I stood in front of the hospital. Nervousness built up from the pit of my stomach. I felt as if I was about to cry. After I get this surgery I will no longer have these feelings. I want that...but-

I took a deep breath and looked up at the large building. My eyes then wandered to the sliding doors. A few patients entered and exited through those doors. Once I walk through those doors I won't be able to turn back. These feelings for Aaron will disappear and I won't feel a thing for him anymore.

That thought made me finally break. Tears streamed down my face and I quickly wiped them away. What am I doing? Standing in front of a hospital crying...people will think I'm insane.

I turned around and walked to the park a few blocks away from the hospital. I needed to calm down or I might start crying again.

I walked through the freshly mowed grass of the park and breathed deeply. The sweet smell of the nearby flowers filled the air and immediately calmed my nerves. I feel as if I am being too rash but at the same time...I worry these feelings will one day kill me.

Aaron, by now, probably knows about my feelings for him. He must be annoyed...irritated...he must hate me.

"Arrggg!!!" I yelled out as I kicked nothing.

I panicked as I lost my balance and fell backwards into the grass. I stay laying there, staring at the light blue sky.

I hate this side of me...so indecisive. I want these dumb throwing-up-flowers feeling to disappear but at the same time I wanted to keep these feeling for Aaron. Even if he feels nothing for me I want to clutch onto hope that maybe he might like me back, even just a tiny bit.

I hugged my arms closer to my chest as I closed my eyes tightly.

"There you are!" A voice called out.

I opened my eyes to see Katelyn, Garroth, and Laurence rushing to my side.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked as I picked myself up off the grass.

Garroth gasped for air and almost fainted as Laurence explained, "Katelyn told us...Aphmau..."

They looked at me with worry. I made them worry for me again..I sighed, "I can't."

"Can't....gasp...what?" Garroth asked.

"The surgery...but also these feelings! The surgery is scary because then I won't ever feel for Aaron the way I do now. At the same time these feelings are so painful!" My voice cracked as I wiped away the now-forming-tears in my eyes.

"Aphmau," Katelyn said as she hugged me, "don't do this if you don't want to. There must be different solutions."

I sniffled and Katelyn pulled away from me. Laurence grabbed my face and wiped away my tears.

"We are always here for you Aphmau. We would do anything to help you so don't do anything you are too scared of." Laurence spoke gently.

Finally a smile broke out on my lips, "Thank you guys so much. I love you all." I pulled all three of them into a hug.

"Garroth didn't do anything though so why is he being hugged?" Katelyn sneered playfully.

"Hey! I'm here for emotional support!" Garroth said in a defensive tone.

I giggled and hugged them tighter. These friends of mine...I couldn't ask for better friends.

The three of them took me home. My mom was still at work so we were alone. We sat in the living room and talked. I managed to explain my feelings and stresa to my three amazing friends and they listened closely.

Just then, Garroth suggested something, "Aphmau, why don't you just ask for a change of schedule? I mean, you barely have any classes with Aaron anyways and some of your classes are on opposite sides of the building so you'll barely run into each other. Wouldn't that be easier than just trying desperatly to avoid him?"

I gasped, "You're so smart Garroth!"

"That's a surprise." Laurence muttered.

Garroth elbowed Laurence in the side really forcefully until Laurence was flung off the couch. We all were shocked at that, even Garroth.

"Whoa...Garroth...where did that strength come from?" Katelyn said wide-eyed.

"I-I have no idea...." Garroth said in shock.

*****

Next day

I went to the office as soon as I arrived at school. I was taking Garroth's advise into consideration. This will be easier to avoid Aaron and less stressful...hopefully I get the permission.