Chapter 40
Chapter 40
Standing in front of my mirror, I didn't like the person I was turning into. My eyes were filled with sorrow, my expression just tired. I'm not great at self observation but I could notice this. I'm blaming it all on these fucking emotions. Emotions are tricky bastards, fooling you to feel something and all it does is bite you in the ass. I missed having sarcasm as my best friend, blocking out the hurt. I missed having no conscious, not feeling anything. I didn't care before and that is what I want now. I didn't want to care about Luke. I didn't want to think over what his problem might be. I didn't want to worry or love the guy. It was just pain; pointless pain at that.
I sighed, running the comb through my now dry hair. I just finished blow drying my hair after I had got out of the shower. It was a process I enjoyed; it felt good to clean up and it made me feel better in return. However, this time I still feel like shit. You could only really see it in my expression though. Looking over my body, that now supported light pajamas, I found I looked the same as I had at the beginning of summer. Nearing an unfortunate end, the only difference is that my skin is tanner. My hair was a bit longer, but the hoops and curls that ran down my shoulders and back were just as shiny and thick as before. How I wished physical appearance could only be that and not grant the access to your inner self like my face was doing. Fucking emotions.
A knock at my door interrupted the silence as well as the repeating pattern of my comb sliding through my hair. It didn't matter which one of them it was. It would suck seeing Luke after how he's been acting. And like I want to see Clare. The fucking bitch was the last thing I need.
Glancing to my clock, I sighed. 7:38pm. Brushing away my previous thoughts, and hopefully the stupid sadness in my face, I headed towards my bedroom door. Opening it and... what a surprise! One of the two other people that live here! It was Luke! Oh fucking joy!
"What?" I asked immediately, looking up into his eyes. He met my stare and I instantly felt my stomach twist and breath catch. So much intensity... feeling... I hated it. It makes me feel so weak, especially because I know it's because I love him. My god, his green eyes could swallow me whole. Standing before him, I couldn't help but want him with all of my being. So tall with a strong build... I wanted to run my fingers through his hair. He was just perfect. Not to mention, unlike me, he was dressed up in a light button up shirt as well as black slacks. His shirt tucked in, his belt hugging his waist and made him look even better. Damn. Could I sound any more pathetic people? I was sounding like a teenage girl.
He took a deep breath, looking down for a moment and breaking eye contact. That was the best move he could have made. I didn't like feeling lost in his eyes. I wanted to be in control right now and it was something I had to maintain.
"Um... I need to talk to you." He said, uncomfortable. Obviously, the tension was still riding between us full time now. It's so strange. I felt so close to him the night he told me about his past and when I fell asleep with him. Now... he's just moving further away, and in so little time. It's shocking how much he's started to pull away from me. Not physically exactly by just avoiding me but you could just feel it in the air; he's withdrawing from me. So you can imagine why I was suspicious at what he had said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because it's important."
I rolled my eyes as I opened my door wider. "Fine," I sighed. Walking over to my bed, I turned and sat down on the edge, watching him follow and sit beside me. He was noticeably a fair ways away but whatever. That's a new hobby of his: avoiding me. He's doing pretty good at it. Another hobby he's great at: being a bastard.
Glancing up to where he sat, I stared at him, waiting for him to start. He eventually managed to look up and meet my eyes again. But when he did, they quickly moved over me. His eyes caressed my face and admired my long hair. My stupid heart wouldn't die; it was beating faster. I loved how he was looking at me but I doubt it meant anything.
"School starts soon," he started, getting back on track.
I groaned and answered with obvious sarcasm. "No way! I had no idea that that's what happens at the end of every summer!"
He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I've been asking other high schools in the area if they would take you." Now that got my attention.
"Why?"
"Well I told you I was going to get you a better life. I said it might take a while but I would do it," he said, trailing off as did his eyes when he glanced down at his lap. He clearly didn't think this was good news or something like that. He looked regretful, which could only mean bad news. Should it be that surprising for someone like me though? Nope.
"Yeah but what was the point of doing that? I figured I was just going back to my old school."
