Johns POV

I turned the key and made my way into the apartment. "Helooooo Lex are you home"

I didn't hear anything. I shrugged and made my way to the kitchen.

cRASH

shit~

I think it came from the bathroom so I sprinted to it.

The door swung open and-

"Alexander?"

He was sitting in the tub with a half empty case of Sam Addams on the ground next to him. I sighed, "c'mon Lexi you've had enough." I said trying to yank the bottle out of his hands.

He started hysterically laughing at nothing in particular. How did my Alexander get like this?

"Immm fiiinnneee" he giggled holding onto his can tightly.

"No, Alexander, your not!" My voice rose ever so slightly just enough for him to take me seriously. "God, I thought I knew you! What happened?" I muttered under my breath.

I turned to leave the humid bathroom but then Alex said, "welp, YOU should have known better" what does he even mean? I love him! If he's saying I don't care or I don't know him enough then that's a lie. I know he ties his shoes before and after taking his shoes off, I know he only uses black hair ties and even that he thinks that makes him 'emo'

"LIER!" My voice cracked as I yelled at this- this stranger in my bathroom. "Just cut the crap, Lex, and accept the fact that I care about you!" At this point there were tears lining my eyes.

"YOU just can't accept the fact that your wrong for once in your life, jackie. YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE LIFE"

OH SO WERE YELLING NOW OKAY LETS YELL. "YOU HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO LOOK REALITY IN THE FACE! ALWAYS WRITING WRITING WRITING! THIS IS THE REAL WORLD WAKE THE FUCK UP!" I knew I shouldn't have let him get to me. He's drunk after all but it's still him! It's still my Lexi, right?

He quieted down. " go ahead, yell at me, punch me, hit me see if I care. It's not like it hasn't happened before" Oh no did I hit a nerve? Shit I broke my boyfriend.

I stayed quiet.

"You know" he broke the silence, "you meant everything to me" meant? As in not anymore?! Tears started to fall as I dropped to the floor. "Yeah you meant everything, once soon a time ago. But it's obvious that,... I meant absolutely nothing to you"

"Alex no~" I sobbed looking him strait in the eye.

"Ihtu" he mumbled

"W-what?"

"I-I hate you! I hate you so much but the show stoping part of this all is that I know for a FACT, that I hate myself more." He spat these words at me like poison.

It was the alcohol it-it had to be the alcohol

"Alex please i lo-"

"Love me? You love me? Really? Oh wow that makes everything better Imma go frolic and dance in wonderland unless, wait, oh yeah I'm still here- with you."

"What are you saying" I knew what he was saying but he didn't know any better. I keep telling myself that but I know that it's not true.

"I'm saying I hate you John laurens"

There was an uncertified silence. Maybe if I act strong then he won't see the tears and my broken heart on the ground in front of us. "T-this is the p-part where you AP-polagize" I held my head up high.

"No actually this is the part where you leave"

"Gladly"

I will regret those words for the rest of my life.

~a year and a half later~

I've recovered since that cold October night. Well, sort of.

I moved on with a guy who I know is cheating on me. I don't love him, I barely like him but I let him think he's sneaky.

So yeah physically, I've moved on but mentally?

"John honey, I'm off to work"

"Don't call me honey, Jefferson"

(A/N Im so sorry)

I heard the front door close so I looked at my phone.

-

HunkOfCheese: yo bro, Laf and Peggy and I are going out tonight. You coming?

POPCHICAPOPcorn: nah bro thanks for asking. I'm swamped

HunkOfCheese: with?

POPCHICKAPOPcorn: stuff

HunkOfCheese: we need to talk pick up the goddamn phone,

-

Uhhh I just don't like going out and getting drunk. I don't like it. I used to but some things change.

"Yo" Herc said after I picked up on the last ring.

"Hey bro sorry I'm just not up to it"

"Okay listen, I get that you don't feel like you have anyone. You feel fucking alone. You get that I know that better than anyone but the most important thing to do is to move on."

"Gosh I didn't know you were so poetic herc"

"John~"

A tear fell but I don't know why. To be honest I can't remember the last time I cried. I actually haven't 'felt' anything for bout a year. "Fine herC You win. I don't wanna move on okay? I'm scared! I don't want to let down my guard because then I might get hurt"

"John you know pegs and laf and I care about you so much and we would never want to hurt you. We're doing this for your own good. This will make it better because yeah, you might get hurt but think of it this way, it might get better."

