It's not all the time that

some things never change

--

I'm sitting silently in the seat at the back near the window, not bothering to participate in any conversations whatsoever.

I don't know where Iwa-chan is right now, whether he's in his own university, or still on the way there. It feels really weird to be going to school without someone constantly yelling at me to hurry up and get to class after being surrounded by a crowd of girls. (Not to brag).

Speaking of which, I can't really say that I wasn't surprised when nobody really came up to me at the gates this morning. Must be the new environment.

I'm getting really uncomfortable. What a way to start the year.

Maybe it's because I'm so used to being a popular guy, or maybe I'm too used to being able to depend on a lot of people.

Maybe it's because I'm not used to feeling so alone.

Was this how it felt to be singled out? I don't know.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't even notice that suddenly, the volume of voices from outside had begun to be a little bit louder.

It sounds like the halls are getting a little bit busier, so class should start soon. Good.

The noise feels like it's getting closer, and I don't know why, but I find myself curious to find out the reason for this.

The classroom door opens.

What the hell?

--

Third Person.

"Hi, you look really pretty," he compliments her, admiring this hot stranger's features that got his heart wavering in a matter of seconds.

"Oh, hi!" The girl looks back at him, offering a warm smile. "Sorry, but I don't take lies from jerks like you." Her expression suddenly changes into a glare that pierced though the chocolate brown eyes she had look through with her own (e/c) orbs.

Oikawa is struck with confusion. "U-Um, excuse me, but I think-"

She comes a little bit closer to his face and folds her arms. "Don't you dare think I've forgotten what you've done, Oikawa."

"H-How do you know my name?"

"How long are you going to keep up that 'nice-boy' facade? As if you've immediately forgotten how much pain you've caused other people that quickly," she snapped, turning away. "Don't ever talk to me again, or else I'm going to tear you to pieces, just like you did to me."

She leaves him be, wondering what had possibly just happened at that moment.

He stops. It sinks into him, finally. All those words, the pain in those eyes, that voice- it could only lead to the thoughts he thought he never had to revisit.

"I didn't know I'd see you again."

--

He's on his bed in his dorm. He won't lie to himself- college was stressful and the dilemma he was in did not help at all either.

What do I do? he thinks to himself; and though he knows he's a terrible person for doing the things he did, but people- no, feelings can change and he knows he definitely regrets his mistakes, now that it's come back to bite him.

If only apologies could fix everything. It was too late now to say sorry.

From: Iwa-chan
To: trashikawa
Subject: hows ur first day
Better not be in trouble or i'll give you a tasty knuckle sandwich next time i see you

Outgoing call to Iwa-chan... Connecting... Ringing...

"Moshi moshi?"

"Iwa-chan. I- It's- She's- I met (l/n) again today."

"Has remorse finally eaten the rotten part of you?"

"Yes. Yes, I am completely regretting my decisions. Look, I don't know what happened to that anti-social and wallflower-y (l/n), but she's changed and all, and it's literally killing me because she has really nice-looking friends, and suddenly I feel everyone hates me, even if my feelings about her have completely changed, in a sense that I seriously wish I hadn't been like that to her during high-school. It's not just because she's changed, but I don't want to be a horrible person anymore. I don't want her to see me as the guy who ruined her life for three years. Don't you understand, Hajime? I'm breaking down here. Sh-She was right about calling me a monster today. Help me, please. Please, I'm begging you," Oikawa stuttered shakily into his phone, putting his legs to his chest and rolling to one side.

Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa was crying. He knows that he's actually being sincere with his words, and not just playing around; and so he stays quiet for a little to let him cry a bit.

Oikawa sniffled a bit, then whimpered into the speaker, "Iwa-chan, please say s-something,"

Iwaizumi sighs. "I'm not going to spare you from the fact that you were, and take note, I said 'were', a monster to her. I knew that since you started bullying her,"

More sobs slip out of the brunette's lips.

"Which is why I always tried to stop you," his friend continued, "I always tried to tell you to stop. I did that for a year until I figured nothing was going to stop you from taking out your emotions on someone much, much more fragile than you. I had then only acted up during the more serious situations, but you wouldn't listen to me, Oikawa. I hope you know that,"

"You should have continued to stop me!" Oikawa yelled, voice cracking whilst shouting. He gained hiccups, and by now, his face was tinted red.

"What the hell did you think I did, stupid?! Use your head!" Iwaizumi countered, raising his voice. "Anyways, you wouldn't listen, no matter what I did. I never got why you despised her so much. You know that I kept trying during our first year."

Oikawa shut up after that.

"I wanted to protect (l/n). Not in any romantic way, but I felt so much pity for her. And that's why we fought for about three months during second year. Remember? I kept ignoring you. I didn't bother with you unless we were at practice. You were growing more unstable by the second. I realized, that I was so helpless in the situation. Eventually, we started talking to each other again. You put so much trust into me, but the only thing you never trusted me with was you situation with (l/n)," Iwaizumi calmly recalled, "I decided to not press it on anymore because one, I wasn't going to make any difference, and two, you started becoming emotionally unstable once anyone mentioned anything about (l/n). She took a lot of breaks from school because of you. She couldn't drop out, so she took breaks. I don't know if you know about this, but remember those two months she disappeared before graduation? She almost killed herself."

