Not proofread
Warning: drinking, self inflict pain, panic attack mentions
This is very long so I am sorry 😔

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I whined softly as my back started to ache even more. I dropped the last box in front of my apartment and went to go pay the moving guys for borrowing their truck. I was a little disappointed though since they didn't even offer me a hand seeing how I don't have that much muscle on me.

"Here, keep the change" I said as I gave them the money and hurried back into my apartment. Even if they didn't help, I still was generous in the end. I quickly opened the door and began to haul the boxes inside.

I heard a faint click of a door next to me. I stayed focused and kept moving the boxes even if my body was screaming for a break.

I heard the door open and then shut. "Hey there! You new here?" A voice rang next to me. I flinched as I dropped the box and turned around. My eyes met with a mans chest so I brought them back up but didn't meet his eyes until a while.

He was really tall and his eyes were cat like making me feel very intimidated. I took a step back and nodded my head. "Y-yeah. You're really tall" I stated as I kept looking up just to meet his green eyes.

He laughed and he slightly bent his body down and forward. "And you're small like how tall are you?" He asked with a smirk. I became self conscious but answered anyway. "I-I'm 5'7 so I'm still tall!" I said with a pout. He didn't say anything but laughed straight at my face.

I frowned softly and turned around to continue with my work. "Ah! Sorry sorry! Didn't mean to offend you. Here, can I help you?" He quickly said apologetically and came close to help me without waiting for me to even tell him to.

with this mans help, we finished in a few minutes. I sat on my bean bag chair that I unpacked while staring at my boxes with a dark look. He sat next to me and he still was taller than me with his head being above mine.

"So what's your name?" He asked with a smile. I sighed and leaned back on the chair to relax my muscles. "(Y/n), what about you?" I asked slowly nudging my head towards him.

"You can call me Lev!" He said. I furrowed my eyebrows. "That's not Japanese, right?" I asked. He slowly nodded and sighed with a smile. "I'm half Japanese, half Russian" he stated. My eyes grew wide in curiosity.

"Oh! Can you speak Russian?" I asked eagerly. He threw his hands up and gave me a sad smile. "Nah, Sorry!" I dropped my head nodded. "That would've been cool. Anyway, it was nice to meet you Lev. I'm gonna go unpack this crap" I said as I stood up and my bones were screaming even more to sit down for a little longer.

But I ignored my body since I had to get settled down as fast as possible for my classes tomorrow. "How old are you?" Lev asked as he stood and dusted his butt from the floor.

"21, I moved here for university" I said as I went over and opened a random box that was supposed to be for my room. He nodded as he asked another question. "Oh, really? Is it called (u/n)?".

I cocked my head over to him as he smiled widely as he walked over and ruffled my hair. "Guess we go to the same place! What department do you go to?" He asked as I flicked his hand away from my hair with a pout while I fixed it.

"I'm in (D/n)(pretend Lev is in the same department despite it being variations)" I said as I took out my blankets and pillows and threw them on top of my bed. He jumped up at the mention of my department. "I go there too! We should walk there together" he said with excitement.

It took him a second to realize what he said and he slightly backed off with a soft blush. "If, you want to of course.." he said as he looked around and didn't meet my eyes. I laughed at how flustered he got by something he said.

I walked over and opened my closet and hung up my jackets and winter coats all towards the back. "Yeah, that would be nice, Lev. Come back later and I'll invite you to some pizza" I said with a smile. His ears perked up bright red as he nodded and bolted out of my apartment without saying a word.

I shook my head and smiled to myself. "What a weird kid" but I didn't want to pick on him so much since he could turn out to be the first friend I make since moving here.

-

Months have passed since I moved here and nothing never stays "normal". I have days where I sleep peacefully while listening to my podcasts, other days where I have no sleep due to Lev and yaku, his friend from the neighboring department, going at each other's throats, well mostly yaku at Lev.

