''Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said

Come by it honestly I swear

Thought you saw me wink, no

I've been on the brink, so'

The black dots before my eyes didn't let me guess more than the lighting brighter than when we'd left and glimpse a lot of green, and from the chirping of birds, it could be anywhere. Yet I knew it wasn't our secret place at Carrion, and I couldn't help the drop of my heart before I focused on the other sounds... croaks, lapping of water, and unsure steps of someone walking to us... My heart jumped back to my throat.

"Oh no."

When my eyesight finally adjusted, it was on a familiar silhouette, and I didn't need to glance around to know where we were.

I remembered each detail of the surroundings, the thick woods, the flowers whose heady scent had passed but not their bright color, and the path that led to the waterfall.

I should have known the road by heart now – if I had even looked at it. But how could I have expected this from Blade?

While from my mom, it had been a trap, from him, it felt like a betrayal, and it didn't make sense, which surely showed in my eyebrows lifting and furrowing again and again as I turned to him, avoiding Spencer's eyes at the same time.

I had no more reason to, technically, and I wasn't mad at him. But I was mad at myself, and I wasn't ready to see the reflection of what I'd done in those warm chocolate shades, when just his soft 'hi' was echoing it in the awkwardness around.

What to even reply? After all those times I'd refused to listen to his explanations and apologies, I had no word for the unsaid, and it was Blade who broke the heavy silence.

"Believe me, it's not a gas for me either, but we need to talk."

For a second, my heart stopped mid-air between two directions, freezing at the thought of 'talking' – talking about what? Spencer? Blade? Us? – until he added,

"We need to make sure we all have the same version for the interrogations."

Right, it was an even colder matter: Douglas. It was hard to know when I'd done so many horrible things.

"The fuzz is already going full force, and they'll have the whole town under close watch. They've called me in for noon, and then you'll–"

"What?!" I gasped, blinking at Blade.

He couldn't be talking about a police summon for a murder with this casual stance and business tone. I prayed that I'd misheard, yet the images were still appearing before my eyes as I stared at him... handcuffs, charges...

"It doesn't matter." I shook my head, inhaling the same deep breath I'd taken before he'd shown up at my window. "I'll tell them the truth."

"Like hell you will!" he replied instantly as if he'd expected this – he had.

"But you said you would drop me at the station if I wanted after!"

"You know I don't make promises, baby." He shrugged, the corners of his lips dipping down before pulling up into a smirk, though there was no hint of amusement in it, only a bad intention, to which I wouldn't yield this time.

"You can't prevent me from going."

"You wanna bet?" He cocked an eyebrow, the bad intention now reaching his eyes dangerously. "If I have to, I'll gladly tie you up to my bed."

He wouldn't, would he? The answer was obvious in the twinkle of his eyes, drawing me in before it was drowned in a dark seriousness that made me look down.

"There's no way I'll let you go to the pigs. Do you know what's the sentence for homi– that?" his sharp tone dropped, probably noticing the way I flinched at the word.

However, it was what I'd done, and I had to face it. I'd killed Douglas Thornton. So even if my insides and my fingers wavered, I lifted my head.

"About this... I've thought about it, and... I didn't plan it. I didn't intend to kill him for evil reasons... I've killed him, but I'm not a murderer."

At least, that was what I tried to tell myself, in spite of the small voice in the back of my mind who screamed that I'd had a choice, and my memories were blank for the second I'd chosen to aim for his heart. Was it for another reason than to find out if he even had a heart? I wasn't sure, but I remembered too well the girl's eyes before I'd pulled the trigger.

"If I explain what happened, they'll understand. The girl can even testify." I nodded quickly as if the gesture could support my words; it had when I'd been talking to myself in front of my mirror. Not that my arguments needed support anyway.

It was the wisest thing to do, the right thing to do. I didn't even know why we'd run away last night, surely the force of the habit, and in the rush, we hadn't thought clearly – I hadn't thought at all. But running away wasn't the solution. It had been what had led me to kill Douglas in the first place, and I didn't want to run and mess anymore.

