APRIL 10, 2021 - [i am manifesting, shhh]

It was time.

The derailed, abandoned Map of the Soul World Tour was set to begin tomorrow night.

After a year full of turmoil, standstill, uncertainty and pain, they were going to see Army. Face to face, so to speak.

Yoongi sat on the bed in his hotel room, eyeing the minibar in his suite.

He'd just returned to his hotel room. A morning with an overpacked schedule and an evening in the maknae's suite where he and the other six members ordered dinner and went live, sending flying kisses to Army.

He'd been counting down to this very moment, they all had. But now...

Yoongi drank, tossing back one shot, then two.

Then... he just stopped fucking counting.

He drank as if he was trying to save the world from drowning.

He drank. Hoping the flow of the cool liquid that burned his throat would wash away the pieces of himself that, perhaps selfishly, wished for someone else to inhabit his body for the duration of the concert.

Their performances this year had been either small scale or virtual up until this point and, although nothing was more important to him than delivering, he was admittedly and regrettably out of practice in checking his pre-performance emotions.

The thought occurred to him that the members, Army, would love him no matter what. And no matter how true it rang, logic had no business trying to insert itself into his shadowed thoughts.

It was easier to let himself wallow right now. And it may not have been the healthiest thing, but he knew his limits.

Fuck, he'd done the same thing while filming Daechwita and no one was impaled on the aluminum blade of his prop sword.

It was fine.

He heard his phone go off over on the nightstand. Rising, he pulled off his black hoodie and took another sip as he shuffled along in his slippers to grab it.

Probably Namjoon in the group chat wishing the members a good night's sleep, his boyfriend, Taehyung hijacking his phone to add, "Fighting!"

But it was a separate chat.

hwagae market

HOSEOK
hyung, you still awake

YOONGI
yeah

HOSEOK
guessing you can't sleep either

YOONGI
just having a drink

HOSEOK
don't drink alone

And what could Yoongi say to that?

Was he supposed to remind Hoseok that he often drank alone?

That he'd prefer if Hoseok drank with him? That he wanted Hoseok's company?

That he craved it, actually?

Before he even had a moment to formulate a response, there was a knock on his door.

Yoongi crossed the room and opened the latch for the peephole. Most of the crew was put up on this floor of the hotel as well, so this was probably a somewhat unnecessary step, but the members generally played it a bit extra cautious when on tour.

He peered through the hole and saw Hoseok, in the shorts and striped pajama top he kept from the Daydream music video. Arm raised as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, smiling toward someone just out of Yoongi's view. He turned the dead bolt and slid the door chain lock open, pulling the door open.

"Hoseok."

"Hey."

Again, Hoseok's eyes darted off to the side and Yoongi followed his gaze, seeing Taehyung wandering the hallway, coming from Namjoon's room on the far end.

His face brightened when he saw them and whisper-shouted, "Hey!," boxy smile on full display as he waved the empty ice bucket vaguely in the direction, "Is this 'Sope' confirmed?!"

"Yah!," Yoongi waved him off, "Just go get your ice for whatever sexual games you're playing with Namjoon. I'm just glad my room isn't on the other side of the wall from you tonight."

"Jimin never complains."

"I won't respond to that," he turned to Hoseok as he pulled the door open wider. "Hobi?"

"I'm not going to comment- Oh." He chuckled to himself and called quietly to Taehyung, "Goodnight, Tae. Don't exhaust Joon- we have a huge setlist tomorrow."

Taehyung turned, continuing to walk backwards down the hallway, "Namjoon never complains either," he smirked with a flick of his tongue across his lips.

Yoongi flipped him off, as was his traditional response to over-sharing between the two Daegu boys, and closed his door, turning to see Hoseok already appraising the situation at the minibar.

[a/n in my experience, hotel minibars have - overpriced! - bottles that are a little over a shot each, so this is what i'm going to say they have]

"Got anything that doesn't burn?" he called to Yoongi, nose scrunching.

"Water."

"Ah. Burning it is, then." He chuckled, placing bottles onto a tray.

Yoongi shook his head, "You don't have to drink." Hoseok was such a lightweight.

Hoseok ignored him, carrying the tray to the nightstand and uncapping one of the tiny bottles of whiskey, pouring about half a shot into one of the glasses from the minibar, "But then you'd be drinking alone and I specifically requested you not to."

"You're impossible."

"No: I'm your drinking buddy." Hoseok punctuated his statement by plopping onto Yoongi's bed like he owned the place, drinking down his glass, unable to mask his dislike of the taste.

Yoongi picked up his own glass that he'd left on the table, sat at the foot of the bed, a flourish of his wrist as he raised the glass to Hoseok, "To my drinking buddy. May he still be functional tomorrow morning."

Hoseok leaned over grabbing the open bottle from the tray, emptying it into his glass.

"What are you doing?"

Hoseok nodded his head to the other empty bottles on the nightstand, "Need to catch up to you." 

He tossed back his glass and rapidly shook his head, "Shit, shit!"

Yoongi chuckled lowly, "Serves you right- you know you ought to pace yourself."

They heard a sudden rapid drumming sound on the door and a muffled, "Goodnight, hyungs!" from Taehyung in the hallway before his footsteps retreated.

Hoseok laughed and shook his head, scratching just under his bottom lip before turning to Yoongi again, "Do you really hear them?"

Yoongi's eyes stayed on Hoseok's lips, "I'm going to need you to be more specific, Hoba."