There are other days where Kuroo, kenma, other people ive made friends with thanks to some help of Lev, yaku and I, enjoying pizza while watching horrible YouTube pranks and nitpicking at everything that went wrong or was deemed plain stupid to pass as a prank.

But right now, I'm having one of those days where all them are painfully drunk, while I have to be the only one sober in order to drive the others to their homes.

I sighed annoyingly as I rushed over to yaku who was standing on the coffee table while screaming about how upset he is about how small he is. "Yaku, please come down. I don't want you getting hurt" I pleaded as I tried to pull him down but he pulled my hand away harshly.

"Fuck you, you're one of them too! You're one of those tall freaks!" He snapped at me as he pointed at me as he shook his hand with his beer that kept spilling onto my carpet. I frowned as I tried to reach over to his beer to take it but he reached his arm back.

"Yaku, I'm only a bit few inches taller. Please come down" I begged him as I pulled out my puppy eyes. They never seem to fail no matter the person I use them with.

He caught his own tongue as he grudgingly came down. I grabbed his beer and went over to the sink and dumped it. "We are never doing this ever again" I said as I heard Kuroo laugh hysterically. I recycled the can as I approached him. "What's so funny?" I asked his with an eyebrow raised.

"Dude! Kenma said a funny joke about you! Tell him Kenma" Kuroo said as he nudged Kenma in his side harshly. "Kuroo, Kenma is knocked out cold" I informed him as I walked over to the coffee table and turned off the tv.

"Alright, I'll drive you guys home. And please, don't puke in my car" I said as I shivered at the thought of cleaning a mess like that up. "Lev, Cmon I cant leave you alone here" I said as I called him over. He looked over at me and giggled.

"You're so needy, (y/n)~" he said as he automatically pulled my arm towards his body. I got more confused by every second that passed. "O...kay. Yaku Kuroo lets go" I said as Yaku groaned sadly as he slipped a can under his jacket even though I saw him. I let it slide as they stepped out of the room as I pulled Lev off of me and went over to Kenma.

I tried to pull him up by myself but I couldn't. I breathed out as I was already starting to get tired. "Uh, Lev can you help?" I asked Lev who was out in the hallway giggling to himself. He cocked his head towards me and ran over like a lost puppy.

"Only for you~" he stated as he easily picked up Kenma and placed his over his shoulder as he held onto his back in order for him to not drop him. I didn't say anything about his comment as I rushed out and quickly made my way to my car.

"Okay, put him in the back with Kuroo and Yaku" I told Lev as he did as I told him. Kuroo climbed in as he made Kenma lean on him for support. Yaku got in as well and before he could even buckle his seatbelt, he was knocked out as well. "Oh, for fucks sake, you too!" I groaned as I knew I had to pick him up to his room.

-

The whole car ride was very quiet except for Lev's occasionally laughing at anything I did. I switched the gear, and he's giggling over in the passenger seat. I make a lane change as he's covering his face all shy like a schoolgirl.

"Alright we're here boys. Kuroo you got your key room right?" I asked Kuroo who was obviously more fucked up then the whole rest. I had a feeling that he was stoned before he got drunk with the others. But I decided to not question him.

"Mhmmm~ stop laughing at me Kenma!" He said as he smiled at Kenma, who was dead asleep on his shoulder, not making a sound. I felt a little concerned but got off the car.

Lev hauled Kenma once again and placed him in the bed that Kuroo and him shared. I then placed Yaku in their couch since Yaku didn't have his key on him and we all didn't know what room number it was.

"Please be careful sleeping tonight. I left you water and pills on your bedside when you all wake up, okay?" I notified them as I tried to make Yaku feel a little more comfortable by removing his shoes and socks. I also removed his jacket and placed it over his small body to keep him warm.

"Oh and Kuroo?" I said as I pushed Lev out of the room and turned to glare at him. He was smiling wide like a stupid idiot. "Huh? Yeah, what?" He asked as he looked around his room as if something was going to appear. "Pull this shit again, and I'll never let you breathe another breath" I said with a cute smile as I locked their room and pulled Lev with me to leave.