"Two girls' words, of whom one is black, against a rich white man, and dead on top?!" Blade laughed, one of those sharp and dark chuckles that I hadn't heard in a while, and it still cut deep inside my chest. "Do you want me to testify too? My criminal record would really strengthen your plea." Just the lift of his eyebrow was sharpening his arguments more than my nod had been with mine, and I was left speechless and paralyzed.

"But I... he..." 

For the first time since we'd arrived here, I turned to Spencer, who had been silent so far, yet I could feel his eyes glued to me, and from the way he sucked his lips together, it was clear he was preparing and weighing his own words.

"I agree with him."

Indeed, he'd weighed the words, and they fell heavily on my chest, knocking my breath out.

"You-you think I should lie to the police and go against the law?" I asked slowly, hoping it would bring him back to reason.

I wasn't trying for Blade; he was always on the other side of the law like the devil on my shoulder. However, Spencer was supposed to be on the opposite side, staying honest like he'd always been, apparently. If they both stood on the same side, I was left alone to battle with my reason and my arguments.

"But... you saw it, they must have seen it too... Douglas was– what he was doing was bad... and against the law." I couldn't even bring myself to say it as the same shiver that had moved my fingers on the trigger ran throughout my whole body. "I know what I did is too... b-but they'll be more lenient. Your dad always says the law is fair, r-right?"

"It depends for whom." I didn't know if it was the marks of fatigue on all his features, but I'd never seen his brown eyes so shadowed. I could barely see any hint of amber reflections in spite of the rays of sunshine slipping in through the trees' foliages. "Blade is right. Whatever you say, the mayor will make sure they show no mercy."

Blade tilted his head in emphasis, and the fact that these two men, who had tried to kill each other just yesterday, were agreeing was announcing nothing good. It was serious.

"Did you read the news?" Spencer continued, pulling out his hand from behind his back, and although it wasn't a bouquet of flowers he was holding this time, I shook my head as vigorously at the glimpse of the paper.

'Scary murder in Subrose', it was enough to remind me why I'd stayed away from any news.

"Douglas appears like a poor victim, and there's no mention of the girl."

Coming from Spencer, I knew it was a gentle summary of the article.

"And Morris told me the cops said he was with a 'lover' during the interrogations," Blade added, making me snap my head towards him.

"Do you think she lied?" I frowned as much at the words as at the pounding they were creating in my skull. 

It was hard to think with everything they were telling me and the lack of sleep, and even the movements of my eyes between the two boys were becoming painful.

"No, we think whatever she said doesn't matter. His daddy probably paid the fuzz and the press to twist the story."

"Yes, the elections are coming. It wouldn't be good for his image if people knew his son was flirting around with a black girl, and even less what he was really doing," Spencer added with a wince, as if expecting everything was about to explode inside my head, and he was right.

"What?! But he was about to rape her!" Even the harsh words burst out. "He can't get away with it!"

"Well... technically, it's the first time he didn't get away with it... thanks to you." The faint smile Spencer tried wasn't enough to make me swallow his words easily, nor the sourness that slowly climbed up my throat.

"W-what do you mean?"

Deep down in my guts, I knew it, and it was surely from there that the bitter taste was coming, propelled by all the shivers Douglas had sent there at each of our encounters.

"I mean it wasn't the first time he did something like that... and he'd always got away with raping girls until yesterday." Spencer's voice was low and empty, yet the words echoed louder than a bang, stopping the birds chirping around for an instant, and even Blade sounded breathless.

"Fuck... See, I knew that bastard was a bad person."

"But... the police? Your dad? He can't agree with this?" My voice cracked as I searched for a glimmer of hope in Spencer's eyes.

"He doesn't, but Douglas's father is above him, and he has all the power. He makes sure to cover every complaint, gaining people's silence with money or blackmail."

I hopelessly turned my glossy eyes to Blade, wishing he would contradict him, although he'd been the first to confront me with the harsh reality. It was how it worked in his world, and it turned out there really was only one world, as Spencer continued to explain, and not even his careful words could smoothen the sharp reality.

