I kissed Àlvar's head and inhaled. "Have you noticed how great he smells?" I murmured and smiled down at the small boy, showing me how toothless he was.

"It'll never disappear, that smell. There's a spot on your head that'll always smell of you. No matter what you do," Islo said and smiled from his position next to me. He was reading while I was feeding our son.

"Is it always gonna be like this?" I whispered and offered Àlvar the bottle again. He liked breaks when he was eating.

"What do you mean?"

"Will I always love him this much?"

Islo smiled and leaned his head on my shoulder, looking down at the little boy in my arms. "Yeah. That won't change."

"I can't wait to get to know him better. Like when he's going to talk and walk? I'm so excited but at the same time I don't want him to ever grow up. I want him to stay little forever."

"I know what you mean. And he's so small too. Isla was bigger."

"Do you think he'll be short?"

"There's no telling. Isla won't get much bigger than what she is now, I reckon. And she's not very tall for a girl." He shrugged a little and then ran his hand over Àlvar's head. "Gods, he's so cute."

Àlvar shied away from the bottle again and looked up at his father, smiling. Islo smiled back and I handed the boy over.

"Hi, my love," he said softly and brought the boy close to his chest. "Are you done eating?" I handed the bottle to him and he tried feeding Àlvar. The boy happily continued to eat. "He just wants all the attention today."

Àlvar liked us to switch between feeding him. Sometimes while he was in the middle of a feeding time. He demanded our constant attention and we'd happily give it. He didn't cry much. He was a very mellow boy which... Gods, I was so afraid I had ruined him before he was even born just by being so broken. I still had nightmares. I still could crumble if I just thought of the wrong thing.

But he wasn't broken. He was a normal and healthy little boy who smiled and laughed. He recognised us already and was so curious.

"He's going to be pretty," Islo said. "Just like his father."

"He's already prettier than me."

Islo chuckled and Àlvar stopped eating again. In the beginning we couldn't even talk while he got fed because he got too distracted. Now it was only sometimes he'd get fidgety and wanted to change who fed him. But he continued to eat and Islo sighed a little.

"I love him," Islo murmured and glanced at me.

"You do feel like he's yours too, right?"

He smiled and looked back down at our son. "I do. I know he's not biologically related to me, but neither are you. It's kind of like that. You're my family and through you, Àlvar becomes mine as well. I don't feel there's any difference between him or Isla. There's no difference in how I feel as a father for them. I don't know if I'm making sense." He was rambling a little, and I wasn't sure if I understood.

"I think I understand."

"He's my son. It kind of stops there?" He grimaced a little and shrugged a shoulder, but gently to not disturb the little boy in his arms.

"I'm happy to hear that," I said softly. More than anything I wanted Islo to feel like he was Àlvar's father too, just as much as I was. Blood didn't mean anything. "I desperately want this, Islo."

He smiled softly and handed the empty bottle back, so he could burp our son. "Sweetness, there is no way out of this now. We're a family. All of us. You, me and the kids."

Àlvar burped and kicked his little legs. I chuckled and took the boy back, resting his head in the palm of my hand. He was so tiny.

"We're your family, little boy," I said softly. "And we love you."

He smiled back and reached out for my hair. I brought his head up so I could kiss his forehead. He latched onto my hair and laughed.

"Silly boy," I laughed and untangled his little fingers from my hair again.

Life was mellow. We were slowly rebuilding the city and the press were very interested in my little family. We did a lot of interviews and every day there was a new spread about us. How Isla dressed, how Islo overcame the injury, how much Àlvar and I looked alike. There were never any mentions of what had happened though. Or what was happening right now. The war we were losing. It seemed as though they wanted to just pretend it didn't exist.

I was also getting a better grip on my powers with Barr's help. He was weird, but I enjoyed being around him. We could maybe even become proper friends. I wanted to.

"Barr," I said hesitantly as we sat in the garden, making small pebbles fly. "What... Did you like to do in the spirit world?"

He glanced down at me and smiled a little. "I took care of the dragons."

"The dragons?"

"Yes. Lots of dragons live there. Very few live in this world now, but they used to be here. I had a baby with me. She had imprinted on me before I left. Huqqa takes care of her now. He had his leg bitten off by a dragon." He told it all in the same light tone, right down to his boyfriend getting his leg torn off. He was very odd.

"Did you like taking care of the dragons?" I asked, instead of approaching the Huqqa-subject. He'd get so lost in every conversation about his boyfriend.