-

"Okay, Cmon I'll let you crash into my room for today" I said as we came back to my room. Lev nodded with a smile as he walked slowly to the bathroom.

I ran a hand down my face as I walked around and picked up the remaining trash and sorted things out as well. I went into the kitchen as I reached over and got a rag and some cleaning supply to clean the beer Yaku dropped. "I'm making him buy me curry next time" I said menacingly to myself.

"Ah! Yes!" I smiled as the spot was able to be removed so quickly. I went over and dumped the rag back onto the kitchen. I went over to my room, opened the door and turned on the light.

I quickly changed out of my clothes and ran a hand through my hair. I didn't hear Lev the bathroom but I heard his big steps as he came in my room. "Oh, hey. I'll go set up the couch so I can sleep in" I said as I reached over to my bed to get a blanket until I felt Lev push me onto my bed.

I grasped the side of the bed as I turned around and looked confused as to why he did that. He stared dead at me with an unknown expression. I've never seen him like this. He was breathing hard and it looked like he was debating with something.

"Lev? You okay?" I asked him softly. He didn't say anything but stare deeply at my eyes. He leaned over to me, towering mostly, as his arms were around my head not giving me space to escape.

"I...I.." he stuttered out. I gulped loudly not knowing what to do in this situation. Even if you can call this a situation. I had no clue what was happening or why it was happening.

He didn't let me speak as he brought his face down and smashed our lips, causing our teeth to come in contact. My eyes widened in shock as his eyes were shut closed as he kissed me for a bit more until he pulled away and dropped his head onto my mattress.

I felt my lips quiver at the sudden action that lev did. I slowly brought my shaking hand onto my shaking lips and felt the slight touch of almost electricity on them. "L..ev?" I asked out to him but I didn't get a response. I slowly turned my head to look at him but he fell asleep right after he kissed me.

I slowly regained my conscious and stood up. I pulled Lev off of me as I moved him to the bed and wrapped him up. I walked over and brought it up to his chin and stared at him for a few moments.

Of course I have feelings for him. He was the first person I made friends with, and he understands me the most. I lifted my finger as I moved his bang out of his face so it frames it nicely. But I frowned as I pulled my hand back. This wasn't right at all.

He's physically drunk. That kiss didn't mean anything. He just kissed me because he was totally drunk and had no sense of mind. He was probably horny that's why he was acting like that the whole night. Right?

I didn't bother trying to stop my thoughts as I hurriedly rushed out and closed the door as I threw myself on the couch and softly cried. I didn't want it to be real but in this case, that's the most logical explanation for that kiss.

-

I woke up to loud banging and pans being tossed around with no care in the world. I coughed as I sat up and rubbed my eyes open. I was met with my couch instead of my bed. "Huh?" I asked myself but then remembered the previous night. I groaned but smiled. It was a while since we had hung out since we had been busy.

I stood as my cold feet meet my warm and stiff carpet. I walked over to my bathroom, not even glancing over to my kitchen. I quickly washed up my face and brushed my teeth.

I walked over shortly and lifted the toilet seat as I took a long piss as I looked at the cryptic painting I have of our friend group. I laughed quietly until my eyes wondered over to Lev.

I smiled until my neck became extremely warm. The kiss replayed in my mind and no matter how many times I told it to stop, it kept replaying it. I slammed my hand onto the side of my head harshly.

My vision became blurry for a second but it distracted my thinking so it did the job very well. I slipped out of the bathroom and went over to my room. My bed was very empty and I smiled. "Oh, at least it doesn't have to be awkward" I said sighing in relief as I fixed the bed and walked out.

I made my way to the kitchen and caught Yaku I there fixing something up which was odd but didn't very much asked. "Oh, hey Yaku. What brings you here?" I asked him as I walked closer but then noticed he left the storage door opened.

