I never really believed in soulmates

July 2012

"A soulmate, its terrifying, you never know who your soulmate is, it could send your emotions downhill. That's why I never liked the idea of soulmates. Its illogical. There's no science behind it, there's no scientific way to explain it"

Whispers can be heard around the classroom

"Everything can be explained by science, how we were born, how the world spins, where we are in the universe, how we develope personalities. Everything has an explanation but all this soulmate business is utter bullshit-"

Some students laughed but was quickly shushed by Washington

"Watch your language hamilton"

"There's no perfect reason as to why soulmates actually exist, there's no explanation of why we need a lover to see color, its illogical to think this way. Soulmates are just a myth but it became a reality, a horrifying reality"

Ive always treated it like a horrifying punishment

"Perhaps Hamilton you just don't know what having a lover feels like, seeing color while finding your soulmate will enlighten you, it'll add color to your life both literally and metaphorically"

The bell started ringing, students start to pack up their things and waited for washington's dismissal

"Class you may go, don't forget about the people reporting tomorrow as well, and Hamilton be more positive will you. You'll find your soulmate one day, there's no need to be afraid"

no matter what people say I still don't understand what's so good about it

"Sure."

"Son-"

"Not your son"

"Alexander."

"Sorry... look I just don't want to think about this kind of stuff. Its stupid there's no science in it just like that stupid god of yours"

I never believed in anything that couldn't be explained by science

"You will not speak about the lord's name like this"

"Whatever George, see ya"

"That's mr. George"

"Don't get ahead of yourself dada"

Washington rolled his eyes but cant help but smile at his sarcastic son

to be honest I never even understood love in general

_____________

that was of course until I met you

September 2016

"are you listening hamilfag"

"y-yeah..."

"I don't like people like you, learn to shut your mouth once in a while"

"s-sorry..."

a moment of silence

"hey...are...are you okay?"

"wha-"

"look hamilton, im not heartless hamilton, if you have a problem I don't want to add to it"

"o-oh..."

"so what's up?"

you helped me understand what I was missing on

I like you. I really really like you. we fight a lot, we bicker, but even so I still cant help but feel warm inside whenever you smile. I cant help but be happy when you talk to me. everything you do sends me higher than the moon. you light my heart on fire whenever you smile.

its impossible to be near you without feeling my face warm up, I like you-no-i love you. I fell for you, but I'm too scared to say it. the world we live in isn't normal.

we have soulmates, people growing flower buds on their body, people with psychic connections to their significant other, people who came from the distant past, people from a different universe. im afraid of the burden I'll get for telling him.

I want him to be my soulmate but I  know that something bad will occur if he isn't. I don't want to experience anything, whatever it is, even if its a good thing. it doesn't make sense.

"Hamilton?"

"do you ever wonder what's wrong with our world?"

"ha, what?"

"I mean it isn't normal, all this magic stuff that has no explanation, is that really normal?"

"what are you on about?"

"just think about it, its all just too weird"

"whatever hamilton"

ive always wanted to understand, and the years I've spent in college with you made me understand.

____________

April 2017

this day was the happiest I've ever seen you in, you were getting married to the person who would love you unconditionally,

I stood at the altar, locking eyes with you. a small smile on your face slowly getting bigger and bigger.

you laugh, a laugh so esctatic and wonderful. You look at me with your what I could assume was brown eyes

"thank you so much for all this"

I chuckle

"of course"

you looked forward and there she is, the love of your life, slowly walking to you. I smile and hold back my tears.

she wasn't your soulmate but oh does she feel like it. the first time you kissed didn't send colors through your eyes but instead it sent chills piercing through your heart as you told me. you wouldn't stop talking about her. you two were a match made in heaven. you two were practically made for each other.

_______________

December 2017

do you remember Christmas eve last year?

its was almost 3am, the rest of the guests left only I was left with Jefferson and how wife.

his wife fell asleep on the couch and Jefferson was just laughing ay everything he saw

and I was wobbling all over the place

so in summarization all three of us were mad drunk

we drank quite a lot didn't we, and confession: I drank way too much.

