CHAPTER ONE — OPERATION: PREVENT ARMAGEDDON
in the beginning — part two

"And what are they putting in bananas these days?" — crowley

STILL 11 YEARS AGO

EXCLUDING THE OCCASIONAL PHONE CALL, MONAYA HADN'T HAD CONTACT WITH HER DAD SINCE THE CINEMA INCIDENT IN 1995 (don't ask). So, she was certainly looking forward to seeing him. Three years may be nothing to the long and ineffable lives of Angels and Demons, but Monaya was still new to it all — despite her being 97. Not just that, but the fact that she loved her Dad and missed him even though he was a red haired, snake eyed demon. Well, Monaya's half demon, so she's one to talk.

They were about halfway through the fifteen year period with her Papa Aziraphale and Monaya had changed a lot during that time. For some reason — whether it was by Heaven or Hell's design, they did not know — Monaya aged, on average, one physical year every seven human years. The opposite to the way a Dog's lifespan works which led her to believe it was the latter of the two who had that input. So, if she was 97 that meant that physically she looked about 14.

School was certainly a recurring issue, let me tell you that much. But considering that Armageddon was on its way, it seemed that she wouldn't have to deal with it for very much longer.

Ah, Armageddon, that old chestnut. It appeared the day was fast approaching now that her Dad, Crowley, had deposited the Harbinger of Destruction off to where the Nuns would take care of him from there. Badly, as it would later seem.

Once the call with her Dad had ended, Aziraphale caught their daughter up with the events that had transpired earlier that evening. As soon as the name 'Gabriel' was mentioned, Monaya indiscreetly grimaced at the name of the annoying — and slightly mean — angel. Let's just say, Monaya wasn't his biggest fan. And frankly, neither was Aziraphale, an angel who made his best effort to be kind and considerate towards others. Crowley didn't like his fellow demons either: to be fair, it wasn't that hard. So, maybe, the family of three was made for each other after all.

Monaya followed her Papa Aziraphale to St James' Park (a common meeting place for the parenting team over the years) to where her Dad was waiting for them. The orange headphones of her Walkman dangled freely around her neck whilst the attached tape player sat nice and snugly on her hip. Because despite the temptation, it was not the ideal time for music. Sadly.

It didn't take them long to arrive, after all, her Dads had been meeting there since before she was even born (which was a long time ago) so Aziraphale knew the route there like the back of his own celestial hand. Crowley was already there on their usual bench, sitting comfortably as he waited for his daughter and his 'friend' to arrive. It was Monaya who was the first to spot him and his mop of sanguine hair — the colour, not the optimism thing, of course — stood out like a sore claw amongst the earthy tones of the park.

Crowley pulled himself to his feet when he spotted the two beings headed his way and the sight of them caused a small, gleeful smile to spread across his lips. Not that he would admit it, the demon enjoyed the company of the angel, his co-parent, and awaited the days they would see each other next. And unbeknownst to him, but well known to their daughter, Aziraphale felt the same. There was nothing her Dads could keep from her, despite their past efforts.

Monaya waisted no time and leapt into her Dad's arms, startling the man who stumbled backwards after the unexpected assault on his chest. It was like she was attempting to squeeze the life out of him (something that should be impossible for any celestial being) as she wrapped her arms around his torso and embraced her Dad for the first time in three years. It was safe to say that Monaya had missed him. And he had missed her too.

The corner of his lips crept upwards as he relaxed into his daughter's vice-like hug. "I missed you too, my little demon."

Aziraphale watched with a lightened heart and content smile as the two demons reunited. It warmed his soul — figuratively, not literally — to see them both together again, after all, he had been in Crowley's position before and knew the joy that graced him once he had their daughter back in his arms. Sometimes Aziraphale wondered about how much he would miss her if they did stick to the fifteen year arrangement. Fortunately for them all, mainly Monaya, they did not. Otherwise her upbringing would have been a lot more different than it was, something they all suspected wouldn't be for the better.