"Yes, I did. Dragons are simpler. I have always been..." He trailed off and sighed. "I know I am odd. I see how the other spirits act and how your ancestors act and I am nothing like them. Nothing like you either."

"People always told me I was odd too."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I'm not the best with people either. You are odd, but you're still nice. I don't think being odd is bad." I shrugged a little.

"You do not?"

I shook my head. "Without the odd people, the world would be entirely normal and boring."

Barr laughed and nodded. "I will try and remember that."

"Good. Don't let anyone ever tell you you're wrong, Barr." I felt very strongly for this. He was odd, yes, but he had his heart in the right place. No one deserved to feel as wrong as I had felt.

"You are very kind, Quinn. But I knew that before I met you." He put his hand on his chest. "I felt you in here. Ever since I was made, I felt you."

"It's because we're connected right?" I asked.

"Yes. But it is more that I am connected to you, than the other way around. You have not felt me before you let me in. But I have felt you my entire life. I have... Missed you."

That did surprise me. We had never met before he was in front of me on the steps to the stronghold, but somehow, he had missed me still. I didn't know how to react or deal with the fact that someone had been this connected to me, without me even knowing about their existence. I didn't know what to do with it all.

"He has known me my entire life without me knowing him," I muttered into the darkness after Islo and I had gone to bed.

"That must be very confusing for you," Islo said and moved closer to me, urging me to curl up to him. I didn't need much of an invitation. I was facing him, and he slowly slid his fingers under my nightshirt, the tips of them running along my spine.

"I don't know what to do with this information. How to even think about it."

"He's here to help you. So if I were you, I'd take this as a positive thing. A spirit so invested in you, Quinn, that's... Extraordinary."

"I feel protective of him."

"I can understand that too. He's like a child in many ways."

I nodded and then realised Islo couldn't see me nodding. "Yeah. He's very... Pure. Uncorrupted. I don't want him to know any of the ugly things that happens here."

"He probably already knows if he is that connected to you. Maybe he doesn't know all the details, but he probably knows the pain. He has seen the scars on your hands and wrists. The ones in your face. Quinn, I don't doubt that he knows ugliness, but chooses to not let it taint him. He believes in the beauty in you. Just like I do."

I kissed him and he was fast to kiss me back, despite me missing his mouth a little. He helped guide me to the right place, pulling me closer. His hand ran down my thigh, draping my leg around his hips, as he pushed his knee in between my legs. This was a far more comfortable position to lay in.

He moved a bit again, getting me more on top of him as he dumped down on his back. I was slung over him, avoiding his bad leg and revelling in how warm he was under me.

"You comfortable now?" I chuckled.

He chuckled too and ran his hand up in my hair, as the other ran down to my ass. "Now I am."

I laughed and placed a kiss on his bare chest. He always slept topless, only wearing pyjama bottoms as opposed to me, who couldn't sleep with trousers on. My legs simply got too hot.

"What are we doing tomorrow?" I murmured.

"Well, we'll be gushing over our son. And then we'll go see Isla ride. After that, we have more time to gush over our son. You probably need to be with Barr a little. And then we should have a nice bath."

"All of that sounds divine," I murmured and kissed his chest again.

He sharply inhaled, making his ribs almost protrude through his skin. I ran my fingers over them, loving the feel of his uneven skin. His freckles and moles that covered his body made his skin not entirely smooth. I knew it was weird how obsessed I was with his freckles, but he looked so beautiful with them. He had this light brown skin, a broad nose and over that nose was a bunch of those freckles.

"Did I say I love your freckles today?" I asked as I continued to kiss his chest.

"No, and I've been very self-conscious about them today."

"Oh no, I better make it up to you somehow," I breathed and moved down.

"Yeah," he whispered.

I kissed his soft stomach, absolutely loving how his muscles clenched a little under my touch. I could keep doing just this. Worship his body, discovering it in the darkness. I loved how I didn't have to move on immediately. He let me take my time, doing whatever I wanted. He didn't want the control in this, he just wanted to lie there and receive. And gods, I loved giving.

When I felt done with his stomach I moved further down, pulling on his trousers. He lifted his hips a little, to make it easier for me.

I kissed his hips first, then his upper thighs and then his inner thighs, making him bite down a groan. Then I finally took him in my mouth, very slowly taking more and more of him. He was panting at this point, his hand balled in my hair. I loved hearing him fight to not lose control. We'd just wake up our son if he was loud and we couldn't have that. He needed to control himself.

