'Cursing myself, I burned the furniture

A million times in my head

I'm feelin' low

Got nowhere to go

But back up again'

A black leather jacket, greased hair, tattoos, a shiny engine... Was it enough to know someone? Or was it the raw words escaping his devious smirk, the sharp cutting edge he played with, the bad intentions in his clear eyes?

Was it what you saw? Or what you heard? I wasn't sure anymore. Could I trust my eyes, or the gossips going around? It wasn't easy when my eyes were red and puffy, and all the rumors going around were about me, well, about me and two particular boys... Spencer, as the topic didn't seem to subside, just like my broken face, just like his daily gifts. But now, Blade had also joined in the subject since our Wednesday encounter at the diner.

Could I believe all the love and shine I'd seen in his warm brown eyes? Or the obvious image of my cousin on his naked body? The sharp edge of the knife threatening people, or the transparency of his gaze when he'd looked at me?

Could I trust the gossips saying Spencer and Diane had a secret relationship, and not the ones telling that Blade was a criminal who had just got out of jail? The truth was that I was scared to know.

"Dorothy?"

I was pulled out of all these doubts, or more exactly, out of my contemplations about existential questions, and when I blinked my eyes around, I realized I wasn't lost in the green leaves of the trees dancing in the sky. I was still in class, and two blue eyes were staring at me.

"With whom are you pairing for the project?"

My gaze instinctively trailed to the figure two rows away, but a tuft of perfectly straight brown hair was already standing in the way. I just caught a glimpse of brown, sorry eyes shadowed by a frown before I looked away.

"It's her who's jumped to get paired with him." Rachel offered me a half-smile, having followed my gaze, which was now fixed on my twiddling thumbs.

"He didn't protest though. It's all very well the flowers, gifts, and beautiful words, but they're not actions." I discovered a new tone in my voice; the cracks had turned into tight bitterness by dint of piling up, and it made the silence following even more awkward.

"Anyway, do you want to pair up with me?" I tried to sound cheerful as the poor Rachel was for nothing in all of this, and she had even paid the price in this story.

"Yes, if you want?" She adjusted her glasses on her small nose as if to be sure I was asking.

"Of course!" She was one of the best and most serious students, and she was much nicer than some other ones. "Let's start to work on..."

"The end of our high school years," Rachel finished for me before my wide eyes could find a clue on the papers in front of us, and as they stayed as large, she probably guessed I had no idea what the teacher had talked about during the whole hour, which was a first for a serious student like me, because she added, "Like for a legacy, we have to say what it represents for us. For example, what we'll remember of the classes, experiences, people... things like that."

'Memories' and 'high school', this was exactly what I was avoiding.

"How about a nest for hypocrites?" I couldn't help the mutter as my gaze was drawn by a high-pitched laugh from two rows away.

"As much as I agree, I don't think Mrs. Miller would like it."

We hid our light snickers in our notebooks as the old woman walked by us with her merciless gaze.

"I was thinking of something like how it is the start of many opportunities and not the end?" Rachel offered me a shrug, surely being careful with her words as my eyes strayed too often in the direction behind her.

"That sounds good too." I grabbed my pen, more to have something to twist in my hands than to write, and this time, my gaze traveled to the opposite side, back towards the window.

I would have burst with ideas for this theme just one week before. I would have blabbered about them while Spencer would have put it into beautiful sentences, and together, we would have drawn up the best project.

But now, the start of many opportunities... I wasn't sure about it.

***

What I saw, what I heard... I, at least, knew one thing about one person as I did both a few hours later, standing in my red and white skirt.

"Sorry, I'm a little late! I was working with Spence and we didn't see the time. Can you help me get ready?"

"Only working, huh?" I didn't see Sylvia's expression, but from the drawling tone of her voice, I could guess she was eyeing Diane's disheveled blouse, just like I was, at least, the glimpse I could get.

Okay, maybe 'saw' was more like peeping through the narrow slit of the door, and 'heard' was overhearing their hushed whispers. But I wasn't stalking. I'd just happened to be in a toilet stall when they had walked in.

