When I wake up I'm laying on a hospital bed. The smell of sterilized cleaner stings my nose. I'm back at the hospital. Sitting up I rub my eyes: trying to adjust my eyesight. Next to me sitting in the chair was Arthur. But I couldn't dare to look into his eyes. Last night: Leon killed becks. He was trying to kill me and she saved me. Becks is dead because of me. I lost every one and everything.

         I'm a coward.

" Hey mari...."
Arthur helps me sit up as I let out a grunt of frustration. It hurts: my whole side is killing me. Despite the pain I sit up, staying silent as I don't give Arthur eye contact. Arthur Stares at me for a second silent as well. But he speaks again in a reassuring tone.

" Mari this isn't your fault -"
I don't say a word back. Still trying to figure out why I'm such a duck up. I'm a miserable person who gets her friends killed for a living. If I would have warned the others in time: they would have never stayed at the mansion.
They would be alive.......

If I wasn't so vulnerable last night: becks would be sitting in the second chair of the hospital room. I can't even face ace.....
His girlfriend is dead all because I'm a weak and stupid person. I deserve to die.

" Marianne...."
Arthur wraps his arms around me trying to calm me down. My hands are trembling and tears are streaming down my face. My home body is shaking. I'm so upset with myself. I wish I could curl up in a ball and die.

" Is the pain too much? Do u need me to Page the nurse?"

" I'm sorry Its all my fault"
My voice cracked as soon as I said that. Arthur let outs sigh of anguish: we were both stressed by the events that occured last night.
Winning the gang war was one thing: but losing becks was just too much for me to bear.

" It's not your fault it's Leons fault Mari. -"

" I was weak and couldn't protect her just like with the others. They all died because they wanted to protect me: help me and save me from general 48. I don't deserve them I don't deserve you!"
I was telling at that point. Arthur must've seen my panic attack. He tries to hug me again as I push him away
" Get off! Please I don't want to hurt you!"
I managed to croak through sobs.
He stares at me: shocked my my aggressiveness. He checks the time on his phone and stands up: the. He kisses my forehead.
" I'm going to get some food okay? Lean back, rest, and calm yourself down mari"

Arthur walks away leaving me in the room alone. I curl up in a ball sobbing for a few minutes. The only thing that I could think of is death. If I died ......
God I want to die.
I want to be with the others. I wish Leon shot me instead. I want to die I need to die I need to-

Without hesitation I stand up and head to the cabinets. I've watched hospital shows as a child . I know what they keep in the cabinets. I pick up the bag of saline needles and take one out. The needle was preloaded.

All I have to do is inject this through my IV drip..... And all my suffering will be over. Taking the lid off the needle I slowly open my IV drip.
Just as I'm about to shoot the saline my IV drip Arthur bursts in the room. His eyes go wide as he stares at me in shock. That's when I reality what Arthur must've seeing.

I'm hovered over a bag of saline needles. Sitting On My hospital bed about to try and kill myself. A loaded needle in my hand: my body tremendously shaking.

" Mari....
Let's talk about this"
Arthur slowly approaches me cautiously. I stare at him worried by what he's going to do. Is he going to huet me again?
Arthur slaps the needle out of my hand before I can inject it through my IV. He grabs my wrist angrily as the rest of the bag drops only the floor. I squirm anxious and angry that Arthur won't let me go.
" Are you crazy!!!"
" Let me go I want to die God damnit!!!!"
I scream loudly as Arthur hollers back.
" Stop it! I lost every one else your all i have left goddamnit!!!!!! Your parents want you alive!! Don't throw your life way Marianne please!!! I need you I love you!! Do throw us away!!!"

I stop moving my face tear strained as I stare at Arthur. He's scared.....
What am i doing......?

If I die I'll leave Arthur....
I can do that. Arthur needs me: I'm all he has left.
Tears stream down my face worse as I stare at Arthur. Finally I manage to speak
" I'm sorry"
Arthur pulls me close and hugs me tight: allowing me to sob to sleep in his arms.