He sighed as he brought up something that really bothered him in the past. He hated me being tormented. "Your old school. Where everyone knows of you, personally. Where you have made enemies. Where I'm sure some of your upset 'friends' attend. I don't want you going back there. So I tried getting you into a new place. Sure, people would recognize you but not as much.. They will label you," he said, his eyes showing me a flash of anger. "They will be mean and try to pick fights with you maybe. But it wouldn't be as bad. You would have started out with new people anyway since you are a year behind. I also think that with new people, you could make a new impression on them. It would be better."
My breath picked up and I could only stare at him for a moment. That was just... so nice. I was still not use to that kind of treatment, even after so much from him. Despite his assholeness, Luke has made me incredibly excited now. I hate school with all my being and was sure it would be bad. But now not as bad as before.
"So which school will I be going to?"
"That's the thing..." he said, shifting as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I asked several schools to try to get you in. Most said no immediately," he said in a angry tone, pissed at that fact.
"Was it because I'm insane or did they look into my past performance at school."
"I'm sure both was a factor." His eyes on mine crawled down me again but in just a small instant. I wasn't sure what his deal was but when he looked away, his whole body became more stiff, I could tell. "Anyway, I found one that did let you in. It's small with very good students they say. But of course, I doubt that," he murmured, knowing I would have some issues with the other kids. "Anyway, it took a lot of defending on our part. That means you will be expected to keep your record untouched and unmarked."
"So your asking me to be on my best behavior?" I chuckled. What was I, seven?
He nodded and I scoffed. He looked at me with a more serious eye though. "Albany, this is important. Work hard and try not to get into too much trouble."
I was growing annoyed. "Alright, look. You weren't here for the first 10 years of school I went through. I've learned how to deal with it so it's not your place to bother."
He sighed, hesitating before saying anything else. "I... I know," he said, nodding. "But understand...." he trailed off and bit his lip, thinking something over. The silence grew to be too long too fast.
"Understand what?"
"That I worry about you," he said quietly, not looking at me. "Even just meeting my family, I was worried about them judging you. But with a building filled with hundreds of immature and narrow minded kids, I feel sick just thinking about it."
He cares, he worries.... I can't let that affect me. I ignored how hurt I felt knowing he worries like that. He just can't care for me any more than that. He didn't care for me like I did for him. That's what I needed to remember. "Well... I'll always be fine. I've lived through enough to go through this too. There is no other option so you just need to deal with it."
"I actually looked into home schooling," he said. "But I have to work and..."
I laughed humorlessly. "And nobody else would take the job? What a fucking surprise."
He sighed but nodded. That figures. But what stuck with me was that he tried. Such a strange man... he's trying to avoid me or move further away from me yet he continues with trying to help me. That's the kind of guy he is though. It's not that shocking.
"It's about a twenty minute drive," he continued, his eyes in mine growing with anger. Looking at him, his body language changed, becoming more tense and on edge as he continued speaking. "So I'll try to drive you sometimes but the days I can't, Francis agreed he would drive you. Same goes for picking you up too."
"Alright," I said. I took that in and decided that was a plus. That it was further away and therefore that meant I didn't need to endure a bus ride. Before, that was sometimes just as bad as being at school.
Looking at Luke, he still didn't look happy about it all. Before he let himself think anymore on that, he sighed and moved, standing up from my bed. He turned and faced me, standing in front of where I was still sitting. Looking up at him, I saw his face go blank. Like he forced it. I hate when he did that. Most of the time, I don't think he means to do it but it was clear he was trying to show me some neutral expression. Weirdo.
"That however wont last too long," he said, giving me a small smile. It looked forced. "You are starting driver's training early. Since I'm teaching you, you'll be done that much faster than most kids. And that's because I'm the best driver you'll ever see," he said, smiling to me and it was clear he was trying to make the air lighter. It didn't work.
"That will be interesting," I said under my breath. Giving him my own false smile, I asked, "Thanks for telling me. Anything else?" I pushed.
His eyebrows dipped slightly at my voice, his lips tightening. He shifted on his feet, from side to side as he answered after he groaned. "Yeah, actually," he said in a braggy attitude - which caught me off guard. "Clare and I are going out tonight on a date. We are going to go to dinner and see a movie."