It was one of my specialties since I'd been little: overhear people's secret conversations without even meaning to, and that was how I'd discovered that Santa didn't exist when I'd been sneaking in the kitchen to grab chocolates at 7.

However, the disillusion was much worse today.

"You promise to not tell anyone?" Diane didn't even wait for a 'yes' or two seconds before she announced in a ceremonious whisper, "Spencer and I are dating, but we can't tell anyone because Dorothy is not taking the breakup too well. I mean, did you see her?"

It required me an enormous effort and some blood on my tongue to hold the infuriated 'what?!' that was rising inside.

"Oh, yes! Her hair, was is she doing with it?"

What?! My curls had always been unruly, and I just spent a little less time on them these days...

"And her eyes, she looks so broken..." I wasn't sure whose voice it was, but at least, there was some empathy in it, and it was a contrast when Diane continued,

"Yes, my poor cousin! It's such a delicate situation, and it isn't easy for us either. You know how Spencer is, he never wants to hurt anyone."

I could almost hear their admirative nods. The great Spencer and his big heart! It was known by everyone, yet based on what? He'd hurt me the most, and I could still feel too sharply how he'd crushed my little heart.

"And we're really worried for Dorothy and her reckless antics."

'My reckless antics'? This made me perk up my ears, though the 'what do you mean?' didn't come from my open lips.

"What? You haven't heard?" Diane gasped lightly, and as she threw a glance around, I shriveled in my spot, believing she would find me.

But she was too focused on the 'scoop' she had to say. "We saw her the other day, hanging out with a criminal."

Blade, I threw my hand over my mouth to keep the shaky breath escaping me. Of course, it had been Diane, herself, who had spread all those rumors. It was obvious as she stressed each word, and I could imagine her large eyes coming with them.

"An ex-convict."

"Dorothy?! Are you sure?" I still had some supporters apparently, though the two girls were quickly convinced by the three around Diane.

"Yes, we saw it with our own eyes."

"And there's no doubt about the boy either. I recognized him because he applied for a job in my dad's firm, and he isn't easy to forget."

That, I could only agree with Sylvia, and a smile tickled my palm as I still had my hand over my mouth.

"My dad didn't hire him because he was just out of prison."

My smile fell down instantly, along with my hand and the ache in my chest that turned into a tight ball in my stomach. Sylvia's dad wasn't picky when he hired people, as long as they had the strength and muscles to carry the merchandise, and I'd felt very clearly that Blade had those.

As if sensing my questions, Sylvia continued, "For murders."

The coin that I was fiddling with hit the floor with a too-loud clinking sound, maybe because something had crashed with it. But luckily, the girls were too busy gasping and adding comments to hear it.

"Oh my gosh!" 

"But isn't he young? How did he get out so quickly?"

"There's no doubt. He even threatened us with a knife!"

There were more, yet they seemed to fade out, either because they were walking out, or because I was the one escaping with my thoughts.

Like for Spencer, I analyzed every little moment to find clues that would refute or prove the revelation. Though it was much easier and clearer with the knife, the threats, the breaches of the law, the mysterious past, even the tapioca, and of course, the little memories I'd had because he was a stranger, a stranger that I'd followed recklessly, a stranger that I'd kissed. Had I kissed a murderer?

"It doesn't matter, anyway. We have a game to cheer now, and I'm ready! How do I look?" Diane's cheerful voice brought me back before I could get lost too far, as apparently, I was the one who had strayed away, and they were still here, while I was standing paralyzed in my hiding place.

"Gorgeous!"

"Breath-taking for your boyfriend."

"And for my new position as the captain!"

Actually, it was this sentence and the victorious echo in Diane's voice that really pulled me out of my daze. I just had time to glimpse them exiting the changing room before I burst the stall door open, and I feared it would soon be me that would explode.

