Chapter 47

Francis found me lying there, bound and sticky, a few minutes later.  The rest from there was a blur.  I knew I was escorted from the school; I knew I repeated over and over that I really wasn’t hurt and I only just looked bad.  I also repeated that I would not tolerate it if they took me to a hospital. All of that though seemed like it was occurring in the background.  I wasn’t sure if the cops were called, wasn’t sure if Francis called him. I wasn’t sure of anything until I saw Luke later on.

Francis drove me back to his parents’ house where he dropped Brooke off for the day earlier (she didn’t go back to school for a few more days).  He called up Luke and told him what had happened over his cell phone as he drove. Luke would be over soon enough.  Meanwhile, when we pulled into the driveway of the grand house, Jan immediately attended to me and cleaned me up.  Still in that daze, she patched up my stomach, let me shower off, and gave me some of Shannon’s old clothes.  Jan then led me down the upstairs hall and showed me into one of the guest bedrooms where I laid down, following her words to get some rest.  She didn’t bother trying to talk about what happened though, which I appreciated.  As far as they knew, it was just some random kid from school that did this to me. 

 Vague. Daze.  Blur. It wasn’t like I was so troubled, I couldn’t talk.  I just had enough for the day.  I didn’t want to bother talking about it; there was no point.  I also had no patience for my own hope.  I was pissed off and sick of the drama.  I knew that as of now, they were trying to find who did it at school.  Even if I said it was Clare, it wouldn’t matter.  I was crazy. So let them work their asses over nothing why not. I was content laying here in bed so not my problem. 

My mind snapped back into focus when I heard the bedroom door fly open loudly. Light poured into the darkened room from where Jan closed the curtains and blinds tight, keeping out the afternoon sun.  Light from the hall now rushed in and flooded the space.  With the abrupt bang of the door flying open and the sudden light, I sat up slightly from where I was in bed. I looked towards the door and my eyes widened slightly before I cringed. 

My eyes on him instantly, my initial and absolute thought was that Luke didn’t need to see me like this.  He lost it yesterday.  Imagine what he will do now.  At least he wasn’t seeing me soaked with pop and taped to the floor with a bloody stomach.  Imagine what he would have done if he were the one that found me?  

Right now though, I saw his eyes start to melt and thrive in pure anger and overwhelming sadness.  His body, I could see, was now physically shaking before me.  Fists clenched, lips in a tight scowl, he stood there and stared at me, eyes looking me over instantly for damage.  What he probably didn’t know was that it wasn’t that bad.  He couldn’t see anything; my stomach was only cut up a bit.  I expected a look of relief because I knew I looked fine having just went through a massive clean-up job thanks to Jan.  That didn’t happen though.  So I could only assume Francis told him about the state he found me in.

There was intense silence between us before he slowly shut the door behind him.  “Let me see it,” he said in a low voice, his face supporting a mask he was having a hard time keeping up.  And honestly… it was kind of scary.  His eyes, his entire body… he looked crazy.  He was ready to lose it; hell, the insane vibe that came off him already said he was breaking. 

I didn’t respond.  I just continued to stare at him, unable to take in such a strange sight.  He stepped closer and when his tight lips parted again, his teeth were clenched.  He swiftly came to the side of the bed and he ripped off the covers that were over me, looking down at me.  Gasping at his quick movement, he came to sit down on the side of the bed and carefully, he grasped the bottom hem of my shirt and folded it up just below my chest.  All the while, I couldn’t take my eyes off his face.  So… so angry.  So crazy.  His eyebrows acted in waves, the jade light in his eyes darkened as he took in the bandages.   

He took a wavering breath before he slowly ran his fingers over the bandages and my skin, making me shiver in delight at the soft feeling, the coolness of his fragile fingers.  His eyes staring down at it, he closed them, trying to get it together.  I just took him in with mixed feelings too. I wanted to scream at him and hug him at the same time.  

"Who?" he asked in a hiss.  "Some other random student you didn't know?" He was physically shaking.  It would be interesting to see the state he is in after I tell him this.  Hell, I knew him well enough to know he might not be any different; he wouldn't believe me.

I started to laugh and from the look that came upon his face, I could tell he didn't hear the humor in my voice.  He heard the absolute hatred in my laugh as he just stared at me with wide eyes at my sudden outburst of laughter.  Our eyes met in a clash of feeling and I could feel the insanity in me.  I could feel the need to lose myself and let it all out. Feel that need for destruction as I did the massive amount of awkwardness between us.    

