A/N: 

I know I said that I'd take a break, but I was literally just lying on my couch on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and I got super bored and decided to write.

Also, thank you so much for 16k reads!!!! This is insane, and y'all are incredible!!!!!!

TW: Panic attack, mentions suicide, crying

|Previous chapter:

I was cut off by Roman running into my room carrying a leather-bound book. He came to a halt at the side of my bed and set the book down on the blankets. Bending over and placing his hands on his knees, he paused to catch his breath before looking at me.

"Virgil, it was all a dream."|

Virgil POV: 

I sat there on my bed, blinking at Roman as he leaned against my bed trying to catch his breath. His usually pristine hair was askew, hanging over his eyes, and his shirt and sash were wrinkled, and I couldn't help but admire him. He was usually so put together and removed, but he seemed so human now.

"It was... all a... dream..." he gasped out again, still doubled over.

We were all silent for a few minutes as Roman finally caught his breath. When he stood up, I caught a glimpse of his face, and I couldn't help the inaudible gasp that escaped me. Roman's cheeks were flushed a pale pink from running, and his eyes had a sparkle in them that I had never seen before.

I stared at him a few seconds longer before remembering the situation, which caused me to burst out laughing. I clutched my sides, falling backward onto my bed as the laughter shook my body. After a while, the laughter died down and I was able to sit up again. Both Roman and Dr. Picani were looking at me as if I had grown a second head as I tried to catch my breath. 

As I tried to slow my breathing, I felt an all too familiar pressure building up in my lungs. Immediately, my heart started pounding to the point I could feel it in my ears. I could feel panic building up inside of me along with the petals. I glanced around the room, trying to find somewhere I could go to escape. My eyes landed on the door to my bathroom, and I scrambled to get off my bed. 

Stumbling over to my bathroom, I collapsed onto the tile floor as the urge to cough overpowered me. The coughing fit wracked my frame, and I had to brace myself by placing a hand on the floor as I leaned on the sink. 

I was vaguely aware of Dr. Picani and Roman rushing into the bathroom after me, but I was more focused on not choking. As I sat there, I thought about just how much my Hanahaki Disease had ruined things. I knew for a fact that Patton and Logan were both under a lot more stress than they had been before, and I couldn't even begin to imagine how that must be affecting Thomas. He hadn't been able to work on a video since before my attempt even, and, now that I was practically on bed rest, I knew that he hadn't been working on any. 

I was so frustrated with myself and my emotions, which, mixed with the emotional turmoil of the past day, caused me to start crying during the middle of the coughing fit. Soon, sobs mixed in with coughs, making breathing go from very difficult to nearly impossible and leaving me gasping for even the tiniest breath. 

I felt a hand gently rest on my back, and I turned my head to see Roman kneeling next to me. Flinching, I tried to move away from Roman, but he only moved closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. 

"Hey," he whispered, pulling me closer so that my head was resting on his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay. Just try and relax, okay?" 

I nodded slightly, turning my head so that my face was hidden in his neck. One of my arms snaked around Romans back, holding me to him. I heard Roman continue to whisper encouragement to me as he started rubbing circles on my back. The tone of voice he was using, combined with the comfort from the hug, quickly calmed me, and all that was left of the coughing and crying were my uneven breathing and some hiccups. 

After a few more minutes of almost silence, Roman spoke. 

"Virgil?" 

"Hm?" I hummed, acknowledging that he spoke. 

"Would you like to go to your bed?" 

"Mhm," I hummed again, just barely nodding my head. 

"Do you want me to carry you?" Roman asked although he sounded a little hesitant. 

I nodded again, feeling slightly embarrassed to say yes. 

Gently, Roman wrapped one arm around my back and the other under my knees. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. Roman slowly walked the both of us over to my bed, making special care to not hit my legs on the door frame. 

Instead of simply placing me on my bed, Roman sat down by the head of my bed and set me so that I was next to him. He kept one arm wrapped around me, and I didn't hesitate to lean into him. 

I saw Dr. Picani walk back from the bathroom, an almost invisible smile on his face when he saw us. 

Once we were all settled, Roman gave me a slight nudge. Looking over my shoulder at him, I noticed just how close we were, and my breathing hitched slightly. 

"What was so funny earlier?" he asked quizzically, raising an eyebrow as he looked at me. 

"I was literally about to say the exact same thing as you," I said once I remembered how to breathe. 

Roman's eyes widened, and he looked up at Dr. Picani. I also looked at Dr. Picani, and I saw him smirk at Roman. 

"I can confirm," he said nodding. "You interrupted him just as he was about to say 'dream.'" 

I looked back to Roman and saw that his mouth was agape. 

"You mean to say that I didn't need to get this?" he asked, leaning over to grab the book he had set on the edge of my bed. 

"What even is that?" I asked, holding my hands out to try and snag it from Roman's grasp. 

"It's, uh..." Roman mumbled, handing me the book before rubbing the back of his neck. "It's your book of memories from the memory room." 

"My book of memories?" I asked, placing the book in my lap. The smooth black leather cover felt the slightest bit cold against my hand as I ran it over the front. I stopped moving my hand when I felt indentations in the middle of the cover. 

Looking closely, I saw my name engraved on the front in a flowy script. I stared in awe, my hand moving to trace the delicate swirls that made up my name. Never before had I seen my name written in a way that made me like it. 

Suddenly, a hand waved between the book and my face, startling me out of the trance I had been in. 

