Camille Syanna

"Magkano ho?" Tanong ni ZA sa tindera nang ikilo nito ang meat na bibilhin namin.

"Two hundred fifty po, sir." Sagot nito bago ilagay iyon sa dalawang malinis na plastic bags.

ZA took an exact amount from the pocket of his jeans and handed it over to Ate. Kinuha niya rin ang iniabot nitong supot ng meat, and then he turned to me.

"Oh," iniabot niya iyon sa akin.

"Ano ngangawin ko nyan?" I frowned.

"Tangina, hindi kita maintindihan para kang ngongo," pabulong niyang reklamo bago hawiin ang aking kamay na nakapisil sa aking ilong. "Hawakan mo 'yan,"

Bago pa ako maka-angal ay isinukbit na niya iyon sa aking palad. 

"Eeeeewww!" Naiiyak kong reklamo kay ZA. The place is so mabaho! I couldn't understand how people stand the smell. "ZA, I'm not kidding. This is so nakakadiri na!"

Hindi niya pinansin ang reklamo ko at nagpatuloy lamang sa paglalakad. Labag man sa loob ay sinundan ko siya instead of standing in the middle of this yucky place.

"Miss Sexy, dito ka na libre lang,"

Halos mag-vomit ako sa pandidiri nang makita ang dirty at mabahong lalaking may malaking belly na may hawak ng butcher knife. He winked at me like it was supposed to make me swoon! Eew!

"Yuck! You creature near to decay!" I grimaced at the top of my lungs.

"Pare, yuck pala eh!" Natatawang sabi ng mga katabi nito.

Embarrassed, the big-bellied butcher shot me a glare. "Aba't napakayabang naman nitong-"

Hindi ko na narinig pa ang sasabihin nito nang may biglang humila sa aking kamay. Tiningala ko si ZA nang agawin niya sa akin ang plastic na aking hawak. Napalunok ako nang pagsiklupin pa niya ang aming mga palad.

"I told you not to leave my side," mariin niyang bulong na halos hindi ko na marinig dahil sa biglang paglakas at pagbilis nang tibok ng aking puso. "Next time don't wear shorts in places like this."

Weird was the best word to describe how I was feeling. It felt like small bits of metal have blasted out from the point of contact inside my chest every time our elbows touched.

What is this I'm feeling...
I just can't explain.
When you're near...
I'm just not the same.

At tila ba nang-aasar pa, iyon ang tugtog na bumalot sa buong palengke. Muli kong binalingan ng tingin si ZA na abala sa pagpili ng sariwang gulay sa tindahang aming hinintuan.

Mabilis pa rin ang tibok ng aking puso. Which is weird because it only does that crazy beating when I'm around Zanti. And he wasn't here.

I bit my lip harshly and whispered. "Yuck, no!"

"What?" Napalingon sa akin si ZA nang marinig ang aking bulong.

Those green eyes again! Having those pairs of beautiful emerald eyes shouldn't be legal! They were mesmerizing.

Is this really happening?
Or am I just dreaming?
It's crazy...
How could it be?

That's right! This is crazy! I'm tired, stressed out, and in dire need of a spa treatment. ZA and everything he does drove me crazy. Not for anything romantic, just crazy!

I'm falling in love...
Finally, my heart gave in.
And I'm falling in love...
I finally know how it feels.
So this is love...

Why am I making something out of nothing? That was just a song. For God's sake! Muli ay niyuko ko ang aming mga kamay na magkahawak pa rin. Ganoon pa rin ang tibok ng aking puso, para bang sumali ako sa marathon at hiningal ako ng too much!

I tried pulling my hand away from him, but he gripped it tightly.

Halos kalahating oras pa ang lumipas sa aming pamimili nang lingunin ako ni ZA to check on me. Oh, so he knew I was here! I rolled my eyes in sarcasm.

"Dapat laging ganyan," tumaas ang isang sulok ng kanyang mga labi. "Walang karekla-reklamo,"

Inirapan ko siya. Paano ba naman kasi ako makakapag-complain while something is bothering me nga? Kanina ko pa pilit na finifigure out why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling every time Zanti is around. My Zanti wasn't here!

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

Tila ba narinig naman ng tyan ko ang tanong niyang iyon. It growled like it hadn't been fed for days.

"Nag-inarte ka pa kasi sa kape kanina, wala tuloy kalaman-laman ang tyan mo," umiling-iling siya bago magpatuloy sa paglalakad. Hawak pa rin niya ang aking kamay kaya naman awtomatiko ang pagsunod ko sa kanya.

"Andrei, wait, it's muddy!" Reklamo ko.

He ignored me. Tuloy pa rin siya sa mabilis na pace, muli akong napa-irap. Dinala niya ako sa gitna ng malaki at malawak na food court ng palengke. It was crowded by hungry people like myself. I've only seen places like these in movies, aside from that I didn't even know they exist.

"This would do," he smiled and turned his gaze to me.

I froze, seeing how he smiled at me! That was the first time he flashed me that kind of genuine and attractive smile! Hindi iyon kagaya nang madalas niyang ibigay sa akin na puno ng insulto at pang-aasar.

Stop that, Camille! He's the villain! Muli kong paalala sa aking sarili.

Tumikhim ako at umirap na naman para i-shove ang nonsense na pumapasok sa mind ko. "Dito tayo kakain?"