"hey hey thomthomsssss"

I said wobling to the couch and sitting down

"bro what is it homie"

he wobbled to me too and eventually just sat down together on the couch

"you're married now holy shit"

I said leaning to him, faces inches apart

"wouldn't it be weird if we like kiss"

Jefferson said staring at me

"dude what"

"like would that cheating or us just being super duper friendly"

I gasped

"broooooo"

"right brooo???"

"dude we should totally like kiss"

to be honest you drank a lot too

"but bro"

"yes bro"

"no homo?"

"no homo."

we slowly leaned into each other, but I hesitated

you drank even more than me which is honestly impressive

"but dude you're married man"

"awweee you're no fun"

I laughed, I look at him but his lips quickly pressed unto mine

what happened after that "accident" was so shocking. I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

he pulls away quickly

"dude whatda fu-...."

I look around, colors, oh my god, im seeing colors

I thought we were soulmates, I honestly felt so confused and perplexed. I could see colors and you looked even more perfect with color. who knew that you could look even better.

I was looking around in awe but you just looked confused

"dude you okay?"

"wh-y-you don't see it?"

"see what?"

"ThE cOlOrS mAn"

"pfff- are you high right now"

it seemed like it wasn't the same with you so I shrugged it off, perhaps maybe I was just too drunk and was in a state of near death from overdrinking

_________________

I didn't tell you anything. I was too scared to hear it. I wanted to believe that it was all a dream.

I didn't want to see the colors again but they felt so good. I tried to hold back the urge to touch you cause I didn't want solid evidence of me not being your soulmate but you being mine

but of course things doesn't always go your way

February 2018

we all decided to go out swimming in the beach.

I honestly didn't want to come along but you were basically begging me so I had no choice.

it wasn't really anything special, the guys were having fun and you were talking to your wife.

I felt guilty the whole time, I tried my best to avoid you but you kept approaching me

I'm just relaxing making a sandcastle then I noticed the gray sand turning a bright grainy yellow

"ah! t-thomas!"

"oh cool, how did you know it was me?"

"the colors"

"pff what, colors?"

"uh I meant oF cOurSe I can sense you from a mile away"

"tpff what are ya a dog"

"why yes! I can sense your smell sniff sniff"

we burst out laughing

that's the moment I knew. you were my soulmate but you loved someone else I didn't know what to feel about it but I didn't want to. make you pity me

__________________

and now its February 13, its your birthday isnt it? and its Friday the 13th today too so something bad is going to happen ~oh how scary~

but in all reality, I've been hesitating to send you this letter. my condition keep getting worse and worse and I just wanted to tell you everything before its too late.

well I assume when you recieve this it'll already be too late haha.

I never understood why our world works this way. until now I still don't but whatever the reason is ut must be reasonable-god that sounded dumb

anyways, I feel like I'm being punished for liking you, it hurts and I guess that's my fault.

I always keep my feelings inside me so I guess now I'm forced to let them back out whether I want to or not.

the choice of getting rid of this and living or letting it be and make the most out of the time a had left was a difficult decision.

but I decided to take the time I had left to appreciate everything.

to be honest I was hesitant if I wanted to send this to you, and I never did asked anyone to send this to you.

so if you DO recieve this it mustve been the hospital staff seeing it

thank you for everything mr jefferson. you were one of the people to make me smile.

I still don't understand but it makes more sense.

also I knew it something bad will happen if I wasn't your soulmate.

if you decide to visit my grave or something don't give me flowers, its not fun vomiting  flowers 24/7 and being surrounded by it at all times. I don't want anymore flowers in my life haha.

take your time, enjoy your long life, there are so many things waiting for you.

when the time comes, i'll see you on the other side.

happy birthday.

op hi there just some nice angst
this was actually shorter than I've planned but eh its still pretty long like 1700 words, not including this a/n so yeah its pretty long either way