"Huh?" I asked, looking up at Dr. Picani and then over to Roman. "Did I miss something?" 

"I was in the middle of explaining the memory books and such," Roman huffed, rolling his eyes, "but I guess you're too interested in admiring your own name to care." 

I stared at Roman with wide eyes before glancing at Dr. Picani, who looked just as uncomfortable as I felt. I looked back over at Roman, who had removed his arm from around my back so that he could cross his arms over his chest. "Uhh..." I said, not knowing what else to say. 

"Fine, I get it," Roman said, getting up from my bed and storming away. He paused when he reached my door one hand resting on the doorknob. "I'll just go somewhere where I know I'll be useful." 

With that, he slammed the door shut as he left, causing me to flinch and drop the book onto the floor. 

Leaning over the side of my bed, I saw that it had opened to a page right in the middle, but I was too far away from the book to actually read it. 

Hesitantly, I grabbed the book with one hand, using the other to make sure I didn't fall off the bed. I placed the book on my lap, making sure it stayed open to the page that was showing. A part of me was curious as to what the book contained, but another part of me wanted to close it, shove it under my bed, and forget that it ever existed. 

Looking over at Dr. Picani, I saw him staring intently at the book. After a few seconds, he caught my eye and quickly smiled while adjusting his glasses. 

"Well," he said, clearing his throat and leaning back in the chair with his legs crossed. "What are you thinking about, Virgil?" 

"I, uh..." I started, not sure what exactly was racing through my mind. "I don't know." 

"Come now," Dr. Picani coaxed gently. "I'm sure there's something going on in your mind that's got you in a tizzy." 

I sighed, looking up at my ceiling before falling backward onto my mattress, letting my legs hang off the edge. I knew exactly what had me "in a tizzy," as Dr. Picani had said, but I wasn't at all sure about how to word it in a way that would make sense to anyone besides me. 

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and started to explain. "It's a long story, and it basically all revolves around Roman." 

As soon as I started talking, I heard Dr. Picani click his pen and start writing, but I refused to let that stop me. 

"About four months ago was when I started coughing up petals..." 

I went on to explain how I had Hanahaki Disease and how it had influenced the events of the past month. Dr. Picani was incredibly patient the entire time. He listened quietly as I ranted about Roman and his actions, he handed me tissues when I broke down in tears as I was telling him about my suicide attempt, and he even got me to laugh when he told a few jokes about cartoons. 

"And, I don't know..." I sighed after what felt like hours of talking to Dr. Picani. While I had been talking, I had shifted on my bed so that my feet now rested on my pillow while my head laid dangerously close to the edge of my bed. Dr. Picani still sat in the chair next to my bed, although he had removed his shoes and now had his feet propped up on my bed, his fox socks on clear display. 

"Like, I love him, and I can't help but forgive him for all the stuff he's done to me. And, like, what just happened," I paused, waving my hands around in a circle to try and clarify, "confuses me so much, 'cause he had been acting so friendly and caring the past few days, and then he acts hostile when I pay more attention to a book containing my memories than him?? I just don't get it." 

The silence that settled upon my room when I finished speaking was heavy with the weight of everything I had confessed, although I, personally, felt as if a weight had been lifted from my chest. It felt calming to know that someone knew everything that had been bothering me for the past months. 

I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom, thinking about all the times before this when I had contemplated painting stars and galaxies on it with glow in the dark paint. Lost in thought, I didn't notice that Dr. Picani had leaned forward in his chair to read the open pages of my book of memories until I heard him gasp. 

Tearing my eyes away from my ceiling, I saw Dr. Picani hunched over the book. He had a massive grin on his face, and his hands were clasped in front of his mouth as if he was trying to hold in a squeal. I slowly sat up, curious as to what he was looking at. 

When he saw me move, Dr. Picani grinned at me before sliding the book over to me and pointing out a section. 

"You need to read this," he whispered, and I could tell that something was exciting him. "I think it'll change a lot of stuff." 

I woke up as Roman shifted so he was lying down. I tried falling back asleep, but I immediately perked up when Roman started speaking, making sure to keep my eyes closed so he wouldn't know I was awake. 

"Hey, Virgil," he whispered, although it was barely audible to my sleepy ears. "I think I might like you as more than a friend. 

My heart started racing as the meaning of those words sunk in. 

I might actually have a chance at surviving. 

I hesitantly opened my eyes and peeked up at Roman, seeing that his eyes were closed and his breathing even. 

I figured he was most likely asleep, so, not fully thinking due to my sleepy state, I let my slip shut and whispered back, "I love you, Princey." 

I stared at the page, mouth agape and eyes wide. I didn't remember that happening, probably because I had been half asleep. But Roman said that he might like me as more than a friend.
I blinked, looking up at Dr. Picani. "If he might like me as more than a friend, why did he get so upset at me when I didn't hear him?" 

"Well," Dr. Picani said slowly, a mischievous grin on his face. "I think someone might have made him just a tad bit jealous."

A/N:

I know, I know, I said I'd take a break, but I had so much time 'cause of my surgery and a snow day we had and I just had to write. 

I was originally wanting to get this chapter published yesterday so that Chapter 25 would have been published on the 25th, but that clearly didn't happen, lol. Editing took way longer than I expected.

So, as for the break... I'm not saying that it's over, but I'm not saying that it's happening. Like, I'll be writing when I have time and will update on weekends if I have time, but it might not be every weekend. Idk

Until next time,

Take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals!!

~death_by_fanfic