Not proofread
Warnings: heavy angst, depressing themes, attempt suicide, inspired by "My R" song found on YouTube!
I promise the next one will be a fluff 🥺
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I couldn't take it anymore. Everyday went by in a cycle, full of pain and tears. It was getting tiring. I was tired of feeling worthless. I wanted to do something about it. I wanted to get out of this constant loop of self hatred.

I knew what I meant by this as I walked away from my last class without saying anything to my friends who were waiting for me at volleyball practice. I looked around in the halls that were getting empty as time passed.

I waited until no more students were evident as I rushed in to the rooftop. I softly closed the door and sighed. "This is a one time shot. Don't regret it" I said to myself as I dropped my school bag at the door and slipped my shoes off but gasped at the sight in front of me.

There was someone at the rooftop already. "What is a girl doing here?" I asked softly in a whisper as I slipped my shoes on quickly and walked over. "Hey! Get away from there! It's dangerous!" I shouted as I calmly walked over to her figure.

She quickly turned towards me with a shocked expression and held onto the railing harder. Her face was red full of tears and she looked like she was about to burst any second.

"I'll listen to you" I simply said as she nodded. "Only if you come sit next to me" I told her as I sat down on one of the benches they offered and patted the spot next to me.

"..." she didn't say anything as she kept staring at me. I knew she was trying to debate whether to get away and tell me her story or to jump and take it. Her shoulder fell as she turned and placed her shoes back on and jumped over the railing carefully.

She quickly walked over and she completely broke down at me. She told me all her problems bothering her. She liked a boy for a really long time but he recently started dating a girl who wasn't her.

I bit my tongue and refrained from saying harsh words. "This just means he wasn't the one. Don't do this just because of a boy. Self love is the best love there can ever be" I told her as I softly patted her hair back as she softly sniffled.

"You're right. I'll work on loving myself. Thank you for listening to me!" She thanked me with a smile as she quickly wiped her soaked face. I only nodded as I looked at her get her bag and quickly leave the rooftop with a smile.

I waved her off and as soon as she was out of my sight I groaned in frustration. "Damn! Now I'll have to wait for tomorrow.." I said as I stood and dusted myself off and went to get my bag and shoes.

"Guess I'll have to go to practice" I said as I closed the door quietly as I left and headed my way to the gym. I subconsciously pulled on the corners of my lips and formed a smile as I entered the gym.

"Hey (y/n)! You almost missed today!" Atsumu said making me internally cry out for help but I knew none of them knew how I was struggling. They don't even know I think this way at all.

"Sorry hehe! I'll make it in time tomorrow. I promise!" I said in a high overly voice making osamu raise an eyebrow. I quickly glanced at him and punched myself internally. I don't want them catching on that something is off.

-

One more time, I closed my notebook and packed my bag as the clock strikes the end of the day. I exited the classroom and waited by the door as students poured out of their last classrooms and down the staircases and out of the building.

Finally, it was empty around the halls and I quickly made my way up to the rooftop. "Now this is your chance" I said to myself as I threw my bag once again and took off my shoes.

I looked towards the railings and mentally groaned. There was a boy now sitting down as he grasped his legs to his chest. I annoyingly slipped my shoes back on and I walked towards the male.

"Hey! Don't sit on the edge it's really high up!" I shouted as I made my way towards him. He flinched and looked up at me with an angry expression. "Get away! Let me just do this and I won't bother you!" He angrily spat back.

"I'll listen to you" I said making him look at me weirdly. "Only if you sit with me here" I said as I patted the seat next to me on the bench. He scoffed and turned to look back down. "As if".

"Then I won't. I won't listen to your story" I egged him on as I crossed my arms against my chest. He looked back at me and slowly stood up and climbed over the railing.

He sat next to me silently and after a few moments he began to shout and explain his feelings and situations. No one likes him here at this school and they all label him as a delinquent due to his previous records at his other schools.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance but masked it by sighing. "Your folks at home still adore and love you for who you are. They don't judge you do they?" I asked and he nodded softly. "What matters is what you think about yourself and not how others view you" I patted his back softly making him smile weakly.

"Yeah..you're right. I'll go tell my folks I love them. Thank you for listening!" He shouted as he fetched his shoes and bag. He stood by the door and waved at me with a big grin. I waved back with a smile until he left and I dropped my hand angrily.

"Fuck! Again? Guess I'll do it tomorrow. There's still time so I'll go to practice for now" I said as I looked at my watch and quickly made my way to the gym before kita noticed I was being late.