He didn't last long. He never did when I used my mouth on him and I loved that. He always lost his mind. Even now two years later. I wondered if he ever got bored or would lose interest, but it didn't seem like that at all. He seemed just as into me as he had been from the very beginning.

I was more into him now than I had been in the beginning. He had always been handsome, but it wasn't about that. As my love grew so did my desire. Love and desire were so closely connected for me, I didn't question this development within myself. I was just so happy to have him here, to be able to please him.

"Fuck, Quinn," he muttered tiredly and pulled me up, so I could receive a soft kiss.

I went back to laying on his chest and his fingers went back into my hair and lower back.

"Do you want me to...?" he asked, almost half-heartedly.

"No, sleep now, love," I replied. I was tired too and I knew Islo slept better after getting his head cleared. And nothing cleared his head as my mouth did.

"I'll repay you in the morning then," he whispered, sounding like he was almost already asleep.

"I look forward to it."

"Oh look he's smiling," Isla said and took a picture of Àlvar with her new camera. She smiled back at her little brother and handed him his soft cloth. He was laying on the floor, on a soft blanket, playing with his big sister.

Islo, Barr and I were occupying the sofa and the armchair, watching the kids. Barr was reading but it didn't look like he was very immersed in the book. He kept glancing at the kids and smiled.

"Would you ever have kids, Barr?" Islo asked, putting the newspaper down in his lap.

Barr closed his book. "I do not know. I do not think spirits can have children the way you humans can."

"No?"

He shook his head.

"You could do it like we did. Your boyfriend could find a surrogate," I suggested.

Barr grimaced and opened his book again. "No, that is not possible."

"I'm sure you'd find a nice surrogate somewhere," Islo said and flashed a supportive smile.

"Huqqa cannot have children that way," Barr gritted out between his teeth.

I glanced at Islo who was about to say something, but I grabbed his hand. It really wasn't any of our business and Barr was visibly uncomfortable with how the conversation had gone.

"Adoption is another way," Isla said from the floor. "It's not like blood is the only thing that matters."

Islo glanced at his daughter and his eyes got a little shiny. "That's true, Princess."

"I guess we could do that," Barr said and eased up a little. "Àlvar is technically adopted, is he not?"

"Technically yes, he's adopted by me," Islo said and nodded.

"And that is not a bother?"

"No, like Isla said, blood isn't everything."

"Do... Do you think Huqqa will agree?"

"I can't imagine he wouldn't," I said softly.

Barr nodded a little and picked his book back up.

"What are you reading?" I asked and leaned forward a little.

"It's about human bodies. Anna-tom."

"Anatomy," Isla corrected. "It's one of my textbooks."

I bit down a snort and nodded. If Barr wanted to know more about humans, maybe reading a textbook about us would help him. Except one thing made me wonder.

"Barr, how do you know how to read?"

"Àlvar taught me," he announced proudly.

I glanced at the baby and then realised it wasn't my son he was talking about. It was my brother. "Y-you know my brother?" I stammered.

"Yes, he is very kind. There are not many young people around. Most of your family members died old."

"But he's in the spirit world?" I asked, my eyes stinging.

"He is," he said softly.

"Will I go there when I die?"

Barr nodded.

"So, I'll... I'll see him again?"

He nodded again.

I looked down at my hands, Islo's slipping into one and giving it a squeeze. One day, I'd meet my brother again. It felt so overwhelming I didn't know how to react. I'd get the chance to tell him about my son, who I had named after him.

Would he be proud of me? I had started a proper family and I hadn't totally cracked under all the pressure despite everything I had been through. I also had a very loving husband. And Al would fix everything. She was out there fighting, and I trusted her. She'd fix it all and we'd both be here. Together.

And when we eventually died, hopefully of old age, we'd go to the spirits. Reunite with our brother.

"How many other ancestors are there? Is my father there?"

"No. A lot never made it to the spirit world because the spiritual connection was cut," Barr explained without looking up from his book, his cheek leaning against his knuckles.

"Oh," I muttered and rose to my feet. I got Àbram to fetch a bottle for Àlvar and then joined Isla on the floor. "He loves you," I said and glanced up at her.

"He's so cute. Look at him smile," she gushed and tickled his fat little stomach. He kicked and laughed loudly, smiling even wider.

I loved his clothes. I loved dressing him too. We had all these little jumpsuits in the softest fabrics with the cutest embroidery picturing little dragons, horses or dogs. And then his little socks!

Okay so I loved everything about the baby. Literally everything. Even getting woken up at night to feed him. Nothing about him bothered me.