Finally releasing their hold on one another, the father and daughter separated from their reuniting embrace. The redhaired demon (Crowley, not Monaya) moved his gaze to the angel before him. Aziraphale and Crowley shared a look between them — one of camaraderie, joy and relief — that they both wore. It was the same in each of their eyes, so much so they may as well be looking into a mirror. Unlike with Monaya, there was no physical contact required between the two celestials. After all, their relationship dated back to the dawn of time itself.

The exact time of creation hasn't yet been correctly deduced by neither scholars nor apostles, with the closest being Archbishop James Ussher who was off by almost a quarter of an hour.

The family of three parked themselves down onto the bench, with Crowley returning to the spot he had claimed upon his arrival and Monaya sandwiched between the two. Just as they always were.

Aziraphale withdrew a small paper bag from his coat pocket, full of the bread crusts Monaya hadn't eaten. Her hair was curly enough, thank you very much. The angel tossed the pieces to the well trained ducks, who gobbled them up instantly, as he looked over his daughter to the demon and asked. "You're sure it was the antichrist?"

"I should know, I delivered the baby." Monaya gave him the strangest look, but it wasn't the weirdest thing he had ever said, in her lifetime. Crowley corrected. "Well, not delivered delivered, y'know? Just handed it over." Ah, that made more sense. Monaya didn't even want to imagine the idea of her Dad actually delivering a baby. Too late.

Monaya's face contorted into a grimace and then her Papa said. "An American diplomat. Really? As if Armageddon were a cinematographic show you wished to sell in as many countries as possible."

"The Earth and all the Kingdoms thereof."

Glancing over their daughter at Crowley, Aziraphale had a determined look in his eye and Monaya could guess what was coming. And it was something she did not want to be a part of. "We will win, of course."

Her Dad smirked. "You really believe that?"

Aziraphale replied, quite smugly for an angel, something Monaya found amusing. "Obviously. Heaven will finally triumph over Hell. It's all going to be rather lovely."

"Out of interest," Mused Crowley, looking back over at his fellow celestial. "how many first-class composers do your lot have in Heaven? Because Mozart's one of ours. Beethoven. Schubert. All of the Bachs-" He did have a point.

"They have already written their music." Interrupted Aziraphale.

Monaya pulled out her Walkman and ran her thumb over the casing. "At least Freddie Mercury's upstairs."

Crowley nodded in agreement before returning to the angel. "And you'll never hear it again." She swore she almost saw her Papa shiver at the thought. "No more Albert Hall. No more Glyndebourne. Just celestial harmonies." Monaya agreed with her Dad, that sounded bad indeed.

"Well."

"And that's just the start of what you'll lose if you win." The demon continued adamantly. It didn't particularly matter to Monaya who won, after all she was on both sides so would win either way. Or she would lose twice, but who wants to focus on the negatives. "No more fascinating little restaurants where they know you. No gravlax in dill sauce. No more old bookshops."

The demon pulled himself to his feet and Aziraphale and Monaya were soon to follow. They followed the demon back through St James' Park as he traced his steps to where he had parked his prized Bentley. Monaya simply smiled, their small family of three was together again and she couldn't be happier (well, not unless you happened to have any fizzy rainbow belt sweets on you, they were her favourite).

It didn't take Crowley long to lead them back to his vintage car, well preserved with care and just a smidge of demon magic — ssshh. He turned to look at his daughter and their Aziraphale. "We've only got 11 years and then it's all over. We have to work together."

"No."

Monaya almost got whiplash from how fast she spun around to give her Papa a strange look. Since when did they not help her Dad? Aziraphale had always aided Crowley even if his requests were bizarre and most likely dangerous with just a hint of illegal, so what made this any different? Armageddon was coming and they were going to have to stick together if they wanted any chance of weathering that storm.