"B-Because of me?" Oikawa whispered.

"But, she survived because of you, too," Iwaizumi noted.

"You're confusing me,"

"Her parents were worried. They invited me, as well as some other friends to their home. We had this long meeting, and in the end, we were able to convince her to hang in a bit more. She decided she wouldn't be such a pushover anymore because she was growing very tired. She's grown a lot stronger since then,"

"You were friends with her?!"

"Don't be mad, Tooru. I was asked not to tell you. Maybe you could even say pressured. But it was for the best,"

"I can't believe you never told me-"

"You probably would have destroyed her even more, knowing she wanted to kill herself! Don't you remember what happened when she came back?! You asked her why she left threateningly, and she tried fighting back for the first time. The result of her firing back at you enraged you. You terrified her!"

"You're not helping at all!" Oikawa screamed.

"Do you want to know why I'm telling you this, Tooru?! Because you need to realize why you feel this way! You will never find it out yourself because you're going to center your thoughts around you, and you only! You might have even started to blame everyone around you for what you did! And I'm not done explaining yet! Be a little more patient, will you?"

"HAJIM-"

"Just shut up and let me finish, you piece of s-"

"Just go! Go and tell me how terrible I am! Remind me that I'm such a horrible person! Go, continue making me feel worse that I already am!"

"See, this is why I need to tell you what you're doing wrong! Don't you get it?! I'm not trying to make you feel bad about yourself! Let me talk!"

Silence.

"Good," Iwaizumi breathed, "now. She had kind of, this secret group. It wasn't against you, or anything. This was for her benefit, to help her stand on her feet again. It was just like, a normal friends group. We didn't even talk about you. Unless of course you counted the stories I'd tell about you during volleyball, like the time, let's say, we had a hotpot and made Kindaichi a turnip soup. Nothing bad, and I can promise you that. We'd meet up somewhere every Tuesdays and Thursdays, as well as Saturdays. Of course, it was usually after practice. Now there was this one time she asked us what she had been doing wrong to you to cause you to hurt her. No one could answer, because no one knew. I couldn't ask you either because again, you became unstable at the mention of her name. We couldn't answer, but we gave her emotional support. People aren't rid of depression easily,"

"I know that," he snapped.

"Don't interrupt! Anyways, that's the reason she's a lot lot different from how you knew her. The rest of the group hung out with her all summer, and I would sometimes swing by. I was busy of course, with volleyball and getting into university. Now that you know this, I want to ask you something. Do you fully regret what you've done?"

"Yes."

"But she doesn't know that. She won't listen to you, no matter how much you apologize. There's a trust barrier as thick as the iron wall of Datekou. If you really want to tell her that you're truly sorry, then it's not going to happen overnight. It's a process. (l/n) has grown do be very, very distrustful of others. Do you get what you have to do now?"

"Iwa-chan, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Am I a terrible person?"

"Don't ask such stupid questions. You're not. You had your reasons, didn't you? Besides, regret is taking its toll on you,"

"I know."

"Well good. I need to eat. You go on and do what you need to do now,"

"Thank you. I'll... I'll do whatever it takes to make her know I'm sorry," Oikawa answered, "and, Iwa-chan?"

"Hurry up,"

"I'm sorry,"

"For what?"

"For being such a stubborn idiot for three years. I-I... yeah..."

"Yeah, yeah. But now I get an unlimited amount of punch and kick coupons. Jaa, ne."

"H-HEY! I didn't give you permission to-"

"Too late. Bye,"

"Mmph! Bye, Iwa-chan..."

Call Ended.

--

Oikawa

I took Iwa-chan's advice and tried my best to show (l/n) that I was genuinely sorry, and hoped she could forgive me eventually.

I kind of pestered her a lot during the first two trimesters. I spent a lot of time bothering her into making her agree to hang out with me.

Even if she didn't consider us friends, I started to consider her a good friend over time.

"(l/n)-chan! Let's study for exams toge-"

"Forget it, Oikawa. I have my own way to study, and you wouldn't be a help to me anyways. Piss off."

"What a shame. I happen to be extremely good at [Worst Subject], and need a little help on [Best Subject]. Welp, I guess I'll just go then," I shrugged, starting to walk off.

She grumbles. Frick, it's kind of cute. "Fine. I'll take your damn offer,"

"Must you be so mean?" I feigned hurt, pretending to sob fake tears.

"You're the one to talk!"

"I... I'm sorry,"

I look down, letting a bit of hair fall on my face, as my chest suddenly feels really twisted. I'm vulnerable.

"Whatever! Let's just go, then! Where do you want to study anyways?" She rolls her eyes and folds her arms.

"Anywhere you want," I tell her. I can see that she's surprised that I offered her to pick the venue we would be studying in.

Maybe my efforts have finally paid off.

"My house," she proposes, turning around so I can't see her face.