I scoffed, unable to help myself now. Just pisses me off and makes me cringe at the same time. "Oh really? How fucking nice," I sneered. I couldn't help it. That fact was just picking at my brain, taunting and teasing me. It was just annoying too. I mean they were married and yeah, I get he was trying to fix things. But what the hell would a date accomplish? "Going on a date. Like you are a happy couple in a healthy marriage. You're trying to fix it and I give you credit. But that murderer is fucking it up for herself."
He stood there, staring down at me with wide eyes. His eyebrows rose and his lips parted. He shook his head slowly, trying to process my words. Hell, I was trying to do the same. It was like an automatic reaction, no time to think of what to say after he told me. I internally sighed. Stupid ass love.
"Uh...." was all he managed before I cut him off and continued on.
"Oh and do me a favor before you leave. You might want to make some phone calls to loved ones, check your will... because knowing Clare, she's going to kill you and bury you in the backyard just like she did before! But whatever... it's not like you notice anything wrong with her."
Obviously, it hurt like a bitch to know they were still trying to make it last - and this way. But I didn't expect to say something like that. I took a hard breath, finding his disappointed jade eyes. He was angry but more just curious and seemed sad. Like he wanted to know why I would have such a reaction.
It's because I love you, you asshole. That's right! I fucking love you and hate you're with Clare.
I heard him take a deep and shaky breath. His eyes burned into mine, questioning, begging, and sorry. He parted his lips, ready to tell me something but he closed them a moment later, pursing his lips instead. Standing there, looking down at me for a minute in silence, he finally adverted his eyes before turning around. Heading towards the door, he opened it and left swiftly, shutting it a bit harder behind him than he needed to.
I stayed up in my room until I heard them leave a few minutes later. I felt Irritated. But that was my fault. It's not like he was doing anything wrong. I was just being a bitch because I loved him. And whose fault was that if not mine? God's. He gave me all these dumb emotions.
Sighing, I went downstairs of the empty house and sat down on the couch. I turned on the TV and started flipping through channels. Oh yeah, I have a life. However, that was about to change for the night by an unseen force behind the front door. Because a three into watching TV and a half hour into the dumbest show I've ever seen, a knocking sound interrupted and made me look towards the door. Unsure of who it was, I was a little cautious at first. Nobody was home and it wasn't exactly a secret where the town's crazy girl lived. What the hell, I decided. Boring night anyway.
Answering the door, it was the last person I expected for the fact that I was answering the door: Francis. Seeing him standing there put a smile on my face right away. His hands stashed in the pockets of his jeans, he wore a black button up shirt, looking very nice yet carefree at the same time with his messy hair and smirk. I'll admit, he looked nearly as good as his brother. His glasses helped to, made him look older. His hazel eyes through them lit up slightly as they met mine his smile growing before he spoke.
"Looks like you are having a fun and wild night tonight," he said, amused, eyeing my pajamas. "Have you been partying?"
I rolled my eyes as I chuckled. Gesturing for him to come in, he entered and shut the door behind himself. Glancing to me for a minute as he passed me, I saw his eyes flash in somewhat of a tease before he headed towards the kitchen. I followed, watching curiously as he opened the fridge.
"May I ask why you are here? And shockingly for the first time, here by actually knocking first?"
Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he turned around and met my eyes again. Walking slowly towards me, his smirk still there, he stopped a foot in front of me. Looking down into my eyes, he cracked his beer open and took a swig without breaking eye contact. I wanted to smile but bit my lip from his staring contest or what seemed like one.
"Well," he said, sighing. "First of all, I was being what most would call a gentleman by knocking since you gave me shit about it before."
I shook my head. "You're just not made to be a gentleman."
He laughed, his teeth showing in a nice smile. "Your right about that. It was more awkward knocking than it would have been just coming in. Last time I do that..." he murmured as he moved passed me and back into the living room. Following behind him, we sat down, him on the chair and me on the couch. He took another drink of his beer before glancing back to me, a smile in his eyes.
"And why are you here? Is your life too dull that you need me to make it more exciting?" I asked.
He raised his hand to his chest and flinched, as if he hurt. "Ouch. That really hurt Albany. Damn," he said, making me scoff at him. "I'm actually here to drop some stuff off to Luke. Where is your secret crush, huh?" he asked, the last part a little louder to piss me off.