The overflow was now expanding from my chest to guts and even my brain, by way of my throat. I still had all those questions, and I didn't know anything more, except that Diane was a worse snake than what I'd thought, spreading her venom about me when she'd already bitten me. At least, that was all I wanted to believe. The rest of what I'd seen and heard, I'd rather keep it as a blur.

I convinced myself it was just rumors as I faced the mirror in front of me. Yet my messy curls were there to remind me that there was no smoke without a spark of fire, and sparks, there were definitely with Blade... I shook the thought away, as it made my fingers tremble to apply make-up on my puffy eyes.

Diane had somehow been right about one thing: 'there was a game to cheer, and it didn't matter' because I would never see him again. However, there was another fire I would have to face in just a few minutes: Spencer.

So I would prove one rumor wrong. I walked out of the room with that conviction, the red on my lips fixing it, although I was still ready to burst at any second under the layer of make-up.

When I stepped into the large stadium, the atmosphere was electric, and I didn't know if it helped or not, prickling my skin and muffling all my thoughts. It was the most important game of the season, and the stakes could be felt like cracklings in the air as everyone was here to breathe them: the whole school, and even half of the town.

My parents were surely somewhere in this crowd, near their usual seats, yet my gaze didn't get to trail there.

"Are you okay? Where were you?" Rachel appeared in front of me, and her simple question was enough to shake my assurance.

"I'm fine." I offered her my best smile, which must have been unconvincing, as she continued,

"Are you sure?"

Hadn't she heard about this secret rule of 'fine'?

"Be careful if you don't want to end up on the sidelines like me because Diane..." She didn't get to finish as the devil walked to us, and I tried to ignore the fact that she was coming from the direction where the football team was gathered.

"Dodo, finally you're there!"

"I was there before you." I forced a tight smile, edged like my words. "I was... warming up."

Nearing the overheat with too many questions and emotions was quite the same, no?

"You better be at your best!" Her fake smile was much better than mine, especially since it didn't fall down when she continued, turning to the rest of the team, "And all of you because it's the biggest match, and we're gonna help our dear players to win! So let's start with the 23A!"

"The 23A?!" I tried to keep my voice down as my frown was already catching the attention of the whole team. "It isn't what we've rehearsed."

"Yes, but it was before the restructuring of the team. I decided it was better this way."

"Better this way?!" My gasp was left unanswered as our team was announced through a speaker and the fanfare started.

Though I quickly understood as the team headed to the center of the field and I stopped by the benches to grab my pompoms. Diane had left one of our best flyers on the touchline just because she didn't like her, so now the choreography we'd rehearsed for was impossible. She didn't care about this; on the contrary, she would be sure no one would steal her the show that way.

The worst was when I caught sight of Rachel's broken expression. I knew this gaze directed down with the frown and all the hope, and maybe I should have asked her if she was okay too.

Seeing this added to the boiling chaos inside and to my hatred towards Diane because yes, I hated my cousin. I realized it somewhere along her 'revelations' in the changing room, although it might have been brewing for long years.

I pushed it down with everything as the unmistakable countdown of the drum began, and I hoped to distract myself with the pre-show despite the basic moves that necessitated only a quarter of my concentration, without even a real stunt. What a way to cheer our 'dear players'!

We'd already finished after barely a few seconds, and I could glimpse that even the opposite team was waiting for more. As for the explosion I tried to hold back, it was still there, closer and closer with each passing second. Standing there on the sidelines and following Diane's orders was leaving me too much time to think about everything I'd avoided, and it became worse when the game began.

Following the game always led my gaze to the same shirt, number 2, and when I tried to avert my eyes, the cheering crowd with various people of all ages, from bored to angry or overjoyed, the red and blue decorations, and even the fanfare and their shiny instruments weren't enough to distract me. The loud atmosphere didn't even muffle the questions anymore as they were growing.

The more the questions replayed, the more I knew the answers, and the more everything appeared ready to burst.

I wanted to be fine; I fought to pretend it. Yet what I'd heard, what I'd seen was too much. Technically, what I'd overheard and glimpsed from Diane and her friends was nothing new, nothing in comparison to all the rest, but it was the final straw that had broken the camel's back, that had broken me.

