TW: Panic attack, almost self-harm, some crying.

Previous chapter:

|"OK," Patton said, sighing a little. "I'll go talk to Logan right now. Thanks, Roman."

With that, Patton stood up and walked out of the kitchen to go talk to Logan, leaving me alone with my thoughts.|

Roman POV:

After Patton left, I thought about what I had just told him.

"You gotta tell Logan how you're feeling. You're not going to get anywhere if you leave him trying to guess."

I thought about that and how that might work for me and the problem I had that was stressing me out.

That problem being the fact that I was the one that made Virgil want to die.

I knew that I would have to actually talk to him about what I did. Looking back on what I said and did, I instantly saw just how much of an ass I had been. I felt horrible and wanted to ask Virgil to forgive me, but the thought of having to talk to Virgil about that scared me to death.

After a few very long minutes of debating what I was going to do, I decided that I would go talk to Virgil and pray that he would listen to me.

Getting up from my chair, I very slowly made my way down the hall. I walked as slow as I possibly could, trying to provide myself time to think about what I wanted to say.

"Virgil, I understand if you hate me, heck I hate myself," I started muttering under my breath, trying to figure out what to say. "I was thinking about how I treated you before, and I realized that I was such an ass to you. In no way did you deserve that, and I am truly sorry..."

I trailed off as I got closer to Virgil's room because there was... singing... coming... from it????

Walking up to his door, I saw that it was open, so I peeked in. What I saw shocked me.

There, sitting in the middle of his fort, was Virgil singing a song with his eyes closed. I could just barely make out the lyrics, but, from what I heard, it was gorgeous.

Even though we all had the same voice as Thomas, Virgil's was just the slightest bit deeper and sounded so warm and inviting. Kinda like being wrapped up under a giant pile of blankets when you first wake up on a cold morning.

I stood just inside the door, staring in awe as I watched Virgil. He must have reached some sort of instrumental break because he started playing the air guitar.

When he started singing again, he was so much louder, and I had to cover my mouth with my hand so I wouldn't make a sound.

Say my name, never leave your side, I will be your shadow in the night
Love and fear cannot win the fight even with an army behind your life
So don't walk away, I'll keep you safe, forget promises that we made
Say my name, never leave your side, I will be your shadow here tonight

When he finished singing, Virgil sat there in silence with his eyes closed.

It took me a while to fully comprehend what I just saw, but, once it sunk in, I couldn't stop myself from applauding such a beautiful performance.

He took his headphones off, and, as soon as he did, he looked up at me in shock. Almost immediately, I could see his chest rise and fall rapidly, and he curled up into a ball, hugging his knees.

Worried, I walked closer to his bed and saw that his eyes were wide and out of focus and that he had tears flowing down his cheeks. He was shaking like a leaf, and I could hear him gasping for breath.

"Virgil?" I asked, hoping that he would respond.

When he didn't, I reached out to touch his shoulder, but, the second my hand came in contact with his hoodie, he flinched and fell into a pile of pillows.

He buried his face in a pillow and clamped his hands over his ears. I didn't know what he was trying to block out as the only sound in the room was his strangled breathing.

I was scared. I didn't know what was happening, but I figured he was having a panic attack. I'd never been useful when Thomas had attacks, so I had no clue what to do now.

Suddenly Virgil sat up and started to crawl out of the fort. I tried to grab his leg, desperate to get him to sit still so I could maybe help, but all he did was kick my hand away.

"Virgil!" I said louder hoping he would hear me and snap out of it.

I had no such luck.

Virgil was moving so fast that he kept getting tangled in blankets, but he kept crawling away from me. I crawled after him desperate to make sure he was okay.

When he got out of the fort, Virgil made a beeline towards his nightstand. He fumbled around with something before opening the top drawer and grabbing a box from it.

Taking the box and leaving the drawer open, he ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Walking to the bathroom door, I heard Virgil's sobs from the other side. Trying the doorknob, I found it unlocked and quickly opened it.

The sight on the other side horrified me, and I couldn't help but gasp.

There, sitting on the floor, was Virgil. The box that he had grabbed from the drawer was full of razor blades lined up in rows.

I stood, frozen in place, as I watched Virgil grab a blade from the box and roll up his sweatshirt sleeve, revealing the cuts from his attempt in the process.

As soon as Virgil had rolled up his sleeve, he froze, staring at his arm. I couldn't tell what was going through his head, but it must have been a serious debate.

I was still in shock and couldn't move. I didn't know if I should run and get one of the other sides, mainly because I didn't want to leave Virgil alone in case he decided to take the blade to his skin.

After a minute or two, Virgil snapped out of his thoughts and flung the blade away from him. He scrambled away from it, which meant that he ran into my legs.

He turned his head and saw my pants. He froze just a little, and it was only then that I was able to move.

Crouching down, I gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Virgil, are you okay?" I asked, concerned for the side in front of me. I knew that the answer was clearly "no," but I wanted him to say it for himself.

Instead of speaking, he shook his head, and I saw that tears were starting to pool in the corners of his eyes.

Suddenly, without any warning, he threw his arms around my torso, burying his face in my chest. Once I got over the initial surprise, I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him in return.

As we sat there on the floor of Virgil's bathroom, I thought about what had happened.

He was gonna cut again. Even after he nearly killed himself, he wanted to hurt himself even more.

But he stopped himself. What did he think of that made him suddenly decide that he didn't want to cut?

I heard a light snore that broke me out of my thoughts, and I looked down at the Emo Nightmare in my arms. Virgil had his head resting on my shoulder, and he was sound asleep.

Looking at him, I realized just how peaceful he was in his sleep. It came to me that this was the only time where he didn't have to think about whatever went on in his head.

Gently, so as not to wake him, I slid one arm around Virgil's shoulders and the other under his legs, picking him up bridal style. I carried him over to his fort, placing him on a pile of pillows in the middle of one of the sections. Grabbing a blanket, I gently draped it over him.

Once I got Virgil settled in, I crawled into the fort and sat on some pillows that were on the other side of the section. Once I was comfortable, a thought wormed its way into my brain.

How many panic attacks has Virgil had with no one there to help him?

The thought horrified me, and, because I'm a prince, I vowed that Virgil would never be alone when he is most in need of help. 

A/N:

More angst!! Yay!!!

No joke, I wrote this chapter in, like, two-ish hours when I should have been sleeping.

Oh well, I don't need sleep. I'm used to only getting 6 hours of sleep (on a good night). 

I'm so excited 'cause I've got the next two chapters all planned out, but y'all are gonna have to wait until next weekend. (Sorry, not sorry)

Until next time,

Take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals!

~death_by_fanfic