"Joon and Tae. When we've gone on tour in the past, have you really heard them through the walls?"

"Mhm. Taehyung is not the only vocalist in that relationship."

Hoseok eyed the tray of drinks and visibly decided against a next round, at least not right away, "So... now that that's not a factor, what is it that's keeping you awake, hyung?"

Hoseok always knew how to do that.

How to cut through the bullshit. How to see right through Yoongi and let him know that he could never hide.

Not from Hoseok.

Nor did he ever want to.

"Jus' the same old shit, Hoba." He watched as Hoseok picked up his first empty bottle and placed it neatly alongside one of Yoongi's before selecting his next bottle, this time a mini bottle of soju, and filling his glass completely now.

"I'm nervous to go out there tomorrow. I mean... it's not like Kobe level, I can make myself do it," he noticed his hand shaking as he fidgeted with his glass and he willed it to still, "But I'm just... disappointed that I can't just.. be ready to do this- after all these years, after all the time that Army has waited to see us again live, in-person."

Hoseok nodded silently, sipping his drink and Yoongi continued.

Watching as Hoseok, still fully listening, placed his second empty bottle carefully next to one of Yoongi's and opened his third.

"It's just... When will I ever get used to this life, if not now?" He poured himself his next drink and Hoseok shot back his own, having every intention of keeping up as he chose his next mini bottle.

Yoongi took another sip, "It just feels... pathetic. I've had all this time because of the past year- all this time to rest my body and my mind- I should be ready now more than ever to jump back into it. Stronger now than ever. But I feel just as weak as before-"

Hoseok, who'd been lazily slouching against the headboard, sat quickly upright looking back at Yoongi-

"Stop right there. You're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know. And don't forget that we are all a bit off our game. And it's okay. Remember Jiminie during the first night of our virtual concert in October? It really isn't just you... and that's not to say you don't have a right to fully feel what you feel," Hoseok emptied his glass, determined look in his eyes, "But I won't - I won't stand for you belittling yourself."

Yoongi just stared back at him, wide-eyed, because it wasn't often that Hoseok spoke to him so angrily- not that he was angry at Yoongi, per se.

Hoseok stood, crossing the room to the counter by the sink, Yoongi noticing a distinct wobble in his steps, and grabbed a water bottle for each of them. He tossed one to Yoongi.

Yoongi stood as well, stretching a bit before walking to the other side of the bed, setting his glass on the other nightstand, and sitting against the headboard.

Hoseok joined him, stacking the pillows at an incline in an attempt to sit up a little more comfortably. He leaned back against the pillows, his body now a bit lower than Yoongi's and they both took sips of the cold water in silence for a moment.

Yoongi stole a glance at him. And then another.

Drinking in the sight of him because Hoseok was intoxicating.

Hoseok, eyes closed, head leaning against the pillows, reached up to lightly scratch the bare skin below his collarbone where his shirt dipped a bit low and Yoongi watched the movement aptly. Let his eyes track Hoseok's hands as they lowered to rest, fingers interlaced on his chest.

Let his eyes drift up to Hoseok's face. Letting his eyes linger. Taking in the way Hoseok's face was already a bit red, his tolerance so low that he was probably needing to keep his eyes closed to keep the room from spinning.

And then he spoke, head tilting in Yoongi's direction, eyes still closed, "You know, hyung, I get it. It can be terrifying,  the need to give our all, knowing that what we do... what we don't do... changes how people feel. It weighs down on each of us so much. It's in our damn company's branding-" 

Hoseok opened his eyes and waved his hand haphazardly in the air as if presenting the invisible Big Hit logo above his head, ".. 'Music and Artist for Healing', right? Healing. That's... That's a lot to live up to... a big claim even before... before all of this. Everything we do raises Army's spirits and it's not... It's not that they've been asking it of us. But they've been needing us more than ever. I... I wish my pep talk had started before I started drinking. Basically, we're all in the same spot, relearning our normal, you know? Army. The members. Us."

Us.

Yoongi banished the thought with a shake of his head. Hadn't even noticed he'd been sinking lower on the bed as Hoseok spoke, but now he was suddenly aware that he and Hoseok were on the same level.

"No, no, Hobi, I know what you're saying. I really do. It's just disappointing that after all these years I don't have any better coping mechanism than to get wasted."

"Hyung-," Hoseok turned his whole body to face Yoongi, misjudging his distance.

Face was suddenly so close now that Yoongi watched Hoseok's original train of thought vanish from his warm brown eyes.

Eyes.

He could stare into Hoseok's eyes forever. Kind of already felt like he was, honestly, as they lay in silence. Yoongi... just watching Hoseok's eyes.

Eyes with heavy lids, whether from being exhausted, being drunk - Yoongi wasn't sure - but Hoseok's eyes roamed, unashamed, tracing the familiar features of Yoongi's face. Eyes darker, lips parted.

Lips.

Yoongi loved the shape of Hoseok's lips.

He watched Hoseok's tongue dart out, wetting his lips. Wet, shining. Inviting.

Admittedly, Yoongi watched his lips much longer than necessary. Watched the corners of Hoseok's mouth raise just slightly as he laughed, his warm breath washing over Yoongi's face.

"God, I want you."

Yoongi's eyes shot back up to Hoseok's, "What?"

[a/n]

this is my first oneshot of oneshot length-

ahhhhh

tell me what you think so far, pls!!!

two more parts to follow

💜💜