"(Y/n)! Just in time! Wanna practice your spikes?" Atsumu asked making me smile in pain. I wished someone would see the facade I was putting on.

"Y-yeah let's go!" I stuttered almost kicking myself in the shin for doing so. Osamu was talking with suna but he gave me a glance and turned to Atsumu quickly. "Huh? Oh wait (y/n), give me a second!" Atsumu said as osamu quickly pulled him away from me.

Was I being outcasted or was I reading too much into this？ either way this made me feel extremely uncomfortable and vulnerable. I felt so uneasy that I turned around and dashed out of the gym ignoring the shouts from my teammates.

I ran away towards the direction of my house but stopped. That house didn't bring comfort anymore so why was I going to enter it? I shook my head and ran to the closest playground.

I sat in a swing as I started to contemplate about my life and how my bad decisions led up to this situation. How everything that has ever been wrong was my fault.

-

The last and only time I'll ever had will be today. I closed my notebook ignoring the pages sticking out and being wrinkled. I didn't bother putting away my pencils as I threw my pencil bag into my bag not caring that it was open and rushed out the classroom.

I didn't wait for students to clear the hallways as I rushed in and closed the door behind me. I sighed as I threw my bag, making the contents inside spill out and threw my shoes off a few feet in front of me.

I looked towards the railings and I smiled brightly. No one was there. No one was taking up the space and time. There was no one to stop me. I quickly walked over and climbed the railing and stood looking in front of me.

The breeze made a shiver go up my spine. I had a sick smile plastered on my face as the instant tears began to spill. "Finally, Ill end this suffering" I whispered as I looked down and felt my heart to lick up.

I was pretty up high and to a surprise, I was scared of heights. I pulled my arms out on my sides and the breeze went under my shirt sleeves giving me that breeze all over my armpits and chest.

I closed my eyes despite the tears still spilling. I took a step forward and then another and then another until my toes could feel the end of the edge.

I lifted my leg and the sudden sound of a door being bursted open made me open my eyes in shock but this wasn't going to stop me. I felt my feet not touch the edge and felt my upper body fall forward.

Rushed footsteps were heard and strong arms were wrapped around my torso making me violently fall forward into them. I angrily turned around to see who the person was making me stop my previous movements until my mouth hung open.

Atsumu was gasping loudly for air as his head was hung down. "Hey! Don't do it please!" He shouted making my eyes grow wide. He lifted his face and it was covered in mixture of tears, snot and sweat.

He groaned as he was still pulling on my body backwards so I didn't fall. I complied and pressed my back onto the railing. My head hit his shoulder slightly as he gasped softly.

I didn't know what to think. I looked down and my vision became blurry. I was going to die. I was going to disappear forever just a few seconds ago. I felt so overwhelmed with emotions and the unknown guilt as I turned around in Atsumu's arms and grasped to his shirt.

"Why didn't you let me?!" I shouted as I punched his chest very hard making him grunt in pain. He only held me closer and ran a hand through my hair shakily. "Shh it's okay. I have you in my arms" he said in my ear making me irritated by the second.

"I'll listen to you (y/n)" Atsumu said making me look up at him in shock. He looked slightly down at me and weakly smiled. "Only if you sit with me over there" he said as he nudged his head over to the bench ive sat on before.

I grabbed onto his biceps harshly and sobbed softly as I nodded my head repeatedly. "Please! Please listen to me! Don't leave me!" I shouted in pain and hopefulness as he pulled me away from the railings and guided me towards the bench.

He rubbed circles on my sweaty back as his other hand brushed my hair away from my eyes and wiped my tears on his hand. "Now, please spill everything to me no matter how big or small it is" Atsumu said giving my shoulder a soft grab.

I looked up at him with swollen eyes. This cant be real. I already know what happens next. Nothing will work. I'll just come up here another day-

"I'll help you out with anything you need help with. Physically and mentally of course. I care about your wellbeing (y/n), because I love you" Atsumu said without sparring any second of hesitation making me drop my head. But he only lifted it up once again. "Don't feel guilty for this. You only did what you thought was going to help and I'm here to help you in a way that is way more better than your way" he brought my hand up and softly kissed the knuckle.

My chest feels so heavy and my heart won't stop racing. Suddenly heat rose to my cheeks and the tips of my ears. I like this new feeling. I never want to stop feeling this then my other ones.

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I'm sorry if it seems rushed 😔