Beginnings...

Nishinoya couldn't sleep. 

He tried reading before bed. He tried whale noises. He tried white noise. He tried melatonin. He tried limiting screen time before bed. He tried going on nightly runs, so he was more tired. 

Nothing helped. 

He just laid awake, exhausted, unable to slip into unconsciousness. 

He kept meaning to see a doctor about it. But not only was he broke, he didn't have enough time. Between classes and his job, he had barely enough time to eat. 

So he dealt with it. 

Nishinoya lived in a house off campus with 4 other guys. His room was on the third floor and he shared a bathroom with his friend, Tanaka. It was a shitty house and the floors creaked incessantly, so every time Nishinoya would walk down to the kitchen in the middle of the night he was likely to wake up the whole house. Eventually he stopped caring. If everyone was really all that bothered they would let him have the bedroom on the ground floor. 

It was on one of those sleepless nights that he met Asahi. 

Nishinoya had seen a fair share of half-drunk boys and girls stumbling out of the house in the middle of the night, ashamed of previous night's escapades. There were sometimes a few stragglers from parties, people waking up on the couch at 3am and deciding they have enough wits about them to find their way back home. 

But Asahi was different. 

Nishinoya was in the kitchen, eating shredded cheese out of the bag and waiting for his quesadilla to be done, when the tall, long-haired man quietly padded down the stairs and walked into the kitchen. He made eye contact with Nishinoya and immediately flushed red. 

"Oh, hey, sorry. I was just going," he looked at the floor for a moment before starting forward. 

"Ah, don't worry. This happens all the time." Nishinoya held his hands up in a conceding motion. "So, which one enticed you tonight?" Nishinoya had found that those stumbling out of the house late at night no longer had much dignity to salvage, so he liked keeping a tally of which guy brought home the most randos. It was Kuroo for a while, but then he had gone and got a boyfriend, so he fell behind Oikawa. 

"Oh! No one, I didn't- uh, I was just helping Daichi back to his room. He was, ah, just a hair shy of blackout drunk."

"I'm glad to hear it. Things have been rough for him ever since Sugawara took that study abroad opportunity and told Daichi they should take a break while he's gone," Noya said, flipping his quesadilla. He held out the bag of cheese in Asahi's direction. "Cheese?"

"Uh, no thanks."

"Suit yourself. So, what's your name?"

"Azumane Asahi. You can just call me Asahi," he said, shuffling his feet. Asahi looked slightly uncomfortable. 

"I'm Nishinoya."

"So what are you doing up? It's almost 2am," Asahi said. 

"Can't sleep." Nishinoya was sure there were dark circles under his eyes. He was lucky if he got 4 hours each night. 

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault." Nishinoya flipped his quesadilla to make sure it was done and then slid it onto a plate. He cut it into 6 pieces. He looked up at Asahi again, who still looked uncomfortable. "You know, you can leave. My shredded cheese can keep me company." 

"Why are you eating shredded cheese?"

"I'm hungry."

"But you have a quesadilla."

"I don't see your point," Nishinoya said, taking a bite of quesadilla. "Are you sure you don't want some?" Nishinoya held you a slice of quesadilla. With a somewhat defeated look, Asahi shrugged. 

"Sure, I'll take some."

...and endings

"I'm trying, Yuu, I am! I don't know what else you want!" Asahi was desperate. He didn't like being desperate. But that reserved and far-away look on Nishinoya's face sent panic flowing through his body. 

"I know you are, I just..." Nishinoya was leaning on the dining table, one hand supporting him and one hand rubbing his forehead. 

"I can change!"

"But I can't!" Nishinoya's head snapped up. "And that's the real problem isn't it?" 

His voiced was so thickly laced with venom that Asahi actually took a step back. That was what he had been thinking, however ashamed he might have been. It was always him making concessions in their relationship. He was the one who was always changing for Nishinoya, not the other way around. And that had been getting to him. He just didn't know that Noya had noticed. 

"Yeah, I thought so. You deserve better," Noya said, not meeting Asahi's eyes. 

"Don't say that," Asahi shook off his apprehension and walked up to Nishinoya, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, but when the shorter boy flinched at the touch, Asahi's confidence dissipated. "Come on, look at me."