"Of course not!" I said in a light voice.  "Of course, Clare's got to get her little say in the matter of how much I must suffer."

His eyebrows raised and his jaw dropped slightly, breath increasing.  His body tensed more and his eyes were so far under in emotion, I had no clue where he stood.  

"C-Clare...?  She did that to you?" His voice was heavy.  I didn't know why.  It wasn't like he believed me.  

Laughing, I said lightly, "Oh you bet.  It wasn't too bad though.  A few cuts.  What really, and I mean really, puts the icing on the cake is that she got away. And it doesn't matter because therefore, it never fucking happened."

He didn't know what to say, his eyes lost in his thoughts.  I felt him grasp my hand gently and his breath picked up, his body shaking even harder.  Luke's lips wound tight and he looked as crazy as everyone claimed me to be. He found reality and abruptly let my hand go, as if it shocked him before he spoke.  "Albany I really--"

I cut him off, laughing louder it seemed.  I felt something build up inside me even more and I couldn't handle it.  "It's just so funny. First, it's Mark trying to straggle me.  Then, narrow-minded teens at school on the first day.  And now..." I laugh, shaking my head.  "Now, Clare's got to do something to me.  Well, I think that's just about everybody accounted for.  I'm just waiting for you or your family to try and kill me too." My laughter trailed off when I saw the look that came over his face.  Pale now, his eyes grew wide with hurt and a fire, so hot and hate-filled at having this happen again to me.

"Listen!" he said, clenching his teeth. "You need to understand that I can--"

"Tell me," I growled at him, my heart racing.  The air was thick between us and there was something between us, building and filled with pressure.  Ready to break.  "Tell me you don't believe me.  I want to hear you kick me while I'm down." I leaned up more and suddenly was yelling in his face.  "I want to hear you take her fucking side. I want you to break me down and tear me up.  Because you are the last person left that still needs to do that to me.  I'm just waiting now."

I wanted him to finish me off.  I was breaking as it was.  And the strange part was that I was under control, I was fine about what happened.  Then he stepped in the room and I couldn't take it. I couldn't stand him anymore.  Because I wanted him so bad.  I craved him and couldn't have him.  So why not just bleed all I can because of him?  I didn't want to live like this.  Not just with being beaten down.  With watching him love someone I hated so much.  With seeing he won't believe me.  Him having so much love to give and giving it to someone who doesn't deserve it.  Yet at the same time, he's trying with me to help.  It was the biggest headache in the world and I felt my body shudder in pain with not being able to have him.  So why can't he just show me that I will never have him?  Why can't he just hate me because that's what I wanted to feel over him.  Hate.  I wanted to hate him for making me feel so vulnerable and so small.  So lost because I wanted him and loved him.

"Stop it," he growled.  "How dare you think I would ever do such a thing to you.  I know that a lot of people hate you, stubborn irrelevant people.  I won't ever be one of them.  I know it would be easier for you if I turned on you.  But I wont.  I'm here for you," he said, his hand making contact once more, sliding up my arm more. He leaned closer, stressing his words with his beautiful eyes.  It was such an amazing look he gave me, I wanted to save it forever.  It was one of care and love and I wasn't sure how to take that.  He pursed his lips.  "I can't begin to describe to you how much you mean to me now."

Not enough as you mean to me. 

"I'm so... beyond done with everything that has happened to you," he went on.  "Clare was in that bathroom waiting for you, you said.  And hell, at this point who the fuck knows; you might be right.  Whether you are right or not, I don't know if I can continue watching you live your life with so much hate given to you.  Today... oh fuck," he shook his head.  "You can't imagine how frustrated I am right now.  How much I would like to ignore the fact that I'm a cop and show all these people that hurt you what I am capable of.  I want to fuck them all up," he said, shaking a little harder it seemed.  "I want to make them all pay for you."   I smiled up at him from where he sat next to me.  I saw the need in his eyes and I felt so cared for by him.  I could tell how much he wanted to kick every ones ass for beating on me.  