"It's the end of the world we're talking about." Crowley reminded the angel, crimson waves cascading in front of his eyes. It kind of reminded Monaya of a waterfall of blood, like the one Hell had in their spa. "It's not some little temptation I've asked you to cover for me while you're up in Edinburgh for he festival." Monaya remembered that one. "We can do something. I have an idea."

A matching mischievous grin crept up both Father and Daughter's faces as they both knew how chaotic the idea was going to be and both loved it.

Azirphale sighed at the two of them and shook his head. "No! I'm not interested." Upon reaching the vehicle, the trio halted. Monaya almost slammed into her Dad's back at the sudden stop but managed to catch herself before that happened. The angel turned to their daughter. "Come on my little angel, lets go."

Monaya was no angel but nor was she a demon. She was simply a child caught in the middle of two sides forever at war. She was half heaven and half hell, half Aziraphale and half Crowley, so she couldn't pick a side. She was both.

At the thought of the two of them leaving, Crowley panicked and blurted. "Well, let's have lunch, hmm? I still owe you from..."

Aziraphale seemed to drift off into space for a moment before recalling. "Paris. 1793."

Ah yes, Monaya remembered this story. How before she was even created, her Dad had heroically saved her Papa from the guillotine. Not that it would have killed him per se, just that it would result in a lot of unnecessary and tedious paperwork none of them overly liked. She had always enjoyed hearing the stories of her Dads when she was a mere few decades old, it appeared the angel and the demon had quite the adventures together even before they had her.

Crowley's face lit up — in recognition, not with fire as hilarious as that would have been — and nodded in agreement. "Yes. The Reign of Terror." As he said this, Monaya suddenly noticed the policeman scribbling down a ticket for her Dad's Bentley. Her Papa had taught her to respect the law and the people who upheld it, but Monaya said 'screw that' when it came to her Dad's beloved car. The policeman seemed to freeze upon seeing Monaya's deadly stare and she could see as fear crept into his eyes. Oblivious to their daughter's actions, Crowley inquired. "Was that one of ours or one of yours?"

"Can't recall." Suddenly a nostalgic smile made its way onto his face as he fondly recalled the memory. "We had crepes."

Monaya placed the orange ends of her headphones over her ears and then pressed play on the Walkman. The familiar lyrics of Killer Queen flooded her ears as the two Dads and their 'teenage' daughter entered the car. And as they drove off into the city and God knows where, the policeman's notepad spontaneously burst into flames along with their ticket. Was it Monaya, her Dad or even her angel Papa? Well, that was something no one would ever know.

THREE CELESTIALS WALKED INTO THE RITZ... THAT SOUNDED LIKE THE BEGINNING OF A BAD JOKE. They sat down at their usual table that was somehow always available when they needed it (Monaya suspected there to be magic going on from both sides) and proceeded to order whatever it was they wanted. Monaya shovelled a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth whilst her Papa took his time and gracefully ate the small strange looking thing he had on his plate. A champagne bottle popped, it's sound echoing throughout the room, but Monaya was more focused on her ice cream.

Crowley watched as Azirphale finally placed the last bit of his meal into his mouth and hummed in contentment. He lowered the cutlery onto his plate just as Monaya finished up her frozen dessert. Politely, the angel picked up the serviette from beside his glass and wiped his mouth clear of what he had just consumed. Monaya did the same, but with a little less grace. Her Papa was the gentleman of the three of them, Monaya wasn't sure her and her Dad would survive an hour in the highest ring of society, they'd probably be kicked out.

Looking past Monaya to Crowley, Aziraphale said. "That was scrumptious. So, what are you in the mood for now?"

"Alcohol." Her Dad replied, as if the seriousness and possible disaster of the upcoming Armageddon had just sunken in. He then tapped his spoon against the glass, the dinging sound reverberating in the restaurant. "Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol."

Monaya looked up from her empty bowl. "Can I have some?"