"I don't know if you remember the officer Mathews, a bald and stocky man?"

I shook my head, not even risking searching through my memories.

"Douglas raped his daughter a few years ago, and he tried to report him. One week later, he was dismissed and leaving town, and I know Thornton paid abortions for some girls Douglas got pregnant."

"Why are you telling me this?"

If it was to make me feel better, it wasn't working. My head was throbbing with all these revelations, and my disgust for Douglas was growing so much that I was ready to throw up my bile-filled stomach. Yet it didn't take away the similar sensations I felt towards myself, filling the rest of my insides. It didn't erase what I'd done, and it was too late for this.

"Why only now?" I added bitterly.

It turned out Spencer had really lied to me, after all.

"I wasn't even supposed to know." He sighed, running a hand through the front of his hair, and now, I remembered the difference from when it was in the back of his neck. "But when my dad kept coming home on edge and haunted every night... he admitted it to me, making me swear to never tell anyone."

Spencer never broke his promises... until now.

"It was a few years ago, we were still young at the time, and then, Douglas left town for college, and it stopped. Everything went back to normal, more or less, so I kinda forgot it... But then I saw he was back one month ago."

One month ago, we were always going back to that time.

"I saw the way he looked at you, and my dad started being tense and closed-off again as if expecting the same cycle to come back. But I told myself that maybe he'd changed, matured, now that he was working to take over from his father." He shook his head, letting out something too empty to even be a breath. "And then I saw him cornering you in the kitchen."

Flashes of that day appeared when I blinked in spite of myself, and when I refocused my gaze, the look in Spencer's eyes was as dark as that day.

"That's why I insisted so much that you stayed away from–"

"What the fuck?! The fucker got you cornered another time than at the Drillin?!"

I jumped at Blade's sudden outburst. His eyes held the same darkness as Spencer's, but while Spencer was calm, brewing anger, Blade was a full volcano eruption.

"The fucker..." he spat, his tone murderous through his clenched jaw, and with his fists flexing by his sides, he looked ready to dig out Douglas's body and kill him again.

"Wait, what is he talking about? There was another time at the bar?"

My head was spinning between wide eyes and squinting gaze, between brown and blue, but I did my best to focus.

"Yes, but both times, he was just talking. He wouldn't..."

"And what do you think he had in mind? A game of cards?!"

Even without Blade's scoffing, I could tell how pathetic I sounded, and I knew very well what would have happened; I'd known these two times when I'd found myself in the same position as the girl yesterday, and maybe it had been what had crossed my mind when I'd pulled the trigger.

"He had his eyes set on yo–"

"It doesn't matter anymore," I cut Spencer off and mostly the memories he awakened. "We have more important things to discuss and decide."

"It's a no-brainer. No one has to know what happened," Blade announced flatly, finding back his calm – only in appearance. His eyes were still tempestuous, almost as much as what was happening inside my chest.

"But what about your police summon? I won't let you take the blame."

If the law wouldn't be lenient with me, I knew it would be worse with his record.

"Don't worry about it. If they really suspected me, I wouldn't have received a 'nice' invitation to the station, and I wouldn't be standing here." Blade shrugged, not an ounce of his voice, nor his being wavering, while his words triggered an earthquake in my chest, and he probably noticed it through my large eyes fixing him like he could disappear at any second as he added, "If what he said is true, there's lots of people who want Douglas dead, and I'm not more suspect than anyone in this town."

This time, he dived his gaze into mine, stopping my shakes as he was even pining my heart.

"Except not everyone was seen at the bar last night." Spencer's voice made my heart skip a beat, and it was back to an erratic pace as Blade threw his head back.

"Argh! Can you ever shut up?"

"It's what we're here for, isn't it? Make sure we don't neglect any detail."

"He's right," I muttered, looking down at my hands as I didn't want to take sides.

"Once again, no one's said anything, or we wouldn't be here, and no one's stupid enough to ever do it. The only one stupid enough wasn't here."