I smiled. "Say it as loud as you want because he isn't home. Neither of them are."
He looked confused. "Where are they then?"
I laughed humorlessly. "They went on a date."
Francis's expression changed, into one I rarely ever saw: sympathy. He pursed his lips, looking at me with sorry eyes. He looked so... different, especially from how he was before with that expression. "Would it make you feel better if I said that I think you would be better for him than her?"
I smiled slightly. "Depends. Would you actually mean it?"
He nodded. "Yes. I think you're better for him. I've never seem him the way he is around you. Even around Clare, he keeps his guard up. Not around you."
I considered it. Nodding after a moment, I met his eyes. If only his brother thought the same way. "That helps a little I guess," I smiled slightly. I agreed with Francis. Actually, I always figured that I would be better with him than Clare. It was just very nice to hear that I wasn't only thinking that because I was in love with him; Francis noticed and thought so too.
Trying not to think about that anymore, knowing it was hopeless, I changed the subject and brought up something curious Luke told me earlier. "Hey Luke told me earlier that I'm going to a knew school. And he said that you would sometimes drive me...?"
He gave a slight brush but that smirk and relaxed posture remained. His eyes played in mine, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah that's right. Why? Nervous to be alone with me in a car?"
I scoffed. "No just curious since you don't have to. Plus, that's a long drive."
"Well I enjoy driving. And I have this strange thing where I get paranoid about people having to walk to school - and especially that distance. So I'm more than happy to be able to do it," he said, his eyes shadowing and once he said that, something snapped in my head that made my stomach twist.
The moment he said he was paranoid about me having to walk to school, an image came to my head: Luke walking his little sister to school. My eyes finding his darkened ones, they soon went back to normal. But I could see the pain that still existed in them and made my heart ache.
"You mean because of what happened to Hailey?" I asked.
His eyes were at attention on mine, his breath clearly catching in his throat while his whole body froze. His eyebrows slowly dipping and that darkness swimming back into his eyes and flowing into the past. "How do you know about her?" he asked in such a quiet and deep voice. I didn't see anything recognizable from how Francis usually looks. No smile, no carefree expression and playful voice. I never saw him so serious or sad, sensitive. But I didn't regret bringing it up. I was curious about it.
"Um, Luke told me what happened a few nights ago. It was actually the night we fell asleep together."
A new expression came to his face again and like the ones already presented there, this one was different from the ones I saw in the past on his face. It was one of disbelief. There weren't too many times where Francis was caught off guard or shocked. He was right now though.
He started to shake his head, very slowly in disbelief still. "No, he doesn't talk about it. He's not spoken of it for... years. I mean, my family and I bring her up all the time just so she will be remembered. But not around him. He wouldn't have it; refused to talk about it or get over it."
"Well he told me about it. The whole story and was very open about it."
Francis searched my eyes and was quiet for a bit, just thinking it all over. Finally, he just sat back more in the chair and took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. Looking down, he bit his lip in thought and I could really see the similarities now with him and Luke. Maybe because now, he was acting more serious and thoughtful like Luke usually was.
Scoffing after a moment, he took another swig of his beer. He looked back up to me and gave me a small and kind smile. "You see, this is what I'm talking about. This is what makes me think that he might like you back."
I rolled my eyes. "Just because he's open to me doesn't mean anything."
"It means everything when it involves Hailey. You can't imagine how shocked I am, knowing he actually talked about it with you. He tried with Clare, I know, but didn't get far. But... the whole story and everything after... Albany, that's not something any of us could make him talk about."
I felt a small smile take shape across my lips. Was I different from everyone else to him? Was I special in his eyes? Maybe I was. He was special in mine. I've never found hugging anyone besides him so comforting. Hell, I never offered that kind of contact to anyone but him. So was he doing the same? Letting me in on a different level? It appeared so. The only question was why me and not his wife? Even when they were doing good together, he should have been able to open up to her like he was with me.
"I never got over it but I at least moved on. And so did he. But he's just never forgiven himself about it I think. Can you blame him though? It changed him, even though now he doesn't show it. But to go to you and tell you openly about it... you're something else entirely to him if he was willing to tell you that."