"I know you do," I said quietly, understanding.  "And if you really want to do something, look at the schools cameras to see who did it to me.  Just... just please.  You're a cop, you can do it.  I know better not to put hope into you.  You're selfish and blind.  So I'll just ask you for this once.  Just look at the cameras.  She was in the locker room.  The cameras must have gotten her coming in or out or something," I said.  "She was wearing a blond wig but I'm sure you would be able to tell who she is.  And if it wasn't her, you still would have caught whoever did it and would be able to give them the appropriate punishment."

Luke stared me and I couldn't read his eyes.  He didn't want to do this; probably because he wouldn't handle it if I was right.  His eyebrows together, lips flat, he thoughts it over silently before he nodded just barely.  "Okay," he whispered.  "I'll look."

"Thank you," I breathed.  Hope.  It was all I could do now. 

"It wasn't her," he said, voice broken and eyes strained with stress.

I pursed my lips.  "Keep telling yourself that.  That's what you're afraid of, me being right.  Because you know how likely that could be."  When he didn't respond, I continued, somehow hoping my words would push him in the right direction.  "She didn't call, did she?  Clare doesn't know what happened because she just didn't hear the message my school left at her work.  Ironic considering she's a secretary and it's her job to check messages. And later on, she's going to pretend she didn't know what happened to me."

Before he could respond, if he even would have, the bedroom opened and drew our attention. Luke turned around to see who it was as I sat up a bit, looking towards the door as well.  My heart jerked as I saw the little girl that reminded me so much of Emily walk in.  Brooke's blond hair bounced around her shoulders as she walked in swiftly without hesitation.  I felt a smile crawl to my face at seeing her and it helped me calm down a bit.  Her beautiful blue eyes met mine and she came towards the bed.  Without a word yet, Luke and I watched as she climbed up on the bed and crawled towards me before she knelt right next to me, on the other side of where Luke was sitting.  

"Albany," she said quietly, her eyes looking over me and on instinct, I brought forward the covers so she didn't have to see my bandages.  Her eyes met mine and she extended her hand towards me and I noticed then what she was holding.  It was a bright daffodil.  "Here, this is for you.  Daddy told me I could pick it out of Grandma's flower garden for you.  But he said not to tell Grandma so it's a secret."

I smiled as I took the flower, admiring it.  I never was one for flowers.  But I liked what she did for me and thought it was very sweet.  "Thank you, Brooke.  I really like it.  It's very pretty."  I raised the yellow flower towards my nose and took in it's sweet scent.  "Mmm.  And it smells very good."

Brooke smiled at me, her cheeks heating slightly, and I felt my stomach twist in pain at the sight.  Ignoring it, I watched as she turned to Luke - who was trying to stay composed and not show how shook up he really was.  

"Uncle Luke, daddy said that you need to go to the garden and pick a flower so you can give it to Albany.  He said that's what boys do for the girls they like." She smiled innocently and clearly didn't know what her father's message meant but was happy to deliver it.  For me though, it made my own cheeks heat at the words Francis told her to tell Luke.  That bastard. Luke looked upset and angry towards Francis, wherever he was in this house.  

Could you blame Luke though?  He just got indirectly accused of being attracted towards me.  The strange thing about it was the fact that he didn't look confused over the message.  It was as if he knew exactly where Francis was coming from and had talked to him before.  Now that I think about it, it wouldn't be too surprising if Francis was also talking to Luke about the possibility of him liking me.  Francis kept pushing me on the matter, it makes sense that he would push Luke on it. 

Luke forced a light smile to his already unsettling, and now, guilty face.  "Sweetie," he said.  "Your dad was just kidding around."

"Daddy is never wrong.  He said so himself."

I chuckled at this.  I could absolutely believe he said that.  I watched as Brooke crawled back over to the edge of the bed and climbed off.  I watched her with envy as she moved her little feet quickly, running towards the door to do whatever kids her age do (I wouldn't know though).

Turning back to Luke, I saw the facade drop and the same dead expression was there again.  Eyes tilting down to me, he gave me a sorry look.  You could tell he wasn't going to get over this any time soon, what happened to me.  I also knew it shook him a bit to be accused again of being attracted to me but he didn't bother to address that.  He addressed something else but something important, even more so.

"We are staying here tonight," he said a moment later after the silence between us became too much to bare.  Tension was growing and every silent space between our words were packed with it, making us both very uncomfortable I could tell. 