"You're not old enough." Crowley deadpanned with a wave of his hand and a fatherly look Monaya couldn't ignore.

Still, she protested. "But Dad, I'm 97! Surely that's old enough if the humans can drink from 18."

"Monaya," Began Aziraphale calmly, but in a tone that let her know he meant business. "You may be 97 but you're also still physically 14."

Of course her Dads were teaming up against her on this topic, they had been since she was 85. Her confusing physical and mental age difference got on her nerves a lot, especially now she was in her 'teens'. She was going to be stuck in the age period most people disliked for almost half a century, delightful. Well, if Armageddon was going to begin in eleven years, it seemed the world and herself were going to have bigger things to worry about.

Crowley pursed his lips. "You still have about three decades yet," Monaya sunk into her chair with a huff. Then a large grin appeared on her Dad's face. "But when you're 126, we can go out down the pub for a drink, or twenty."

Monaya looked excited.

Aziraphale looked horrified.

The hybrid girl smiled. "Thanks Dad."

AFTER DINING AT THE RITZ, THE FAMILY OF THREE MADE THEIR WAY BACK TO AZIRAPHALE'S HOMELY BOOKSHOP. They were strolling along the pavement together, with Monaya in the middle. Her headphones dangled freely around her neck, but the music still played through, her attention was divided by her Walkman and her Dads.

Aziraphale grinned as he announced. "I have several very nice bottles of Chateauneuf-du-Pape in the back." He did? If Monaya had known that she probably wouldn't have been so forward about her wish to try drinking. "I picked up a dozen cases in 1921, and there's still some left for special occasions."

Monaya smiled. He counted this as a special occasion.

"Not very big on wine in Heaven are they though?" The demon pointed out, glancing at the angel through the crimson panes of his circular glasses. "Not going to get any more nice little Chateauneuf-du-Papes in Heaven, or single malt scotch, or little...little frou-frou cocktails with umbrellas." So basically, Heaven was boring.

The trio crossed the road just as the song on her Walkman changed over to one more upbeat. "Crowley, I've told you. I'm not helping you. I'm not interested. This is purely social."

She raised her eyebrow dubiously at her Papa. If he wasn't interested then she wasn't a master at ping pong.

Her Dads looked over her — it wasn't particularly hard, she was quite small — to stare or glare at one another, Monaya couldn't tell. Then Aziraphale continued. "I am an angel. You are a demon. We're hereditary enemies." She frowned at that, after all, she was both angel and demon, so what did her Papa think about that? They reached the door to the bookshop, the wood matching her Dad's hair. "Get behind me foul fiend."

The demons watched as Aziraphale stepped back out of the way and gave a polite smile, gesturing for the two of them to enter before them. Monaya's brow rised even further.

"After you."

The demon, the hybrid and then the angel entered the bookshop and closed the door behind them. Together they made their way to the back of the shop were Monaya sat down, headphones now over her ears, as her Dads went to fetch the alcohol. And there they remained, for three hours.

By Monaya's calculations (something she was most definitely good at after years of being stuck in secondary school) it had been about 15 hours since the Antichrist, the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of this World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan and Lord of Darkness, arrived in this world and for a fifth of that time, her Dads had been drunk.

"So what... what exactly is your point?" Aziraphale asked Crowley whilst the latter haphazardly poured more wine into his awaiting glass. Monaya spent the last few hours watching as the scene unfolded with her music blaring in her ears, she found it rather amusing when her Dads were very tipsy.

"My point is-" The demon let out a loud burp which Monaya giggled at. It appeared her Papa was most definitely drunk because he didn't try to get Crowley to use proper manners and instead simply sipped on his wine. "My point is, dolphins. That's my point. Big brains, the size of... damn big brains."

And the floor was made out of floor.