"You really are snooty, aren't you?" Nagbago ang himig nang kanyang pananalita, agad din niyang nabitawan ang aking kamay. Nang tingalain ko siya ng tingin ay wala na ang magandang ngiti sa kanyang labi, napalitan na iyon ng inis na ekspresyon.

It pulled me back to reality. It was actually better this way, us hating each other. Sa ganito ay alam ko kung paano ko siya pakikitunguhan.

"Kung ayaw mong kumain rito, 'di wag," dagdag pa niya.

Pinanuod ko siyang okupahin ang kakabakante lamang na lamesa sa di kalayuan.

He'd gone a little off. Did I offend him or something?

Kung ano man ang nagawa ko ay hindi ko naman iyon sinasadya. If I came off rude, I didn't mean to. I was just trying to get away from some nonsense that's been bugging its way through me.

Sinundan ko siya at tahimik akong naupo sa bakanteng space beside him.

Hindi niya ako nilingon kahit pa nang magsagi ang aming mga braso. Ipinagpatuloy niya lamang ang pakikipag-usap doon sa tindera na lumapit sa amin upang maghatid ng isang maliit na washbasin na may water.

I heard him order food. Nang makaalis ang tindera ay tsaka ako nagsalita ng mahina.

"Sorry," I told him. "I'm really hungry, ZA."

Hindi niya pa rin ako pinansin. He dipped his hands on the washbasin to clean them.

Oh, that's what's that for!

I copied him. Slightly dirty din 'yung hands ko, kahit si ZA naman 'yung almost nag-do ng lahat ng work.

A few minutes later, a boy came and brought us our order. He placed the food on the table. And I'm not going to lie. None of what he ordered is familiar to me.

Oh, wait, I know the tilapia. I really wanted to ask ZA if it was wild tilapia or farm-raised, but he wasn't in the mood. So, I'll just pretend this is wild-caught and healthier.

Kahit hindi niya ako kinakausap ay ipinaghanda niya pa rin ako ng food. He put some rice and fish on my plate. He even made a sawsawan pa nga, eh!

"Kain na," iyon ang unang beses niya akong kinubo since I sat beside him.

I looked around the table and didn't see a set of utensils. "Where are the spoon and fork?"

"Look around you and tell me if you see someone using those," he said as he began his meal.

I did as I was told. A gasp escaped my throat when I realized that everybody around me was using their bare hands to eat.

I felt my face burn as I thought of another way of eating.

"Kain na, Camille," si ZA iyon.

Nahihiya ko siyang nilingon, and I confessed. "H-hindi ako marunong mag-use ng bare hands to eat,"

ZA didn't seem to be surprised. I even heard him chuckle lightly like he expected that from me. "The problem of having everything is not knowing how to live with nothing."

Hinimay niya ang fish that was on my plate, then he dipped it in the sauce he made. I watched him add a small portion of rice in his hand before raising it to my mouth.

I only told him I don't know because I wanted him to get me a spoon and fork! Not subuan me!

"Kain na, alam kong gutom ka."

"I am! But I'm not going to eat off your-" hindi ko na natapos pa ang aking sasabihin because he already shoved it inside my mouth. I had no choice but to eat it.

"Careful not to bite the hand that feeds you," he joked.

Tahimik kong nginuya ang food.

"Masarap?" Tanong niya.

"It tastes like your hand," pagalit kong sagot.

"You should try it too. Para malaman mo kung masarap din 'yung kamay mo."

"I don't know how nga, e." I said before looking at my food.

"Kaya nga you will try to learn how, e!" He mocked me. "Try it, kumuha ka ng tilapia konti lang."

Ah! Fine! I followed his instruction. "And then?"

"Dip it here," tinuro niya ang sawsawan. "Then get a small portion of rice tapos isubo mo,"

I took my time doing the steps. And then, I put the food inside my mouth, slowly eating them.

I couldn't help but smile at my small success of knowing how magkamay.

"Masarap ba 'yung kamay mo?" He asked.

"Of course, duh! Need you ask!"

A few minutes passed, and we were still busy feeding our hungry bellies. I was slowly getting the gist of eating with my bare hands.

"ZA, where are your parents?" I asked just to fill the silence.

Ilang segundo ang pinalipas niya bago sumagot. "They passed. My Dad before I was even born and Mom when I was seven."

"I'm sorry," now I regret I asked. "I shouldn't have asked,"

"That's alright," he shrugged. "My grandmother took care of me until she couldn't. She owned the house and left everything for me when I was ten."

Andrei grew up by himself. He doesn't have anyone to guide him in navigating life. And learning that now brought so many emotions into my chest. But mostly, I feel sad for him. It must have been very tough living alone.

"What happened to your grandmother?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Breast cancer took the better of her," sagot niya. "Since then, I've been responsible for my own life. Everything I do impacts my future. Kaya palagi akong maingat."

"Is that why you're so mad at me, knowing I have everything I need-"

"First, I'm not mad at you, Camille." He cut me off and turn his head on me. "Second, I don't care if you have everything you need or want. It rubbed me the wrong way how much you take no notice of how lucky you are to have everything, while some people would kill for a tiny bit of something."

What he said struck me straight to the target! I felt guilty na kahit hindi ko naman intensyon ay ganoon pala ang dating ng actions ko sa ibang people.

"Keep your pity to yourself," paiwas niyang sabi. "I grew up alone. I live alone. And I'd keep living alone."

"Y-you have me now," bago ko pa napigilan ang sarili ko ay nasabi ko na iyon. And it was already too late to make bawi what I said! ZA already heard it!

What's happening to me?!