The Tango Alexander

[The lot. Eliza is reexamining the cable connections for the umpteenth time.]

[Laurens]

And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is

partially set up.

[Eliza]

[playing with some wires]

"Line in"...

I went to Harvard for this?

[Laurens]

Close on Laurens's nose dive.

[Eliza]

"Line out"...

[Laurens]

Will he get out of here alive...?

[Eliza notices Laurens approaching.]

[Eliza]

Laurens?

[Laurens]

Hi.

[Eliza]

I told her not to call you

[Laurens]

That's Alexander

But can I help since I'm here

[Eliza]

I hired an engineer ...

[Laurens]

Great!

Well, nice to have met you

[Eliza]

Wait!

She's three hours late

The samples won't delay

But the cable --

[Laurens]

There's another way

Say something -- anything

[Eliza (into the mike)]

Test -- one, two three --

[Laurens]

Anything but that

[Eliza]

This is weird

[Laurens]

It's weird

[Eliza]

Very weird

[Laurens]

f**kin' weird

[Eliza]

I'm so mad

That I don't know what to do

Fighting with microphones

Freezing down to my bones

And to top it all off

I'm with you

[Laurens]

Feel like going insane?

Got a fire in your brain?

And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

[Eliza]

As a matter of fact --

[Laurens]

Honey, I know this act

It's called the 'Tango Alexander'

The Tango Alexander

It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round

As he keeps you dangling

[Eliza]

You're wrong

[Laurens]

Your heart he is mangling

[Eliza]

It's different with me

[Laurens]

And you toss and you turn

'Cause his cold eyes can burn

Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

[Eliza]

I think I know what you mean

[BOTH]

The Tango Alexander

[Laurens]

Has he ever pouted his lips

And called you 'Pookie'

[Eliza]

Never

[Laurens]

Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

[Eliza]

This is spooky

Did you swoon when he walked through the door?

[Laurens]

Every time -- so be cautious

[Eliza]

Did he moon over other boys --?

[Laurens]

More than moon --

[Eliza]

I'm getting nauseous

[They begin to dance, with Laurens leading.]

[Laurens]

Where'd you learn to tango?

[Eliza]

With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm

room at Miss Porter's. And you?

[Laurens]

With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the

Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.

[They switch, and Eliza leads.]

It's hard to do this backwards.

[Eliza]

You should try it in heels!

He cheated

[Laurens]

He cheated

[Eliza]

Alexander cheated

[Laurens]

f**kin' cheated

[Eliza]

I'm defeated

I should give up right now

[Laurens]

Gotta look on the bright side

With all of your might

[Eliza]

I'd fall for him still anyhow

[BOTH]

When you're dancing his dance

You don't stand a chance

His grip of romance

Make you fall

[Laurens]

So you think, 'Might as well'

[Eliza]

"Dance a tango to hell"

[BOTH]

'At least I'll have tangoed at all'

The Tango Alexander

Gotta dance till your diva is through

You pretend to believe him

Cause in the end -- you can't leave him

But the end it will come

Still you have to play dumb

Till you're glum and you bum

And turn blue

[Laurens]

Why do we love when he's mean?

[Eliza]

And he can be so obscene

[Laurens]

Try the mike

[Eliza]

My Alexander (reverb: een, een, een...)

[Laurens]

Patched

[Eliza]

Thanks

[Laurens]

You know -- I feel great now!

[Eliza]

I feel lousy

[The pay phone rings. Laurens hands it to Eliza.]

Honey, we're... [pause] Pookie?!

You never call me Pookie...

Forget it, we're patched.

[She hangs up, looks at Laurens.]

[BOTH]

The Tango Alexander!