________________________________
____________

I actually wrote this as a part of the last chapter but split it up because I thought it was too much going on at once.  Hope you like it!  Don't expect another quick update any time soon though :)