"I'll think about it"

"K ubers coming at 5"

"HERC YOU CALLED AN UBER?"

"Your choices are get kidnapped by Peggy or Uber"

"Okay okay but I'm not drinking"

"Ughhhh your no fun"

"Wait Herc -"

BEEPBEEPBEEP

That bitch hung up...

Alright Thomas should be getting back around 10:pm from his 'job' witch is just doing Jemmy and so I have 5 hours max.

~time skip bich~

I looked in the mirror. Ughhh I can't find an outfit!! I haven't gone out for over a year!

Why is this so stressful?

I took off the blue sparkly jacket and put on a black turtle neck with the sleeves cut off. Jeans and a dark red sweatshirt.

EW

Okay I'll just change one more-

BEEP BEEP

Of corse they're here. I opened my window and screamed, "be right down"

I grabbed my wallet and phone and shoved them in my pocket as I skipped multiple steps running down the stairs.

I got to the car and slid into the backseat.

"Where too" the driver said. There was something about that voice

"The club downtown" I said peering out the window.

"Huh" the guy chuckled. It automatically made me smile.

"What?" I asked looking up at the back of his seat.

"Oh nothing. Just my old ex and I used to go there but..." he stopped.

I decided not to pressure or say anything. I know what it's like. I decided to change the subject.

"Now way! Really? My of boyfriend and I used to go there all the time!! I'm surprised I didn't see you there."

"Yeah" he agreed.

I don't know who this guy is but his voice is hot. You know like when you hear someone's voices and they all smelt and shit.

We talked all the way there. Turns out we have a lot in common.

He used to date this person and they were perfect but he messed it all up and has been mentally unstable ever since. AND WE BOTH LOVE CANDY CORN!!! Like what are the odds bro.

"Nahh I bet being adopted it better than my homophobic abusive bitch of a dad." I chuckled.

"Yeah I mean it's weird but I feel like I know you before." He said stopping in front of the club.

"I was gonna say the same thing but I didnt wanna freak you out you know?" I nodded stepping out of the car. I dug into my wallet but the man stopped me.

"No need it's on the house, or- car. Whatever, tonight was the most fun I had in a while."

This bro is reading my mind. "Hey um, here's my number," I said scribbling it down on a piece of paper.  I held it out to him, "maybe you could-"

No

My face fell, my heart smashed, tears brimmed.

I snatched my Hand back before he could grab the number. He looked at me for an explanation and gasped.

"John, I-"

"Don't" it hurt to have to push him away but I know I was helping myself from future pain.

I speed walked toward the club and saw Peggy. Tears were falling rapidly as I walked towards her. I heard a car door slam and running.

"HEYY JO- whats wrong" Peggy asked seeing my face.

As if on que Alexander Hamilton ran in front of me and Peggy with his arms in front of him like he was protecting himself.

Peggy, although shorter, gasped then pushed me behind her and glared at Alex. I love my friends.

"What do you want you sick retard" spat Peggy.

"Listen- erm- both of you. I'm sorry. I really am from the bottom of my heart. I lo-"

I stepped up to repeat what was said to me long ago, "Love me? You love me? Really? Oh wow that makes everything better Imma go frolic and dance in wonderland unless, wait, oh yeah I'm still here- with you."

He hung his head and a tear fell. "I just wanted to apologize." He said before he walked away.

"LIKE HELL ILL LET YOU NEAR MAH JONNY YOU PIECE OF POOP" screeched Peggy.

He just kept walking and I knew what I had to do.

"Alex wait"

"ALEX DONT WAIT KEEP WALKING BUCKO"

"Peggy shush"

Alex turned around. I rushed to him and there we stood. 3 or so feet apart. Even the light snow that had started to fall seemed to stop. Everything was still.

"I love you John Laurens" Alex cried weakly.

"You gonna break my heart Lexi?"

"Never again"

Oh shit were real close now. Welp now or never~
I grabbed his waist and pulled him into a kiss that I think the both of us have needed for a year and a half

So Yeah! That's us. Making out infront a Clío outside a car with an open door, snow falling all around us.

~I forgive you~

•

If this wasn't the most crappy shit I've ever written then I take potty on the few readers of first love oop...
I hope you liked this and yeah. I'm done bye bitches
Also this was someones idea and this someone was Reddi_teddie22

Thank yalllllllkk