Crowley sat down next to his daughter on the sofa before finally removing his 'Matthew Murdock glasses' from his face to reveal his reptilian yellow eyes. Monaya snatched them from his hands and placed them on the bridge of her nose as her Dad said. "Not to mention, the whales. Brain city, whales-"

"Kraken." Her Papa cut in. Wow, he must have been really drunk. "Ooh, great big bugger. Supposed to rise up to the surface. Right... right up at the end, when the sea boils." That certainly sounded intriguing.

"Well, that's my point. Whole sea bubbling. The dolphins, the whales, everything turning into..." Crowley attempted and failed to pronounce a word multiple times before giving up. "Fish stew." He then continued as Monaya started eating a chocolate digestive biscuit. Where she got it from, no one knew. "Anyways, it's not their fault. And that's the same with the gorillas. They say, like, 'whoop'. They say a lot of 'sky's gone red'. 'There's... stars crashing down." Gesturing rather flamboyantly, Crowley demonstrated what he was saying with his hands as Aziraphale proceeded to pour himself another drink all the while Monaya was smiling to herself at the scene. "And what are they putting in bananas these days?"

"They're all creatures, great and small."

Once again back onto his feet, not that they were particularly sturdy, he was drunk after all. "And you know what's worse? When it's all over, you've got to deal with it for eternityyyyyyyy."

Honestly, Monaya wasn't sure what was worse when it came to Armageddon just that it was most likely not going to end well for her. She was too angel for the demons and too demon for the angels.

"Eternity?" Sadly queried the angel.

Monaya didn't like the sound of it either.

"Yeah, it won't be so bad at first." The hybrid 'teen' knew her Dad incredibly well, so she certainly noticed the hint of victory and pride in the ghost of a smile that lined his lips. He was winning her Papa over and he knew it. He picked up a book from besides him and scanned the cover. "No Stephen Sondheim first nights in eternity, I'm afraid." Aziraphale huffed, Crowley smirked and Monaya smiled, enjoying watching her Dad persuade her Papa to help. "Although, I have heard rumours that your boss really loves The Sound of Music."

Well, they weren't Monaya's boss and neither was Satan. It appeared no one wanted to claim her.

Aziraphale looked slightly frightened at the thought of that film on repeat. The angel in Monaya loved that movie, but Aziraphale certainly didn't. Watching it once was enough for him.

"You fancy spending eternity watching that?" The crimson-haired demon went on. "You could literally climb every mountain over and over and over and over and over and over." That was a lot of overs.

Aziraphale sighed in what one could mistake as defeat. "I don't like it any more than you do, but I told you, I can't diso- not do what I'm told." Apparently the word 'disobey' sounded too much like what a demon would do for her Papa, but Monaya and Crowley loved the word. "I'm an angel, I... Oh God, I... I can't cope with this while I'm drunk. I'm going to sober up."

"Me too." Her Dad agreed.

Then Monaya watched through the red panes as Crowley inhaled quickly and wince as all the alcohol he had previously drunk was removed from his bloodstream. It wasn't the most pleasant way to rid oneself of the drink, but it did mean you won't have to suffer with a hangover the following morning. The wine replaced itself back into the bottles and when Crowley was almost finished, Aziraphale did the same. Soon the bottles were all refilled and they shaking themselves awake after being drunk for so long.

Monaya turned to the bottles with an arched eyebrow. Were you meant to drink it again at a later date? If so, how many times had her Papa drunk the same bottle?

He shook his head and sighed, glancing over at Crowley who had taken back his glasses from his daughter's nose and placed them into his pocket. Way to ruin the fun. "Even if I wanted to help, I couldn't. I can't interfere with the Divine Plan."

"Well, what about diabolical plans?" Inquired Crowley, one having popped into his demonic head. Monaya typically wasn't one for diabolical plans or even miraculous ones, just a bit of chaos suited her very nicely. "You can't be certain that thwarting isn't part of the Divine Plan too."

Ooo, Monaya thought, he had him there.