Looking into his angry eyes, I was trying to understand why exactly he said that.  Because I saw that there was more than just the words.  There was true feeling and sincerity, a tone in his voice that was lower and not proud.  Clare's words from earlier came up.  Was it a coincidence that Clare threatened me today to stay away from him when he was saying we are staying at his parents house tonight?  

"Why?" I asked, hiding the smile I wanted to show.  

His eyes told me enough.  He was upset with Clare over something.  Luke didn't want to really say anything but he knew I understood enough so he told me anyway.  "We had a fight."

"Well it must have been a doozy.  After all, she took her anger out on me today at school while she was on her lunch break.  And yes, the times match up perfectly," I said, already on track with knowing she went on lunch the same time mine began.

His eyebrows lowered and he tried getting past those words. He took in a slow breath, trying to keep control.  "That's too big of a risk, her coming to your school to attack you over a fight she and I had."

I smiled.  "I'm going to go out on a limb and say the fight was over you and me spending too much time together.  Either that or that you have 'changed' because of me and therefore are drifting away from Clare."

I was nearly positive that was what their fight was over.  After all, she threatened me to stay the hell away from him because she didn't want to lose him.  I could only assume their fight was over me getting in their way or something along those lines.  

He confirmed it with the catch in his breath, the stiffness his body gained, the widening of his scared jade eyes.  Everything was there for him to believe me.  He knew it couldn't be a coincidence that I would know that.  I knew he was so incredibly desperate to make his marriage work.  But after so many things, he should believe me by now.  There was something else there that was making him deny it all.  It was something I was desperate to uncover and understand why that was. 

"I said I will look at the footage from the cameras.  Don't push it," he said tightly.

Before he had another meltdown like yesterday, we headed downstairs to relax and keep our minds busy. I sat on the couch next to where Mike was sitting and Luke sat on the love seat adjacent, attention now turned to whatever was on TV, somewhat forcefully.  After a few sympathetic words from Jan and a half hour of TV, Francis walked into the room.  And when he did... the large amount of tension in the air already changed. The atmosphere shifted, the tension growing, and even doubled when Francis sat next to me on the couch.  Glancing to Luke, I noticed his attention was no longer on the news update on that case going on in Oklahoma.  His eyes sparkled in conflict as they moved back and forth between Francis and I.  He was tense and his eyebrows dipped as if in pain.  It was such a strange moment, especially because I felt Luke's presence start to dig into my heart and plant itself there.  It stuck out so noticeably, that he was clearly pondering over something of a large subject.

His eyes met my observing ones and when he realized I was watching his swift eyes, he turned away from me with an even more disturbed expression.  I saw his chest was moving up and down unevenly and he appeared so on edge... it was scary.  I could tell it wasn't just about what happened today at school for me that was causing this from him.  I could see many things swimming in his eyes, things I realized he was still hiding from me. 

"I need some air," he said curtly as he got to his feet quickly, striding towards where the door was and out of my site.  I heard a second later the door open and shut swiftly with a loud noise that still seemed to echo in the pit of my stomach.

I heard Mike sigh from next to me and saw a sad expression cross his face.  He looked very worried, like all parents would be. Glancing to Francis, I saw him smirk down to me and before he said anything to me, I elbowed him.  "Don't even start," I said, leaning into him and whispering in his ear.  "He is upset because of what happened to me today.  Plus, I don't think he likes the thought of me and you hanging out.  He's protective of me," I said, trying to get those dumb thoughts out of his head of Luke possibly liking me.  "That is all."

Francis shook his head, eyes teasing as he whispered back in my ear. "You are just refusing to see the truth.  Whatever.  But I will tell you this: he's got more issues going on in his head than just wanting to protect you.  Today, he was close to finding Mark. But he didn't and that means just more paperwork until that little shit is found." That was more than interesting.  I was going to question him on the matter but didn't interrupt, wanting to hear the rest.  "Not to mention, he also said he and Clare had a huge fight after you and I left for school this morning. And that's not even touching on the most sensitive subject: you.  Another day of abuse aimed at you that he can barely stand.  Not to mention what's really killing him.  The fact that he's crazy for you," he scoffed, shaking his head.  "And he can't handle that anymore. He's at breaking point."