Before I could say anything, a noise reached my ears as well as a light passing through the window. It was his truck pulling into the driveway, even if I couldn't actually see it. Glancing over to Francis, I saw him realize that they were home as well and his usual smile came back, erasing all signs of that sad seriousness he just showed me, something rare fading and now, back into his reality. Silence raced between the two of us as we heard the truck doors slam shut, indicating they were now walking up to the house.
His eyes in mine lit up in excitement. Francis quickly set his beer down on the coffee table before he stood up and walked around it. Confused at what he was doing, he walked over to where I was sitting and sat down right next to me. Pressing into my side, his warm body making mine quiver slightly, I looked up into his teasing eyes. Smirking, he put his arm around me and looked down into my eyes as well, his face an inch from mine.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"Proving something," he said as he placed his hand on my knee, making me jump slightly in just how it felt. His touch was warm, especially again my bare skin and it made me shiver, goosebumps running over me. "Just watch Luke's face. He's going to be pissed."
"Francis!" I hissed, making him laugh as we heard them just barely walk up the porch. Though I didn't like the idea, I was curious to see Luke's reaction. I'm not into making people jealous just because you like them. It's immature, sad, and pathetic. But Francis was just trying to prove his point to me, that Luke might have feelings for me to. Not my idea and not something I usually would go for - which was why I wasn't in favor of this. But I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be interesting to see his face. It might even make me laugh.
"Hey, your lucky I'm not kissing you right now. Unless you want to..." he said under his breath playfully, making me slap him out of annoyance. He laughed at me just as the front door opened.
Glancing over to the front door, Luke and Clare walked in. Clare was smiling as was Luke - but it looked forced. I could tell his guard was up with Francis's car in the driveway. I was right. The second they saw us on the couch, Luke's half-assed smile completely vanished as he stood there, frozen. Clare on the other hand didn't seem to notice, though she gave me a disgusted look. She kept her voice nice and cheery though, the fake bitch.
"Hey guys. Francis, I didn't know you were coming over," she said offhandedly as she headed towards the stairs. Luke just stayed in place, staring at me with a sad expression I didn't think he knew he was showing.
After Clare went upstairs, Luke finally came back from wherever he was thinking and took a deep breath. From where he was standing, it gave me a chance to admire him and how nice he was dressed. That also made me notice just how tense he was. "Francis, what are you doing here?" he asked. It wasn't in a nice voice but wasn't exactly mean either. He raised his eyebrows and waited as he slowly walked closer, his eyes moving between the both of us. His eyes kept finding Francis's hand that rested on my crossed leg as well as his arm draped around me. I wasn't going to lie; I liked how it felt being this close to Francis. His presence like this was welcoming. But Luke's icy stare was trying to kill it as best as he could.
"I came over to drop off the box of tapes mom borrowed," he said calmly and with a taunting voice. I wasn't even looking up at him and I could tell. "It's in my car."
Luke smiled slightly but once again, it looked force. He tried staying calm though with his hands in fists, it was clear he was upset. He took another deep breath before continuing. "Could you go get it please," he said a little more quietly.
Francis then stood up. But not without first running his hand up my leg more, making me shiver again. Once he stood though and was walking towards where Luke was still standing at the door, he gave him a genuine smile before passing him to the door. The moment he left for that second, Luke's eyes met mine again. I wasn't sure how I looked but I hope my expression didn't betray me. He was looking at me with a less pissed off face and one filled with made sadness and guilt. He just... stared at me for a minute as I just sat there. Too much silence and too much tension.
"So how was your date?" I asked, showing a little too much anger in the way my voice hissed. I couldn't help it. The question I asked should say enough on why I was mad.
He narrowed his eyes on me, hiding again behind that mask. "It went just great," he said, clenching his teeth slightly but his answer was clear enough for me. It looked like he was trying to prove something to me as well.
"Oh it did, did it?" I asked, crossing my arms and nodding, pissed off now too.
"You bet. It was perfect," he snapped back. "So perfect, we are going on another date. And a million more after that."