When Nishinoya finally looked up at him, Asahi almost wished he hadn't. His eyes were so full of pain and longing; Asahi could feel the tears starting to build up behind his eyes. 

"I can't do this for much longer, Asahi." And with that, Asahi had to turn away because he knew that comment ended it. He knew it was over. He just didn't want Nishinoya to see him cry. 

He had to stop himself from arguing because he felt it, too. When someone needed another person so bad, it could make them do thoughtless things. It could make them do selfish things and envious things. 

"Say something, Asahi."

Nishinoya and Asahi had found each other at the most lonely points in their lives. Not the obvious kind of lonely, though. The kind of lonely that no one else sees, which just makes it that much more painful. 

"Asahi."

At first it had seemed perfect. They healed each other's wounds. But it was all so temporary. Neither of them had really been happy in a long time. 

But it was harder to leave than to stay. 

"Please." 

The desperation in Nishinoya's voice was plain, and when Asahi turned to face him, he wasn't surprised to see tears on his cheeks. 

"You're right."

Nishinoya drew in a ragged breath. He had thought Asahi would have argued with him. Said that they still had a chance. 

"But I wish you weren't."

Suddenly, the distance between them seemed impenetrable. Asahi longed to go to Noya, to wipe his tears and tell him he loved him and that everything was going to be okay. But it was like the years of intimacy that was built between them was gone, crumbled into nothingness and replaced by an impassable canyon. 

"Why can't you tell me I'm wrong?" Nishinoya said, full on sobbing. 

"Because I'm tired of lying and I'm tired of changing! We both know it's over! We can't pretend like it's not, anymore!" Asahi's voice cracked at the end of his sentence. Tears were streaming down his face and dripping off his chin. 

"But I love you." 

And the illusion shattered. 

Asahi rushed towards Noya, holding him tight as they sobbed into each other. They gripped onto each other for dear life, both knowing this might be the last time they would hold each other. 

In the past, it was these moments that kept them together. The moments of lonely desperation that overshadowed all the fighting and all the resentment. But they couldn't ignore it anymore. 

Nishinoya kissed Asahi hungrily, a kiss full of anger and longing and bitterness and desire. Asahi returned the passion and then Nishinoya was lifted up and slammed against the wall, legs wrapping around Asahi's waist. After a failed attempt to remove his shirt, Asahi carried the shorter boy to the table and sat him down, giving them both ample ability to tear off their shirts before their bodies collided once more in a desperate attempt to feel held again.

Nishinoya bit down on Asahi's neck causing the latter to dig his nails into Noya's back. Asahi pushed him farther and farther back, and right before Nishinoya's back could hit the table, Asahi slammed his knee into the leg of the table. 

"Shit!" he cursed, pulling away. Noya just barely caught himself and sat back up to look at Asahi. His hair was falling out of its usual bun, leaving a few brown strands to frame his face. His lips were swollen and bruises were already starting to form on his neck and chest. Nishinoya thought it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. 

"We shouldn't," Asahi said, gazing back at Nishinoya with a look that obviously showed he wanted to anyway. 

"I know," Nishinoya said thickly. 

Neither of them knew what to say. What did you say when the one stable thing in your life was about to walk out of it? 

Nishinoya awkwardly got off the table and ambled towards Asahi. He took his hand gingerly and looked up at the long haired boy. They both still had tears running down their faces. 

"One last kiss?"

"Just a kiss, though."

So, Asahi cupped Nishinoya's face in his hands, and slowly leaned down to meet the shorter boy's lips. With all the emotions that were so obviously present earlier muted, the taste of tears and the melancholy tone signified exactly what it was: a goodbye kiss. 

After a moment, they both pulled away and looked at each other one last time. 

"Goodbye, Asahi."

"Goodbye, Yuu," the finality of the phrase as stark as the noise of the door clicking shut, leaving Nishinoya alone in the apartment he had once shared with someone gone forever. 

Nishinoya didn't sleep that night. Peaceful sleep had once again become a thing of the past. 

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hey i don't really know what this was but i can only write angst now so uh here

also i see the comments asking for ukai x takeda and i promise i will try but the inspiration and motivation are at some all time lows rn so i'm sorry

anyway only three more exams and then i'm done! summer cannot come fast enough