Well... that sure would give him reason to get air.  It was all something I could understand.  But Francis was wrong about some things.  The obvious one being me.  It was so ridiculous of a thought, I wouldn't bother trying to see if it was true.  It couldn't be.  Other than that though, Luke had every right to leave; he needed a break.  It was just so overwhelming for him, I knew.  He didn't need this shit yet he was dealing with it all.  There's no wonder he was so awkward around me and distressed. 

Leaning back up in my normal sitting position, I spoke at normal voice level where Mike could also hear.  Attention still on this stubborn smug man, I just shook my head at him.  "He's strong," I said.  "He just needs time to himself right now."

I watched as Mike ran a hand through his locks of greying hair and glanced to me from where he had been facing the TV. His sad eyes met mine and she pursed his lips as he stared into my eyes.  Clearly he heard what I just said.  It made sense as to why Mike said what he did next.

"That's exactly what he's thinking about." He said, voice low and quiet.  I saw his eyes start to fill with more worry and understanding as well. Outstretching his arm, he rested it on the back of the couch and  shifted more towards me, facing us more.  Looking him over, it was clear Mike was tense too.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not understanding.

He sighed and hesitated for a moment before answering.  But when he did, I felt my heart stop immediately and I knew everything had changed.  Everything.

"He needs time to himself.  He told me he's considering a divorce." 

It was ironic.  I wanted this to happen since day one.  This should be a dream come true for me.  Of course, there were a couple things to consider.  First, I need to let what she just said register in my suddenly slow processing head.  Second, many things have changed that made me look at that statement in a completely different way. 

His words reached my ears.  And when they did, you can bet I felt it in my bones.  Stomach twisting, heart racing, my eyes widened and I felt my entire body freeze.  I couldn't have heard him right was my first thought.  This was Luke.  Luke.  Who refused to give up his marriage, who stuck with his wife through her lies and faults.  Who was so incredibly determined to make this work.  I couldn't believe it.  He wouldn't do that.  I mean, hell yeah I wished for his to be free of her ass.  It would be a relief.  But... it just seemed like such a shock, that he finally accepted things wouldn't get better.

I stared into his eyes, seeing such sincerity in the warm color.  His eyes alone told me his age; he's been through a lot of stress and worry.  Luke's words came back to me about his youngest sister Hailey.  Mike was crushed, they all were.  To lose a daughter like that and never know what happened, where she is, if she's dead... that was there, deep in his eyes.  He cared for his children, very much.  And behind that funny attitude of his, lied this: torment.  I could see how worried he was over his son and the amount there was overwhelming, it made me concerned even more so for Luke. 

I wasn't the only one hearing this for the first time.  I heard a heavy breath leave Francis and he seemed surprised at this too.  Looking up to Francis, his hazel eyes through his thick frames were full of pride and wonder at the same time, curiosity.  However, he was no where near as taken off guard as I was, or nearly as worried.  He said it wouldn't work, he figured it was only a matter of time.  And though I knew Clare and Luke were not meant to be, it seemed somewhat out of nowhere.  He was just so determined to make it work, to do whatever it takes.  

I didn't want to think about it.  Mainly because the result of a divorce would be me being killed, I was nearly sure.  I didn't doubt Clare one bit.  If Luke left her, she wouldn't only lose it.  She would be so set on making me pay for it.  She would know it to be my fault for entering his life and showing him an ugly side of Clare.  

"A-Are you sure?" I asked, my voice higher than normal.

Mike's eyes reached mine with uncertainty, trying to recognize how I felt about this.  "Well, I know he is for sure thinking about it at least. Poor boy can't catch a break."

Like earlier, the next few hours went by in a daze.  I just sat there, lost in my thoughts, as the rest of their lives went on normally in the house.  Jan made dinner, Brooke played a board game with her dad, Mike read the paper.  All the while, Luke was still gone and I knew he must be incredibly pained.  Especially when he was so determined to not leave my side with what happened with Mark, considering safety.  He was hurting so much, tormented, he was willing to risk it.  Plus, I had a gut feeling he just couldn't handle being around me either for some reason.  

I was up in the guest room, laying awake unlike the rest of the house.  My thoughts ran and ran. I still didn't know what to think about this.  What to do.  Should I run?  Should I try?  Should I bother?  More importantly to me, what was going to happen to Luke and I?  Even if Clare doesn't kill me, Luke would leave and I would be alone with Clare again.  I wouldn't have my chance at the life he promised me.  I might never see him again - either I would die or run; it was a possibility.  I knew I was over thinking it but I couldn't help it.