"Is that right?" I pushed, leaning forward more as I scowled at him from where I sat.
"Yes," he said, giving me a challenging stare. "Things couldn't be any better now. In fact, we are perfect now. Completely fucking in love!" He bragged even more.
"Well good! Good for fucking you!"
The next second, Francis walked in. Looking at me from where he stood behind Luke, he smiled and gave me a wink, which just made me roll my eyes at him. His smirk was plastered on his face as he walked over to the coffee table with the box he was carrying. Luke and I still kept staring at each other, both scowling and stubborn. All I can say is that was one of the more twisted conversations held between Luke and I.
"Well, I better get going," Francis said, drawing my attention back to him. He was looking between the two of us with a huge smile. That smug bitch, he was.
"Wait," Luke said in a sigh, looking at his brother curiously. "Was that your only one?" He asked him, pointing to the beer.
Francis held his hands up in surrender. "Lets calm down, officer. I only had one. Do I need to walk in a straight line to prove it to you?"
Luke rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath. "No, I was just checking Francis. You can go now."
He nodded, his eyes resting on mine again, he said, "Albany, we will have to do that again sometime; I had fun," he said in a voice of suggestion which just made me sigh and his grin grow. He was really pushing it with that. He openly winked at me again before walking over to Luke and patted him on the back. "Have fun with the box of porn. In that case, I'm sure it's Albany's bedtime." That finally got me to laugh.
Luke's eyes filled with anger and his lips with a deeper scowl. He looked even more mad that his brother had the balls to joke around after that. "Goodbye, Francis," he said tightly as he walked out the door, shutting it behind him.
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and opened them again. I don't think it helped that they instantly found me though. I smiled innocently at him. "Can I have a look at those tapes? I promise I wont tell mommy..." I said, trying to lighten the mood and the air only grew that much more thicker.
"It isn't porn," he said slowly, ignoring my attempt to joke as well. Walking over to the coffee table, he opened the box. "These are our wedding tapes and a bunch of others with Clare and I. My mom wanted to borrow them to show to family that didn't make it to the wedding."
I was going to say, well then that's a waste of recording considering your marriage is falling apart, but I didn't. He looked angry enough as it is.
Glancing back to me, his face grew with sadness again. "What did Francis mean that you two will have to do that again sometime?"
I kept telling myself that he might actually like me back. But then common sense would step in. First of all, he wouldn't dare go after somebody like me. He wouldn't even be attracted to me in the first place. I was nine years younger and a kid. He had a wife. That just made sense why he wouldn't want me. Therefore, an explanation for his anger right now was that he was just being protective of me. I was his stepdaughter and he cared for me. Not to mention, the though of me and Francis being together must have just pissed him off being he's his brother. Now that made sense. What didn't was the sad looks he kept giving me as well as the guilty ones. Like he was right now, his voice scared as he asked me that. That was what really peaked my interest.
"Why? It's none of your business."
He nodded as he looked down, struggling a bit. "What happens between... my stepdaughter and my brother is more than my business." He was breathing harder and refused to meet my eyes. I could see a little sweat start to form around his eyebrows and forehead.
"He was just being nice and talked with me. And for fuck sakes, he's your brother. Shouldn't you trust him out of everyone else?"
"I do trust him," he said, trying to keep his voice calm.
There was a silence between us and I tried to understand what he meant. Because if he trusted his brother, that took away the protection issue he had. So did that mean he was just pissed because it made him feel awkward since he was his brother? I honestly didn't have the energy to try or want to try to figure it out right now. I was ready to go to bed. I had my dose of drama for the night.
I stood up, which made him finally glance up to me, his seemed more begging. "I-I'm going to bed," I said, looking away from his powerful eyes. "Fuck you and goodnight," I grumbled, turning towards the stairs. As I moved up the steps though to my room, I glanced back to him one more time as he stood there in deep thought. I knew he was troubled but wasn't sure why. What I didn't know at that moment however was that this was not the end of this long night. It was only the dreadful beginning.
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Ooh, what do you think is going to happen? I hope you enjoyed it though. I'm loving the amount of comments I'm getting. Not sure if it's just because of more readers or because my story is getting better. Anyways, I hope to upload soon again!
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