Camille Syanna

My conversation with ZA last night didn't let me sleep. I still couldn't stop thinking about it, still couldn't stop assessing my own feelings. And to know that we were both sailing on the same boat made me feel more pressured to pinpoint what I really felt for ZA.

Halos nerbyusin ako nang marinig ang mga yabag ni ZA pababa ng hagdan. Inabala ko ang aking sarili sa pagsasalin sa tasa ng kape na aking ginawa. ZA cleaned his old coffeemaker the last time Red visited. Meron naman pala siya noon, gusto niya lang talaga ako mag-suffer before.

"Morning," he greeted in a lazy drawl.

"Hi," ganti kong bati sa mahinang tinig. I turned to him as I sipped from the cup. It is evident that he, too, hadn't slept well last night.

He combed his fingers through his disheveled hair as he walked into the kitchen. Pareho kaming hindi makatingin sa isa't isa. Hindi natapos ng maayos ang usapan namin kagabi dahil basta na lamang niya akong iniwan dito sa sala after he said those things to me.

I take that even ZA was having a hard time admitting to himself that I was starting to grow on him. He meant every word he said last night. I knew it. I felt it. And itanggi ko man, iyon din ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Kaya lang, I wanted to be really sure this time. Gusto kapag inamin ko sa kanya iyon ay hindi ko na 'yon babawiin pa.

"I want your coffee..." naglakad siya papalapit sa aking kinatatayuan.

The dark circles under his eyes told me how much I occupied his head. I did that to him.

ZA placed his hand on mine and gently brought the mug to his lips. He sipped on the opposite side from where I was sipping. He looked down at me through the rim. I couldn't help but smile. I was still holding the mug. We both were.

"Do you want me to make you another cup?" I asked him, baka lang he wants.

"No, thank you." Ngumiti siya bago pakawalan ang aking kamay. "How was your sleep last night?"

Need you ask? Somehow, I felt relieved na I still look may tulog to him.

"It was okay. You?" I lied.

"I didn't have any," he didn't.

"The things you said to me last night," I sighed and immediately hated the confrontation I was starting. I put the mug down on the counter and stared at ZA. "How real were they?"

"Does it matter?" He pulled one chair and sat down, not glancing at me.

"ZA, you can't just tell me things and not confirm if they are really what you feel for me. In the same way, I can't just tell you I like you when I don't even know if I mean it." I bit my lower lip and took in another deep breath. "Last night, I didn't leave because I didn't want to go without saying goodbye. I didn't want to escape. I didn't want to run away from you or my feelings for you, if there were any. But ZA, I need to go home. I need to figure this out for myself and for both of us."

Alam ko na pareho namin alam na iyon ang tamang gawin. I needed to find out if what I was feeling was Stockholm syndrome, and I couldn't do that here. I needed to leave. As painful as it sounded, that was what we needed. A time away from each other to assess our feelings.

"I will take you home. If that's what you think you need." He finally said something after a while. ZA looked up at me briefly before he stared into the distance, keeping his emotions to himself. "I can come and visit you, can't I?"

"Of course, you're welcome to visit me!" Mabilis kong sagot. I walked toward him and stood in front of him. I reached for his hand and made him look. I didn't want him to think we were ending things we hadn't yet started. This wasn't a breakup of a relationship that hadn't even begun. "I am doing this to figure out the things that confuse me. And I need your help. I need you to understand why I have to do this. At the same time, I need you to be sure about what you really feel for me. We don't have to rush things, ZA. We need to be sure."

ZA didn't say anything. He let me do what I had to do and gave me the space I needed for myself. After our conversation that morning, we hadn't spoken with each other since. He took me home without a single word coming out of his lips. Whatever he was thinking, he did a great job keeping them to himself. I did not force him to tell me anything. I respected his decision not to let me know his take on this. The same way he respected mine.

Days went by so fast. My parents didn't know where I really was in the entirety of my absence. They didn't have to know. The truth behind my disappearance was something that should only be between ZA and me.

ZA. I smiled faintly, thinking about him. It had been four days since I last saw him. We hadn't spoken after that—no calls or messages from him. I only hold onto the idea that ZA will come to visit me one of these days.

"Madam, 'yung crush mo nasa labas!" Dumungaw si Tina sa back office kung saan ako nagkukulong. "Hinahanap ka!"

Mabilis na kumunot ang aking noo at naupo ako ng tuwid. My heart thumped loudly inside my chest as I thought of ZA waiting outside. I knew he would come to see me.

Excitement rushed through me. Napahinto ako, how would I react to him being here? Syempre, I can't show him naman na I'm excited to see him even though, totoo.

I composed myself and stood up from my seat. Nilingon ko si Tina at tinanguan, even her was excited for me. Grabe 'yung smile niya, parang siya 'yung may crush, ha!

"Okay," kunwari hindi ako excited. "Tell him I'll be out in five."

"Sige, Madam! Bilisan mo, ha!" Kinikilig na iniwan akong muli ni Tina.