I could accept that Blade was wicked, even that I'd kissed an 'ex-convict', but not that he had taken a life. I could try to handle that Spencer had cheated on me, but not that all those gifts and excuses were out of pity and worry. It couldn't be true.

"Dorothy, are you okay?" Rachel reappeared in front of me, her worried eyes traveling from my pompoms hanging by my sides to those of the rest of the team, all oriented in the S sign of Subrose High school to support an attacking move of the players.

"I'm fine."

I couldn't let any of these gossips be true. So I wasn't 'broken' as they said.

Though before I could lift my shaky hands to prove I was as fine as everyone, a loud gasp echoed from the whole crowd. It was frightening how perfectly in sync it sounded, and my head snapped towards the field when the whistle blow resonated. 

Number 2, it was my turn to gasp, and the shaky sound echoed as loud as the crowd in my tight chest. Spencer was on the ground, under a large guy in blue who had knocked him down, and I could have found the situation bitterly ironic, how my heart stopped the same way as in that green hut, if I hadn't been too focused on him.

It was almost surreal how his head lifted and his gaze found mine instantly. For a second, even the loud sounds of the crowd finally reacting in cheers or protests faded away. There was only him and me, and the painful thuds of my heart starting again.

Though the rest of the world and my memories came crashing to me when people gathered around him.

"Fine... I'm fine." I turned back to Rachel as I still felt the warmth of his gaze on me, slowly burning my skin.

He was fine too apparently, as I stole a few glances and saw him walking to the benches with an icepack on his jaw, and from the way he was shaking his head at whatever the coach was saying, I guessed he'd made the mistake himself, surely out of distraction.

Usually, I would have been there with him, healing his scratches and motivating him, but today, it was someone else who rushed there, while I was standing there, paralyzed, and surely more stunned than him, and there was no one to help me get back up when Diane came back with her victorious smile.

"They brought forward the half-time, and I asked to be starting the show to encourage our players! They need it! Sequence 12B, remember?"

I didn't protest this time, holding everything together between the clenched teeth of my smile and the tight hold on my pompoms.

She had replaced the choreography I'd worked so much on, fine. She had taken my place as a captain, fine. She had taken my place near Spencer, fine.

"Dodo, you go there!" Diane pointed to the back as she was walking to the center. Fine.

However, even in the back, I could still feel a pair of eyes on me, and when I looked up, I wasn't fine. I cursed the sun for hiding cowardly behind the clouds and leaving me with nothing to dazzle me but those brown eyes, today shadowed by a frown.

Why look at me so much if it was only out of pity and worry? I didn't need it, and it was the final trigger, the spark behind the smoke that arose the flames and the explosion of emotions. It was as painful as last Sunday, blowing me away as hard, surely because I'd holden it down for too long. Crazy how it hadn't calmed down like my mom had suggested.

Like last time, the first instinct that flashed through me was to run, but the wooden sign that appeared like my destination froze my legs on spot. If all the gossips were true, it wouldn't have been a good idea. So I chose something else.

I wouldn't run back; I wouldn't stand here lost and broken, and even less let the tears out. It was time to move.

"Gary!" I called as the other cheerleaders were already taking up their position.

He lifted his gaze to me as he already had one knee on the floor, and his large eyes were enough to let me guess I didn't look 'fine', though they widened even more when I told him,

"We do the Spinning scale."

"What?!" If it hadn't been for the miraculous and impromptu trumpet blow at this exact moment, I was sure his gasp would have been heard all around the stadium.

"It will be a great final." I shrugged, yet I still added more serious, "We need it with the 12B."

I didn't need to say more. He was thinking like me; I could see it in his wince on the word '12B', and most of the cheerleaders probably thought the same, but like him, they were bowing down to the new captain.

"I don't think Diane–"

"Who was your captain until now?" I lifted one eyebrow, putting my foot on his knee for the starting position.