An hour later, I just couldn't take it.  Not only was I questioning what was going to happen if a divorce occurred but I also couldn't help but be concerned over Luke.  More like freaking out.  Despite how much stress and issues he could handle, this was something major.  He gave his entire life to that woman, put so much faith in her.  He must be so broken, so out of it right now to have even mentioned the nonexistent word to him that started with a D.  I no longer was concerned of myself at the second; My heart longed for him to be okay, for him to be happy and smile and laugh. I wanted to know Luke was back and okay. 

Was it so surprising that I had to get up and see if he was back yet from wherever he went?  His absence not only made me worry; I needed his presence, the knowledge he wouldn't do anything stupid.  I loved him and as stupid as it sounds, I just wanted to be around him just to be around him.  At the same time, it was so wrong - so wrong to want that.  Right now though, worry and need dominated. 

I left the room quietly, knowing Jan and Mike were asleep (Francis and Brooke went home after dinner). Walking down the long dark hall to the stairs, I made my way down until my bare feet met the cool floor.  Since it was still summer, I was supporting Shannon's old pajamas.  Shorts with different colored hearts and smiley faces scattered over them with a matching light t-shit to go with them.  Yuck.  But comfy.  

Walking into the kitchen, I looked around and went into the living room as well as the other open spaces of the house in the darkness.  I came to the conclusion that he wasn't back yet at this scary hour of 12:00 midnight.  

Just as I was about to head back upstairs, I noticed something.  The back sliding door was open with nothing but the screen door there.  Slowly, I walked towards it, knowing Jan and Mike wouldn't leave the door open and unlocked during the night.  When I got to where the screen door let in the music and air of the night, I looked out in the darkness and saw an outline of a figure sitting on the steps of the deck a few feet away.  

Sighing, I opened the screen door and walked out into the freeing night, one so beautiful and alive.  I always loved the night, the darkness.  But right now, all I could concentrate on was the figure sitting on the wooden steps, somewhat slouched back.

That shape moved upon hearing me come out of the house.  I could see him now under the light of the moon; his uniform was still on from earlier, no longer tucked in, sloppily hanging open.  His hair was messy, and when he turned to look up at me, his eyes were strained and tired.  I also couldn't ignore the impressive collection that was beside him of beer cans, including the one still in his hand.

When his eyes found mine, I watched his lips tilt up in a menacing smirk and he let out a low chuckle.  "Well that figures," I heard him say to under his breath before he glanced away and out towards the huge yard.  He tilted his head back and raised the can to his lips, taking another drink.  When he was done though, he didn't acknowledge me as I stood there, observing his eyes trained on the darkness in the distance.  

I stood there, staring down at his still form sitting on the steps.  Sighing, I felt he summer breeze brush through my bound strands and it felt so good over my skin.  It was a nice night.  Why not ruin it with drama?

"What figures?" I asked, hesitantly moving closer to the steps and I moved a few down and sat next to him on the second step down. Looking at him as I sat beside him, I saw him tense and he clenched his teeth, refusing to look towards me.   

"That you're here.  Why do you always have to find me?" He said in a daze, eyes refusing to meet mine as I faced him, begging for recognition it seemed.

 I raised an eyebrow, not sure if I heard him right.  I'll just tell you this: I better not have heard him right.  "Um...what?"

"I have to constantly be with you, to watch after you.  Yet when I try to get the fuck away from you, here you are.  God damn, how am I suppose to keep you off my mind when you are everywhere I go?"

He said it with a desperate voice, not one that said he was upset with me.  Looking at him now, his eyes sagged with his body, he took another sip of his beer. I wasn't sure how to take that.  Hell, I didn't even understand what he meant.  I mean, I get that he has to always be with me and deal with me but I didn't think I bothered him so much.  What a ball-less asshole he is if he can't come out and say it when he's not drunk.

"Is that why you're divorcing Clare?  Because you can't stand me?  You're one fucking dick if you're abandoning me because you can't handle being around me.  I don't need your protection if it's out of pity." 

It sounds like I'm being whiny but it makes sense for the fact that ever since I've been home, their marriage has fallen apart.  It's my fault and I'll be honest, I'm happy that they are getting a divorce.  But I wanted it to be because of Clare, not because of me. 