"I mean, you're supposed to thwart the wiles of the Evil One," aka Satan, "at every turn, aren't you?"

"Well..."

He was cooking with gas now. Just to be clear, Crowley no longer cooked with gas, his kitchen was now electric after Monaya almost blew up the flat the last time she was in his custody. Oops. "See a wile, you thwart. Am I right?"

An amused smile spread across Monaya's lips as she sat forward, chin resting on her palms that rested on her knees. She continued to watch as her Dads went on, her head going back and forth between them like a game of ping pong — her favourite sport — and her gaze was now settled upon her Papa who was failing to respond.

He stuttered for words, scrambling for an answer. "I... broadly. Actually, I encourage humans to do the actual-"

This time, it was Crowley who interrupted, getting back to their usual demon/angel dynamic. "But the Antichrist has been born. But it's the upbringing that's important, the influences. The evil influences, that's all going to be me. It'd be too bad if someone made sure that I failed."

Both of the angels' eyes widened in realisation. Then Monaya smiled, her Dad was most definitely smart.

"And someone there to keep the balance." She inputted for the first time since the conversation began. The two Dads turned to their child before glancing back at each other as if telepathically debating on whether or not to involve her. But Armageddon was on its way and she already knew what they were planning, so what was the harm in letting her help?

Aziraphale smiled, finally at ease with their disastrous circumstances. Luckily he was, otherwise they would have had to deal with an anxious Aziraphale only growing with worry as their doom approached. Neither of them wanted that. "If you put it that way... Heaven couldn't actually object if I was thwarting you."

"No. Be a real feather in your wing."

The two celestials went to seal their deal with a solid handshake, only for the third to bombard them with a group hug, her music still playing in her Walkman. Both of her Dads smiled at her and she returned it. Her bizarre family of three were about to give Armageddon the finger and tell it to bugger off (Aziraphale would probably faint if he ever heard/saw Monaya use such obscenities) because they liked the world the way it was and didn't particularly fancy the war to end all wars to commence.

"We'd be godfathers ." Crowley said after the three finally broke from their embrace. Monaya gave him a look. "And, uh, a god-sister. Sort of, overseeing his upbringing. We do it right, he won't be evil. Or good. He'll just be normal."

Monaya grinned and piped up. "Like me."

Crowley laughed. "No way in Heaven are you normal, my little hellfire."

True, but rude.

"It might work. Godfathers. Well, I'll be damned." He chuckled at the thought of teaching the spawn of Satan how to be good. Oh the irony.

Crowley shrugged and gave the angel a lopsided smile. "It's not that bad when you get used to it."

The grin on the angel's face fell — Monaya would have said, just like how her Dad did, but it wasn't the right moment — and the demon laughed. Their daughter just giggled along with him, but the Antichrist and the impending Armageddon were still in her mind. But now they had a plan to stop it, Operation: Prevent Armageddon was a go.

The fate of the world rested in the hands of a demon who sauntered down to Hell, a bookshop owner angel with a love for random little human curiosities and a hybrid child who was most likely surgically attached to her Walkman.

What could possibly go wrong?

Welcome to Chapter one of Half Heaven Half Hell!!! I did not expect this chapter to be so long, but oh well. The main storyline and Armageddon have begun. This story is now in full swing.

In the next chapter we will get to see Monaya's relationship with Warlock and her part in his childhood. Before moving on to introducing my baby Maverick, Monaya's best friend, and exploring his story which will be fun. I absolutely love their friendship, they are like siblings or platonic soulmates so if I see anyone shipping them, I will not be happy.

Monaya is literally the biggest ineffable husbands shipper, she can tell her Dads really like each other.

Monaya's favourite sweets being fizzy rainbow belts which are sometimes known as 'gay bacon' >>>

Here are a few memes for this chapter.

Thank you for reading. Hopefully I'll see you all in the next chapter.

Sincerely Rosie aka Winter326