It was the first time I used my role over someone else in the team, and it was surely because I'd always been a sweet captain that Gary nodded as the music started, and we moved mechanically in the easy 12B sequence.

"Are you sure? We never did it before," he still asked between two claps, his feet deviating from their placement, but it was one of the advantages of being in the back, where nobody watched – at least, normally.

"Yes, we practiced," I assured him, though this seemed to convince him less easily than my previous arguments as his gaze ran sideways all over my features, making sure I was focused enough.

This stunt required a lot of concentration and precision, and the slightest waver could be dangerous. But that was exactly what I needed: to focus and forget everything else, especially the tears threatening to slip out again. Maybe I could also prove myself and everyone that I was strong.

I started with Gary as I offered him my most confident look.

"Okay."

Apparently, it worked better than my puppy eyes, and I already felt a tickle of adrenaline as he discreetly informed Josie and Margaret. They had to be all three to catch me at the end, and I trusted them, as they were my usual partners. Yet I also had to trust myself, and the moment arrived faster than expected.

After the few sidesteps claps and the typical drumming, I took a deep breath, letting go of my pompoms and willing out everything I'd seen and heard.

Instead, I gathered speed and launched myself in a few round-offs without a second thought. My body moved easily through these movements, as I was used to doing them, yet as my head was spinning, all the questions and memories started to blur, and when I arrived toward Gary, who was waiting for me, the adrenaline engulfed everything. I was completely focused on his arms as he held me up, and I watched out carefully for the moment he sent me up with an impulse to do my flip.

In this short second where I flew in the air, I didn't feel exactly 'fine', but I was strong and free. My heart was thudding fast yet evenly, spreading adrenaline through my veins, and the only thing in my mind was the next move I would land in. I needed all my concentration as I was already jumping in the six arms spread out for me, and I had to prepare to bounce back up and stand tall. It was the crucial moment, well, one of them, and I'd fallen enough on the thick mats to know how tricky it was.

I was held securely at arms' length, but it all depended on me as I slowly lifted my leg in a standing split. Just at this moment, in a perfect and balanced position, I allowed myself to hear the cheers, sense the prickles on my skin, and feel all the eyes on me. It was exhilarating.

I may have been broken, but I wasn't powerless, and I even did the stunt better than in all the practices, my stance not even faltering when I landed back on the ground in the final S position of the 12B that Diane had demanded, grabbing my pompoms in extremis.

The crowd was louder than ever, and that was what I called a real cheer for our 'dear players'. Although, I'd done it for myself, and all the eyes on me were just a bonus as they weren't pitiful or worried, but admirative, except one pair of course, whose daggers I still felt from here. Maybe it made it even better, adrenaline, jubilation, and confidence tickling my skin, and nothing else in my head. I savored it, knowing it wouldn't last.

 "Dorothy!"

I barely had time to thank my amazing bases before Diane grabbed my arm in a pinching grip.

"What was that?"

"Um... the 12B?" I offered her my best innocent expression, and although she didn't buy it, judging by the way she was cutting off the circulation of my forearm, she kept her fake smile because the other cheerleaders were around.

"And the bases? Why did they follow?"

"We couldn't let her crash." Gary had a convincing innocent look too, and this cheer team started to look more like the drama club as Diane focused back on me.

"Dodo, I know you're... upset these days, but I can't overlook every time just because you're my cousin, so next time..." She didn't even finish, only letting her gaze flicker to the benches before she turned away and released my arm.

"You were incredible!" Rachel joined me, her whisper sounding much more excited than I was.

Diane had managed to make the adrenaline vanish faster than ever, along with all my victorious daze. She had won, once again, even when I'd just battled to prove something to myself.

She looked more triumphant than I was as I stood there, paralyzed, and she was already directing the team.

"When the game starts again, we'll do a special cheer for Spencer!"

A special cheer for Spencer?! When I'd thought she couldn't surprise me more with her 12B sequence... Spencer didn't like the special attention because he was the captain and main quarterback. But did I really know what he liked?

