A/N This is after Say No To this and the story is basically about John being his conscience (kinda like Evan and Connor in a way). This might have heavy dialogue so I'm sorry if this is bad.
Trigger warnings: swearing, mentions of rape and angst
I would also like to mention that Alexander was just making John feeling small about the whole Martha situation. John is not the 'victim' Alexander was just being manipulative

Alex stood outside the house for a couple of seconds wanting to process the events that happened. He took a shaky breath and went inside. He ran to his room and flopped on his bed. He wanted to scream in his pillow or just punch someone. He felt rage boiling inside him. 'This can't be my fault, how was I supposed to know?' He thought.

"You screwed up," he heard a voice behind him. He glanced at the owner of the voice direction and then sighed. He saw the pale figure looking at him . His baby blue eyes looking down at him with a mixture of sadness and anger.

"What do you expect me to do about it, John?" He spat. "Isn't that your job?" He said a trifle sharply. The pale figure stepped closer feeling a little hurt from his friend harsh tone.

"Alexander," He said softly. "You know I can't do anything but you can."

"Look John I didn't want this to happen okay. There was nothing for me to do to change what happened. I don't know what else I can do," he sighed and covers his face in shame. The ghost on the other hand had enough of his 'shame'.

"There was nothing for you to do? seriously Alexander, how can you do this to Eliza she loves you. And have you forgotten that you're a lawyer god damn it! I don't know about you but if someone told be that their husband has been abusing them I would call a fucking lawyer!" His pale face grew red from range, illuminating his freckles.

"Oh as if you are so perfect," he spat. "You should be happy I did what you said, didn't I?"

"What are you talking about?" He asked very confused. All he wanted for his friend was to be happy. This is not what he wanted.

"You told be 'Don't do something I wouldn't do' so I did what you did. Let people walk over me. Isn't that what you wanted?" He smirked at John who was looking down in guilt.

"Y-you know what I meant by that and I don't let people walk over me," he huffed.

"What about Manning? How old were you when you got married early 20s was it?

"What are you talking about?"

"You were drunk when you met her so she offered to take you home but she did more than that on that night didn't she?" John felt small he wanted to leave. He had enough of this man's petty excuse if having an affair. He wanted to leave so badly but he couldn't. "She had sex with you and you did nothing about it. You got her pregnant and you married the woman who raped you because you were so scared of what your father thought of you."

"That's not true, I l-love her," he managed to whisper out but Hamilton could hear from his shouting. He felt fresh tears running down his face. He could remember the last time he cried. He stroked his cheek to get rid off the tears. He wished he could just fade away. He just stood there allowing Hamilton to carry on this abuse.

"So you can't expect me to-" he looked up and saw John, his John, quietly crying to himself. "John?" He called out but didn't get a reply. 'Shit what have I done' he thought. He walked closer to the pale figure and took his arm and gently moved his curly hair out of his face. "I'm sorry John, I didn't mean any of it," he stared to break down a bit realising the harsh words he used at his friend. "I know you didn't asked for any of it and I'm sorry for not understanding sooner."

"I know and it's alright-"

"No it's not alright John I was using your insecurities to make me feel better. I know what I did wrong and now I'm going to fix everything." John smiled at him and embraced him in a hug.

"I love you."

"I love you too."