"Rye?" I jerked my head up again as Rye's sick smile came back to my memory. I'd almost forgotten him through all of this, but the twist in my guts still remained. "He wasn't?" I asked mostly to myself, though when Blade shook his head, I let the question go.

He surely had his head clearer, and he knew what he was doing as he continued with his jaw set tight and his gaze unwavering, his full gang leader aura on.

"And I talked to Otto this morning to make sure everyone was reminded of the rules. We have his full protection, even double. One, 'cause I'm a member and his future successor, and two, 'cause you saved his ass." His sharp features loosened into a... proud grin?

Last night had been quite a blur, but I was pretty sure I hadn't helped, nor saved Otto, and I didn't deserve the twinkle of magic in Blade's dimple.

"The pigs were there with sniffer dogs, so they came for drugs, and if there hadn't been your gunshot, they would've caught us and the big client with our hands in the cookie jar. While here, they were so busy trying to catch the 'killer' that Wayne even got the time to do the delivery outside." His smirk stayed as wide, even when he nodded towards Spencer and rolled his eyes. "The boss is so happy, he's even protecting him."

"So that explains why the cops arrived so fast." Spencer thankfully didn't raise Blade's comment, too focused on trying to search for missing puzzle pieces, and with his eyebrows furrowing more and more, it looked like he was slowly seeing a more concrete image, which wasn't my case.

"But how did they know about the delivery?"

"Someone probably snitched, and whoever it is–"

"Douglas?" The memory of that Sunday by the church where he'd ordered a man in leather jacket to call the cops looked a lot like a puzzle piece, yet the final image still appeared too big and uncomplete for me to make out anything.

Why would he have done something like that? What had been his interest? Had he been helping Rye with his 'killer plan'? But then, why?

"If so, it's another good reason to have him dead, and for Otto to protect us."

Everything in me protested against this, but I wasn't the one who spoke up,

"And what does his 'protection' even mean?"

Blade's gaze snapped towards Spencer, probably as sharp as his ticking jaw, yet Spencer didn't stop his questions, holding his gaze.

"It's Thornton who has all the powers over the police, the courts, politics, and they'll do everything to find the truth. They'll accuse people, threaten them with prison sentences, and worse."

The hours Spencer had spent at the newspaper and all the law knowledge he'd received willingly or not from his dad were coming up in moments like this, and it was as impressive as Blade's sharp tactics to escape the law.

"Otto has power over all the people of the East side and farther with the gang."

No, actually, what was the most impressive was that in spite of all their differences and the tensions they emanated – which weren't far from when they'd tried to kill each other – they worked together. They worked well, for me, while I was just standing here, useless, and I could only stare at them, my heart taking off too fast for me to comprehend if these thuds were out of thankfulness, guilt, fear, or love.

"And everyone knows that fucking with a member of the gang's way worse than jail. Most have already gone there, but no one made it out alive to failing the Crossbones, and they all rather go back to the slammer than say a word."

I was so focused on the way the words rolled out smoothly through Blade's hovering smirk and tense jaw, and the crease deepening between Spencer's eyebrows before he nodded that I almost overlooked what they were saying until it stopped the beats of my heart.

"Okay, then, I guess, it's settled."

"Wait! What do you mean by going back to jail? I can't make innocent people pay for my crime."

"Baby, no one's innocent at the Drillin, and the fuzz have no proof, so the most they can do is nailing people for drugs and little crimes to scare them."

Still, they would go to jail because of me and my crime.

It was the final straw that broke the camel's back, the final weight that fell on my shoulders, and just when my legs gave out, did I realize everything I'd taken in so little time and that I've stood strong until now.

I hadn't eaten, not even slept, since yesterday's lunch, and although I had no idea for how many minutes we were standing there, it was too long with everything we'd discussed. However, it wasn't only physical, and there were everything we'd run away from in the numbness of my legs and the gun I'd triggered showing through the shakes of my hands.

"DD!"

"Shooting star..."

Spencer and Blade rushed to me, and the worry in their voices only made my kneeling self sink more into the grass.

"Are you okay?"