Is she... embarrassed?

"Only because I can't focus when it's noisy, so don't get the wrong idea," she declares, starting off.

I chuckle at her actions and feel somewhat relieved. "Where exactly is your house?"

"I'll text it to you," she says, pulling out her phone.

"But I don't have your-"

"Give me your phone,"

"Wha-"

"I said, give it,"

"Fine, fine!" I complain, fishing for my cellphone out of my pocket. "Here,"

She yanks the gadget out of my palms and quickly types in a few things. "There. I'll just message you the address later,"

"That was so sly of you, (l/n)! Are you perhaps falling for I, the Grand King?" I beam, sending her a wink.

She stops. "No. I could never fall for someone like you." I watch her head off without another word, heart acting up again.

Neither did I know that I could fall for someone like you.

--

Third Person

"Why did you bring me here?" she asked, putting her hands into her jacket.

"Because," he smiled, "the view of the fireworks are the prettiest here,"

"I know," she responded, "but why me?"

"Shh, it's about to start," he whispered, facing the sky.

In a matter of seconds, beautiful lights start bursting through the empty ocean of the night, capturing (f/n)'s attention.

For a while, nothing but the sound of the fireworks and the gentle breeze could be heard; the sight was just to be enjoyed.

In that small bit of serenity, he catches a small glimpse of her face while she's absorbed with the display of fireworks.

He notices that her expression isn't uptight, neither was it fearful; it was a rather calm and relaxed look compared to the horrified expressions he had seen a year or so ago.

It put him at ease.

Does that mean she's no longer afraid of me? he wondered.

"Staring isn't very polite, isn't it?" she smirked.

He blushed. "I j-just thought you looked absolutely gorgeous tonight, and I couldn't really resis- I mean! U-Uh, I was just... u-um... well-"

She laughed. "I caught you,"

"L-Let's forget I said anything, shall we?" he stammered, quite flustered.

"No,"

He turns back to watch the fireworks again, not wanting to slip out any more embarrassing thoughts.

They share a very, very rare comfortable silence, and for once, both seem to be mutually enjoying the time.

"Hey (f/n)," he calls out, getting her attention quickly.

"D-Don't call me that,"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it, I just realized how lovely your name sou- A-Anyways! Enough about t-that! I, I actually have something to tell you,"

"Take it away,"

"I never got to properly apologize for what I did to you during our high-school years. Ah, how do I say this, I'm a little bit nervous to tell you," he chuckles softly, "I needed someone to take out all my anger on. I had a lot of middle school problems, and a bit of friend problems too. Sometimes, I'd even have family problems. It got really stressful for me, you know? You seemed like the perfect person I could 'destroy'. So fragile. I was locked away, deep in my own emotions that I had forgotten about others' feelings. See, I wasn't really good at controlling myself, and had grown to be really selfish,"

She looks at him, dumbfounded.

"But when I saw you walk into the classroom on our first day of university, I almost didn't recognize you! Your whole appearance changed! You were even prettier than before... but not that you weren't already pretty! And so, I tried to talk to you, but I was quickly shot down, wasn't I? At the point, remorse had hit me like a brick. I really couldn't get you, and the past out of my head. I kept telling myself that I was a terrible person. Someone told me that saying sorry definitely will not fix everything, so I tried to show you that I was genuinely sorry. Words can be very empty," he smiles. There are tears forming around the corners of his eyes.

She motions for him to continue.

"Look, (f/n), I'm really sorry for what I've done. I've grown to know you a lot more during this year, and consider you a close friend of mine. I know you might not even consider us friends, but nevertheless, I still think you're someone I'd definitely like to know more!" he tells her. "Y-You wanna know something insanely stupid too? During the time we spend together, I-I... I started to fall for you,"

Oikawa is now crying a little bit harder, but doesn't fail to smile a painful smile while looking her straight in the eyes.

"I know it's impossible that you like me back. I... I just wanted to let you know how I felt, is all," he explains.

(f/n) gives him a hug.

He's taken by surprise, and it doesn't sink in until a few seconds later, when he finds himself wrapping his arms around her waist and squeezing her tightly.

"I forgive you, Oikawa," she whispers into his ear, "but,"

"But?"

"I don't think I'll ever see you in that way,"

"I-It's alright, really! I understand!"

"No, Oikawa,"

"What d-do you mean 'no'?"

"I'm... in love with someone else,"

"O-Oh. If I may, can I ask who he is?"

"His name," she starts, "is Iwaizumi Haijme,"

--

Little by little,

Things can fall apart, more apart

Sorry, sorry, sorry,

It's my turn to break you,

Isn't it

--

a/n: i got a ton of requests asking for oikawa angst. GEEZ GUYS WHAT'S WITH EVERYONE WANTING HIM TO SUFFER MY GOODNESS

anyways im v proud of that bc it's the first time i think, that i've written 3000+ words and aaaa i feel super accomplished!

lol i enjoyed writing oikawa angst too. frick i feel a lil mean

ANYWAYS. gbye

jaa ne,

nyx