"Oh, I knew you were going to ask me to get you curry so I cooked it with levs help" he said as I walked over and threw the door to close it but it hit something hard. "Ouch!" I heard the familiar voice say in pain. I stepped back in disbelief. I thought he would've left by the morning. Why did he have to make this even more difficult.

He got out of the storage to get some more paper plates. Our eyes met and I felt my body tense up. He smiled brightly as he tilted his head. "Hey, (y/n). Thanks for letting me sleep here" he said as he ruffled my hair as he walked past me as he set down three plates while humming.

I turned to stare at his back for a moment. He doesn't remember the kiss at all. I smiled sadly to myself. It's better this way. I'll rather have my heart broken then lose my best friend over something he had no control over.

"Yeah no problem! And Yaku, this better be good or else I'm making you re-make it!" I threatened as I took some soda cans for us to drink. Yaku scoffed as he came over and brought my plate and served it and set it down and did it for himself and lev as well.

I eagerly went to take a bite and I was smiling happily as it tasted so good against my taste buds. "Yaku~~this is so good!" I said as I jumped up and hugged him tightly. He shoved me off as he took a bite as well and smiled at his accomplishment.

"I helped too! I don't get a hug?" Lev asked with an innocent pout. If it weren't for last night, I wouldn't be hesitating right now. I slowly walked over and held his head on my chest. He snickered as he complained that it tickled.

-

"Thanks for letting me take some home with me" Yaku said and I shushed him. "You cooked it so you obviously get the right to take some home" I said as I cleaned the dishes and stored them on the drying rack.

"Thanks (y/n). I'll be heading out now, I got class in a few hours" he informed me and I nodded. I waved him bye and lev did as well from the couch. I cringed at the silence that overcame the room as soon as Yaku left.

I dried my hands on my pants as I shut off the tap and turned around. I met eye contact with lev and he coughed loudly. "I guess I'll leave too. Thanks for today and yesterday too" he said as he stood and stretched his limbs.

"Y-yeah no problem, man" I forced the last part as he walked over to the door. I went over to escort him.

He was in the hallway as he thanked me once again. "Okay, bye now" he simply said as he was going to turn but I went over and reached his jacket sleeve. "Wait!" I shouted at him with no second thought.

I looked at my hand that was gripping on him. I quickly let go and dropped it to my side. "Oh, yeah? What's up?" He asked as he gave me all his attention. I wanted to ask him about what happened last night. If he was even sober at all. If he remembered how our lips met.

"Okay, uhhh do you remember last night? Like if you were sober?" I asked. At that moment I didn't care if the information that I was going to receive will hurt me or not at all. He hummed as he placed a finger on his chin to indicate he was in fact, thinking.

"Nope not at all. All I know is that I had a raging headache the whole night" he said with simple words. I felt a soft ting at my heart but decided to push it even more. "So...you don't remember anything...at all?" I asked looking up at his eyes with little tints of hope in them.

He shook his head no but got intrigued. "Why? Did something happen?" I didn't know if he was genuinely being honest or not. I didn't know if he actually remembered kissing or if he wanted to ignore it.

I bit my bottom lip quivering as I said, "so you don't remember the..kiss?". My hands flew to the edges of my shirt as I played with a loose string. He spat in disbelief of what he just heard. "K...kiss? What? Me kissing you? Did that really happen?" He kept asking as he looked at me with a slight blush.

The pain in my heart grew more the seconds passed as we stood in the hallway. "You don't...remember. You kissed me" i said with a fake chuckle. He laughed nervously as he bowed lowly at me. "Sorry! Didn't know I did that to you. Please forgive me!" He apologized.

My heart stung so bad like never before. Yes, I've been heart broken before but this took the prize. I gulped down my will to cry at this exact moment and laughed. "Y-yeah! But it's no big deal! We can forget about it!" I said as I stepped back onto my apartment, gripping onto the door knob as I felt my body grow tired.