I wasn't sure what kind of answer they were looking for as they crouched in front of me, their eyes searching for mine and their hands brushing the few gravels under my knees and holding my trembling fingers. But I only had a question as I lifted my head, meeting both of their gazes briefly before diving into the expanse of crystalline.

Only Blade could understand, only someone who had experienced how something as simple and fast as the flicker of their finger could end a beating heart, a future, a life.

"So I'll have to carry it forever?"

The burden of guilt, lies, and the whole life I'd taken, I'd hoped I would be able to let go of a small part if I admitted my crime and suffered a fair sentence. But it looked impossible, and now, more had added with all their revelations: injustice, fear, and more guilt.

I didn't know how to find the strength in me to carry it, to carry on.

Just the lifts of my chest to take in shallow breaths were an insurmountable effort, and I didn't even need to see myself to know I looked like a pathetic heap of messed emotions and trembling members. Without these two men holding me carefully in more ways than one, I would have already crashed down on the ground.

"Yes," Blade replied to my question, making my muscles spasm, though it wasn't because of his answer that I'd already guessed, but because of the breath he slowly took in, his tongue slipping out to wet his lips in search of the words.

Blade Sayer never hesitated. So if his strong and dangerous aura was wavering under the weight, how could I hold it by myself?

"It'll be heavy, and everyone's gonna add more to the burden until it's crushing–"

"What are you–" Spencer tried to interrupt and surely smoothen his sharp words, but Blade didn't let him.

"It's the truth," he cut off, his tone almost incisive. "We better all be prepared for it. They'll try to make us break with the interrogations, the news, the people crying him."

I was already cracking, and the thought of just surrendering to the police flashed through my mind again. That weight would lighten, wouldn't it? Yet it would be replaced by real chains, and the image appeared as crippling. 

Maybe you could call it an instinct or whatever it was from deep inside, but I wasn't strong enough for that either, and it seemed I was stuck with no escape.

Even dead, Douglas was leaving me cornered, taking the power from me until I was just a shivering mess with no possibilities.

"But if we don't break, it'll settle down, and it'll become easier to carry until it's just a distant memory."

Was it for him? Was it that darkness I sometimes glimpsed behind the walls of ice he'd built in his eyes?

"And you won't be alone to carry it," Spencer added, and the solemn tone of his promises and Blade's transparent gaze, which usually coaxed my heart into flying, only anchored me more down into reality.

"You don't–"

"We're both responsible in this too. We're the ones who made you run away with a gun in your hand."

They were mostly the ones who'd saved me, and without them, I would still be standing in front of Douglas's body, or more exactly, in a cell by now. While all I'd done was...

"But I'm the one who pulled the trigger. I'm the murderer."

"Not murderer, you said it yourself. You didn't have a choice," Blade pointed out, his cocked eyebrow making me look down at my still shaky hands.

"I did... I could've aimed somewhere else..." Even without remembering more, I was now sure of that.

"And then the fucker would've restarted raping girls next week?"

"He's right. You saved that girl, and surely many more. Do you realize what he was about to do?" Spencer asked softly, and they were indeed working well together, but now, it was against me, or at least, against that burden inside my chest. "You see yourself as a murderer, but I see a heroine. You know like a pirate princess or the best outlaw."

Spencer definitely had the words, while Blade traced patterns and tickles in my skin, and before I knew it, my legs were moving to sit cross-legged, and I inhaled deeper breaths. I wasn't feeling like a heroine, not even a good person, but maybe I could try to carry that burden for them.

"So where were we last night?"

Blade and Spencer are working together, who would have expected this? 😳😅 I think they're forming an explosive team!

Also, did you expect all these truths about Douglas? I warned you at the beginning of the book that there would be a lot of heavy matters, which are sadly still happening nowadays 💔

So do you think Dorothy is a heroine or a murderer? Will she be able to carry that burden with the help of these two men? Tell me all your thoughts!

And don't forget to vote ⭐if you're excited for what's to come! I am (and I'm also a little nervous 🙈)

I love you my little Shooting stars 🌠😘✨