He finally turned to stare at me, his eyebrows raised and the bright green of his eyes lit from the moonlight called me crazy before he faced away from me again.

"I am not abandoning you.  I'm not even sure if I want a divorce yet.  I'm just... thinking about it.  And if I do get a divorce, don't you dare think it's because of you. It's because your mom and me can't handle it."

If that was the case, I still didn't know what he meant about always being around me.  But something else caught my attention.

I scoffed.  "You're starting to sound like my father."

"That's because I need to. I need to be your father.  That's more important than ever now.  Father.  Not friend, not anything else."

Clearly out of it, he seemed more vulnerable and it was something I didn't wittiness too often.  I didn't understand half of what he was saying, I was getting pissed, and I was worried.  But I felt like I needed more from him and I wasn't sure of what.

"First of all, you are drunk and not making any sense.  Second, if you get a divorce, I'm screwed.  No that's no reason to stay with her.  But I can't live with her alo--"

"You should... should really give Francis a chance," he said in the middle of my words.  I blinked, registering his words and seeing he didn't want to talk about the possibility of a divorce, obviously.  He stared ahead and wouldn't look at me even though I knew he wanted to.  

I laughed in annoyance. Yeah, just cut in and start a new topic of discussion, one so impossible. "I should give Francis a chance?  Ha!  You are so damn confusing, you can never have one thought to think straight," I coldly said to him.

Against my annoyed voice, he returned one of more than annoyance.  His voice was raising and he still, refused to look at me.  "I don't know what the fuck to say then.  You're pissed when I tell you to back off now your pissed when I say give him a shot!"

"Where is this coming from?  And why are you telling me I should give him a chance when that has nothing to do with anything?!"

"It would help.  It would force me into a situation that I need to face." He sighed loudly as he took another drink.  "He's a great guy, you know.  He was always the funny one, could brighten anyone's day.  He's sweet and caring and willing to help when he can. I mean, he's older than you by a number of years but hell, what's one broken law?  Compared to dozens of broken laws in comparison, he's a pretty good fucking deal!"

Compared to dozens of broken laws... what the hell was he talking about?  Nonsense.  And bullshit at that that was pissing me off.  Scowling, I slapped his arm and this time, I watched him turn towards me to look at me.  His heavy eyes supported low eyebrows and a scowl himself.  

"What the fuck is your problem?" I nearly shouted in his face.  I wanted to talk about this divorce that was freaking me out.  This was life or death if this turned ugly.  This was important yet he starts talking about his brother and me, pushing and being mean about it.

He scoffed, waving his hand as if dismissing what I said as he took another drink.  Thick air started to suffocate me and I just wanted to punch him and kiss him at the same time. He was so broken.

"My problem?" he slurred.  "That this is my last beer."

"Well I guess it's better than trashing the place," I hissed back.

"It's not as effective. You're still here."

"You're an ass!" I yelled back at him.

His reaction was unexpected.  He gave a throaty laugh before he nodded at me, as if in agreement.  "Just another reason for you to give Francis a try.  He might seem like an ass, but he isn't.  In fact, he's helping me find Mark that much sooner.  Bet you would like that," he said in an immature tone, looking away.

I was ready to get up and just leave this impossible man to himself.  Then those last words he spoke.... What did that mean?  Francis was helping Luke in the case?

"Francis is helping?  How?"

Luke took a deep breath, taking a moment to speak.  When he did, his head hung low and eyes searching the wooden steps beneath us.  He spoke loudly yet in such a way, you knew he was distracted by something else.

"Yeah.  We have him contacting the group again, trying to get back in.  We want him to find a way through Mark's friends for us to find him. He'll be acting as if he's one of them again and he will have to do a good job with it. They are bound to be suspicious." He scoffed.  "Who wouldn't be?"

Damn.  I wasn't sure how I felt about that.  Francis going back in was dangerous.  Hell, leaving was risky enough.  If you dared have the balls to return, you better have a good reason otherwise you're screwed.  He's have to start acting like he's back on the drugs, that he's that immature boy that slowly left him, and that he is reckless again.  He's changed since then and now, he's going to have to start to go back to how he was before.  That would be more than hard, especially when I knew he was kind of disgusted with how he was before.  He was still the same Francis.  But he's matured and grown.  