I stood in front of a Cheval mirror and checked myself. I was wearing a pale pink crocheted Chanel mini dress that looked good. I smiled and combed my hair with my fingers. My cheeks are turning pink in excitement. They matched my dress.

Breathe in...
Breathe out...

After a few more turning and checking myself out in the mirror, I walked out of the room.

My excitement hit rock bottom, and my shoulder sagged in disappointment. Tina wasn't talking about ZA. How could I be so stupid to expect? Hindi ko nga sure if kilala ni Tina si ZA.

"Hey, Camsy. It's been a while." Zanti stood up from the couch and closed the magazine he was reading as he waited, ibinalik niya iyon sa center table bago ako balingan. "How have you been?"

I blinked twice, hoping that he'd become ZA and I'd be thrilled.

But it didn't happen.

I composed myself not to show so much disappointment and smiled at Zanti when he started walking toward me. Nakita ko pa si Tina na kilig na kilig sa counter. Ito siguro ang may crush kay Zanti at hindi ako. Inirapan ko ito at muling hinarap si Zanti.

"Hi," matipid akong ngumiti. "What brought you here?"

Zanti flashed a smile. A month ago, it would've floored me. But it didn't have that effect on me now. He was still dashing and charming. Wala naman nagbago sa itsura nito. If you were to ask me pa nga, I thought he looked more handsome today. I'd always liked his trimmed beard and devilish thick brows.

Kinapa ko ang aking dibdib at pinakiramdaman ang sarili. The excitement I felt every time he was close wasn't there anymore. And I'd be lying if I said I still wanted to look for that feeling.

Siguro nga tama si Chiara when she once told me na I would someday outgrow my feelings for Zanti. I thought that day would never come. But here we are now. Today is that someday Chi was talking about.

I'd eventually moved past my infatuation with him.

"I need your help," he twitched his lips and paused for a second, trying to construct his next sentences. Zanti licked his bottom lip and smiled shyly at me. Boy, was he cute? He so was! "I have someone to impress,"

"A woman," I raised him a brow and shook my head, suppressing a smile. "Go on,"

He sighed and stopped trying to cover his real purpose of being here. "Alright, you got me. I need you to give me the most beautiful arrangement you have that will make someone wants to sleep with me."

Mas na tumaas ang aking kilay, my arms akimbo. "You think your way to a woman's pants is flowers?"

Zanti shrugged and nodded. "Maybe, but there's no harm trying. Don't you think?"

I blinked twice, unbelievable. And to think na crush na crush ko ito dati, ha! I'd always known Zanti to be a chronic womanizer, 'di ko lang understand why it didn't bother me before naman.

"C'mon, Camsy. I know you'll help me." He was sweet talking me into helping him lure someone in bed with him.

I was about to say no when something struck me. "You mean, there's someone who doesn't like to boink you?"

"I appreciate the language," he chuckled. "Hard to admit, but yes. There is someone. Now, will you please help me? I've already given you too much information. I feel bare in front of you right now."

"Oh, Zanti!" I rolled my eyes and walked toward my work table. I instructed Tina to bring me a red translucent vase and all the flowers I needed. I couldn't believe I was arranging flowers for Zanti to give to another woman. And I didn't feel anything. Not an ounce of envy or jealousy. As in nada talaga.

Then, I started to picture myself doing this for ZA. I suddenly felt uneasy, parang hindi right. Like, who would be the girl naman? Si Charlene? Eeew. ZA should have a better taste, noh! Hindi ko 'yun ka-level. So, no. I didn't think I could do this for ZA. Maybe a funeral arrangement.

I finished arranging stems of roses and irises by tying a cute bow on the neck of the vase. I smiled when I saw the finished product. It was very beautiful. But if that woman was smart enough not to roll down her panties for Zanti, I didn't think flowers could buy his way to bed with her. No matter how lovely the arrangement was.

But, eh? Business is business. Let the assholes spend.

"Done," I looked back and saw Zanti standing a few inches behind me.

He moved closer and inspected my work. "Wow, that is beautiful."

Dati kilig na kilig ako kapag ganito siya ka-close sa akin, ngayon parang normal lang.

I heard someone come in. Lilingon sana ako nang yukuin ako ni Zanti.

Those beautiful hazel eyes I used to love so much didn't have the same effect they had on me. Wow, I was really into deep for ZA.

"So, what do you think about the arrangement you made?" He asked me as his lips tugged in a smile. "Would that make you want to boink me?"

Before I could even answer, someone already did that for me. I gasped at the sound of his voice. God, I missed him.

"Go fuck your own ass, Dela Paz."

ANNOUNCEMENT:

VLADISLAV - ZA's POV which covers the first and second-generation timeline is open for pre-order. We have limited slots left. Please message us on Facebook to order: https://web.facebook.com/frapwpstories or https://web.facebook.com/frxppauchino/

Title: Vladislav (ZA's POV) | Price: P550

Book details: 5x8 perfect bind, 200 pages, cream paper, matte cover.

Thank you!