"Dorothy?" Rachel shook my arm, though more softly than Diane.

"Um, what?" I blinked at her, trying to dissipate the questions and blur that were crawling back in my mind and stomach.

"I was asking you if you could teach me how to do it?"

"Um, yeah, sure... but now, I'll just go to the bathroom." I didn't leave her time to reply as I headed towards the exit.

I wasn't sure why, but I just knew I couldn't watch Diane's special cheer for Spencer, and I didn't care if I was walking in the opposite direction of the bathroom. I rushed to the closest gate, still glimpsing a warm brown gaze on me as I took the turn and finally breathed.

"Bravo! Outta sight performance! Almost as good as the Blue moon!"

Well, breathing ended up as a sharp gasp when I was met by a tall figure applauding me.

"Blade?!" I put my hand over my chest, where I could feel my heart doing more stunts than what I'd just done. "What are you doing here?!"

I had almost forgotten about him for one second. It was like he'd slipped out of my mind to appear there, leaning against the outside wall of the stadium, in his black leather jacket and all his unaffected glory, and all the smoke, fire, and explosion I'd tried so hard to avoid, they were here, in the devious spark of his eyes as he walked to me.

"I had a delivery nearby, and since you told me you were a cheerleader, I had to see it." He stopped close enough for me to be sure I wasn't imagining him, his unique scent invading my lungs. "I gotta say it was worth the detour."

Was it a compliment? Strangely, it didn't felt like a praise for my acrobatic skills as his piercing eyes traveled slowly down my silhouette, arousing goosebumps on their trail, and I averted my eyes down to my exposed calves.

"Nice pompoms by the way."

I jerked my head up upon his 'compliment', my gaze traveling from the dimple sinking at the corner of his smile to the pompoms I was gripping tightly in my hands.

"Um... thanks?" My voice trailed like a question as I was getting lost in this conversation, though it was more the silence filled with crooked innuendos and unequivocal looks that was leaving me dumbfounded.

So I seized the first thing that broke this quietness. "Um... I should probably go back... The game is starting again... I have to..."

Yes, I was thinking about going back straight to what I'd just ran away from, and yes, my feet weren't moving for all that. But my mind wasn't clear, and the stunts may have spun my brain too much; at least, that was what I told myself.

"You have to." Blade nodded, and he could have looked serious if there hadn't been that mischievous twinkle in his eyes before he leaned closer. "But do you really want to?"

In this moment, he was exactly the devil on my shoulder, as even though he was above my ear, his lips grazing the shell, his breath created shivers until my shoulders, and his rasped words were sinking even farther inside.

"How about we get away again?" Just like on our first encounter, his hypnotizing hand and his Cheshire cat's smile appeared as he pulled away, leaving me breathless to consider his offer.

I shouldn't even have pondered when I was already in so much trouble in the team. 'Never ever abandon a game', this was the mantra fixed deep inside, yet his whispered words were sneaking deeper.

He was there, once more, waiting for me patiently although it wasn't a birthday wish anymore. He had gone out of his way just to see me – my acrobatic stunts or my flowy skirt, it was still me. A murderer had gone out of his way to see me; a faraway voice that sounded too high-pitched reminded me.

There were many voices clashing inside, and my gaze snapped to his before more could add up.

"Just give me one minute." I waited for his nod before taking off, one finger still lifted in the air and my pompoms in my other hand, and I surely looked more determined than I was, or maybe just crazy. But I was at least sure of something.

What is she sure of? 🤔👀 Will she follow a murderer? 😈

By the way, do you really believe the rumors that Blade is a murderer and that Spencer and Diane are dating? 🤔 Are both true? Or one of them is false? 🤫🤭

Let me know all your suppositions in the comments! And also tell me what you think of this chapter and Dorothy's reckless stunt! 🤩

I hope you liked this chapter and are excited for the next ones 👀😁 If so, don't forget to vote ⭐! You know how much I love to see my little shooting stars pop up in my notifications 🌠🌞😘💕