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Francis wanted to do this, not me.  Don't pin it on me; I have enough things that are my fault, damn it."

I groaned and leaned forward, closer to him and I reached around to guide his chin towards me, his stubborn head not wanting to look me face on.  When his eyes turned and finally found mine, I saw how hurt he was.  I could see him perfectly now with the light of the moon and how close we were.  His eyes were red with exhaust, with stress and worry.  Darkness, true darkness behind that beautiful world of jade.  I noticed he took an uneven breath, teeth clenching and after looking into his eyes for a moment, he closed his eyes in frustration.  It was the strangest thing.  Clearly, he was drinking enough for it to effect him.  But he also seemed aware at the same time, those feelings he was trying to make disappear still here.  

"You are hurt," I said softly despite the fact I was just yelling at him.  "And it's not just Mark and the whole thing with Francis stressing you out.  It's about your marriage. You have every right to leave her ass.  But which reason is it that you want to leave?"

He groaned, eyes still closed in front of me.  "She's just so different now.  I can't handle it," he said, voice shaky.  He slowly opened his eyes and when he did, he immediately backed off from me, looking down and away as he continued to mumble on.  "I-I don't know who she is anymore.  I've changed too though.  I feel... so much more alive, like a kid again.  We've grown apart.  And the worst part of it is... I'm scared...."

"Scared of what?"

"That maybe you're right.  Maybe I should have believed you about Clare." he said just barely under his shaky breath.  Then, he let out an obnoxious laugh.  "I'm going straight to hell if you're right.  And I would welcome to burn forever if you're right.  But tomorrow when I check the cameras, I pray to god it's not her." 

When he let out that disturbing laugh, my mind was spinning out of control.  Words.  That was all it took to change my heart rate and the amount of anxiousness in me. This was the best I've heard from him actually debating that I have been telling the truth.  My heart started to race as I approached something I never witnessed before in my life, someone on my side and fully.  I wanted it, I wanted him to believe me.  Of course, he couldn't.  But just to know he was considering it, that it's a possibility... that was enough for me to be beyond overwhelmed.  

My breath left me faster to the night air, my lungs filling with a hope I never tasted before.  It was incredible.  He didn't believe me.  But he was willing to observe that and challenge it.  He was starting to see things he wouldn't let himself see before.  And it just... took me over in a way. This could be my chance.  This could be it.  My heart pounded harder and I felt the emotion want to spill out, the happiness over this, the worry that it was all a dream, and the sadness at the thought of him coming to the final conclusion that I was insane, not his wife.  My entire life, every second of it, nobody believed me really.  And if they so much as considered it, it would be crushed a moment later.  Luke... Luke could be my answer.  He already told me he was dedicated to getting me the future I deserve.  It seemed like a dream come true if he realizes the truth.

"I hope you wont be selfish," I said.  "I want to be free.  Just open your eyes is all I ask."

"Every time I do, you're there.  And even when I close my eyes, you're still there, I still see you.  So fucking sick..." he took one last swig of his beer before it was empty and he put it next to the other cans.  "I'm going to hell either way," he let out another laugh at that and once again, I didn't understand what he meant.  But I guess that's natural with the number of beers he's had.

Everything he told me ran about in my head without stopping.  Francis is returning to the gang we left.  Mark could be close to being found then.  Luke was going to check the cameras from the school tomorrow.  He sees it as a possibility that I might be right.  All these things were huge matters.  But one thing stayed at the center on my attention: Luke might divorce her.  The question now was what would happen if he just leaves?  He could refuse to see Clare's crazy but divorce her for differences.  Then I'd be stuck with her alone.  Results folks: not too good.  If Luke actually does come to eventually believe me... what will he do?  He will have to get evidence, I'm sure.  And that would be risky knowing how dangerous she could be.

A lot of things could happen.  It was only a matter of time before everything would unfold. And there will be my fate.  What I didn't know at the time was that tomorrow could determine just that.

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This is honestly one of the hardest chapter's I've done.  I knew what I wanted but wasn't sure when I should show what, I wasn't sure how to write Luke's reaction, and I'm trying to start the slow process of wrapping this book up.  I hope it wasn't too bad because you did learn a ton and I really did try.  For like countless hours I'm sure. Damn.  Tell me what you think :)