"Yeah, lets do that. And I'm so sorry again! Well, I'm going to go!" He said with a harsh tone. It felt like as if it was forced to make it seem like that. He has a smile on his face but I know him so well and that was, for sure, a fake one. I frowned as his eyebrows arched together.

"Yeah, hope your classes go well" I said with no other look as I shut my door and dropped down to my knees. My back felt bad against the door but I didn't care. I brought my hands to my face to cry but the tears didn't come.

I guess it still hasn't hit me just yet has it. My heart hurt so much that it even hurt to even breathe. Then I shut my eyes and felt the familiar feeling of dread. My body began to boil as I shot my eyes open and scanned around my room.

"It's okay calm down. Five things you can hear. Cmon, fuck!" I desperately said as I tried to distinguish sounds in order to calm down my upcoming nervous breakdown.

I could hear the tv sounds, I can hear the clock striking on the walk, I can hear my own heartbeat, I can hear the fridge make ice, I can hear the loud knocks on my door- wait what.

I snapped my head towards the door with shaking hands. "H-hello-?" I asked until big strong arms were wrapped around my smaller body. I tried to step back but the man gripped me tighter.

"L..ev? This isn't good..I'm in the middle..-" I tried to inform him as he pulled away. My heart jumped in pain as I looked at him. He had hot streaming tears down his face as he bit his bottom lip to prevent it from quivering, which didn't obviously help.

"Why are..you crying?" I asked him as even my own body won't even calm down from the shaking. "I...didn't regret that kiss!...I..love you!" He admitted as he gripped my shoulders. I didn't know what to say as I brought my shaking hand up to his one hand on my shoulder.

"I love...you too but I'm literally about to pass out" I mentioned as his eyes opened in shock as he hugged me tight once again. I felt so overwhelmed at the moment that my emotions shut down and moved down to my body. "Listen to my chest and let's go to the couch" he said as he locked my door as he brought us to the said couch.

He moved around so I laid on his chest as he quickly moved his hand to my hair and played with it to calm me down. He also rubbed big circles on my back. I slowly closed my eyes as I listened to his heart beat really fast but then it slowed down.

"Why were you almost going to pass out?" Lev asked after a few minutes have passed and my body evidently calmed down. I sighed as I looked up at him as he continued to run his big hands through my hair. I used to get mad at him for ruining it but now, I didn't care.

"Because...you said you didn't remember kissing me..and I really like you.." I admitted while pouting and looking away shyly. I felt his hand leave my hair as he slapped his hands onto his face with a big groan. "Fuck! I fucked up!" He whined in distraught.

I didn't say anything and let him explain himself. "Okay, (y/n). I did remember the kiss. I just wanted to ignore it since I didn't want you to think I was some creep or pervert" he said and I smirked. "Well, you did kiss me in my room while towering over me, knowing I-" I teased him but he brought his hand down to my lips to prevent me from talking even more. "Shush! Anyways, when you said back there that I did kiss you I lied to you and well that didn't turn out good..so I'm sorry once again"

He apologized with a deep meaningful apology. I sighed as I moved closer to him and poked his nose with mine with a smile. "In the end, you're here with me, right?" I asked and he softly nodded as his hand got stuck inside my hair once again.

I stared at his lips and then at his eyes. He blushed and looked away but then at me again as if saying to go for it. I chuckled as I brought my hands and cupped his face as I placed our lips together very gently.

We made out for a very long time as his hands were rubbing against me and mine were all over his hair and neck. We stayed like that for a while until we both had to catch our breaths. I pulled away and gasped loudly as lev copied my moves as well.

"That...was hot" I said as I looked over at Lev, who had very noticeable bright ears and his neck was a pretty shade of pink as well. "Don't say stuff like..that" he said as he brought his hand up to cover his lips. I gently placed my hand on his hand and intertwined our fingers as I smirked up at him. "Or..else?" I teased even more. He wiggled under me as I playfully kept kissing his face.

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This was the longest I've ever written so I'm so sorry if it doesn't even make sense at times 🥺